I thought about his invitation to lunch with his sister and Paisley. That wouldn’t have been a date by anyone’s definition. He’d only asked me to join them because I happened to be in his office at the time.
“No, he hasn’t given me any indication that he would like to date me.”
“I think the real question is, what do you want?” Everly asked. “Did you want it to be a date?”
I took a drink of my martini, giving myself a second to consider her question. “I think that’s the source of my confusion. I’m firmly committed to remaining single. I’ve tried relationships and they’ve never worked for me. I even got married once and we all know how that turned out.”
Everly and Nora glanced at each other, nodding.
“I don’t know this story, but I have a feeling I shouldn’t ask,” Sophie said.
“There’s not much to tell. We got married mostly out of convenience. It seemed logical at the time, but it didn’t work.”
“He was such a stick-in-the-mud, even your divorce was boring,” Nora said.
“Not that we wished a painful breakup on you,” Everly said. “Although we’ve all had those. Even you.”
I nodded. “I have. I’ve already experienced a range of relationship variations. Casual dating. A long-term relationship. A difficult breakup. A failed marriage. Even a fling once that lasted all of a weekend.”
“I remember him,” Everly said. “Oh my god, we were so young then.”
“Indeed, we were. So, you can see that I’ve amassed enough first-hand knowledge of how relationships work in my life to determine that I don’t need to try another one.”
“Yeah, but you can change your mind,” Sophie said. “Especially for the right guy.”
“She certainly can,” Jensen said, smiling seductively at Sophie. “For the right man. Or perhaps the man who’s right for now. Could you use a right now man in your life, darling?”
Nora smacked his shoulder again.
“This is so different from anything I’ve experienced before,” I said. “I’ve always followed a more traditional relationship progression. The customary coffee date, followed by outings of increasing duration that would allow us both to assess whether we’re compatible. And if the relationship developed from there, it would naturally become physical.”
“That’s the most boring description of dating I’ve ever heard,” Jensen said. “No wonder you decided to stay single.”
I ignored him. “But everything with Corban has been backwards.”
“Maybe that’s what you need right now,” Nora said. “There’s nothing wrong with some no-strings sex if you’re both enjoying yourselves. There’s no rule that says you have to saddle yourselves with labels and commitment.”
“That’s true.”
“I like to see you letting loose a little,” Nora said with a smile. “It’s good for you. And I think his cock is good for you, too. I was starting to feel the tension of all that repressed sexual energy.”
“Nora,” Everly said. “Do you have to say that so loud?”
“What, repressed sexual energy?” Nora asked.
“No, the other thing.”
“Cock? What’s wrong with cock? We’re all adults here.”
“I know, but…” Everly’s cheeks were pink and her eyes darted around. She’d always been easily embarrassed.
“At least she didn’t call it a penis,” Jensen said, enunciating the word.
Nora grimaced. “That sounds terrible when you say it.”
“Isn’t it odd how the proper terms for body parts are so unsexy?” Sophie asked. “Until a second ago, I thought you could say anything and make it sound hot.”
“Don’t encourage him,” Nora said.
Jensen angled himself toward Sophie. “I take it you prefer the term cock. How about I use it in a sentence? I’ll thrust my hard cock—”
“Really?” Nora asked, interrupting him.
“Back to Hazel,” Everly said quickly. “If you’re happy with things the way they are, maybe Nora’s right.”
“Of course I’m right. Let’s be honest, you need some good orgasms in your life right now. And if it makes for a more pleasant working environment, even better. It’ll run its course and you can go back to not-dating.”
I nodded slowly.
“Or, you know, you’ll fall for him.”
“No. I’m not falling for Corban.”
Nora held my eyes for a long moment, like she was scrutinizing me. If I hadn’t known it was demonstrably impossible, I would have wondered if she was reading my thoughts.
Jensen raised his glass again. “My lovelies, I propose a toast. To friendship with benefits, and the cocks who are worthy of it.”
Nora lifted her glass but cast him a sidelong glance. “I suppose you think yours is worthy.”
“Oh, I’m an excellent friend.”
She groaned again, and we all clinked glasses.
Friends with benefits. That was a positive change, and seemed fitting. The lack of hostility in our relationship hadn’t diminished our physical attraction, nor had returning to our normal environment. In other words, it hadn’t been our rivalry, nor had it been the hotel room.
Maybe Nora was right. Maybe this was what I needed in my life right now.
28
Corban
“In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.” ~Albert Schweitzer
I got home from work and put my keys down. It had been a good day, even for a Monday. Hazel and I had spent most of the afternoon going over my grant proposal together. I’d also cornered her in the lab when no one else was around and kissed her. It was too bad I couldn’t get away with that more often. Those lips of hers were so kissable.
My phone rang, the noise startling me. It was Hazel.
“Hey, you.”
“Corban, I apologize for bothering you, but I need help and I didn’t know who else to call.”
My back straightened and I grabbed my keys, ready to run out the door. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s Erwin. He hasn’t been eating well. And he isn’t acting like himself. I think something might be wrong and I need to take him to the vet.”
“I’ll be right over. But why do you need help taking Erwin to the vet?”
“He has a remarkably sharp memory for a feline. He’s opposed to being put in his pet carrier. I can’t get him in.”
There was a note of worry in her voice. That wasn’t like Hazel. “I’m on my way.”
I drove to her place and parked on the street outside her building, then went up to her apartment. She answered the door still dressed in the same blouse and slacks she’d been wearing at work, although her shirt was no longer tucked in and she had several bandages on her arms.
“Thank you for coming.” She quickly shut the door behind me.
“Oh my god, what happened in here?”
Her apartment was in total disarray. The lamp was tipped on its side, books were scattered across the floor, and there seemed to be throw pillows everywhere except on the couch and chair where they belonged.
“He’s a very mellow cat until it’s time to go to the vet. Getting him into his carrier is a challenge.”
“A challenge? That seems like an understatement. It looks like you’ve been trying to catch a raccoon in here, not a cat who’s too fat to jump on the couch.”
She put her hands on her hips. “He’s not fat. He’s fluffy. And also very stubborn.”
I decided not to argue about Erwin’s weight, even though he was legitimately the fattest cat I’d ever seen. “Where is he?”
“Hiding under the bed. And thank you again for coming. This is really a two-person job. I couldn’t get in touch with Everly or Sophie and I don’t want to ask Nora again.”
The way she looked at me, almost pleading, made me want to scoop her into my arms.
“I’m glad you called me. We’ll get him in there.”
She led me into her bedroom, and I got down on my hands and knees to peer under the bed. A pair of glowing green eyes shone back at me. “Erwin. Kitty, kitty. Come out, kitty.”
He just blinked.
“Come on, kitty. I know you don’t like the vet. Who does? But your mommy’s worried about you. Let’s just get this over with, okay?”
I rubbed my hand back and forth across the carpet, but that didn’t seem to interest him. I couldn’t fit under the bed and he was too far back for me to reach without moving furniture. He didn’t look like he’d budge willingly, but he was also too fat to jump up onto a couch. How hard could this be?
“Get a towel or blanket.” I got up and straightened my shirt. “I’ll move the bed and you can toss it over him.”
“He’ll run.”
“How fast can he really move?”
“He’s surprisingly agile when he wants to be.” She got a towel out of a closet just outside her bedroom. “I’ll stand between the bed and the door.”
I got on the other side of the bed and placed my hands on the frame. “Ready?”
She nodded, holding the towel out with both hands.
“Okay, Erwin. We’re just trying to help. Don’t be scared.” I pushed the bed, sliding it across the carpet.
Erwin dashed past us both, a streak of gray fur tearing out of the bedroom. Hazel tried to wrap him up in the towel, but missed.
“How did he do that?” I grabbed the towel from Hazel and rushed out to the other room. Erwin was trying to hide beneath the coffee table.
“Kitty, kitty.” I crept toward the cat. His big green eyes were locked on me. I stopped next to the table and slowly crouched. Erwin didn’t move. “Don’t be scared, Erwin. I’m not going to hurt you.”
With the towel stretched out in my hands, I carefully reached for the cat.
Just before I could get the towel around him, he bolted again. He scrambled all the way up to the back of the couch, ran across to the other side, and jumped onto a bookshelf.
“Since when can he jump onto furniture?”
“It must be the adrenaline,” Hazel said.
She had another towel, so I nodded for her to get on the other side of the bookcase. Moving in sync, we flanked the cat. His eyes darted back and forth between us. There was barely room for his round body on the shelf but somehow he padded across the length of it and stopped, as if plotting his next move.
“Erwin, you’re being ridiculous,” Hazel said.
I took a step closer, but he leapt from the shelf. While he was still in midair, I tossed the towel, draping it over him. He landed, and both Hazel and I dove to the floor to grab him before he could get away.
My hands caught nothing but towel and the streak of gray fur disappeared into the kitchen.
“You have got to be kidding me.”
I got up and helped Hazel to her feet. She adjusted her glasses and gave me a determined nod.
With towels once again in hand, we moved slowly, side by side, toward the kitchen. Erwin sat on the counter, watching us, his squished-nose face expressionless. He was a demon cloaked in a mass of soft gray fur, his green eyes mocking our failure.
“Erwin, how did you get up there?” Hazel asked.
“He’s been fucking with you.”
“What?”
“Look at him. He can get on the furniture anytime he wants. He tricked you into believing he can’t jump.”
Hazel gasped. “Naughty kitty.”
Erwin just blinked.
“Why don’t you get closer,” I said, lowering my voice. Which was a weird thing to do, considering Erwin was a cat and couldn’t understand me. “Try to grab him. He’ll jump down from the counter and I’ll catch him before he can get out of the kitchen.”
“Good plan.”
She took slow steps forward, murmuring soft reassurances to her evil cat. I backed up, ready to pounce as soon as he tried to make a run for it.
He dashed across the counter, sending a metal measuring cup clattering to the floor. Hazel’s towel just missed. Then I watched the impossible. Erwin, the cat shaped like a football with legs and a head, leaped onto the top of the refrigerator.
The joke was on him. Now he had nowhere to go.
He darted back and forth across the top of the fridge, but I reached up and scooped him into the towel.
“Don’t let go,” Hazel said and ran back to the bedroom.
I expected Erwin to try to wriggle free, but he went still when I cradled him against my chest. He poked his flat-nosed face out of the towel and his whiskers twitched.
She brought out the pet carrier. I deposited Erwin inside, and she quickly shut the door so he wouldn’t escape. He didn’t meow or claw at the latch. Just settled down on the blanket, staring us down with his bright green eyes.
“Thank you.” Hazel brushed her hair back from her face and adjusted her glasses. “I can take it from here.”
“I’ll come with you.”
“You don’t have to—”
“I know.” I tucked her hair behind her ear. “But you might need help getting him back in. I’ll just be there as backup.”
* * *
For a cat who’d been so difficult to get into a pet carrier, Erwin was remarkably well behaved once we left Hazel’s apartment. He sat quietly on the short drive to the vet’s office. Hazel handed him to me while she checked in at the front desk. I set him down and reached my fingers through the wire door to pet the top of his head.
The wait wasn’t long. A vet assistant brought us back to an exam room. There, we had the opposite problem. Erwin didn’t want to come out of the carrier. After a few tries, Hazel managed to coax him out and set him on the table.
He hissed at the vet assistant. Then hissed at the vet when she came in to examine him.
“I see the problem,” the vet said. “He has an abscessed tooth. That’s why he’s not eating. He needs a round of antibiotics and then we’ll remove the tooth. But after that, he should be fine.”
Hazel’s shoulders relaxed. “Good. I was so worried it was something worse.”
The vet left again and Hazel scooped Erwin up in a blanket. He buried himself in it, like he was trying to hide. Poor kitty.
The vet assistant came back and went over the instructions for administering Erwin’s antibiotic. Hazel listened carefully, all while cradling her blanket-wrapped cat in her arms.
“Thanks for your help,” Hazel said when she’d finished.
“Just make sure he finishes the prescription,” the vet assistant said. “And get him in here for regular check-ups.”
“I bring him in once a year.”
“Really?”
Hazel’s back straightened. “I’m sure my records show that I do.”
The vet assistant waved a hand, as if dismissing Hazel’s comment. “Considering how much weight you let him gain, I figured you didn’t bother with preventative pet care.”
I winced, waiting for Hazel to fire back that Erwin wasn’t fat, he was fluffy. I grabbed the pet carrier so we could get out of here.
“I don’t overfeed him,” she said.
“Yeah, clearly.”
“I don’t. I take good care of him.”
The vet assistant sighed. “Don’t beat yourself up. Most cat owners are hands-off; it’s why they have cats. But you can’t ignore his needs and expect him to stay healthy.”
I stared at the vet assistant. Had she really just said that? I opened the pet carrier door. I needed to get us out of here before Hazel got going on what I was sure would be a well-researched defense of her cat’s size.
But she didn’t.
I glanced at her and couldn’t quite believe what I was seeing. She chewed her bottom lip and her eyes were red-rimmed, shining with tears.
I’d never seen Hazel look like that before. She was always so confident, like she knew how smart she was. It was one of the things I liked about her.
But this woman had hurt her feelings, and it made me furious.
“Hazel doesn’t ignore his needs. She’s an amazing cat mom. She probably has his entire medical history memorized. She takes good care of him and the fact that he’s fluffy doesn’t give you the right to make her feel bad about his size.”
The vet assistant’s eyes widened, like she was shocked she’d been called out for being a dick. “Sorry.”
“You should be sorry. Now get out so we can get Erwin home. You’re making him worse.”
She glared at me, but I didn’t give a shit. Ignoring her as she left the room, I reached out to scratch around Erwin’s ears.
“Thank you,” Hazel said, her voice soft.
I met her eyes. They still shone with unshed tears, but she smiled.
God, I loved that smile. It was going to be the death of me.
29
Hazel
“Let us always meet each other with a smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.” ~ Mother Teresa
One of the tricks to gathering useful data in the motion capture lab was allowing the subjects enough time to gain comfort with the equipment. That was an interesting phenomenon in and of itself. Much like people being filmed for a reality TV show gradually forgetting about the presence of the cameras, subjects in our lab gradually forgot they were wearing motion capture sensors and began to act naturally.
I could see it happening now as I observed through the one-way glass. The male and female subjects—both undergrads—had been given a list of questions to spark conversation. They were small-talk in nature, things that were easy for most people to answer. We weren’t as interested in their responses to these questions as we were in watching for the signs that they’d crossed into what Elliott referred to as the comfort zone, when we could begin gathering data for our true purpose.
Elliott stood with his arms crossed, his attention on the view through the one-way glass. Corban sat at a desk off to the side, rapidly clicking through different screens on the array of monitors in front of him. I could almost see his brain working, analyzing the preliminary readings coming through the motion capture equipment, devising different ways of manipulating the wealth of data.
Love According to Science Page 21