by Sarah Noffke
“You believe that Monte is Chester, correct?” asked Pip.
“Yes, I’ve chatted with him before. His knowledge is unmatched. I’ve searched eighty-five chat rooms and he’s finally popped up.”
BRODY CHAMBERS: Hey @Monte. Been thru every link farm and can’t find fix. Got one?
MONTE NILES: I was under the impression that you could fix most heisenbugs. Things change?
“He’s doubting you, is that right?” asked Pip.
“Yeah, damn my brilliance. I’ve always been the one to offer solutions. He’s finding it hard to believe that I can’t solve the current version of a heisenbug.”
“You can fix a heisenbug?” asked Pip.
“With all my tentacles tied behind my back and blindfolded,” said Hatch.
“How do you plan to fool this Monte Niles?”
“Chester, you mean,” corrected Hatch. “But I don’t need to fool him. All I have to do is keep him in this private chat a little longer. The tracker is already searching for his current location, but it will only work for as long as he has this private message window opened.”
“Wouldn’t Chester have systems to detect trackers?” asked Pip.
“He absolutely will have, and furthermore, he’s able to hide the amount of power he’s using, which would be a bull’s eye on planet Kemp. However, I’ve got a tiny window to find a huge source of power, and that should lead us straight to Mr. Hacker.”
Two of Hatch’s tentacles typed on the keyboard, cycling through the different images on the screens as the tracker processed.
BRODY CHAMBERS: Might be screwage rather than bug. Any clues?
A long moment passed where Hatch simply stared at the screen, waiting, hoping for a reply. He tapped one tentacle on the workstation impatiently.
“Fifty seconds until trace is complete,” informed Pip.
“We’ll get him. Just have to ensure he doesn’t drop off.”
MONTE NILES: Sending over file. Should work
A file followed Monte’s message. One that no doubt would fix the bug if Hatch actually had one.
BRODY CHAMBERS: Thanks. You’re a lifesaver.
MONTE NILES: Didn’t realize it was that serious
BRODY CHAMBERS: You know how it goes
MONTE NILES: Hope it works. I’m off
“Oh no! He can’t be off,” said Hatch.
“The trace hasn’t completed,” said Pip.
BRODY CHAMBERS: Wait. Another question…
“You’re stalling,” observed Pip.
“I’m trying,” Hatch snapped.
MONTE NILES: What?
BRODY CHAMBERS: I actually didn’t need a fix to for a heisenbug
MONTE NILES: No kidding…
“You’re confessing. I don’t understand,” said Pip.
“I’m stalling, but more importantly, I’m using some honesty to get what I need.”
“He could run, though,” said Pip.
“He could, but not if I’m fast.” Now three of Hatch’s tentacles typed away at the keyboard.
BRODY CHAMBERS: I need a custom hack
MONTE NILES: Why?
BRODY CHAMBERS: Because you’re the best
MONTE NILES: You lured me into chat for this?
BRODY CHAMBERS: Willing to pay. My bitcoin account is full
A long, excruciating few seconds passed where Monte, AKA Chester, didn’t respond.
“The trace hit a snag. We need him connected for twenty more seconds,” said Pip.
“I don’t know,” muttered Hatch. “This guy may not want money. He might just prefer to stay alive.”
“Life has not always appeared more important than money, my records show,” said Pip.
“It should. Can’t buy a damn thing if we’re dead.” Hatch drummed two tentacles on the desk impatiently. “Come on, Chester. You have to eat. Bite, would you?”
MONTE NILES: What are you looking for?
Hatch puffed out his cheeks, both relieved and excited. “Yeah, he’s hungry. I knew he had to be.”
“Trace complete. We have a location,” said Pip.
BRODY CHAMBERS: Oh, I just found it. Never mind. Thanks.
MONTE NILES: Okay. Maybe next time.
Hatch closed the browser window, letting out a long breath.
Chapter Four
Loading Dock 04, QBS ArchAngel, Axiom System.
Eddie picked a blue marble off the table where Hatch was working under a frame of a new ship. He tossed the marble high in the air, catching it softly with the palm of his hand. Julianna joined him on one side, a curious look on her face as she eyed him tossing the marble.
“Do you think that’s wise?” she asked.
Eddie raised the marble to his eye. “Yeah, I think I can handle this little ball of glass, but thanks for the concern, doll-face.”
“It appears that someone wants to lose their left testicle,” she remarked, raising her brow.
Eddie laughed. “That’s specific. Why are you going after the left one? Why not both? Or the right?”
“I was under the impression you didn’t have both to spare,” she said.
Both Eddie’s eyebrows raised with alarm. “Damn, Federation reports are fucking specific.”
“Yes, we have ways of knowing things.”
Hatch rolled out from under the frame of the new Q-Ship, standing upright and blossoming out to his usual size. “Oh, good, you’re here. I have some technology for you that will prove useful for your mission to bring in Chester Wilkerson.”
“Not sure why a skinny hacker requires special weapons, but I’ll never turn down a bigger gun.” Eddie strolled after Hatch who waddled in the opposite direction.
“You’ve obviously never been to the planet Kemp,” said Julianna.
“That, I haven’t.”
“And don’t underestimate a hacker, especially one like Chester. Bringing him in will warrant new weapons, ones that guns won’t work for.”
Hatch picked up a black piece of clothing from the work table and held it in the air. The material was reflective but appeared light as it dangled down. “Kemp is known for its random air raid attacks as well as mines and bombings. Pip should be able to locate some of the bombs on the ground but, unfortunately, the threat is too high. This is going to be your insurance.”
“A cool new shirt. Why thank you, buddy, but I think I’ll stick with my armor,” said Eddie.
“You can stay with your heavy armor that weighs you down and only covers your torso or you can graduate to this.” Hatch used another of his tentacles to stretch out the material to reveal a long-sleeved shirt.
“Did you go into fashion design or have you something else up your sleeve?” Eddie asked, jokingly.
Hatch and Julianna didn’t laugh.
“This is a new armor I’ve invented. It’s as light as cotton, covers more area, breathes easily, and can stop ten times the impact of the shit you’ve been using,” said Hatch.
“That’s brilliant, Hatch,” said Julianna.
Hatch beamed, his face seeming to puff a bit.
“You’re telling me that this piece of cloth is actually armor?” asked Eddie, reaching out and taking it from Hatch and examining it.
“Indeed. Just imagine when I figure out how to equip the Q-Ship with something just like it, only it’ll be capable of stopping a torpedo instead of just a bullet.” Hatch’s cheeks puffed again. “Oh, I can’t wait for that.”
“We’ll be light as hell. No one will catch us,” said Eddie enthusiastically.
“This is great news, Hatch. New armor for us and one day for the new Q-Ships,” said Julianna.
“I don’t know when the new ship will be ready. There’s a few obstacles I’m dealing with, but that’s not your concern right now. What you need is weaponry for Kemp.” Hatch shuffled over to a different table, his eyes distant.
Eddie scratched his cheek. “What do you know about Kemp, besides the whole bombing problem?”
Hatch shrugged. “It’s righ
t beside Ronin, so I know more than I like. This isn’t a place anyone goes to vacation. Rundown isn’t the right word for it. That’s what they’d say about Ronin. Kemp is more a wasteland. It’s overrun with different outlaw gangs. If you can’t make it as a pirate, you end up on that planet.”
“Didn’t think pirates had such high standards,” remarked Eddie.
“You’d be surprised how much goes into successfully pillaging an area,” replied Hatch. He picked up a bag made from the same black material as the armor. “Now, let’s discuss weapons. You’re heading over in the transport ship, which means you can’t bring the artillery arsenal on the Q-Ship.”
“Jack said you needed us to keep the Q-Ship here so you could copy its system,” said Julianna.
“Not really copy as much as reference. That one is a copy itself, and I’m trying to replicate the original, which was superior to the only existing Q-Ship,” explained Hatch
“I like the idea of small weapons we can carry on transport ships.” Eddie tossed the marble he’d been carrying underhanded into the air and caught it.
“Then might I suggest you put that grenade down before you knock yourself out,” spat Hatch.
Eddie froze, opened his hand, and stared down at the blue marble sitting innocently in the palm of his hand. “This…this is a grenade?”
“Yes, it is. More specifically, that one is a concussion grenade.” Hatch’s tentacle stretched forward until its end wrapped around the marble in Eddie’s hand, snatching it away.
Eddie’s eyes widened. “You’ve got my attention. Breathable shirts that act as armor and marbles that blow shit up. You’re one crafty octopus.”
Julianna cast an annoyed look at him before shaking her head and returning her attention to Hatch. “That bag, is it full of these grenades?”
“It is, but the bag is made from the same material as the armor, so no worries about an accidental detonation.” Hatch’s tentacle slithered into the opening of the bag and retrieved a blue marble. “The marbles are divided in half by a single line.” He held the orb out for Julianna to examine.
She took it and spied the fine line around its center.
“When you want to detonate the grenade, simply twist the separate halves in opposite directions. Then, you toss.” Hatch reached into the bag and pulled out another orb. Red, this time. “Captain, since you’re an idiot who can’t keep things straight, I’ve color-coded the grenades. You can thank me at your leisure.”
“Why, thank you!” Eddie grinned, rocking forward on his toes and back down to his heels.
“The blue ones are concussion grenades, perfect for smaller areas.” Hatch held the red marble up in one tentacle. “The red ones are explosive grenades, capable of destroying anything in a three to four foot radius. Not deadly, but a good distraction if necessary.”
“Not bad at all for a tiny bag we can carry on our hip,” said Eddie.
“Thanks, Hatch. These are great and will definitely help us on Kemp.” Jules reached out and took the small bag from the alien. He smiled appreciatively, turning pink around the cheeks.
Main Cabin, Transport Ship, Axiom System.
“Isn’t it funny that we find ourselves back on this transport ship headed back to Behemoth system?” asked Eddie.
“Your sense of humor is lacking.” Julianna stretched into one of the reclining chairs in the main cabin. Again, they had it to themselves, another perk of working for the Federation.
“Hey, Lars, guess what?” Eddie called to the alien who was just entering the cabin, staring around, taking in the shiny recliners and polished surfaces.
“What am I guessing?” asked Lars.
Eddie laughed. “I don’t really have something for you to guess. I just wanted to get your attention.”
Lars took the seat next to the captain. “Okay, you have it.”
“Everything on the transport ship is comped. How cool is that?”
Julianna rolled her eyes, lifting a pad in front of her face and reading the screen.
Lars blinked dully at the captain. “I’m not sure if I fully understand. I’ve been fortunate enough to have the Federation pay for all of my supplies, as well as my boarding. Why should I be more grateful in this situation?”
Eddie threw his head back, momentarily frustrated by his traveling companion. “My poor sweet Lars, you innocent bastard. You’ve been fortunate enough to have your needs met, this is true, but now we’re talking luxury, brother.” He waved down the flight attendant, requesting her pad, which she gave freely to him. Eddie pointed to the screen, tapping it several times, and then handed it to Lars. “I’ll be having that. Now, you order.” He lifted his chin in Julianna’s direction. “Don’t worry, I ordered your usual. You’re welcome.”
She lowered the pad so only her eyes were visible. “Remember what happened last time?”
Eddie grinned. “I do. We had a fantastic time. Eh, but don’t worry, I’m not planning on repeating that. I only ordered half the drinks for me. You’ll get your full bottle of whiskey, though.”
Lars dropped the pad, looking stunned. “Commander Fregin drank an entire bottle of whiskey?”
“A bit more, if we’re getting specific,” said Eddie. “But who’s counting?” He waved his hand through the air dismissively.
“This isn’t like last time where we were retrieving a cooperative Londil,” reminded Julianna.
“Which is why I’ve scaled back my drink order. You’ve got to live a little. Remember how much fun you had? Drinks, steak, chocolate cake,” said Eddie.
Julianna’s eyes sparkled for a moment with the memory. “The cake was something else. Yes, I’ll take a piece of that,” she said to the flight attendant.
“Of course, ma’am,” confirmed the woman.
“Cake?” asked Lars, still browsing through the menu.
“Unfortunately, you wouldn’t like cake. It would probably kill you.” Eddie turned to the flight attendant. “We’ll take two steaks and whatever drinks my friend likes.”
“Just bring me whatever he’s having.” Lars pointed to Eddie.
Julianna slipped low in her own seat, getting comfortable. “That might not have been a good idea unless you want to sleep the rest of the journey. Eddie’s a lush.”
“A lush?” asked Lars.
“Don’t listen to her, Lars,” said Eddie. “She’s just upset that it takes a bottle of whiskey for her to get buzzed. All those genetic enhancements, ya know.”
“Ah,” said Lars, glancing at Julianna. “A blessing and a curse.”
Eddie frowned, then shook his head. “Such a shame.”
“That’s impossible. You really don’t age?” Lars asked, his eyes drooping slightly from the Blue Ale.
Julianna threw back another shot of whiskey. “I do, but not as fast. Nano technology made it so that my human body was enhanced. I’m the optimal height, build, and weight. I can be injured, but my body repairs itself incredibly fast.”
“And she can’t get drunk as easily. Talk about sad,” said Eddie, holding his glass in his hand and pointing in Julianna’s direction with his pinky finger.
“I had no idea any of this was possible,” said Lars, his eyes large with amazement.
“The Federation makes all sorts of things possible.” Eddie cut into his steak, his mouth salivating from the ease of which his knife sunk into the flesh.
Lars did the same, and they both looked at each other as they lifted the meat to their mouths. Both let out sounds of pleasure.
“I’ve rarely tasted anything so good,” said Lars.
“I told you, man,” replied Eddie.
“And here I thought you were incapable of enjoying a good meal, you ugly human.” Lars laughed, his lizard face pink from the alcohol.
“I can enjoy all sorts of meals. It just so happens I prefer a potato with my steak.”
Lars eyed the vegetable sitting alongside Eddie’s steak. “I don’t get that part, but I’m glad we both can enjoy the meat together.”
“Cheers to that.” Eddie lifted his glass and held it out to Lars. They clinked their glasses, and Julianna held hers in their direction, nodding appreciatively just as the transport ship shifted into landing mode.
Mabank City, Kemp. Behemoth System.
“Looky there. I had an all access pass to food and drink and I didn’t get wasted. You should be proud of me.” Eddie threw a glance backwards at Julianna.
“I hope you’re not looking for a medal because you’re not getting one.”
“That’s where you’re wrong,” remarked Eddie. “I’ll get one still. Just you wait.”
Lars paused outside the transport ship and stared around. “Are we in the right place?”
“I’m afraid so,” Julianna said from over his shoulder. Mabank was mostly an assortment of murky grays, its buildings wrought by years of warfare and poverty. The economy had tanked many decades ago, and now the city was host to disease and low life scum who couldn’t make it anywhere else. A low-flying aircraft, which looked like it might fall out of the sky at any moment, roared overhead.
Lars covered his ears. “Where are we headed?”
“To the middle of BFE,” said Julianna.
“What’s BFE?” asked Lars.
“BumFuck Egypt. It’s an old human expression that means the middle of nowhere,” she explained.
Lars tilted his head. “I thought we already were in BFE.” He glanced around at the tiny airport, most of which was filled with crop duster planes.
“You’d be surprised how much worse it’s going to get,” said Julianna.
Eddie flagged down another Kezzin, who was standing off to the side by himself. A moment later, Eddie pressed his thumb to a pad and handed it back to the alien, then received a set of keys.
When he returned, he was smiling. “I called ahead and reserved us a vehicle,” said Eddie.
Julianna nodded, then loaded into the front of the vehicle. “You have your moments, but don’t break your arm patting yourself on your back.” She took out her pad, pulling up the directions. “We’re headed north. Let’s get going.”
“So damn bossy,” said Eddie, chuckling. He turned the key and started the engine. “Alright, folks. Let’s go explore us a city!”