by Sarah Noffke
“You are one handsome fellow,” he said to his reflection.
“I like to call you a sexy motherfucker,” Eddie said from the open door.
Jack laughed, waving Eddie and Julianna into the office. “You caught me doing my mirror talk. ArchAngel used to make fun of me when I did it.”
“What does Ricky Bobby say?” Julianna asked.
“I think that it’s perfectly normal, and a positive way to maintain a healthy self-image,” Ricky Bobby stated.
“So that shows how much ArchAngel knew,” Jack said, fanning his sweaty shirt. He couldn’t admit that he missed the old ship or its AI. In truth, he didn’t think that he missed her. He was more aware now of the space she had filled in his life. ArchAngel nagged him constantly and teased him about his odd behaviors. That wasn’t companionship, but he might have mistaken it for that.
“You’ll have to excuse my appearance,” Jack said, wiping sweat off his forehead. “I just got a lead I’ve been tracking, and needed to relay the information to you two straight away.”
“Are you sending us after more Otter assassins?” Eddie asked with a laugh.
“Or to a planet where we’re ambushed by porcupine catapults?” Julianna asked with mock seriousness.
Eddie gave her a look of awe. “Good one, Jules.”
“I stole it from Pip,” she admitted.
“Damn, that AI is sharp,” Eddie observed.
“He’s something,” Julianna stated, a heavy look on her face.
“No, this mission doesn’t include any hostile animals, that I know of,” Jack said with a chuckle. “Good job, by the way. The general told me to pass along his sincere gratitude for taking out those assassins. He wanted to tell you himself—credit you all for erasing the threat—but as you know, this is not a glory squadron.”
Eddie nodded. “We do it for the sheer thrill of knocking out bad guys.”
“I know you do.” Jack screwed the lid off a water bottle and downed a quarter of it, wiping the back of his hand across his mouth. “The job I have for you should be fairly straightforward. I’ve been successful at locating a psychiatrist on Onyx Station.”
Eddie turned to Julianna, his smile dropping. “Oh no. We’re having a mental intervention. I guess it is overdue.”
Jack should have seen that joke coming. He shook his head. “Not for you two. Dr. Bennett Harrison specializes in hypnosis and is the very best.”
“For Knox?” Julianna asked.
“Precisely.” Jack downed the rest of the water. “The memories around the Tangle Thief are locked away in his subconscious. I’m confident that this psychiatrist can get them out.”
“Great!” Eddie said excitedly. “We take the kid to the doctor, and then we can patronize a few bars on Onyx Station.”
“Actually, I suspect that it’s not going to be as easy as you think. There’s still a minor complication,” Jack said.
Eddie let out an impatient sigh. “Right. Of course, there’s some sort of snag to this. What’s wrong with this doctor? Is he an angry cyborg? Protected by thuggish Trid?”
Jack threw the empty water bottle across the room, where it bounced off the trash can and landed on the floor. “No, nothing like that. As far as I know, Dr. Harrison isn’t dangerous at all.”
“Well, the suspense is absolutely killing me. Do tell,” Eddie said.
“Oh, is that right?” Julianna asked Eddie before glancing at Jack. “In that case, take…your…time.” She drew out the last few words, breaking them into multiple syllables.
Eddie busted out with a laugh. “Damn, Fregin is on a comedic roll today. Is that one of Pip’s jokes too?”
Julianna scoffed. “I’ve got my own material.”
Jack couldn’t help laughing at the partners. They’d come a long way since they first started working together.
Stifling a grin, Julianna said, “So what’s up with this psychiatrist?”
“He thinks he’s a bird.” Jack lowered his gaze, pinching his nose and awaiting the response.
“You can never just send us to a normal person for a normal job?” Eddie asked, his tone amused.
“You’d get bored so fast, and you know it,” Jack replied.
“True,” Eddie chirped.
“A bird? This psychiatrist, who is the best in hypnosis in the galaxy, thinks he’s a bird?” Julianna asked.
“Well, it depends on the day, actually.” Jack strode over to his desk, retrieving the file on Dr. Harrison. “The doctor has an unclassified mental disorder. Strangely, he’s been under evaluation for years, and they can’t determine what exactly is wrong with him. He displays symptoms for schizophrenia, dementia, OCD, bipolarity, and a half dozen others. It’s been quite perplexing to the staff of doctors who oversee his care.”
“Isn’t there someone else you can send us to?” Julianna asked.
Jack handed her the file. “I’m afraid not. Dr. Harrison is not only the best, but he’s also the best choice for this particular job. As a patient of the mental ward on Onyx Station, he won’t be sharing this sensitive information with anyone; which is perfect, since we need the information surrounding the Tangle Thief to remain quiet. If anyone finds out that the device is floating around out there, we’ll have more than the Saverus interested in finding it.”
“I thought doctor-client privilege was a thing,” Eddie stated.
“I think we all know that those rules can be broken,” Jack said. “I don’t trust this information with any ordinary psychiatrist.”
“So you’re sending us to a crazy one,” Eddie said with a laugh.
Julianna was about to ask another question about this Dr. Harrison, when loud barking distracted her. The sound of racing feet echoed from the hallway. Julianna turned in time to catch Sebastian speeding by, quickly followed by Harley. The ferret made a hard turn, scurrying into the office.
Julianna jumped back as the two animals sped past the group. Sebastian climbed up the floor lamp in the corner, jumped onto a painting, and traversed to the top of the frame. From there, he squeezed through the slats of a vent and disappeared. Harley barked once more before turning tail and running out of the room.
Liesel halted in the doorway, looking around. “Sebastian? Have you seen him?”
Julianna pointed to the vent. “He went in there.”
Liesel leaned over, hands on her knees as she heaved on ragged breaths. “Oh good. He got away from Harley.”
“Well, to be fair, Harley still looks to be on the hunt,” Eddie said.
Liesel waved him off. “If Sebastian is in the vent system, he’ll make a straight shot for my personal quarters.”
“That’s one smart ferret,” Eddie stated.
“Let’s see if he’s smart enough to fix some of the holes in the ventilation system while he’s in there,” Liesel said with a laugh, straightening up.
“I didn’t see him with his toolbox when he ran by, so probably not,” Julianna joked. She was in a more humorous mood today for some reason. It must have been the near-death experience with the mind-fucking cyborg. Not quite biting the bullet always put her in a good mood.
Liesel strode farther into the office and picked up the empty water bottle that Jack had thrown. “Plastic water bottles really aren’t good for the universe.”
Jack reached out and took the bottle from Liesel with an apologetic smile. “I realize that. I was in a hurry and grabbed one.”
“I get it,” Liesel said with a wink. “Sorry, I can be a real nag sometimes.”
“No, no.” Jack crunched up the water bottle and deposited it in the trashcan. “And sorry about my appearance. I just finished a run.”
“What’s with the apology, Jack?” Eddie asked. “You pretty much told us to deal with your sweaty clothes.”
Jack’s eyes darted in Eddie’s direction, and Julianna could have sworn there was a punishing look in his gaze.
“Running is good, but can be damaging on the knees,” Liesel said.
“Yeah, my kn
ees definitely feel the impact,” Jack agreed.
“Have you tried yoga?” Liesel asked.
Eddie elbowed Julianna in the side. “Can you see Jack chanting and doing downward dog?”
Will you tell the captain that he’s messing up Jack’s game?
Game? What do you mean?
Oh my. You’re thick.
I guess so.
“Teach, Pip says to shut up,” Julianna said from the corner of her mouth.
Jack and Liesel were now engaged in a deep conversation about the benefits of yoga, not paying them the least bit of attention.
“Tell him that I said ‘why don’t you make me’,” Eddie quipped.
If you do get control over Eddie’s body, then that has to be an option. You have to be able to make him shut up on my command.
You mean when.
“One of the reasons you might be experiencing muscle spasms is diet,” Liesel was now saying to Jack. “Do you eat meat?”
“It starts with some casual conversation about running, and in no time, our chief engineer is going to have Jack dancing around with a rain stick,” Eddie joked loud enough for everyone to hear.
Jack cut his eyes at Eddie before saying, “Don’t you two have somewhere to be?”
Eddie yawned loudly. “Not immediately. Ricky Bobby is still en route to Paladin system.”
Tell the captain he’s an idiot, Pip chimed in.
I tell him that all the time. It doesn’t affect him.
Grab him by the arm and drag him out of the office, then. He’s messing up Jack’s chances.
For what?
Lordy, lordy, lord. You two are meant for each other.
What? No!
You and Teach are both as dense as a jar of mayonnaise.
Hey, don’t you lump me into the same category with the captain.
You’ve been lumped.
Julianna grabbed Eddie by the arm and yanked him out to the hallway. “Come on, mayonnaise. Let’s go speak with Knox.”
“Mayonnaise?” Eddie laughed, allowing himself to the be pulled. “Who you calling salad dressing?”
“It was from Pip,” Julianna explained.
“Tell him that he’s a monkey’s ass.”
Tell the captain, ‘Okay, see you next Tuesday’.
That doesn’t even make any sense.
Sure it does.
“Why the look of confusion?” Eddie asked, giving Julianna a quizzical look.
“Pip said he’ll see you next Tuesday? Do you know what that’s about?”
An abrupt laugh fell out of Eddie’s mouth. “Damn. I see how he plays.”
“What?” Julianna asked.
“His name-calling gets mean fast,” Eddie said.
Julianna was immediately confused. “Name-calling? How is something to do with Tuesday name-calling?”
“Take the first letter of ‘see you next Tuesday’. It’s a clever way to call someone a bad name.”
Julianna grimaced. “That’s not how you spell that word. It starts with a ‘C’.”
“When did you become an English teacher?” Eddie joked.
“I’m not, I’m just saying,” Julianna said.
“Well, you’ve got to hang with me if you want to know the hip lingo,” Eddie said with a wink.
“Not that I would, but why wouldn’t you just call someone that word, rather than saying, ‘see you next Tuesday’?” Julianna asked.
Eddie shook his head. “Because calling people names is rude, Jules. This is much classier and less insulting.”
“Now I’m taking lessons from you on how to be less offensive. Fuck my life,” Julianna said with a sigh.
Chapter Ten
Onyx Mental Facility, Onyx Station, Paladin System
Julianna has to be the woman of a thousand disguises, Eddie thought, strolling beside her through the solid white hallways. Her facial expressions, for one, always seemed to be hiding something.
The pantsuit she was currently wearing made her look like a completely different woman. Maybe he’d gotten too used to seeing her in combat clothes and sporting boots to appreciate her more feminine side. It’s not that he didn’t notice that she was a woman; it was fucking hard to miss. But Julianna was a different kind of woman than most.
“You’re staring,” she said through tight lips.
Eddie shot his focus forward. “Blue is a nice color on you. That’s all.”
Julianna peered down at the powder blue suit she was wearing. “It’s the color of the sky. Everyone looks good in blue.”
“I’ve been on some planets that didn’t have a blue sky,” Eddie imparted, fidgeting with the belt on his slacks. “Tell me again, why did we have to wear starched suits, but Knox here gets to sport his frayed jeans.”
“Do you own a pair of frayed jeans?” Julianna asked.
“No.” Eddie looked back at Knox, who was trudging along behind them, no enthusiasm in his eyes. “Can I borrow a pair, Knox?”
The kid smiled weakly but didn’t answer.
“We need to blend in,” Julianna told Eddie. “Believe me, I’d rather not be wearing these shoes—they pinch the fuck out of my toes. But if I strode in here with a holster and my usual bad-ass attitude, then we’d raise suspicion.”
“Yeah, I hear you on the shoes,” Eddie said, staring down at the loafers he’d been forced to squeeze his giant feet into.
Julianna plastered a polite smile on her face as they neared the nurse’s station. The nurses, all dressed in starched scrubs, sat behind the desk with their chins down.
“Hello,” Julianna said in a voice that didn’t sound at all like her usual one. “We’re here to see Bennet Harrison.”
Unhurried, the nurse in the middle of the three looked up, running her eyes over Julianna and then Eddie and Knox at her back. “And you are?”
“Samantha Harrison,” Julianna stated. “I’m Benny’s sister.”
The woman, who had grey eyes absent of any joy, darted her gaze at Eddie and Knox. “And they are?”
“Her husband,” Eddie said in a rush. It sounded so strange coming out of his mouth, but there it was. “And this is my brother, Chris. Our parents had me first and then Chris here a full decade later. We’re best buds now.”
“I don’t care,” the nurse said, her tone dull. She extended a hand to Julianna. “I’m going to need two forms of identification.”
Julianna unclipped the purse hanging on her shoulder. Eddie never thought he’d see Julianna carrying a purse unless it had a gun in it; however, this one was full of makeup and other feminine essentials, since she expected to be searched at security.
“Here you are,” Julianna said, handing over the fake documents that the general had provided them with. “If you check my brother’s file, you’ll see that I’m his sister, Samantha Harrison.”
The nurse handed back the identification. “I don’t care. Second door on the right.”
Julianna took the IDs, looking to be holding back a snide remark. “Okay. Thanks. See you next Tuesday.”
Julianna knocked on the door to Dr. Bennett Harrison’s room.
“I’m naked! Don’t come in!” a man yelled in reply.
Julianna turned the handle for the door. Eddie reached out and grabbed her arm, a startled look in his eyes.
“Didn’t you hear the man?” Eddie asked. “He’s naked.”
“It may surprise you, but I’ve seen my fair share of naked men. Maybe he’ll show me something I haven’t seen,” Julianna stated unabashed.
Eddie glared at her. “Dammit, Fregin. I can’t take you anywhere.”
“This is how I act out when I’m not allowed to have my gun,” Julianna said, turning back to the door.
“Well, as your husband, I insist on going in first,” Eddie said, sliding around Julianna to open the door enough to admit him, and then swinging it closed again.
Julianna cast a look back at Knox, who didn’t appear at all entertained. “Isn’t Mr. Fregin a doll?” she asked him.
<
br /> “I heard that,” Eddie said from the other side of the door. “And it’s all clear. Dr. Harrison is completely clothed.”
Julianna stepped into the room and immediately ducked.
Bennett sat on a bed in the middle of the room, launching things through the air in her direction. Julianna blocked her head with her arm and looked down at the floor where one of the objects had landed.
“Is that a rubber chicken?” she asked, pointing to the floor.
“Yes,” Eddie said, also shielding his head from the strange attack. “But he’s only got one more, so we should be okay.”
“Which I’m not throwing until you lower your hands,” Bennett said in a hoarse voice.
“They’re rubber chickens. Not bullets.” Julianna rolled her eyes at her partner. “Dr. Harrison, we’re here because we really need your help,” she said, pulling her arm away from her face.
“Well, our friend Knox does,” Eddie said.
A rubber chicken careened into his head.
In an effort to keep a straight face, Eddie brushed his hands down the front of his pin-striped suit.
He looks good, polished. Almost refined, Julianna thought.
I heard that!
Shut the fuck up, Pip.
When I’m in the captain’s head, I’ll be sure to relay these sweet nothings.
Not if I erase you beforehand.
Your idle threats mean nothing to me.
Would you go away? I’m trying to get a mad man to help us.
Okay. See you next Tuesday.
“Dr. Harrison,” Julianna began. “We understand that you’re the very best with hypnosis, and we’d—”
“Cluck! Cluck!” The doctor sprang off the bed, flapping his arms by his sides. He hurried over to the fallen rubber chickens laying by their feet. “My babies! Don’t step on my babies!” Dr. Harrison gathered up the rubber chickens and piled them on his bed.
Eddie gave Julianna a look that seemed to say, “This guy is as nutty as a fruitcake,” However, Julianna wasn’t entirely convinced of that. Pip and she had their own speculation about this doctor and now that she was here, she thought they were right. Julianna had met a lot of insane people. Hell, many of them, she’d made that way. And this guy…well, he was entertaining, but there was something about the look in his blue eyes that made him seem more lucid than he was playing at. He had stringy gray hair and a face full of wrinkles, but somehow, he still seemed young. Maybe that was because he was petting a rubber chicken.