by Voss, Deja
“Why are you so calm? This isn’t how shit works.” Something felt off about the whole process. Could our military really just pluck people out of their day to day life and make them disappear? Even at that, why me?
“How do you know how shit works?” she asked. “You ever been called up to go undercover before?” She bit her lip and shrugged, patting the couch cushion, motioning for me to come sit with her. I didn’t want to. I stared out the window, avoiding her gaze. I wished I could pretend like she wasn’t even in this room with me, but everything about her was all consuming, this cloud of whatever her essence was gripping me by the back of the neck.
When the lights came on in the dungeon and I saw the woman I was cradling in my arms it was like seeing her for the first time. Sure, back in the day, back at basic training, she was the hot chick everyone would’ve given their left nut to have a night with.
Things were different now. Seeing her covered in blood, wrecked from exhaustion, dirty, and disoriented, she became something so much more to me in that instant. I never wanted to see her like that again. I was sent here to protect her. As badly as I just wanted to go back to my normal life, if she was going to hurl herself off this cliff, I knew I had to follow. I just didn’t want to. Maybe I could talk her out of it.
“Why are you so trusting?” I asked. “You just do anything anybody asks you to?”
“I don’t trust anyone,” she replied. It felt like a knife to my heart, those dark eyes staring right through me as she punctuated the anyone. She meant me. Even though I followed protocol, did whatever I could to make the best of a dark situation, she didn’t trust me. I hadn’t earned it. “I don’t even trust myself. Every time I make the choice it’s the wrong one. Whether I go with my gut or go against it, I’m always fucking up. At least if I do this, I’ll get paid.”
She was the furthest thing from a fuck up in my eyes. Even getting accepted into Ranger training was an accomplishment that not many people achieved, let alone a woman. Obviously the Army saw something in her, probably the same thing I saw for myself. Something magical. Something powerful. I didn’t want them to take it.
“What if you get hurt? What if you die? What will happen to your family?”
“Awe Landon, you afraid the bad guys are gonna torture you a little bit?” Her taunting tone would’ve sounded offensive coming out of anyone else’s mouth. She wasn’t teasing me. She was playing with me. She knew what my answer was going to be.
I wasn’t afraid of what the ‘bad guys’ were going to do to me. I knew full well what I signed up for when I enlisted. Saw plenty of my buddies sent home with injuries that to me were worse than death. Brilliant minds destroyed. Strong men made incapable of doing the only thing they cared about, serving their country. I wasn’t afraid for me.
I just didn’t want them to take her.
And it was a shitty double standard that I had a feeling she was going to do everything in her power to bust down. And that, to me, was going to be more painful than anything they could do to my body.
“Come on, come sit with me,” she urged. The way her robe was slightly split open down the front, exposing the crook of her collarbone, I wanted to put my mouth right there. I wanted to put my mouth all over her body. Maybe if she was mine, these people couldn’t take her from me. I wanted to possess her.
No, you want to protect her, I had to remind myself.
She dragged her toe up and down the seam of the couch, like an open invitation. I walked over to the tray of food left out for us, knowing damn well a doughnut wasn’t going to stifle the growl inside of me. It wasn’t hunger for food I was feeling. It was hunger for her.
“Think about it, Landon. You and me, out saving the world the together. Fighting for justice. You’ll be a hero. It’s what you always wanted.”
“How do you know what I want?” I asked. She wasn’t wrong. Back at home, I was a nobody until I enlisted. I kept my head down, minded my own. I never stood out in a crowd. The military opened me up to who I was meant to be, built my confidence, but this woman was managing to tear it all down with the sound of her voice, the way she stared at me.
“There’s nothing wrong with that. Better than not having a fucking clue. I’m just here for the ride. Maybe this will be the kick in the ass I need to start figuring shit out.”
I knew in that instant she was going to be trouble. A bad influence. She would drag me to hell and I’d follow her without question. She was going to be the challenge I’d always been seeking. Her incessant need for more. Her casual outlook on life or death. She made the hairs on my arm stand up. I didn’t know what I wanted more, to put out her flame or to be engulfed in it. I just wanted it. I wanted to touch the hot stove and let my fingers fry and blister if it meant being near her.
I sat on the couch and rested my head in my hands.
“You and me out saving the world together, huh?” I repeated, trying our new partnership on for size. “What if we die?”
“What if we don’t?” she asked with a wink, and I could see the flames in her eyes as she smiled wide enough to light up the room.
She reached for both of my hands, taking them in hers. She traced the lines on my palm with her shockingly soft fingertips. I couldn’t believe a woman with so much fight in her had skin this soft.
She took my hands and held them to her lips, gently kissing my fingertips. A blush spread across her face, and she giggled. Like we had just gone back to her place after a first date or something, and she was navigating how to make the first move. Maybe this was the world we belonged in. A world where first dates were torture chambers and survival was foreplay. Where danger was the strongest aphrodisiac. Where pain lead to pleasure. Was it this situation that turned me on, or was it just plain her?
I don’t know what overcame me as I pressed my lips to hers. It was wrong, but I didn’t care. I could taste the blood on her blistered lips, but she didn’t put up a fight. She moaned softly into my mouth as I parted her lips with my tongue, laying her flat on her back as my cock grew excruciatingly hard in my jeans.
She didn’t stop me when I pinned her wrists over her head, not paying any mind to the bruises on her arms. Just whispered, “go on,” with that daredevil glint in her eyes.
Who was this man she turned me into?
I was polite. I was a soldier. I was a perfect gentleman. A goofball. The kind of guy you could take home to your parents. I wasn’t the kind of man who held down a stranger and bit her neck until it bled. Wasn’t the kind of man who ripped off her t-shirt and grabbed her tits until she screamed.
“Go on,” she kept taunting.
It felt bad. It felt good. I wanted to destroy her with my dick.
The warmth radiating from her pussy. The way she thrust her hips at me, urging me to take her however I wanted. I wanted it hard. I unzipped my jeans and tugged down her pants and drove into her dripping cunt as she writhed and groaned, milking me with her contractions the instant our hips rooted together.
I stripped her of her self control, stole her orgasms. How they slipped so easily from her with my touch. They were mine. Any pretenses of being in charge, I took that away from her.
This woman stripped me of any self control I previously thought I had. Any pretenses of being a good guy, she took that away from me. She was holding me hostage. She always would. I filled her pussy with my load without even thinking twice. She made me stupid. Made me weak. Made me angry. Made me love her.
We were a match made in hell.
As I laid beside her, I stroked her hair. I kissed her face. I never felt so close to anyone in my life. Never felt like I needed someone more than oxygen. She could drag me wherever she wanted. She made me into the man I needed to be. The fierce warrior. We were going to save the world together.
She brought my fingers to her lips and kissed them, and I knew what I had to do.
I stood up from the couch and zipped up my pants.
“Where ya going?” she asked.
“I’ve
got a contract to sign.”
Chapter Eleven
Sage:
Present Day
I didn’t bother with my hair and make-up. Kevin decided it was probably in the best interest of commissioning a deal with the Indignant Few if he brought out his big guns, his show stoppers, the biggest names in the industry for his first official meeting with the club tonight.
The mansion was a flurry of sex on legs, bouncing boobs and glitter. Stilettos, lace, laughter and champagne being sprayed, I watched the celebration through the window of my suite, thinking about how this was every twenty something year old man’s wet dream.
Nobody could see me. Nobody could know who I was. That was Kevin and my (and the higher ups) little secret until the time was right, which I hoped was never.
I hated everything about tonight. I thought of a million ways to try and get out of going to the clubhouse. I made a desperate phone call to the agency, citing all the potential conflicts of interest, pleading with them to grant Landon and his men immunity just this once. I was promptly reminded I was under contract and Landon “Law” was strictly a citizen now. Whatever his club did or did not do, they could potentially be implicated.
For the first time since he and I started working together, I couldn’t keep him safe. Seeing him yesterday made me hurt in ways I didn’t know were possible. I tried to always keep him at a safe distance because I cared for him so much. Even back when we used to work together, letting him in wasn’t an option. Letting him in was dangerous. Letting him in could’ve compromised our career on basically every level. The sex thing, it was easy to play that off as just a primal attraction thing, but that’s because I knew admitting how I actually felt about him was too dangerous. My love for him was easier to stifle, to play off as platonic. Was.
Now that the tables have turned, now that I knew things could get ugly really quickly, I was questioning why I didn’t just get out when I had the chance.
Because there’s still people to save.
Because there’s still work left to be done.
Because you were never good enough for him.
Because he doesn’t need you.
The way he told me to ‘get the fuck out of here,’ that hurt on his face, it was worse than that one time shit went really sideways. It triggered me in ways I wasn’t aware I still had left in me. Physically hurt my bones. He was right, though.
I needed to get the fuck away from him. From his men. I needed to talk Kevin out of wanting to do business with them. I didn’t want to go to Kevin, though. At this moment I wanted nothing more than to be anywhere else in the world, just Landon and I. Safe and free.
I slipped the bejeweled mask over my face. It was itchy and barely left me enough room to breathe and see. I admired my body in the short black leather shorts that barely covered my ass cheeks, the sparkly belt that jingled around my waist. To be reduced to nothing but body parts, wearing that mask, knowing that the only thing the outside world saw of me was my flesh, under a different circumstance, I hated to admit, it would’ve been hot. Instead, I was barely dressed and sweating bullets. A knock at my door made my heart race. I needed to get out of my head and back into Sabine’s.
“Almost ready,” I said in my thick German accent.
“Everyone’s so excited to meet you,” Kevin said. I pushed the door open just a little crack, and his eyes went right to my tits. This definitely wasn’t hot. It was repulsive. “I got some molly if you want,” he offered.
“Maybe later,” I said. I had been dosed with pretty much every drug on the planet during the course of my training. I knew how to handle myself. I just preferred not to if it wasn’t absolutely necessary to keep my cover. Hopefully I could buy myself a clear mind for at least another night.
“Well, hurry your sweet ass up,” he said, and I was sure I was shooting daggers from my eyes.
“Kevin, I think we need to get one thing perfectly clear here. I am here for work. I’m here because you and I together, we’re going to make a lot of money. Our relationship is strictly professional, and I expect you to keep that sanctity no matter what I’m wearing. If I can’t trust you, the deal is off.”
“I’m sure I’ll wear you down eventually,” he said, chuckling.
“Nobody ever has,” I replied. It wasn’t a lie. Even the man I loved, the man who was running through my mind 24/7, he hadn’t managed to wear me down yet. He hadn’t managed to break me one hundred percent. Kevin had nothing on him. “Go harass somebody your own age. I’m sure they’re more than willing to entertain your whims.”
“I don’t want anybody my own age,” he whined. Gross. I was definitely getting vibes of “I’m the kind of guy who locks girls in his basement” from him, but not in the way I saw them on the video. He seemed lonely and misunderstood. Then again, so did the serial killer I took down last year.
“You’re funny,” I said, wondering if this mask helped hide my sarcasm. “I’ll be down in a minute. You really sure you want to get tangled up with a motorcycle club? These guys are criminals. Don’t you think you should be doing everything in your power to keep your business on the up and up?”
“You sure you don’t want any molly? If you weren’t so fucking sexy, I’d probably mistake you for a wet blanket.”
I shut the door in his face. It was happening whether I liked it or not. I could only hope there’d be a discreet way I could pull Landon aside and clue him in on the details. It would be a huge risk. I could lose my job, and probably my pension. I could completely derail an undercover investigation. It wasn’t just about the money, it was about saving the world.
Maybe he wouldn’t recognize me under cover. I laughed at the notion as I spun around in the mirror. He’d had a front and center view of this ass on more than one occassion. He knew me down to the birthmark on my left ankle. Maybe he’d found a reason not to be around tonight. That would probably be best for his safety. Still part of me desperately hoped he would be there. Part of me hoped he would have a grand solution. Part of me wished he was still on the job with me, saving me from myself for the millionth time.
There was laughter from the yard below as Kevin passed around a tray of powdered party favors. It was time for me to fall in and join the ranks of the other porn stars. I took a head count, making sure I memorized each of their faces. I needed to learn their names. Needed to forge connections and make sure I was aware of their whereabouts at all times. And I needed to do it in a pair of high heels that made my legs look like they were eight miles long with a heel that felt like balancing on a toothpick. It was time to make my first professional appearance as Sabine Steele.
Chapter Twelve
Sage:
We made the short drive from the mansion to the clubhouse in a set of two limos. Kevin wasn’t kidding when he told the MC he was willing to pull out all the stops for them. He must’ve really needed their protection. From what, I wasn’t quite sure yet.
There were girls of all shapes, sizes, and ethnicities riding in the limo with me. They were all fawning over me like I was some sort of goddess, their greatest role model, their inspiration for going into the business. It felt rather strange. If only they knew that my porn experience was limited to the occasional nude selfie I sent to Landon to try and convince him to meet me for a hookup.
“Sabine, why on earth would you come out of retirement after all these years?” a woman named Fawn asked me. “Everyone thought you ran off and became a nun or something.”
I’d prepared myself for the grilling I was going to get, but it was still always nerve wracking the first time you said your cover story out loud to someone who wasn’t in the know.
“Well that’s false,” I said in my thick German accent. “I’d probably catch on fire at this point in my life if I set foot in a convent.” Not exactly a lie. “I’m sure you know how it goes. The money is quite frankly shit. You want the lifestyle, you have to stay all in. You ladies need to be smarter than me. Save your money. Invest. You don’t want to end up
being a geriatric trying to make a comeback like me.”
Fawn laughed and reached for my knee. “You’re still so pretty, though. You don’t look a day over thirty.”
“Oh honey, a day over thirty is about ten years too old for this business. Besides, the mask hides a lot more than my identity. When you’re broke, botox is the last thing on your list of needs.”
“I’m sure you’re perfect,” she said with a sigh, taking a drag from a joint. I resisted my urge to partake. Surely a little weed would take the edge off this anxiety building inside of me. I wished we weren’t going out tonight. I wished we could’ve just stayed back at the mansion so I could get to know these women better and get to know my way around the place. Gather intelligence. Lay down the Law with Kevin. Not be wearing these leather hot pants that were definitely making my thighs chafe to holy hell.
Not being paraded around Landon and his friends like some kind of sex doll.
I grabbed the joint from her and took a long puff, coughing out a huge cloud of smoke.
The girls laughed as I made dramatic gagging sounds. “God, it’s been too long,” I said.
It didn’t calm my anxiety as we drove up to the gate. There were two guys standing outside in black leather vests. The gate swung open and I grasped for any excuse to not go in. The rows of motorcycles parked outside were intimidating, and I couldn’t help but wonder which one was his. Probably not the flashy one with the red flames painted all over it. Maybe the one that was all blacked out from tank to tailpipe. I bet he looked so hot cruising down the road. I wished I wasn’t coming here under these pretenses, but instead for a chance to ride on his bike. We were here to party, but this definitely wasn’t going to be a party for me.
The driver took us right to the door, and I sat with my head in my hands for a moment as the other women filtered out.