by Voss, Deja
“You know that’s bullshit, Sage,” he said. “You hurt me just by existing. I’d rather have the chance to at least bask in the pain than have to sit in isolation and deal with it.”
“I can’t picture my life without this job,” I confessed. I’d sacrificed everything to be where I was today. I literally had no identity outside of the dozens of identities I’d taken on in the course of being with the agency. I didn’t know basic human life skills, like how to rent an apartment or how to call in a warranty on a busted appliance. I only knew what they taught me. Just like in love, in sex, I’d only known what he taught me. I wasn’t laying the burden of acclimating me into society on him. What if I ended up being some sort of incompetent idiot when all was said and done. What if he realized how much of a burden I’d be and decide he couldn’t handle me anymore.
“I don’t want you to have to imagine your life without this job, Sage. I want you to be happy. If works makes you happy, then that’s what you’re going to do.”
“And if motorcycles make you happy, then that’s what you’re going to do,” I repeated back to him. So simple. On paper this was so simple.
“I won’t do anything to get in the way of your job. You gotta understand, though, if the MC votes on signing this contract, there ain’t much I can do about it. I’ll do my best to rally, but without blowing your cover, it’s going to be tricky.”
“I appreciate that,” I said.
He hugged me and I sighed, knowing I had to get back into character. I felt so much lighter now, though. All these heavy doubts I’d been carrying on my shoulders were dissolved with my admissions. It wasn’t going to be easy for the two of us, now or ever. But it was going to be something more than what I’d allowed myself in the past. For a moment I felt free.
“You seriously didn’t even sleep with that serial killer, though?” he asked. “A year undercover as his girlfriend and nothing? Not even a bj?”
I punched him in the shoulder. “You fucking dick. You don’t believe me?”
“Why do you think I went on leave? The idea of you putting your body out there? I couldn’t work that job. I would’ve blown it in a day. We both would’ve been chopped up in that guys’ freezer now.”
“If it’s any consolation, the dude was impotent, except when he was in the act of murdering or cannabalizing someone.”
He cringed and so did I. No consolation whatsoever. That job was atrocious.
He chuckled and put his arm on the small of my back, pushing me towards the door. “So this whole time, I’ve basically been your boyfriend,” he teased.
“Landon,” I barked, feeling my face turning red under the mask.
“Sage has a boyfriend,” he said in a singsong voice. I unlocked the deadbolt and pulled the door open.
I stood there in panic when I spotted the tall guy in a leather vest standing right outside the door, his hands in his pockets.
“Holy shit,” he mumbled, his face looking redder than mine felt. “Law, you fucking dog.” He gave Law a nod. “I hope he was a perfect gentleman, miss.”
I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Not a word, Rosey,” Law said, holding up his fist. “Sabine and I were just talking.”
“Right, right,” he said. He wasn’t convincing anyone. “Ya’ll done in there? I’m gonna crash.”
“Watch out for puddles,” I said in my fake accent. I did my best Sabine laugh, sounding like some sort of sexy supervillian, and skipped down the hallway, leaving those two to sort out the mess I’d left behind.
Chapter Eighteen
Law:
Shockingly, Kevin had a contract slipped underneath the clubhouse door before the sun even came up. In the eyes of the club, this shit was way too good to be true. Twenty-four seven surveillance by at least two brothers, more for special occasions. Some travel, all compensated. Lots of NDAs. For a thousand bucks a day, it wasn’t a bad deal at all. Even with the garbage truck business booming, that kind of money could seriously put a dent in some club debt.
I tried to remind Colt that if something looked too good to be true, it was definitely something that we didn’t need to get ourselves wrapped up in. I tried to appeal to the idea that dude had showed up with a bag of roofies last night and planned on using them on who knows what or who.
He pushed back, reminding me in his typical fashion that the enemy we knew was better than letting this guy run free range on the property next door. No harm no foul. Easy money. Good way to put the prospects to use and get them hardened up. Fluffy little job, hanging out in a houseful of hot bitches all day, getting a backstage pass to whatever kinds of kinky shit was going on there. The side benefits, in the eyes of the brothers, were just as good as the pay. Who didn’t want to have an all access pass to the pussy palace right next door?
Kevin wanted us in before filming started.
He wanted to start filming tomorrow.
My argument was weak in comparison to the arguments for why we should take it, and yet, I still had an ace in my sleeve. Blowing Sage’s cover wasn’t an option until it absolutely had to be. It was getting right down to that point, an official vote about to be called in the emergency meeting Colt had called.
I felt like I was talking into a void, nobody really listening to what I had to say. Word had gotten out that Rosey caught me with Sabine, and everybody was just assuming I didn’t want to see her again. Truth was, I didn’t want to see her ever again. Every time Sage put on that costume, she was that much closer to having to actually fulfill her role as the extreme fetish porn star.
Knowing what I knew now, that I was her first, that I was her only, it only made me want to protect her even more.
I was about to walk out of the room to buy myself some more time. I hated not being able to tell them exactly why I was so against this agreement. I wished anybody sitting at this table and a lick of common sense.
The door swung open and Athena stormed into the room, her blonde hair waving like a flag behind her as she ran towards her brother Colt. “I know, I know… no bitches at the table,” she muttered.
“If you know, then you probably know the next words that are going to come out of my mouth,” he growled. I didn’t know how Judas dealt with it. He was wedged in between his wife and his best friend. His love and his brotherhood. Probably felt a little something like I was feeling right now. There was no right answer, nothing he could say that wouldn’t put him on the wrong side of the fence. Someone was getting hurt no matter what he did, and it was easier to just take the pain yourself. It was a constant battle I waged against myself.
“Is the baby okay?” he asked.
“Baby Harley is fine. I just put her down for a nap. Reena is watching her. That’s not what I wanted to talk to you guys about.”
“Can probably wait then,” Judas said before promptly looking down at his feet. She stuck her middle finger up at him and he just shook his head. “We’ll be done in a minute.”
“I just, I know you guys are thinking about picking up that job, and I feel like I have some insider information you might want in on.”
“What’s wrong, sis? You starting to miss the porn life? You feeling a little jealous there’s a new game in town?” Colt asked with a laugh. She directed her other middle finger at him.
“Fuck off. I’m just looking out for you guys. There’s something not right about this whole thing. I know Kevin. I know his company is pretty legit. I’ve worked with a couple of his actresses. It’s just… this Sabine thing.” As soon as she said it, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. “I don’t know what this woman is trying to pull, but I know for a fact that’s not her.”
I didn’t realize I was clearing my throat. Long and loud, like a big red arrow pointing over my head, everyone at the table started to stare. “Sorry, it’s dry in here,” I said, taking a long draw from my beer.
“I’m sorry Law. If that was one of your bucket list hook-ups, you’re gonna have to uncross that from your list,” she said, patting
me on the back.
For a second, I was relieved. I could play it off cool. I’d no longer have my status of god amongst men for getting in bed with the most elusive porn star of our time, and I’m sure I’d get taunted about it for the rest of my life, but that was better than blowing her cover.
Colt locked eyes with her. He looked at me. I could feel his gaze piercing through my skin as he clenched his fist.
“Everybody out,” Colt said. “Everybody out now. Meeting is adjourned for the time being. We’ll pick this up later.” The guys groaned as he beat the gavel. They were looking forward to free reign over the fuck house, and pushing it back another day seemed stupid with the offer on the table. I personally felt overwhelming relief. The more time I could buy, the less likely it was any of us could get implicated.
“You and you,” he said, pointing to me and Judas. I shoved my hands in my pocket and stopped in my tracks. “And you, Athena.”
He shooed everyone down the long hallway and slammed the door behind him.
“What the fuck?” I stammered. “How was I supposed to know?”
“Sit your ass down and quit the bullshit.” He looked pissed, and it wasn’t just the typical dark circles under his eyes that the President of an MC tended to carry around with him. Colt was a lot of things, but he wasn’t a stupid man. “Who is she?”
I knew I needed to tell the truth. These men were my family. They were my life. Playing with Sage was a dangerous game, and I couldn’t let my love for her blind my loyalty.
“Colt, you know I’m out of the agency. You know I’m one hundred percent ride or die. I got nothing. No connections. No alliances. I’m Indignant through and through. You know that right?”
“I do know that,” he said, raising his glass of whiskey to his lips. He took a long swallow and winced. “I’m gonna give you the benefit of the doubt here and assume this was all some sort of cosmic glitch. Cuz if it’s not, you know I’m going to have to fuck you up.”
I nodded. Even letting me patch in was a huge risk, knowing my connections. I had to work twice as hard to prove my loyalty. Now that I couldn’t use the agency for leverage, I was a lone soldier. I couldn’t just make a phone call and get out asses out of jams anymore. All I had was my word.
“Who is she?” he asked again, drumming his fingers on the table.
I trusted this man with my life. I didn’t choose this patch. It chose me. If I wanted to be true to who I was, I knew I had to come clean. The brotherhood was the only thing I had protecting me now. Surely, if they knew about Sage, if they knew about what she meant to me, that protection would extend to her. This love for the patch ran two ways.
There was no room for deception.
This was where my allegiance was now.
“Her name is Sage,” I said.
It felt like I was falling on a sword. Being ripped into shreds, my past and my present at odds with one another. I needed to tell him. For our future. Sage and my future. “I’ve known her since boot camp.”
“No,” Athena whispered, her eyes lighting up at the mention of her name. “The elusive one?”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Dana told me… she was worried about you… the things you say in your sleep.” I groaned. Of course. Who else had Dana told about my sleep talking? What other secrets did she disclose just to have an excuse to gossip with the girls in the club? I should’ve seen that coming a mile away.
“I knew you just weren’t some dirtbag like Colt,” Judas said. “I couldn’t imagine you of all people just breaking up with some perfectly good woman for a one night fling with some porn star.”
Dana might’ve been perfectly ‘good’ but she was perfectly wrong. Why wasn’t that obvious from the start.
I sat back down at the table, Colt hovering over me like this nervous ball of energy that was about to explode all over the room, leaving behind nothing but shreds of my perceived deception.
I was the enforcer. I was the tough guy. I was the one who was usually on the delivering end of whatever punishment needed doled out but if he wanted to punch me in the face for being such a moron, I wouldn’t stop him. If he wanted to beat the shit out of me for keeping secrets from the club, I couldn’t blame him. If he wanted to strip me of my patch and feed me to our alligator, I probably had it coming.
“How bad is it?” Colt asked. “How fucked are we?”
“They’re not after us. I can tell you that. This has nothing to do with the club. About all I know.”
“Come on, you gotta know more than that. You seriously mean to tell me she isn’t telling you shit?” He was giving me the interrogation glare, using that sing song tone of voice that let me know something scary was about to happen. I was the king of the game, and that shit wasn’t going to work on me. Especially when it came to her.
“She doesn’t even have any evidence yet. Nothing overt going down. I will tell you, though, for the agency to bring in someone like Sage, it’s a big fucking deal. The kind of money they pay her, that’s not pocket change.” I’d seen the paychecks. I’d gotten them myself. For one solid moment, I wasn’t scared for her. I was proud of her. My woman was a well sought after secret agent, one of the best in the business.
“She’s not safe,” Athena said. “I don’t think Kevin could hurt a fly, he’s just a dork with a giant trust fund, but if she starts rubbing elbows with anybody in the know, they’re going to see right through that weak ass disguise in no time.”
I hated hearing those words. She’s not safe. Even though I knew all the training she went through, the previous cases she’d worked, the jams she’d gotten both of our asses out of, the times she dodged death, her fighting spirit, there was always that off chance shit could go sideways. I wasn’t completely certain Kevin couldn’t hurt a fly. There was something dark going on there. The agency didn’t throw money around unless it was a matter of national security. She said there was a video. Some missing girls. All affiliated with him. Who were these women and where did they go?
“So what you’re saying is, club is safe as long as we don’t get tangled up in this shit,” Colt said.
“Yeah. As far as I can tell, we didn’t implicate ourselves in any way yet. Nothing illegal about talking to a person. Nothing illegal about consenting adults gathering around and throwing back some beers. As soon as we sign that piece of paper, though…”
“But she’s not safe,” Athena insisted. “Unless we do get tangled up in this shit.”
I rested my elbows on the table and sunk my head in my hands. “How did you know it wasn’t her?” I had to relay the message as soon as possible. She needed a course correction before things got out of control.
“There was a few things,” Athena said. “Brother and husband, you might want to cover your ears.” Both Colt and Judas knew all about Athena’s past life, the porn empire she built, and all the escapades she had. Hell, Judas loved that woman so much, he used to watch her weekly broadcast of her web show and make himself sick over it. Even though she was here with us now, I knew talking about those old experiences was hard on him. “I worked with Sabine a few times before. We weren’t best friends or anything, but that woman didn’t let anybody close to her. She was very suspicious. Very cautious. Borderline paranoid.”
“She hardly said two words to you,” I said. “She could be all those things.”
“I know for a fact she’d never work with Kevin. She had no interest in working with start up companies. She was old school. Paper magazines and amateur film. Technology wasn’t something she embraced. Sebastian was the only man she ever trusted. She’d do anything he said. He loved her so much, took such good care of her. If he would’ve seen the way Kevin was parading her around, that man would’ve put him six feet under. Sebastian was a god. He was every girls dream come true. He could just give you a look and your panties would fall off. I don’t care how much cash Kevin has, that’s never why she was in it.”
“I don’t think your panties have any relevance
to the story, sis,” Colt said. I could tell Judas was white knuckling the table, too. I needed to hear this stuff, though. I needed to know all the gory details. All the ways the agency failed to prep her for this mission.
“Plus she hardly stinks at all,” Athena said nonchalantly.
“What?”
“Sabine had this weird fixation with garlic. I don’t know if she was scared of Vampires or what, but she bathed in the shit. Ate it. Took capsules. She made any room she walked into reek like an Italian restaurant.”
“And people still wanted to work with her?” I asked. I loved a good spaghetti bolognese as much as the next guy, but I didn’t get hard every time I thought about it.
“You can still be smelly and sexy,” she said with a shrug. “Working with Sabine was like a golden ticket. That’s why I’m worried about Sage. If people find out she’s back in the business, they’re going to be banging down the door to get to her. She’s gonna get found out fast.”
“You think they already know?” I asked, thinking about the women she came over to the clubhouse with last night. I didn’t know who any of them were, but my brothers seemed to be well aware of exactly who they were and what movies they’d starred in specifically. I didn’t realize I was hanging out with a bunch of chronic masturbators. Made me want to think twice before shaking anybody’s hands from now on.
“Those girls are too young to know what’s up. If any of my old contacts catch wind of this though…” she did a throat slashing motion, and I punched my fist the table. How could they send her in blind like this? Our missions were so carefully choreographed, there were times I was so busy being Joe Schmoe the cartel runner I didn’t even remember who I was anymore. I knew what he ate, drank, what time of day he shit, certainly if he walked around with a wreath of garlic around his neck, that would’ve come up in the briefing.
Was she really that poorly trained? Or was she losing her edge? The Sage I knew was one hundred percent on top of her game all the time.
“I can get her up to speed, I just need some alone time with her. I’m sure Kevin will be more than happy to let me hang around whenever I want.”