As soon as everyone was there, he was stuffing plates full of food in their hands, laughing and joking and filling drinks. He’d chosen the perfect music, cracked a window when it got too warm in there, and never stopped chatting.
Rebecca was kind of in awe of him.
“He’s kind of a freak of nature, isn’t he?” Geo asked Rebecca as the two of them sat on the couch together, watching Atlas fill Naomi’s wine glass while telling a joke to May and nudging a plate of cookies toward Elena.
“Totally,” Rebecca answered, a little bemused. “But in a good way.”
“He’s the eighth wonder of the world, I’m pretty sure.”
Rebecca laughed and tried not to get nervous around all these gorgeous, funny, self-possessed women. Geo had to be the most effortlessly attractive of all of them, with her remarkable face and self-assured energy. But the others were nothing to sneeze at either.
Naomi glowed with her bright hair and smile. Elena was quiet, but funny and smart, and Rebecca secretly thought she was the prettiest of all the ladies. She had a slightly big nose and dark eyes, her face was carved and delicate. There was something about Elena that was calming to Rebecca. She’d been the first guest to arrive and Rebecca had been very grateful for that. Elena had helped Rebecca arrange apple slices on a plate while they’d chatted about Elena’s work as an environmentalist.
Then there was May. Who was not calming in the least. May was one of those people who just had a little extra something. It was hard for Rebecca to describe, but she felt as if May had an additional sense that normal people didn’t have. Like May could see straight through everyone’s bullshit and right to the heart of the matter.
It was unnerving for someone who was currently trying as hard as she possibly could to hide in plain sight.
Eventually, Atlas clinked a spoon against his beer bottle and called the meeting to order. “Okay, we’ve gossiped enough for a lifetime. Let us get to the literary conversation.”
Rebecca raised an eyebrow. Literary conversation? Atlas had given her a copy of their book club book last week and she’d been stunned to realize that it was pretty much just porn. Supposedly a romance, this book was like three-quarters filled up with sex scenes. Raunchy ones.
Rebecca didn’t consider herself a prude. Hell, she couldn’t exactly have been a stripper for eight years and maintain a prudey status, but a lot of what she’d read had made her blush. Not because of the sex, but because of the feelings. Every sex scene in this book had been rife with burning lust and a tidal wave of love. Two things that Rebecca had never felt, and honestly, didn’t think existed. She’d been aroused before. But she’d never lost control of a moment the way the woman in the book was doing.
It had all seemed embarrassing and unrealistic to Rebecca. She sat back on the couch and waited to hear what all the other people had thought about it.
“I’ll start!” Naomi said, a grin on her face and her hand waving in the air like a kindergartener. “This one was my favorite one yet. I loved every minute of it!”
Geo groaned. “Naomi, you’ve gotta be kidding me. You bought into this trash? I could barely read it for how much my eyes were rolling.”
“What?” Naomi chirped. “How is that possible? The love story was so romantic. I loved how much he cared about her right from the beginning. And the scene on the carousel? I cried!” Obviously reading Geo’s mulish, unimpressed expression, Naomi turned to Elena. “All right, Geo hated it. Elena, what did you think?”
Elena tipped her head to the side and all her black hair tumbled to one side. “Believable this book was not… But I will say that I read some of it aloud to Cedric and… yeah.” She gave them all a satisfied grin that made everyone in the room laugh.
“Don’t brag,” May called. “Some of us had to read this alone in our room with our kid sleeping down the hall.”
Rebecca knew that May was Rook’s ex-wife and had recently broken up with her boyfriend. But she didn’t look too broken up about it. In fact, she laughed along with the rest of the group at her own joke.
“So, you didn’t like it either, May?” Naomi asked May, visibly wilting. Rebecca fought the urge to lean across the coffee table and comfort her. There was something about disappointing Naomi that made you feel like you’d kicked a kitten.
“I really enjoyed reading it, but I think I’d have preferred a murder mystery to a romance at this point in my life.” May’s eyes clouded for a second. It was brief, but Rebecca caught it. She recognized it as well. It was the look a woman had when she was trying to convince herself that pain was temporary, with all evidence to the contrary. May took a sip of her wine and looked up. “Atlas? What did you think?”
“I liked it,” Atlas said, his face open and honest.
Rebecca frowned. She’d known, in theory, that Atlas read all these books and participated in the discussions, but she hadn’t really thought about him taking it seriously. She figured that he was just a really social guy and like hanging out with the group. But he leaned back with his beer in one hand and no irony on his face whatsoever.
“I thought the love story was nice,” he continued. “And, yeah, Naomi, that carousel scene was great. I think this author is talented. Some of the erotica we’ve read has felt like every regular scene is just an excuse to get to the sex scenes. But I didn’t feel that way this time. I felt like the author was really trying to develop the characters and create tension.”
“And what about the sex scenes?” Elena asked, a little smile on her face. “What’d you think about those?”
Atlas grinned. “C’mon. I mean, hot for sure. But unrealistic as hell!”
“Unrealistic?” May asked, leaning forward and studying Atlas’s face.
Everyone was grinning and half the group was a little pink-cheeked. Secretly, Rebecca totally agreed with Atlas. The sex hadn’t been anything like real-life sex.
“Yes!” Atlas insisted, picking up the book and waving it around. “Apparently this guy is the only dude on earth who can have sex four times in a row. Not even teenagers can get it up that much.”
“Maybe he was popping Viagra?” Geo added helpfully.
“Sure,” Atlas said with a shrug. “But if that’s the case, then I want to read about it. I want evidence of the Viagra he took and the coke he was snorting in order to get all this damn energy. Or like, the fifty red bulls he had to slam in order to bang this chick this thoroughly.”
“Yeah,” May agreed. “That part was definitely a little ridiculous. But the rest I thought was actually written pretty true to life.”
Naomi and Elena nodded their agreement. Geo, Atlas, and Rebecca all stared in astonishment.
“You thought this sex was true to life?” Atlas asked, his eyes wide and maybe a little impressed.
“Sure,” May shrugged.
Rebecca was inwardly amazed. She’d never even dreamed of having sex that passionately. For her, sex had always been brief and a little awkward and sometimes defined by discomfort.
“Oh, come on,” Geo scoffed. “This is not what real sex is like at all.”
Rebecca was glad somebody had said it.
May, Elena, and Naomi exchanged glances.
“What?” Atlas asked, leaning forward and aggressively pointing between the three of them. “What was that little look you just gave each other?”
“What look?” Naomi asked, while once again making eyes at the other two women.
“Oh, Naomi,” Geo laughed. “You are so freaking bad at hiding anything.”
May filled up her wine glass. “I guess I’ll be the one to tell them, considering I don’t have anyone’s modesty to protect anymore and you two have your men to think of.” She picked up her copy of the book and tossed it on the coffee table. “This is the kind of sex you have when you’re in love.”
“In love with someone who’s good at sex,” Elena interjected.
Geo squinted between the three of them. “You mean to say that love is like some magic aphrodisiac?”
“No,” May said, tilting her head to one side and thinking. “I mean to say that when you’re in love with someone, you want to do things to them that you wouldn’t want to do to someone you’re just screwing. And that just automatically makes the sex better.”
“And more creative,” Elena added.
“And way hotter,” Naomi put in.
Rebecca chewed her lip. That sounded terrible. She wasn't a huge fan of sex as it was. But being expected to be creative and passionate in order to prolong sex sounded utterly dreadful.
Luckily the conversation pivoted and Rebecca found herself much more comfortable. She was standing in the doorway between the kitchen and living room, sipping a glass of water when Naomi suddenly pointed at her.
“Tree pose!” Naomi chirped.
“Huh?” Rebecca asked.
“Bex always stands like that,” Atlas said.
Rebecca looked down at her legs and saw that she was standing in her usual position of the flat of one foot balancing on the opposite knee. She looked up and shrugged, a little embarrassed at having the entire room turned to look at her.
“Do you do yoga, then?” Naomi asked.
“Oh. No. Never.” She fiddled with her short hair for a second and tried to think of something positive to say. She really liked this group of women and they were all so funny and outgoing. It was hard not to feel like she was a step behind. She didn’t want to sink the conversation. “I have a ton of dance experience though.”
“Ballet?” May asked.
Rebecca immediately kicked herself. Why did she have to bring up her dance experience? Now they were gonna want to know what kind of dance she was trained in. Rebecca really, really didn’t want to get into the specifics. She coughed. “Um. Not really. I was doing more modern stuff.”
May studied her for a second and then nodded. “I have a ballet studio in Prospect Heights. We do all sorts of classes there. Some for kids and some for adults. You’re welcome to come anytime. Free of charge of course.”
Rebecca felt a warm, unfamiliar glow in her belly. She couldn’t remember the last time that someone had just up and invited her to do something like that. “Okay!” she said, more brightly than usual.
“Oh!” Naomi cut in. “Can we all come, May? I’d love to do a dance class with you. We can make it, like, a book club field trip. Please?”
“I’ve never done a dance class before,” Elena said, in that calm, soft way of hers. “I’d be in to try it.”
“Sure,” Geo said, bluntly, shrugging her shoulders. Geo was toned and strong and had a natural ease about her. Rebecca was sure that she’d be good at anything physical that she tried.
“Actually,” May considered. “I was thinking about adding a Wednesday night class to my schedule because Ricky has field hockey practice that night and there’s no reason for me to be kicking around the house. But, if you guys wanted, it could be a private lesson for all of us.”
“Yes!” Naomi clapped her hands and leapt to her feet. “That sounds perfect!”
“All right,” May grinned at Naomi’s enthusiasm. “Let’s give it a try this week. If everybody is into it, we can make it a regular thing.”
Elena yawned. “You about ready, G?” she asked Geo. “I’m exhausted.”
“You got it, sis.” Geo stood up and stretched. They’d obviously driven together. The rest of the group seemed to catch the bug and everybody stood and started their goodbyes.
Naomi tried to help clean up but Atlas shooed her out of the house. Twenty minutes later, Atlas and Rebecca were alone again, boxing up leftovers and wiping down the coffee table.
Being alone with Atlas had become comfortable for Rebecca over the last few weeks. But with the abrupt absence of all the ladies’ voices and energy and humor, the apartment felt quiet and small and alarmingly intimate.
Rebecca scooted past Atlas in the kitchen to put some containers of food in the fridge. She felt painfully aware of his presence, his heat.
“What’d you think of all that?” he asked her.
“It was fun. They’re good people.”
“Sure are. But no, I meant the whole sex conversation. You were awfully quiet. What was your take on it?”
He wanted to talk about sex? Now? Alone in the kitchen? Did friends do this? She wasn’t sure. Talking about it as a large group felt different than talking about it one on one.
Rebecca cleared her throat. “I was more aligned with you and Geo than with the other three ladies.”
Atlas was quiet for a while as he wiped down the countertops. Unusually quiet. Rebecca had grown used to him filling the silence. Now, the silence seemed to bear down on her, like a heavy raincoat.
“You’ve never been in love then?” he asked. Atlas tossed paper towels into the trash and turned to her, his arms crossed over his chest and his ass leaned against the countertop.
Rebecca, unfortunately, had just run out of menial tasks to perform and she found herself in the uncomfortable position of having nothing to do with her hands. She fiddled with the bottom hem of her shirt. “No. I haven’t been.”
“Ever been close?”
She could feel his eyes on her. They had a strange cold heat emanating from them. She could tell that Atlas was morbidly curious about this. As if he desperately wanted to know the answers and was afraid of the answers all at once.
“I’m not really built like that, Atlas,” she eventually said.
“Built like what?” He seemed genuinely confused.
Rebecca sighed. She gave up fiddling with her shirt and decided to nip this moment in the bud. She looked him right in the eye when she said it. “For love. I’m not built for love.”
She turned and walked out of the kitchen, leaving him behind.
CHAPTER NINE
Wednesday rolled around and Rebecca found herself standing halfway down the block from May’s dance studio wondering what in God’s name had possessed her to agree to this. She’d danced in front of hundreds of people before, that was not the problem. The problem was that those people were usually horny, drunk assholes. She’d certainly never danced in front of classy, intelligent, kind women whom she desperately wanted to befriend.
And she’d basically told them that she had modern dance experience. What a joke. She didn’t have any modern dance experience. She had stripping experience, end of story.
She didn’t mean to look down on stripping in every way. Because it took an incredible amount of physical skill and mental fortitude to do. That wasn’t the problem. The problem was, she didn’t want to strip in front of these women. But she’d agreed to dance with them and she didn’t know how to do any other kind of dance.
Maybe she could just turn around, go home, and pretend that she’d gotten the days mixed up.
“You comin’ or goin’, sis?” Geo asked from behind Rebecca, making her jump. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”
“No, that’s okay.” Rebecca placed a palm over her racing chest. She looked over her shoulder at the dance studio. “Truth? I hadn’t decided if I’m coming or going yet.”
“Well, you trekked three neighborhoods over to get here, so maybe just come in and check it out. I know these ladies talk a lot, but they’re good people.”
Feeling semi-fortified with Geo by her side, Rebecca headed into the dance studio. The other women were already there.
“Hi, Bex,” Elena called, sitting on the ground and stretching out. Rebecca went and sat next to her immediately, grateful to have someone to sit with. She felt like a kid on the first day of public school.
Looking around at the other women, Rebecca was glad to see that her outfit of leggings, sports bra and t-shirt was right on target. She’d been scared that she might discover they were Lululemon people.
As down to earth as their apparel was, the studio was not. Rebecca barely contained a whistle as she looked around at the space. It was set up like a ballet studio, with a barre and smooth hardwood floors. One of the walls was lined with mirrors and sk
ylights let in natural light. There was a fancy water station in one corner and old-fashioned iron carts with flourishing green plants. Something told Rebecca that in addition to having an eye for style, May was a businesswoman. She seemed to have the “artisanal” Brooklyn athletics market cornered. Rebecca could just imagine women in designer sportswear coming here on weekend mornings, iced coffees in one hand and perfect hair.
Something told her that May was making a pretty penny and Rebecca respected her for it. When she finished stretching, listening to the other women chit chat, May came in front of the group, clapping her hands together.
May wore black sheer tights, a black leotard and a short, black wraparound skirt, like an old-school ballet teacher. It was kind of badass. All her dark hair was piled on top of her head in a neat bun.
“All right, Ladies. What’s your poison? We could do an adult ballet class. We could work through some choreography together. Or…” May rubbed her hands together like a cartoon villain, a mischievous glint in her eye. “We could try out some new equipment I just had installed.
She walked to the far wall and started rolling back what Rebecca realized was a kind of wheeled partition. The studio was actually twice as big as she’d originally thought. Rebecca peered to one side, curiosity getting the best of her.
Her stomach dropped to her toes when she realized what May was revealing. A row of dancing poles had been installed on one end of the studio.
The kind that strippers used.
Oh. God. Rebecca had heard of this before and had barely believed it. Rich women were taking pole-dancing classes.
As fitness.
“You have got to be kidding me.” That was Geo.
Rebecca stiffened. Was Geo about to mock pole dancing? Rebecca could practically feel the insensitive comments about strippers and exotic dancers coming. She tensed.
“You know how much core strength it takes to pole dance?” Geo demanded of May. “You’re basically guaranteeing us concussions.”
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