“Wrong.” She pointed the pencil at him. “We like pressure—we’re going to embrace every moment of it. Know why? Because pressure turns coal into diamonds.”
Carter set his fork down. He wanted to joke, but she was looking at him like he was her lifeline. With such a mixture of hope and expectation, as if she considered him someone she could fully depend on.
No one had ever looked at him like that before.
His throat went momentarily dry and his voice was raw when he said, “This is really important to you.”
Shannon pursed her lips and set down her pencil as she glanced toward the open office door, clearly gauging if anyone was around to overhear them. She leaned forward in her chair, her voice low. “Between you and me, this might be the most important thing I’ve ever done. Maybe my reasons don’t make sense, but it has to do with what you saw yesterday.”
“You’re planning the horse show for your old boyfriend?” No longer hungry, Carter pushed the plate of half-eaten food to the side. Tightness pulled across his chest. He prayed she wasn’t still hung up on Cord. So many women lost themselves to men who didn’t deserve such devotion and many people ended up returning to abusive relationships.
“I need to think of a better way to explain everything.” Shannon closed her eyes and pressed her fingertips to her forehead as if she was thinking really hard. In that moment, everything about her was adorable. He would have been content to sit with her all day.
Carter immediately shoved the thought away.
She dropped her hands to her knees. “Okay, so I have three older brothers. Do you know what it’s like being a girl with three older brothers?”
Leaning back in his chair, Carter crossed his arms. “Can’t say that I do.”
Shannon sighed. “Don’t get me wrong. They are great—really great—and they love me so much, but they can be super overprotective. Though I think that’s every big brother.”
His gut churned as he thought about Amy. What would his sister say about him if she were in Shannon’s shoes? Amy definitely wouldn’t call him protective. Perhaps she blamed him for everything like his mother had.
He had failed her miserably.
Failed them both.
Shannon’s voice broke through his thoughts. “In high school no guy was brave enough to even ask me to a dance, let alone ask me out. My brothers made sure of that. And so many girls ended up only being friends with me because they had a crush on one of my brothers.”
Carter tried to track with her, though he wasn’t sure what dating in high school had to do with planning the horse show. “Sorry, that sounds horrible.”
She shrugged. “My brothers were so determined to protect me that they ended up making it so I could never make my own mistakes or live my own life without one of them swooping in to help—even if I didn’t want help.” She smoothed her thumb back and forth over a rip in the armrest. “I know they’ve always wanted the best for me, but sometimes the best might have been letting me fail.”
She let out a long breath. “Then I did fail—with what happened with Cord—and ever since then my brothers have gone back to being those guys from high school who feel like they have to flatten every bump in my road to take care of me and put me in Bubble Wrap so I can’t get hurt. And on the one hand, I get it. I have a hard time trusting myself these days so I have to imagine they are nervous for me, too. But on the other hand, how will I learn to trust myself if I never learn by trial and error?”
Carter wanted to remind her that what happened with her ex wasn’t failure. Someone using and abusing her was not a failure on her part—it only showed the man to be a failure as a person. But he knew she was trying to make a point and he didn’t want to sidetrack her.
She tucked her hair behind her ears and then picked the pencil back up. “I know it’s because my brothers love me. I get that. But it’s all a little suffocating sometimes.” She jiggled the pencil in a nervous motion. “All that to say, I want to run something—do something here at the ranch—that is successful without their help.”
I want to matter.
I want what I do to count for something.
Her unspoken words were clear and they called to all the wounded parts of Carter’s heart.
Everything finally clicked into place. He nodded. “You want to prove they can trust you.”
She scooted forward in her chair with the pencil poised above the paper. “Which will never happen unless we start planning, so I’m going to need your best ideas here, cowboy.” She straightened her shoulders, clearly done with the other line of conversation. “And I’m going to need them now.” Shannon met his gaze and her smile was so warm and welcoming it made him feel as if he belonged. Unsettling, because Carter hadn’t belonged anywhere since he was a teenager, and even then he hadn’t been wanted at his stepfather’s home.
Not that it mattered. Carter didn’t want to belong anywhere or to anyone. Years ago, it had been hard enough to give his life to God. To choose to belong to God. But trusting any part of himself to a person? No chance.
Longing for connection would only end in a pain he never wanted to experience again.
Still, he couldn’t deny there was a piece of home in Shannon’s smile. A piece of home Carter had never known before. He could very well have lost himself in the moment and forgotten that he wasn’t interested in a relationship.
He could have forgotten if she hadn’t been the boss’s sister.
But she was.
* * *
They had spent the past forty-five minutes brainstorming for the horse show. After their first five minutes, Wing Crosby had waddled into the office and nestled down between Carter’s desk and a file cabinet. He was sound asleep now, his head tucked on top of his back.
Shannon scribbled another note into the margin of her pad of paper. “I really think a costume contest is a must.”
When one of Carter’s eyebrows went up, she held out a hand to stop whatever he was about to say. “Stick with me, here. A costume contest sets us apart from all the other shows in this area—especially a costume contest in spring. It gives the event a bigger draw. People who might not have come out to see barrel racing will bring their kids to see horses and riders dressed up in silly outfits.”
Carter leaned forward. He seemed so at-home in the tiny office amongst the smells of straw and dust and the mixed scents of horse sweat and leather. Despite having only just arrived, the man belonged in this barn in a way none of her brothers ever had.
“You’ve got a point,” he said. “We may want to come up with some guidelines, though. Maybe a theme would help.”
Shannon jotted the word theme on the paper and put a huge question mark next to it. “Let’s table that until tomorrow. I want to think over the pros and cons of limiting what people are allowed to do before making a decision.” Of course, they would have rules to keep everything wholesome and to make sure safety was a top priority, but if they limited the costumes to something like princess-themed costumes, for example, then they would also be restricting their entries. More people signing up meant more entry fees.
Easton stuck his head into the office. “I’m here. What do you want me to do today?”
Wing Crosby made an indignant snuffling sound as his head swung up. He eyed Easton, clearly annoyed that the young man had interrupted his nap.
Carter scrunched his brow for a moment. “Finish mucking the stalls, but before you turn the ones in here out, remember what we talked about yesterday.”
Easton nodded. “Horsemanship is in the details. Paying attention to the little things is what separates a great cowboy from a mediocre one because a good horseman checks over his animals and notices every change in behavior and temperament every single day.”
“Exactly.” Carter grinned, pride washing over his features. “Good memory.”
Easton rolled his eyes. “
You only said it like fifty-seven times.”
Wearing the coat Carter had lent him the other day, the teenager headed back into the barn. Shannon couldn’t help but notice the warm admiration in Carter’s eyes as he watched Easton leave. It was evident that he cared about the boy and wanted to help him. Easton had worked with Wade the first few weeks he had volunteered at Red Dog Ranch but had back-talked her twin so much the Jarretts had considered telling Easton he had to take a break from the program. At that point Rhett had switched Easton to helping Shannon with the horses and he had been doing that for the past few weeks. Shannon had put up with the boy’s attitude because she hadn’t wanted her brothers to ask him to leave, but Carter seemed to have a way of dealing with the young man’s sarcastic moods while still getting him to work respectfully.
With Easton gone, she focused on the reason she had sought Carter out today. Before she entered the barn, Shannon had feared that perhaps she had been too rash in offering to plan an event on such a short deadline. What if they couldn’t pull it off? What if the horse show crashed and burned and Shannon failed hugely in a public way?
No one cares about what you have to say.
You’re nothing without me.
Everyone would be disappointed if they knew the real you.
Most days it took a lot of effort to turn Cord’s voice off in her head and often she wasn’t completely successful. But meeting with Carter had actually helped chase Cord’s words away. He had enthusiastically offered suggestions and been an equal partner in the conversation so far. As they planned and tossed out ideas, her anxiety had ebbed. He hadn’t laughed at or belittled a single suggestion she had made.
But she couldn’t stay here with him all day. No matter how much she wanted to. After all, Carter had work to get done other than the horse show. She needed to wrap things up. “We still have to think about vendors if we want to have booths outside the show area. I still think that’s a good idea, what about you?”
He drummed his fingers on the desk. “Craft booths, food tents and local vendors—I don’t see why not.”
“Any other ideas?” Even though her paper was almost out of room, she held her pencil ready.
“I once helped at a Christmas horse show and we had some of the teams run through a course while the rider held a full cup of eggnog. Whoever spilled the least won,” Carter said. “We could replace the eggnog with something else.”
“With lemonade,” Shannon offered as she added Carter’s idea to the others. “That could be a lot of fun.” Another idea hit her. “If I’m remembering correctly, I think the ranch has a connection to a professional barrel racer. She was a camper here at one point. How cool would it be if she showed up?”
Carter nodded. “That could be a good draw.”
“I don’t remember her name but maybe Rhett or Wade will.” She would ask them about it tonight. Shannon scooped the notepad up and hugged it to her chest. “This may actually work, Carter. I can’t thank you enough for helping me even though I know Rhett didn’t give you much of a choice.” She dropped the notes into her bag and stood. “I’m going to head back to my place to start working on a list of people and places we need to contact and what materials we need to make this happen. We’ll start pounding the pavement tomorrow.”
He smoothed his hand over the desktop. “You mentioned your brothers.”
Shannon paused on her way to the door. “I did.” She looked back at him, but Carter was studying his hands. After a long pause, he met her gaze.
“Have you told them?” His voice was so soft.
She tilted her head, regarding him. “Um, you were there yesterday when I did.”
“Not about the horse show, I mean about how you feel about them being overprotective.” Carter got out of his chair and moved to the front of the desk. He leaned against it and crossed his arms. “All that stuff you told me earlier—have you ever said those things to them?”
Shannon’s stomach tightened as she took a step closer to him. She kept her voice low so Easton wouldn’t be able to overhear. “It would hurt their feelings.”
“But aren’t they hurting yours right now?”
“That’s not fair.” She swallowed once, twice. She didn’t want Carter to get the wrong impression of the Jarrett men. “My brothers are good people—some of the best people I’ve ever met—and they would never intentionally hurt anyone. Least of all me.”
His eyebrows rose. “Which brings me back to...you should say something. How can they change their behavior if they’re unaware of how you feel?”
She knew what Carter was saying made sense, but after hearing Cord tell her that what she had to say didn’t matter or she was making too big of a deal out of something or she didn’t understand and he knew better, speaking up about her feelings had become a scary adventure. Even to people she loved...especially to people she loved. She had thought she loved Cord and had assumed he loved her and had been acting in a loving manner.
She had been so wrong.
What if she talked to her brothers and they shrugged her off or said they knew better? She would like to believe they wouldn’t—her brothers weren’t like that—but still, the fear of it happening lingered, and after what she had been through, she couldn’t shake it.
Shannon loved Rhett, Wade and Boone too much to risk having tension with any of them. She knew they loved her and were acting how they were because they were worried about her. If the horse show was successful they would start to back off. They would see she was okay and she was getting better. She didn’t need to talk to them about it, because her plan would work.
Carter dropped his arms from his chest, his hands gripping the edge of the desk instead as if he was rooting himself there. “Maybe I shouldn’t say anything.” His voice was warm and soft. “But part of overcoming an abuser is realizing that even after you leave, they want you to feel lost and alone. They want you to feel as if you aren’t allowed to speak up for yourself ever again. That’s how they maintain power.”
A hot wave of tears gathered in Shannon’s eyes. She swallowed hard. Every word he spoke mirrored a deep, dark fear that grew in her heart’s soil. No matter how many times over the past nine months she had tried to pull out the weeds Cord had planted, they kept coming back. They continued to strangle her every attempt at growth.
“How do you know so much about this?” she whispered.
He spoke on the subject as if he was a trained counselor or someone who had lived through it. A tingle of unease washed over Shannon’s shoulders. Had Carter been in an abusive relationship...or had he been the abuser? Everything about him screamed that only the first option was possible. Besides, someone capable of abuse wouldn’t lay out a game plan used by abusers like Carter just had, would they?
Her mind was making strange leaps, but she had misjudged a man before and doing so had almost cost her everything.
Shannon took a step backward.
Carter didn’t seem to notice. “The how doesn’t matter. What matters is that you never needed Cord or anyone to be complete. And when you left him, you took the power over your life back into your hands, so now the question is...what are you going to do with that power?”
She hugged her stomach. “I don’t know.”
“Be heard, Shannon. God gave you a voice so you could use it.”
Shannon made her excuses and left, only to hurry back to her house and shed the tears she’d been holding in for weeks. Maybe months. She had thought leaving Cord would be the hardest part, but it had only been the beginning. Sometimes it felt as if unwinding his lies and healing were going to take the rest of her life.
And maybe Cord had been right about one thing. Maybe she was damaged goods that no one else would ever be able to love.
Chapter Five
Shannon cut another slice of raspberry-cream pie and dished it onto a second plate. Ever since Rhett and Macy had gott
en married, dispersing the other siblings from the large family ranch house, the family had made a point of gathering at Rhett and Macy’s once a week to spend time together. Cassidy always brought dessert.
Shannon glanced across the room. The large kitchen flowed into an eating area and a two-story-tall living room. An entire wall of the living room was made of windows. Carter’s suggestion to speak to her brothers about their overprotectiveness went through her mind. While Shannon could admit that Carter’s advice had merit, now wasn’t the time to speak with them. Not when everyone was together and so happy.
In her experience, most guys wouldn’t have cared about helping her have healthy relationships with her family. And even if they cared, they wouldn’t have felt comfortable calling her out for not being forthright with her brothers. Shannon found she liked Carter’s straightforward way. There was no manipulation or falseness in how he handled things and he didn’t strike her as one to sugarcoat things. After being lied to and led on by Cord, it was refreshing to spend time with someone who was exactly what they seemed to be. Someone who had no interest in playing mind games.
Tiny Piper was sprawled on the floor, where she, Wade and Rhett were engaged in an involved game of dinosaur-themed Go Fish. Kodiak lay close to Rhett’s side. Cassidy was seated in the chair beside Shannon’s mom, her hands cupping one of the elderly woman’s while they spoke in soft tones, heads bent together. Their mother’s Alzheimer’s had steadily worsened in the year since their father had passed away. Tonight she seemed more worn down than usual. Rhett had told Shannon their mother hadn’t been sleeping well for a long time and his concerns about her care were growing.
Earlier, they had used a tablet to video-chat with Boone, his wife, June, and their daughter, Hailey. Boone and his family were living in Maine while Boone finished his seminary degree but the family was hopeful that they would be able to settle back in Texas eventually. Shannon really missed Boone. While she was indisputably closest to her twin, she had a good relationship with each of her brothers.
The Wrangler's Last Chance (Red Dog Ranch Book 3) Page 6