by Harmony Grey
“He was spotted making a move on Taylor.” Ryder mutters, and he takes a step back the second the words have left his mouth, cautious to my wrath. But that doesn’t matter. He’s said it now and I heard him clear as day, loud and proud. Fuck, Ryder may as well have bellowed it out around the parking lot for the rest of the fucking school to hear.
Rodriguez. Nah, there’s no fucking way he’d be foolish enough to hit on Taylor—my girl. Would he? I wait for Ryder to start laughing or to drop the punchline to this fucked up joke, but nothing happens. Ryder doesn’t say shit. Instead, he keeps his eyes focused on the floor, refusing point blank to look at me.
Everything stops. Even though I heard the words loud and clear, my body goes numb, as though an invisible barrier has encased me, refusing to allow such bullshit to enter my mind. I look my best friend up and down before shaking my head as utter disbelief sweeps through my body. This is fucking bullshit. Obviously, Rodriguez is trying to stir up trouble, and what better way than to kick start the rumor mill. If I thought for a second that he’d be stupid enough to even look at Taylor, then surely, he knows I’d end up coming for him.
It just doesn’t make sense. “Alright, look. I don’t know what you’ve heard or who’s going around spouting bullshit wild enough to start a fucking war, but you need to drop it. Today really isn’t the day to play games with me, Ryder.” I warn him. “My dad’s gone and done me over, and this… this shit really isn’t helping my mood.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” He asks, and his voice is laced with concern. Ryder is one of the few people who know about my dad’s sudden personality change, and he’s been by my side through it all.
“Not really. But I’m gonna need a favor from you.”
“Name it…”
“I need to get away from my dad for a while. I can’t deal with being under the same roof as him right now. You think I’d be able to crash at yours for a while? Just until it’s blown over.” Not that I can see this ever blowing over. I swear while my father has some fucking whore in my mother’s house, there’s no way I’ll ever be stepping foot under his roof again. It’s time for my father to choose. Me, his son, or his dick that he enjoys getting wet so goddamn much.
“Like you need to ask. My mom’s cool with you staying anytime you want.” Ryder inches closer to me, his blond hair blowing in the breeze making him look like a fucking Ken doll. I know he isn’t finished with his conversation as he narrows his eyes some more. “I don’t think Rodriguez is playing some kind of game. This isn’t bait that he’s willingly cast your way for a reaction, bro.”
“What makes you so sure?” Ryder knows what kind of guy Rodriguez is, and if he doesn’t think this is a set up then maybe I should listen to what he has to say. But Taylor? There’s no way he would have made a pass at her without her telling me as soon as it happened.
“I wish it wasn’t true, man. Rodriguez made a pass at Taylor, one which she was more than happy to reciprocate and it’s all over the fucking Gram. I think the whole of Manorcroft would have seen it by now too.”
One second I’m stood with Ryder, trying to listen and understand what he’s trying to tell me and then the next, my feet are moving without instruction as I storm across the parking lot, anger rippling just under the surface ready to explode at any moment, heading towards the gymnasium.
I don’t stop. Even when I can hear Ryder calling after me. My feet keep going, picking up speed with each step. It feels like I don’t even stop to take a breath as I willingly allow the adrenaline to carry me forwards.
This has to be some fucking joke.
There is no way that Rodriguez would be dumb enough to make a pass at my girl. Fuck, there’s no way Taylor would allow him anywhere near her. She knows the bad blood between us. I’ve always been up front with her, so why the fuck would she go and stab me in the back like that? She also wouldn’t be foolish enough to think that she’d be able to keep something like this from me either. It doesn’t matter what goes down, everything and I mean everything always has a way of coming back to me.
Obviously, someone somewhere thinks it’s funny to try and play games with me.
I just hope whoever’s behind this bullshit is prepared to lose.
CHAPTER THREE
OLIVIA
Finally, after what feels like a lifetime of awkward silence, my mom comes to a sudden stop and kills the engine outside the biggest house I have ever laid my eyes on, and I’m lost for words.
Initially when we pulled up at the massive iron gates, shielding the beauty of what actually lay ahead from passersby and prying eyes, I thought my mom had done what she does best—get us lost.
“Here we are baby. Home sweet home.” My mom looks at me and sighs happily beside me, her head resting comfortably on the head rest and I don’t think I’ve ever seen her look so content in all my life. Seriously, it’s like all of her hopes and dreams have just come true. “What do you think, Livy?”
I struggle to form the words that I desperately want to say as I take in the sight before me. I watch in total amazement as the iron gates open before us, freely granting us entry. This is insane. I don’t have much time to stop and think about it as my mom hits the gas again, her wheels crunching along the large gravel driveway as she eagerly picks up speed and suddenly the rest of the world is behind us as I lose myself in a mass of greenery and foliage as far as the eye can see.
How the hell has my mom managed to land on her feet once again, only this time it seems to be on an epic scale. Sure, she’s always done exceptionally well for herself out of her many past relationships, but this beats all of them—hands down.
“So, this is Dean’s place? He lives here?” I ask as soon as I’ve found my voice again and I can’t hide the shock and disbelief which echoes alongside it while my heart beats frantically in my chest.
“You bet, only now this is our place to. This is where we’ll be living.”
Wow. I’m struggling to understand how the hell this has happened. This is beyond crazy, even by my mom’s standards. Who the hell is she dating? Some major celebrity?
I can’t do this. My body begins to tremble as my chest tightens and I can feel the onset of my anxiety beginning to creep in. This house isn’t a house. It’s like a goddamn mansion, and it is so not the life that I’m used to. Sure, my mom might find it easy to adapt to drastic changes and her environment. My mom’s always been able to blend in like a goddamn chameleon. Life will be sweet as roses for her. I’ll be the one who sticks out like a sore thumb, and there’s no way that I’ll be able to blend. Everyone will know that I’m not from around here and that I don’t belong here, let alone being surrounded by such lavishness and luxuries.
Oh, shit. A thought I wish had never appeared begins to simmer in my mind and now it’s there I’m really struggling to remove it. What if my mom’s gone and hooked up with a super old sugar daddy? It’s no secret that I’ve had to deal with a whole heap of bullshit for my mom over the years, ensuring that she always remains as happy as possible just so we didn’t have to up and leave and start over somewhere new. Not that my efforts ever made a difference because sure enough before I knew what was happening, we’d be on the move again. But dealing with a sugar daddy? No, that’s asking way too much of me. I think that would definitely be the final straw for me and I’d have no choice but to up and leave—for good.
“Mom…” I begin but my throat constricts some more, holding my broken voice prisoner once again.
“Isn’t this place awesome?” My mom bounces with excitement next to me and she’s like a kid who just got everything on her Christmas list. “I knew you’d love it as much as me. The second I met Dean I just knew something good was going to happen. Perseverance pays off, baby. Don’t you ever go forgetting that or settling for something that’s below your worth. You hear me?”
I struggle to answer her. My body is being attacked right now from every possible emotion and I’m too scared to move in case I end up passing out.
>
“It’s a lot to take in, huh? I think we’ll be very happy here, Liv. I think we’ve finally found our forever home. Our first ever family home.”
What the fuck? A family home? What the hell is she on about. It’s not unusual for my mom to jump ship and move in with a guy after practically meeting him. That’s probably why they never seem to work out, but she’s known this guy what, six months max and she’s already declaring that this will be our forever home. Damn, he must have made a real impression on my mom, that’s for sure.
I finally manage to tear my eyes away from the stonewashed mansion before me and look at my mom, and for the first time in my life I see genuine happiness dancing in her eyes. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her look so young and carefree.
Man, I really hope she’s right about this. For her at least. I think if this didn’t work out for her, she’d be well and truly broken. Even if it would mean that my sweet mother of mine would finally get a taste of her own medicine.
Maybe now after a lifetime of uncertainty, she might just be able to settle down and quit her quest of always looking for the next best thing, because let’s be truthful here, I highly doubt my reckless and totally undecisive mom will ever be able to achieve better than this.
“So, where is the magical and elusive Dean then?” I ask as soon as we climb the steep marble steps leading up to the double oak doors which alone is probably the same size of the bedroom I’ve just left behind. I swear this place looks like something out of a fairytale.
“He’s still at work, but he said he’d be home for dinner, so you don’t have too much time to wait.” Really? I kind of thought he’d at least be waiting to greet his new family as my mother so wrongly put it with warm and welcoming open arms. Maybe I spend too much time watching movies and reading too many romance novels. “He wanted to be here,” my mom tells me when she sees the confusion on my face, “but I thought it would be better if I showed you around before everyone’s back home.” A small, childish laugh escapes her as she adds, “I didn’t want to throw too much at you too soon. Baby steps, you know?”
I shake my head as a cool breeze ripples through my honey blonde hair and once again I’m left totally baffled by my mom’s craziness. Any second now someone is going to come along and wake me up and tell me that I’ve fallen into some crazy ass parallel universe. Seriously, I can’t believe the bullshit which falls from my mom’s mouth on the daily. I mean, come on. This is a woman who apparently doesn’t want to throw too much at me at once, yet in the past twenty-four hours alone she’s told me her and Greg have split, she’s uprooted me from a place I was finally beginning to feel comfortable and welcomed. A place I could finally see myself making friends and creating some kind of future for myself. Not only did my mom pack us up and drive us out of town, but now we’re currently standing outsider a multi-million-dollar property which I’m suddenly supposed to call home.
What a fucking woman. And after all that, she’s actually worried and concerned that she doesn’t want to throw too much at me.
If I’ve learned one thing then it’s that she’s certainly built like no other, that’s for sure.
“Honey, how are you getting on?”
I’ve spent the best part of two hours holed up in my new room, totally overwhelmed by today’s crazy events and I’m struggling to process any of it. I guess I don’t need to worry too much about my mom though. Oh no. It looks like she’s certainly made herself right at home, just like I knew she would.
My mom’s never been shy when it comes to making something her own. Sometimes I often wonder if she’s even human at all. She has this weird power where she can adapt to new surroundings as though she’s always been a part of them. Me, I just close in on myself, constantly on edge, my anxiety crippling my body as the fear of the unknown or my mom’s next move sweeps in and claims me. It doesn’t matter though, because no matter how many times we hit this road, my mom just doesn’t see that her antics are preventing me from living my life to the fullest. I don’t even think those thoughts have ever crossed my mom’s mind. But it’s true whether she realizes it or not. Her foolish, selfish and reckless actions have forced me to lose out on almost all of my childhood milestones. The one’s which make your childhood. Memories which you can treasure forever.
I’m almost eighteen for crying out loud and I don’t have any friends. My mom’s never stuck around in the same place long enough for me to make any. I’ve never had a boyfriend. Again, this is down to my mom moving me around all the time. I’ve never felt comfortable meeting new people because in the end I’d only be the one to suffer when I finally get ripped away from them anyway.
I’ve never experienced the warm fuzzy feelings that I’ve read about so much. A feeling of love and belonging. A feeling of a safe loving family. Sure, maybe I shouldn’t resent my mom as much as I do. She obviously had reasons behind her actions, but each time it happens I can’t help but dislike her that little bit more. If I’m being brutally honest, I often blame my mom for every bad thing that’s happened in my life. Maybe she doesn’t even realize what she’s done over the years, but I don’t find it easy to forget. I’ve tried to switch off and I’ve tried to forget things that have happened along the way but it’s hard. My mom might be able to do that, but not me.
In her mind she probably thought she was trying to pave the way to a better life for us, only that never mattered to me. The one thing my mom didn’t take into account was me and my feelings. If she did then she would have realized that I never wanted this life. I never wanted to travel this horrid path she’s dragged me down. I would have been so much happier and content if it had just been the two of us, taking on the world one day at a time.
All I have ever needed or wanted is a mom who puts me first every once in a while, but unfortunately it seems that luck didn’t fall on my side. My mom has always been looking for attention, maybe affection, and obviously the unconditional love that’s supposed to come with a child was just never enough.
“The same as always, mom.” I say on a sigh. “Exactly that, just getting on with it.” I close my journal—my one piece of solitude. Something I can always rely on and I pull it up to my chest as my mom steps across the large white room to where I’m currently seated crossed legged on the massive Queen bed. I’ve only ever had a single before, so this is quite the luxury. Actually, this room is, it’s big enough to be a whole damn house all on its own.
“Are you okay?” Concern dances in her eyes and it’s at this point in time that I realize she’ll never understand how her impulsive actions have an effect on the people around her. It’s a shame really because I know deep down, underneath all of my mom’s insecurities and flaws, there’s a woman capable of giving so much love and receiving that kind of love in return.
“I’m fine.”
“Are you sure, baby. You don’t look it.”
“What do you want me to say, mom? You’ve just dragged me across town to somewhere new. Is this how it’s always going to be?” I plead, and I know she doesn’t miss it. “Are we staying here? Is this a sure thing or will we be packing up and heading in the opposite direction in a couple of months when things get tough?”
My mom’s eyes narrow and I see a shadow of rage cross her face, if only for a split second. Will she think I’m being disrespectful and ungrateful? Probably? But am I also right? Certainly. “Olivia… I thought we’d been through this already?”
I watch expectantly as my mom finally lowers herself down onto my bed and I have no idea what’s about to come out of her mouth, but I’m eager to hear what she has to say. When she isn’t forthcoming with an explanation, I try to prompt her some more. “Have we?”
“Of course we have. Look, I know it hasn’t always been easy.” Jeez, I think that’s the understatement of the century. If my mom thinks it hasn’t been easy for her then she hasn’t got a clue on how it’s been for me. “Obviously no one knows what the future holds, but I’d really like to think my future lays here with you
and Dean.”
“I want you to be happy mom, but I need to be happy too.” I’m really not trying to be some entitled, self-centered brat, but I need my mom to try to see things from where I’m sitting. “If this is the real deal then I need to know. I want to live a normal life. I want to do normal things, like make friends and go to the dance, but seriously, I’ve never known what’s around the corner and whether you meant it or not, it’s really held me back.”
“Oh, Livy. Why didn’t you tell me?” Her eyes swim with tears and I’d really like to believe they were genuine but seeing as though this is my mom it’s pretty damn hard to tell. I’ve witnessed enough of her crocodile tears to last me a lifetime.
I also want to tell her that I did. I’ve tried to tell her for years but no matter what I said or how loud I tried to say it, my mom just refused to listen. I’ve always felt like my opinion on anything was never warranted or needed, but I’ve decided the least my mom can do is try to listen now. “I did, mom. I really did.” I don’t want to get into another heated argument with her so instead I lower my eyes and pull the hem of my jumper as some kind of distraction.
Before I have a chance to realize or react to what’s happening, my mom does something she hasn’t done in years. She reaches out and pulles me into her warm embrace and the little girl deep inside me screams out with joy. This is all I’ve ever wanted. This is all I’ve ever needed, but I’m not foolish enough to believe that it will last for long.
A few moments of silence pass between us and then finally my mom pulls back before cupping my chin and lifting my face so I can face her. I’m conscious that my eyes will be full of my unshed tears, but I don’t have the energy to pull away from her.
“You’re the most precious, most important person in my life, Olivia. I’d do anything to make life better for you. I need you to remember that. Yes, I’ll admit that sometimes I act before I’ve had a chance to really think about it, but I really believe this is our shot at happiness, baby.”