by J. M. Walker
He didn’t let up. With each powerful thrust, my hips lifted off the bed. His body was hard, full, and throbbing for me.
He towered over me, pumping hard and deep.
I was trapped between him and the mattress, my feet dangling over the edge, but all I could feel was him. His power. His strength. His need for me. He forced the pleasure from my body, breathing it in and using it to make us both feel better.
Asher’s mouth moved down the length of my neck, his hot breath scorching the side of my face. His low grunts rumbled deep, vibrating through his chest. “I need you,” he groaned. “So fucking much I can feel it deep in my bones.”
“You have me,” I panted, arching beneath him.
“Break for me, Meeka. Fall apart, and let the pleasure consume you.”
And I did.
***
(Asher)
I didn’t want to hurt her but the urge to drive into her so fucking hard took over my mind, body, and soul. After we got back from seeing Tyler, I was on edge. Coby noticed and told me to get my girl. I had every intention of being honest with her and tell her how I felt. But when I laid eyes on her and she smiled at me, all bets were fucking off.
With her trembling and writhing beneath me, I would claim what was mine. The fact she listened to me and didn’t wear panties almost made me come undone right then and there. Feasting on her body would never get old. Her sweet taste made my head swim. Her moaning my name while I lapped at her pussy like a starved man sent shivers racing to the tip of my cock. She deserved to be savoured. And I would do anything to show her that she belonged to me.
I would make her mine.
Forever.
I WOKE a couple of hours later to the mumbled sounds of Asher speaking. A light glowed from the phone in his hand. Sitting up, I moved behind him and placed my hand on his back.
His body relaxed. His gaze met mine, his eyes softening. “Listen, brother. I have to go. Yeah. She’s awake. No. We’ll be out in a bit.”
“Who was that?” I asked when he hung up.
“Coby.” Asher kissed my forehead, letting his lips linger. “Are you okay?”
I stifled a yawn, nodding. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“I was rough, Meeka.”
“Yeah, but I wasn’t complaining.” I sat up, cupping his cheek. “We’ve had this discussion already. I like your roughness.”
Placing his hand over mine, he leaned into my palm. “I couldn’t control myself.”
“After you came back with Coby, I knew something was wrong.”
“We went to see Tyler.”
“You did?”
“We went to stop him from causing anymore shit for Angel and Jay, but—”
“But what?”
“Charles was there.”
My heart jumped in my chest at the mention of that man’s name. “He-he was?”
“Tyler is working for him. He has to be. It’s the only thing that explains why Charles was there in the first place.”
“No!” I shook my head. “That can’t be possible. He’s a douche but there’s no way.”
“He’s a sadistic fuck, Meeka.” Asher rose from the bed, pacing back and forth. “I’ll admit that we were shocked to see him but it all makes sense now.”
“So what happened when you saw him?”
“It eventually ended up with my fist landing against Tyler’s jaw.” Asher smirked, rubbing the bruises on his knuckles.
“You have to tell Jay,” I insisted. “Even though none of this makes sense, she needs to know what’s going on.”
“No. We can’t. Not yet. I’m telling you because we’re working together.”
“Is that all we’re doing?” I asked, taken aback at his words.
“What else would it be?” His eyes darkened, challenging me.
“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” I jumped from the bed, pulling on my dress. “I can’t believe you.”
“Hummingbird.”
“No!” I spun on him. “You go on how you need me and I’m yours and all that shit but you act like this is going to end after the mission is over. Is that what you want? Are you only using me while we search out Charles and bring his operation down?”
“You know that’s not true.” Asher’s jaw clenched, his chest rising with ragged breath.
“Then tell me,” I shouted. “What the hell are we doing? I can live with the nightmares from your past. I can help you through that. But I refuse to be used just so you can get your dick wet. Is that all you think of me?”
“I’m not using you,” he repeated slowly.
“Then what the hell are we doing? We keep going back and forth. Talk to me.”
“You know I hate talking.” He closed the distance between us, wrapping his arms around my shoulders. “But I want to try.”
“Tell me why you’re so scared of hurting me.” I gripped his shirt, breathing in the scent that was all him. No cologne. No body wash. Just pure hard male.
“I can’t control anything when I’m with you. Tonight scared me. All I could think about was getting inside your body whether you were prepared or not.”
My heart jumped. “Well, with you, I’m always prepared.”
“Fuck, that’s not …” He moved us to the edge of the bed. He sat with me standing between his legs. “That’s not what I meant.” Leaning his head against my chest, his hold around my waist tightened. “I needed to get inside you because I knew you would make me feel better. You keep me calm when that darkness wants to come out and destroy everything in its path.”
“Does that darkness want to come out often?” I asked, brushing my fingers through the hair at his nape.
“Not until tonight. I’m stressed. I needed something to relieve it.”
“What would you have done if I hadn’t been here?” I knew he wouldn’t have gone to another woman, but I needed to ask. I needed to hear him say it for fear that I was wrong.
“I would have found you or worked out until I passed out,” he muttered, his voice muffled by my shirt.
A breath of relief left me, a twinge of guilt twisting in my stomach.
Asher lifted his head, glancing up at me through his thick lashes. “Did you think I would fuck someone else?”
“I’m not sure,” I admitted, chewing my bottom lip.
“I guess I deserve that.” He lifted me, placing me on his lap and kissed my forehead. “I don’t want anyone else but you. But I will be honest and say that I don’t know what I want out of this.”
“Let’s just take it a day at a time.” I straddled his lap, curling my fingers around his neck. “But you need to talk to me. I need to know what’s going on.”
“I do talk.” He glanced down at his hands in my lap.
“Not like before you don’t.” I braced myself. “Tell me why you freaked out in the shower.”
“I hurt you.” He went to move but I only held on.
“You did not hurt me.” I cupped his jaw, forcing him to look at me. “You’ve been with enough women, Asher. You should know that bleeding can happen.”
“That’s not the same.” He pushed me off of his lap. Reaching for his sweat pants, he pulled them on, his back ridged.
“What do you mean?” I didn’t want to push but he hadn’t talked about it. I also couldn’t help him if I didn’t know what the hell was going on.
“I … Fuck. I don’t want to talk about it.” He started pacing back and forth, brushing his hand through his hair. “With all of the shit going on, secrets between us is not going to make anything easier.”
My heart picked up speed.
He took a deep breath. “I haven’t told you everything about my step-father and what he did. I told you he abused me physically but there was more. So much more.” A dark shadow passed over his face as his mind took him back to his childhood. “He used to hit me before my mom passed, but after, it became worse. He said he loved her and blamed the abuse on the fact he lost his wife, but I think it was more than that. I believe he was waiting
for a time where he could inflict as much pain on me as he wanted. He fucked with my head. Made me feel things I shouldn’t have. Made me see and do things no boy should experience.”
“What kind of things?”
“He had a room in his basement.” Asher’s gaze took on a faraway look. “I wasn’t allowed to go in it at first, but then after a while, I would get in trouble if I didn’t go in it.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, kneeling in front of him and grabbed hold of both his hands.
“I had to clean up the messes.”
Oh, God. What kind of person would even think of bringing a child into the terrors of hell only to satisfy their own personal needs? It was all starting to make sense. “W-what kind of mess?”
“The mess after he finished with a woman.” His breathing became shallow, coming out in short bursts of air.
“Asher,” I whispered.
“I didn’t know what happened to the women, but they never looked the same after he was done with them. He forced me to clean up. He drove my face into blood. All I could smell was the putrid scent of puke …” He was rambling, not making any sense as his chest began to rise and fall.
“Okay.” I pushed to my feet, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and cradled his head against my chest. “That’s enough.” My throat burned, my eyes welled, but I refused to cry. I had to be strong. He was always there for me, and now I would be there for him. But if I ever came across that man, it would be the end of him. No matter what it took, I would destroy his step-father.
***
(Asher)
The moment he left me alone with them, I fell to my knees, praying to whoever would listen that I could leave this nightmare.
Mom, why did you leave me?
Why couldn’t you have stayed to protect me from him?
I asked those same questions over and over again, but I never got a response.
I blamed her. It was all her fault. She should have known. I was her baby boy. Couldn’t she see the marks on my tiny body? The handprints on my arms when I wore a t-shirt?
The teachers at school called her about it, but she denied everything. She was always in denial. She never even confronted my step-father.
I loved her but I needed her more. I needed her when he came into my room each night and beat me.
Mommy, why?
“Come back to me.”
The sweet sound pulled me from my thoughts and brought me back to the present. A sheen of sweat coated my skin. It was a memory. A fucking nightmare but the putrid scent of death caressed my nose once again. Even though it had been years ago, it would always linger. It was a smell I would never get out of my head.
“I can’t.” My voice cracked. Was that me talking? “Fuck.”
“Asher.” Meeka’s brows narrowed, her hands gripping mine in a tight hold.
I tried. I tried so fucking hard to forget.
The pain. The anguish. The screams. But they were so damn loud. Cries of terror stabbed me in the chest with memories of women begging for their lives. They pleaded with me to help them but I was so young. I couldn’t do anything. I was small, a fucking bean pole. What could I have done? It was my fault. All of my fucking fault. I should have done more. I should have called for help. I could have ran to the neighbors. But I didn’t. I didn’t do anything.
My eyes widened, my heart racing hard against my ribcage.
“Listen to their cries, boy.” My step-father took a deep inhale. “It’s music to my ears. Now clean up this mess.” He pushed me forward. “I want the room spotless. It makes the women nervous when they see the blood.”
“No. I can’t.”
“Yes, you can, and you fucking will.” He shoved me to my knees. “You’re lucky I don’t make you clean this shit up with a toothbrush. Now get to fucking work.”
He left but he didn’t take the woman with him. Her muffled cries pierced my ears, growing louder and louder until all I could hear were her screams.
Stop.
Stop screaming.
I couldn’t take it anymore.
Holding my hands over my ears to muffle out the sound, I rocked back and forth. I prayed, pleading with her to stop.
Please. Stop.
***
(Meeka)
“Stop. Please stop.”
Bile rose to my throat at the look of sheer terror written all over Asher’s face. When he had fallen to his knees, the breath was knocked out of me. He told me it had been bad, but I never knew how much. The mental did more damage than the physical and with his job, it didn’t help. He finally cracked under the pressure
He rocked back and forth, holding his hands over his ears. He kept muttering for something to stop, but I wasn’t sure what he was talking about.
“Baby.” I grabbed his hands from his ears and cupped his face, placing soft kisses on his mouth. “Please. Come back to me.” I didn’t know how to help him. I didn’t know what he needed. He lost the battle to the demons that had threatened to destroy him for years. They won. His step-father won. He succeeded in ruining this man’s life whether he knew it or not.
“Asher,” I said, my voice shaking. “They’re memories. They’re not happening. Please, baby. Come back to me.”
His arms suddenly wrapped around me, pulling me against his hard chest. His head pushed into the crook of my neck, his body trembling.
My heart picked up speed. Tears rolled down my cheeks. I couldn’t stop them. I had no control over the emotions flooding through me.
I would give anything to take away his pain. To help him move past the nightmares that he relived over and over every time he closed his eyes. It was naïve of me to think that would ever happen. Even with years of therapy, an abuse victim was always just that—a victim. Maybe not to the abuser but to the nightmares they left behind, engrained in the person’s mind.
“I’m here. I’m always here.” I rubbed soothing circles on his back.
“I’m sorry.” He held me tighter.
“You have nothing to be sorry about. You would do the same for me.”
He sat back, leaning against the edge of the bed. “I would but—”
“What?”
“I would go out and find him and then I would kill him but not at first. I would make him suffer. I would rip off every body part that laid a hand on you.”
“Um, okay, well, how about we just take our pain out on a punching bag instead?” I offered, attempting to lighten the mood.
His lips twitched but he looked far away.
Asher brushed the back of his knuckles down my cheek. The touch was soft and gentle.
“I don’t deserve you,” he whispered. It was so quiet, I almost didn’t hear him.
I opened my mouth to argue, but the words never came out. I just sat there, willing him to believe that he deserved all of the happiness in the world. He wasn’t a monster. He wasn’t his step-father. He was so much more. He was one of the best men I knew. And I would do everything in my power to make him see that.
ASHER FINALLY fell asleep an hour later. His tanned back rose and fell with ragged breath, and I prayed he was having peaceful dreams.
Rising from the bed, I got dressed. Although we didn’t have sex, he insisted on me being naked beside him. He had told me that touching me calmed him. I didn’t quite understand what that meant, but I didn’t argue. Giving him what he wanted, I wrapped myself around him until his breathing evened out.
When I was certain that he was asleep, I kissed his cheek and decided to talk to Coby and find out what the hell had happened. Asher had snapped. Although I didn’t mind him taking it out on me, it still worried me. He was losing himself, and I didn’t know how to help him remain strong.
“Hey, girl.” Brogan came up to me as I closed my bedroom door. “How’s that man of yours?”
Under normal circumstances, she would have teased me about Asher throwing me over his shoulder. Her lack of jokes sent a flutter of unease twisting in my stomach. “Um, he’s sleeping.�
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She nodded, frowning. “Everything okay?”
“It will be.” It had to be. I knew by the questioning look on Brogan’s face, that she wanted more answers, but I couldn’t give them to her. I didn’t even know what they were. Asher needed my help, and no matter what, I would do everything in my power to be strong for him.
“If you want to talk, I’m here.” She patted my hand when her phone rang. Pulling it out of her back pocket, she slid it to her ear before locking eyes with mine. “Yeah. Okay, when? Now? Yup. She is. Okay.” And with that, she hung up. “We have to go.”
“Where?”
“The basement.”
My heart jumped. To get to the basement, you had to go outside and to the back of the building. Jay had a high tech security system built in. The only time we ever went into the basement was for an interrogation. And even that didn’t happen often. Something about us being women and all that shit.
I followed Brogan out the front door, my heart picking up speed by the second. We never went into the basement. That meant that Jay found something out.
When we left the club, the cool night air bit at my skin. The guys weren’t around; Asher was still sleeping and who knew where Angel was.
“Meeka.” Brogan snapped her fingers in front of my face.
“Sorry.” I shook my head. “What?”
“I know you and Jay have had your problems but she needs you right now. We all do.”
“Of course. Just tell me what to do.”
“Creena’s going to watch and make sure no one unexpected shows up. We have to keep this from Angel until after or else he’s going to lose his shit.”
“Does this have to do with Violet and what we did?” I asked, not sure if I wanted to know the answer. Luckily for us, everything turned out in the end and Jay wasn’t hurt. She was the strongest woman I knew but Angel would definitely put an end to this.
Brogan knocked once on the metal door, smiling back at me. “It’s time.”
Taking a deep breath, I followed her into the dark hall that held stairs leading down into the basement. It was your typical run of the mill unfinished basement and creepy as hell. That was why Jay kept it the way it was instead of renovating it.