Moonlight

by Rachel Hawthorne

  Lucas terrified me. Okay, that wasn’t exactly true. What I felt for him terrified me. It was an attraction that I couldn’t quite explain. I’d had crushes on guys before, but what I felt with him went way beyond a crush. It was so strong that it was almost overwhelming—and a little bit embarrassing since obviously he wasn’t returning the feelings. If anything, he tended to avoid direct contact with me. I tried to keep my feelings buried, but whenever I looked at him they would bubble to the surface and I was certain that he would see in my eyes what I fought so valiantly to control.

  His nearness made my heart gallop and my mouth go dry. I wanted to comb my fingers through the long multicolored strands of his hair. When I’d first met him, I’d thought the unusual shade came from a bottle. I’d never seen anything like it. But then, I’d never seen anyone like him either. He was so intense. He’d been one of our tour guides last summer, but he’d seldom spoken to me. Still, I often caught him watching me. It was as though he was waiting—

  “Blow out the candles, already,” Connor said.

  His words snapped me back to the moment. I made my wish without thinking and then blew out the writhing flames with one big breath.

  “Here you go,” Brittany said, handing me a cupcake. “Sorry it isn’t an official cake, but these are easier to serve in the wilderness.”

  “It’s great,” I said, beaming again, grateful for the distraction. “I wasn’t expecting anything at all.”

  “We love surprises,” Lindsey said. “But you guys could have been quieter getting here. She heard you. It almost ruined everything.”

  I playfully slapped Lindsey’s arm. “That’s what I heard?” Relief enveloped me, but at the same time, it didn’t seem like the right explanation.

  “Well, yeah, they had to be in bed when you and I left, so you wouldn’t suspect anything, but they were supposed to hurry ahead to get things set up. And be quiet while doing it.”

  “But I heard something behind us, just before we got here.”

  “Like what?” Lucas asked, stepping away from the tree.

  His deep voice sent a shiver of pleasure through me. It was just a voice and yet it touched me on a level I’d never experienced with anyone else. My absurd feelings made me self-conscious. I wasn’t the type to attract guys who were as darkly handsome as Lucas was. Having his attention focused on me was unnerving, and suddenly I felt silly about my concerns. “I’m sure it was nothing.”

  “Then why mention it?”

  “I didn’t. Lindsey did.”

  I knew any normal girl would crave his attention. So why did he make me nervous? Why did my conversational skills take a hike when he was around?

  “Relax, Lucas,” Connor said. “It probably was us. You know how it is. When you try to be quiet, you end up making more noise.”

  But Lucas was staring at where we’d come from. If I didn’t know better, I’d have thought he was sniffing the air. His nostrils flared and his chest expanded with the deep breath he took. “Maybe I should take a look around, just to be sure.”

  I knew he was nineteen, but he seemed older, maybe because he was a senior sherpa. He was the one in charge of our little group. If someone had a problem, he or she could go to Lucas. Although I’d probably let a wild bear eat me before I’d ask Lucas for help. Whether right or wrong, I suspected that he only respected those who solved their own problems. I had this absurd need to prove myself to him.

  “Now you’re as paranoid as Kayla,” Lindsey said. “Grab a cupcake and sit down.”

  But Lucas didn’t move. He kept his gaze on the path we’d taken to get here. It was strange but I knew if something had been following us, whatever it had been, Lucas would protect us from it. He just gave off those vibes. It was probably the reason that, as young as he was, he was given such authority and responsibility. He was so bold standing there that I didn’t want to look away. But I also didn’t want to give the impression that I was a lovesick kid.

  Logs had been placed around the fire. I sat on one and peered over at Lucas. He was tall and in great shape. He wore his T-shirt like a second skin that outlined his muscles. I had this overwhelming urge to run my hands up those granite arms and across his shoulders. Pathetic. I was pathetic. He’d never given me any reason to think that he might return my interest.

  “So what did your parents give you for your birthday?” Brittany asked, bringing my attention back to the others.

  It didn’t look as though anyone had noticed where my attention had wandered. Least of all Lucas. He always seemed so alert, I was surprised he wasn’t aware of my assessment of him. On the other hand, it was also a relief that he gave me so little direct attention. Nothing was quite as embarrassing as one-sided obsession.

  “A summer away from them.” I grinned.

  “They didn’t seem that bad when I met them last year,” Lindsey said.

  “They’re not,” I admitted, taking the candle out of my cupcake and tossing it into the fire. “They’re really pretty cool.”

  But they’re not my real parents. I chided myself as soon as I thought those words. They were my real parents; they just weren’t my original parents, from birth. Maybe what I’d sensed on our way here was the ghosts of my birth parents calling out to me. How silly was that explanation? I never had, never would believe in anything paranormal or supernatural.

  “So what did they get you?” Brittany persisted.

  “All the equipment I needed for a summer of trekking through the wilderness.”

  “No car?” Brittany asked.

  “No car.”

  “Bummer.”

  “What difference does it make?” Connor asked. “Cars aren’t allowed in the park.”

  Brittany gave him a sideways glance, then shrugged. “I guess.”

  There was something in her expression that I couldn’t read, but it made me wonder if she liked Connor.

  “Anyone else think this group we’re taking out tomorrow is a little odd?” Rafe asked.

  For a few minutes that afternoon, we’d all met Dr. Keane, his son, and several of the professor’s grad students. We were going to escort them to a predetermined spot in the forest. Then we’d leave them for a couple of weeks before returning to retrieve them. They’d mentioned that they were hoping to spot some wolves.

  “Odd in what way?” I asked.

  “Dr. Keane is an anthropologist,” Rafe said. “Why does he want to study wolves?”

  “Wolves are certainly more interesting than people,” Lindsey said. “Remember those wolf cubs we found when you were home for spring break, Lucas?”

  “Yeah.”

  He was obviously a guy of few words, which only made him more intriguing—and intimidating at the same time. It was difficult to figure out what he thought about things, what he thought about me.

  “They were the cutest,” Lindsey went on, unperturbed by Lucas’s lack of enthusiasm for the subject. “Orphaned. Three of them. We sort of adopted them until they were ready to go out on their own.”

  The other sherpas had all been working in the park at least a year. I should have felt like an outsider, but something about the group made me feel as though I belonged. They weren’t like the cliques at school. I’d never been part of those. I wasn’t the wildly popular, cheerleader type. I wasn’t a total math nerd, either. I wasn’t quite sure I could actually define myself. Maybe that was the reason I was so comfortable out here. Everyone was the same: nature lovers appreciating the great outdoors.

  Lucas shoved away from the tree. “We’d better head back.”

  “You’re such a party pooper,” Lindsey said.

  “You’ll thank me in the morning when you have to be ready to leave at dawn.”

  Everyone groaned with the reminder that we had an early morning. The guys put out the fire and flashlights came on.

  I thanked everyone. “This was a great birthday surprise.”

  “Well, it’s not every day you turn seventeen,” Lindsey said. “We just wanted to do somet
hing special before we became preoccupied with surviving.”

  I laughed at her teasing. “It won’t be that bad.”

  “The Keane party wants to go far into the woods, to an area we’ve never been before. The terrain will be rougher and we’ll be pushed to the limits. Should be challenging,” Brittany said.

  Should be, I thought.

  “Don’t worry,” Lindsey said to me. “You’ll do great.”

  “I plan to give it my best.”

  We headed back up the trail to the rustic village where all the campers began their journey. Rafe was leading the way, with all the other sherpas scattered between him and me—except one. Lucas was following at the back of our group, right behind me. I had that sense of being watched again. A shudder rippled through me.

  “What’s wrong?” Lucas asked.

  How had he known anything was wrong?

  I glanced over my shoulder, feeling silly for saying it aloud. “Just that strange feeling that we’re not alone.”

  “Yeah, I’m sensing it, too,” he said, his voice low.

  “Could it be those wolves you rescued?”

  “I doubt it. The entrance to the park is too near civilization. Most of the wildlife is farther in.”

  That was in sync with what Lindsey had said about the cougar, but still—animals weren’t always predictable.

  Everyone in our group grew quiet, listening intently as we trudged along. The flashlights served as eerie beacons in the darkness. I was acutely aware of Lucas following closely behind me. Not that I could hear him—his footsteps were silent. But I sensed his nearness as though he were touching me—even though he wasn’t. I felt nervous and excited. I wondered if he thought of me as anything other than the newbie. He’d never given any indication that he actually liked me in a romantic kind of way. Or that he was interested in knowing me better. Here we had an opportunity to talk, and yet we both remained silent.

  At the far end of the trail, more light began to seep through the tree cover. The lights of the village, the first stop on anyone’s journey into the national park.

  I was grateful that everyone picked up the pace. Finally, we broke through the woods into the village.

  I released a nervous chuckle. “Please tell me sherpas don’t do a lot of night hiking.”

  “Hardly ever,” Rafe said, “but I felt something out there, too.”

  “If it was dangerous, it would have attacked,” Connor said. “Probably just a rabbit or something.”

  “Whatever it was, it’s gone now,” Lucas said. “And we’re supposed to be in our beds.”

  Connor and Rafe headed for their cabin. But Lucas hesitated. Finally he said, “Happy birthday, Kayla.”

  “Oh, thanks.” His words were almost as surprising as the party.

  He looked as though he wanted to say something else. Instead, he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans and walked off. I wasn’t quite sure what to make of that.

  Lindsey, Brittany, and I went to our cabin. As we were getting ready for bed, I said, “I can’t believe you threw me a surprise party.”

  “You should have seen your face,” Lindsey said. “You were totally shocked.”

  “I can’t believe you managed to keep it a secret.”

  She smiled brightly. “Believe me, it wasn’t easy.”

  After we were in bed and the lights were out, Lindsey whispered, “Hey, Kayla? So what did you wish for?”

  My cheeks grew warm. “If I tell, it won’t come true.”

  I wasn’t really sure I wanted it to come true. I didn’t know what had possessed me to make the wish I had. It haunted me now as I remembered the words that had run through my mind with such conviction.

  I wish Lucas would kiss me.

  TWO

  I was crouched in a tiny, dark place. I was small, a kid. I had my hands pressed against my mouth so I wouldn’t make a sound. I knew that if I made any noise they’d find me. I didn’t want them to find me. Tears ran down my face. I was trembling.

  They were out there. Bad things were out there. So I hid in the dark. No one could find me in the dark. No one would find me here.

  Then I saw the light, coming closer and closer. The monster grabbed me—

  I woke up screaming and flailing my arms. I hit something and screamed again.

  “Hey, it’s just me,” Lindsey said.

  The lamp on the table beside my bed came on. It was still dark outside. Lindsey was standing between my bed and hers, a look of horror on her face. “What the hell?” she asked.

  I swiped away my tears. “Sorry, bad dream.”

  “No kidding.”

  Brittany was sitting up in bed staring at me as if I was the monster that crept through my nightmares. “You sounded like you were being murdered.”

  I shook my head. “Not me. My parents. It’s a long story—” I hesitated.

  “It’s okay. It’s private. I understand,” Brittany said.

  I was relieved by her acceptance of my need not to explain.

  Lindsey sat on my bed, took me in her arms, and held me tightly. She knew my story. I’d confessed it all to her during the past year, as our friendship had strengthened.

  “Are you going to be okay taking these campers out tomorrow?” Lindsey asked. “We could get out of this, wait for the next group.”

  “No.” Shaking my head, I pulled away from her. “I have to face my fears, and going into the wilderness is part of that. I’ll be okay. Tonight…I don’t know, maybe it’s because we were creeping through the woods. I haven’t had a nightmare in a while.”

  “Just remember that we’re here for you.” She glanced back at Brittany.

  Brittany nodded. “Yeah, we are. Sherpas stick together.”

  “Thanks.” I released a deep sigh.

  Lindsey moved to her bed. “Do you want me to leave the light on?”

  “No, I’m fine now.” Or as fine as I could be, considering my issues. The really strange thing was this unexplained fear that I was experiencing lately. It was like a foreshadowing or something—a deep-down sense that something I couldn’t explain was going to happen.

  Lindsey turned off the light, and I snuggled beneath the blankets. I wished I understood what was bothering me. My adoptive parents couldn’t explain it. My shrink couldn’t figure it out. But since I’d returned to the national park, whatever it was seemed stronger than before. Part of me wondered if it was somehow tied to what had happened to my parents.

  Was something in my subconscious on the verge of breaking free? And if it did, how would my life change?

  The next morning when I woke up, the lingering effects of the dream were still haunting me. The unpleasantness of it hung around like cobwebs that couldn’t be brushed off. I forced myself to concentrate on something else.

  My birthday.

  I didn’t feel any older. For some reason, I’d thought I’d feel more sophisticated, better able to flirt with guys, when I turned seventeen. Instead, I felt like the same old me.

  Faint light was visible through the curtain. Dawn was well on its way to arriving. My first day as a sherpa with an actual assignment. I was about to embark on my maiden adventure of the summer. I couldn’t wait.

  The past week I’d been going through all kinds of preparation and training. This initial excursion would be my test. I reached over and turned on the lamp. Lindsey groaned and stuck her head under the pillow, mumbling something that sounded like Go away.

  “Don’t mind her,” Brittany said as she got out of bed and then dropped to the floor and started doing push-ups. “She’d stay in bed all day if she had her way.”

  “I thought she enjoyed the woods.”

  “Thought wrong.” She jumped to her feet and stretched. “She likes the woods well enough, but she’d rather not be here.”

  I glanced over at Lindsey. She’d never told me that. “So why is she?”

  “It’s expected. If you grow up around here, you’re destined to be a sherpa during the summer.”
>
  “And you all grew up around here?”

  “In Tarrant, just up the road.”

  You have to pass through it to get to the park. It looks like any other small town in America. “So in our little group, you’re all friends?”

  “Pretty much, yeah. Connor, Rafe, and Lucas left for college this past year. Lindsey and I have one more year in high school. Then we’ll head out, too.”

  “Guess everyone can’t wait to get away from home.”

  “Isn’t that why you’re here?”

  I nodded. But there was more to it. I’d always enjoyed camping, but lately all I wanted to do was be in the outdoors. “I guess I should feel like an outsider here, but I don’t.”

  She shrugged. “You’re one of us, aren’t you?”

  I smiled at the thought of all the training I’d passed. “I’m most definitely a sherpa.”

  She angled her head and gave me a funny look that I couldn’t quite interpret. Where was my shrink when I needed him? “Exactly,” she said, but I had the feeling she’d wanted to say something else. “Dibs on the shower.”

  I watched her walk into the bathroom. She was really toned. I found it a little intimidating. I was all of five-foot-four, with a slender build. I hoped that hauling a pack and hiking all summer would add some muscle to my shape.

  “Are you ready for your first official day as a sherpa?” Lindsey asked as she sat up and ran her fingers through her white-blond hair.

  I moved to the edge of the bed. “Honestly? I’m terrified.”

  She gave me an incredulous look. “Why? You aced all the training.”

  “Yeah, but that was all in a controlled environment. I know things can get hairy out in the real world.”

  “You’re going to do great.”

  “Can I be honest with you?”

  “Sure. Always.”

  “I’m a little worried because I’m assigned to Lucas’s group. He sort of scares me. He’s so intense.”

  “Don’t let him get to you. All the guys feel like they have something to prove. When they were young, their dads were sherpas. So it’s a tradition passed down from father to son. They’ve only let girls be sherpas for a few years now.”