He’d made a commitment to me without knowing if I’d ever reciprocate. I was immensely flattered, but I also felt incredibly overwhelmed. The depths of what he felt for me went beyond anything I’d ever felt for a guy. And yet, I couldn’t deny there was something between us.
I started to backstroke in the opposite direction, realized I was flashing a little more than I wanted to, and went back to dog-paddling. Or in my case, I suppose it was actually wolf-paddling.
He came back toward me and stopped about two feet away.
“Your tattoo. Rafe has one similar to it.”
“Yeah.”
My eyes widened. “He’s a were—” I stopped myself in the nick of time. “He’s a Shifter?”
“Yes.”
“Whose name is on his back?”
“I can’t tell you. I took an oath of secrecy.”
Well, that was irritating. It wasn’t that I was a gossip, but I was very curious.
“What if you guess wrong?” I asked. “What if you misread the feeling? What if the girl doesn’t feel for you what you feel for her?” I had so many questions. I didn’t really understand how this mate thing worked, but it seemed bigger than either of us.
“It’s a bummer. You go through life with some chick’s name on your shoulder, and no other girl is going to want you because you gave your devotion to someone else first.”
“That’s harsh.”
“It ensures we don’t choose lightly.”
It was really overwhelming to think he’d selected me—or destiny had. I wasn’t quite sure how this whole fate/mate thing worked. “But you barely knew me last summer.”
“I knew enough, Kayla. For us, when you meet your soul mate…you just know. I don’t know how to explain it. Didn’t you feel anything when you met me?”
“Scared,” I admitted. “Overwhelmed. I definitely noticed you, but I never thought about you and me. I mean, look at you! You’re older, hot, in shape…and I’m all crazy red hair and freckles.”
He grinned. “I like your red hair and freckles. And I like that you have an inner strength that I don’t think you recognize. You took a big risk freeing me from that cage.”
“What they did was wrong.”
“But not everyone would have done anything about it. And when you were beating down on Mason—I loved it.”
I felt the heat of embarrassment warm my face. “I can’t believe I fell for all his smooth talking.”
“He fooled a lot of people.”
“Not you.”
“I had some suspicions, but that’s all they were. I come from a society that for centuries has been persecuted based on witch hunts. I don’t make accusations without proof.”
Even if waiting for that proof had nearly cost him his freedom, maybe even his life.
“What about Connor? And Brittany? Are they—” My mind was suddenly reeling.
“Most sherpas are. It’s how we control what part of the wilderness Statics are allowed to see. If we kept them out completely, they’d get suspicious. As it is, we guide them where we want them to go and keep them away from where we don’t want them to be.”
“Mason believes there’s a village somewhere out here.”
His face went all hard, his eyes like smoothly polished stones. “Yeah. I’m still trying to figure out how he got tipped off to that. I mean, there are legends, but he seemed to be just a little too sure.”
In my surprise, I forgot to keep treading water. I went under, closing my mouth just in time to avoid having to resurface sputtering. I really do like to limit just how foolish I look. I pushed myself back up.
Now Lucas had a quizzical look on his face that reminded me of a dog tilting its head in confusion. I would have laughed if I weren’t still absorbing what he’d said. “There’s really a village?”
“Wolford. The elders live there. The rest of us meet up there for the summer solstice. It’s pretty well hidden. No way will kooky Keane and his robotic followers find it.”
I wasn’t so sure, but I was thinking of something else he’d said. “Why are you trying to figure out how they got tipped off? You like puzzles? You’re the strategist?”
“I thought you figured it out. I’m the pack leader. The alpha male of the group.”
I didn’t know why I didn’t realize it before. The way Rafe deferred to him. I’d always thought Lucas was just the one in charge of the sherpas.
“So how does that work? Do the elders you mentioned vote on it?”
“No. You fight for it. While in wolf form. You challenge and take out the current leader.”
Like wild animals? What was he? Man or beast?
“And that’s what you did? Just beat him up?”
He held my gaze as though he needed to judge my reaction to his words. “It’s a fight to the death.”
This time when I stopped treading water and went under, I wasn’t sure I wanted to surface. There were things about his society that I wasn’t sure I wanted to be part of.
FOURTEEN
“Devlin was pack leader before me.”
Lucas and I were no longer in the water. We were dressed again and lying on a blanket near the pond but far enough away that the waterfall didn’t drown out our words. This place seemed too peaceful for everything I was learning about Lucas. The sky was so incredibly blue, with fluffy white clouds drifting by. When darkness arrived, I’d be that much closer to a full moon. My body tingled with the thought—as though it couldn’t wait. But psychologically, I couldn’t accept that I was going to go all furry. I’d broken my arm when I was eight. They’d taken X-rays. Surely a Shifter’s bones were different, were multijointed. How else could they transform from a human to such a different creature? It was inconceivable to me.
“I didn’t get a chance to kill him,” Lucas said, and I heard the disappointment in his voice. “He ran off, like a coward. So my ascension to the role of pack leader is a little tainted.”
I rolled my head to the side and studied his handsome profile. He was focused on the sky. Maybe telling me all the dark secrets about his past was as hard for him as it was for me. I couldn’t imagine killing anyone—but to do it to gain power…I wanted to understand Lucas, but his was a scary world.
“Why did you want to be in charge?” I asked.
He turned his head to watch me. “Devlin was an incredibly bad leader. He kept putting the others at risk. Taking chances. Exposing the existence of our society. He had to be stopped. But in the end I didn’t stop him. I’m pretty sure the black wolf you saw—it was him.”
“So when you said he had a wolf for a pet…?”
“I was twisting the truth. Sometimes we have to do that. Just like the night Keane was talking about werewolves and we were all making fun of it like it was ludicrous.”
I could see where a lot of fast thinking would have to take place in order to not give things away.
“So you think maybe he’s how the Keanes found out about you…the Shifters?”
He gave me a dark grin. “About you, too. You’re one of us.”
“Yeah.” He was convinced. I wasn’t. Bummer for him if he’d chosen a non-Shifter. I sat up and crossed my legs beneath me. “I know I should probably be thrilled about that—”
“It’s a lot to wrap your head around,” he said as he shoved himself up on an elbow.
“Do I need to do something to prepare?” It seemed like I should do something. Obviously I no longer had a reason to shave my legs. I ran my hand over my bare legs, and tried to make light of what I couldn’t really accept. “As a wolf, will my legs be bald if I shave?”
“Was my wolf face bald?”
I released a self-conscious laugh. “No. You actually were as gorgeous as a wolf as you are…” I let my voice trail off. Had I really wanted to confess that?
He gave me a crooked grin. “You think I’m cute.”
“Cute, no! Definitely not. Beautiful…yes.”
He pushed up until he was sitting and leaned toward me. “I t
hink you’re beautiful, too. I’ve thought that from the first time I saw you.”
I felt myself grow pleasantly warm. “Is that the reason you looked at me all the time?”
“Yeah. I figured you’d see how I felt. Guess it was kinda creepy, though, having this guy watch you and never talk to you.”
“You don’t seem the shy type.”
“The first time I saw you it was like something had slammed into my chest. Seriously. I didn’t think I was ever going to breathe right again. I didn’t know what to say to you.”
He skimmed his fingers along my cheek. Looking at him now, he appeared to be any normal teenage boy.
“The night before the sherpas left, you and Rafe had an argument.”
“Yeah. He knew you were one of us, thought I was being irresponsible to leave you behind. But I didn’t want to force you to go, to make you resent me, and I hadn’t figured out how to tell you yet about our abilities. And okay, to be honest, I was jealous that you were so into Mason.”
“I don’t know that I was really into him. I liked him because he was uncomplicated, because he didn’t make me feel all these insane things that you do. That pull you were talking about—I’d never felt anything like it before. So what is it? Like an animal bond or something?”
“It can be intense, but it can’t make you feel what you’re not really feeling. If that makes sense. We feel these primal urges because we walk the fine line between man and beast, but at our core we’re human. We just have the ability to shift into another form.”
“You say that like it’s nothing.”
“I grew up watching people shifting back and forth with the ease of someone clicking the remote to flip through channels on the TV.”
“So who coached you?” I asked.
“Males go through it alone.”
“Doesn’t that make it more painful?”
“Doesn’t seem fair, does it? But it’s a form of natural selection. The weaker males don’t survive.”
“Were you afraid?”
“I couldn’t wait, but then I knew what was coming. When I was a kid, my parents took me into the woods, explained things, showed me—”
“Oh my God!” I glanced around quickly because it was safer than looking at him or inside of myself.
He sat up straight. “What? What is it?”
“My parents…those deer hunters said they saw wolves.” I buried my face in my hands. “What if it was my parents? Showing me? We ran. Mom pushed me back beneath some brush. There was growling.” I’d repressed the images. “There were wolves,” I said with a certainty I’d never before felt.
I lowered my hands and met Lucas’s gaze, knowing the devastation he must have seen in my eyes. “The wolves. Could they have been my parents?”
“It makes sense that they might have been.”
Only if I bought into the whole I-am-a-werewolf-too idea. I was having a difficult time accepting that.
“If you die in wolf form, what happens?” I asked.
“Our species always reverts back to human form right before death.”
“So the hunters might have been correct when they said they shot wolves?”
Lucas nodded.
I shook my head. “No, my parents weren’t naked. And if they were shot, wouldn’t they have healed?”
“Not if they were shot in the heart or the head.”
“But they would have been naked,” I mused. And they weren’t. At least I didn’t remember them that way.
Last summer I hadn’t wanted to go to the part of the forest where they’d died. Suddenly, I realized that in order to face my past and present fears, I needed to return to that place. I didn’t even know how to find out where it was.
Later that night I prowled around the cavern with nervous energy I couldn’t explain. Or maybe I just didn’t want to face the truth of it. Spending the afternoon with Lucas in our isolated world here had made me more aware of him. I thought I could smell the scent of his skin. It was going to be more difficult to lie with him tonight and just hold him and be held by him.
I walked to the edge of the cavern, closed my eyes, and listened to the water crashing down. I wanted to empty my mind of all thoughts. But one remained: If I didn’t shift tomorrow night, would I lose him?
In spite of the roaring waterfall and my closed eyes, I knew the moment he stepped behind me.
“Kayla?”
I loved the deep rumble of his voice and the way my name sounded when he spoke it. I turned to face him.
“Nothing between us has changed,” he said.
“Everything’s changed. I know you better now. It’s like I’ve had a crash course in Lucas Wilde. I’m feeling things I’ve never felt before.”
“Good things?”
“Scary things. Intense. What if I’m not what you think I am?”
“You mean you’re not brave?”
I released a self-conscious laugh and shook my head. “That’s not what—”
“You don’t have an inner strength? You’re not courageous? You’re going to change, Kayla, but what I feel for you isn’t because you will change—it’s because of everything that won’t change.”
“Oh.” I didn’t know what to say to that. I thought it was probably as close to a declaration of love as I might ever get.
“Come on.” He took my hand and led me over to the sleeping bag.
I drew comfort while wrapped within Lucas’s arms. I could hear his heart pounding, feel the warmth of his body. It was different tonight. Our closeness had changed, evolved. He wasn’t Lucas, my boss. He was Lucas, my Dark Guardian.
Even if I didn’t think I needed a guardian, I knew he’d always be there.
“Will it happen”—if it happens, I thought—“as soon as the moon appears?”
“No, not until the moon reaches its zenith.”
“How will I know?”
“You’ll start to feel…different. Don’t let it scare you. I know you haven’t known for very long, but for us morphing is a natural part of life—like puberty.”
“Yeah, well, I’ve had a lot of unpleasant cramps during puberty.”
He pressed his lips to my forehead. “So now you’ll have cramps all over, but they come and they go quickly.”
I had a thousand questions as my time drew nearer. “When you’re in wolf form, do you think like a wolf?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know how a wolf thinks.”
I released a bubble of laughter, before going quiet. “You know what I’m asking.”
“It’s still you, Kayla. Inside. You just look a little different. When I’m in wolf form, I’m more aggressive, better able to fight—that’s the reason I shifted when the bear was going to attack you. I can run faster as a wolf, so if I need to get somewhere quickly, I’ll usually shift.”
“I thought you were pretty fast last night—when you weren’t in wolf form.”
“Most Shifters are fast and strong. Our bodies constantly get a workout.” He brushed his lips along my temple. “You’re going to do fine, Kayla.”
A shiver went through me as his voice rumbled near my ear. His skin was warm against my fingers where they rested on his chest.
“You said I was your mate,” I said, my voice low and hesitant. “Does that mean we get married?”
“Not necessarily. Usually mates marry, but not always. We’ll go through the whole dating scene if you want to go out with me. But you’re not forced to be with me—if it’s not what you want.”
His voice had grown very quiet.
“If I didn’t want to be your mate, would you find another?”
“No, I’d just be alone.”
My heart did a little stutter. I rose up on my elbow and looked down on him. The moon—just a little shy of being full—was large and bright, shining through the waterfall as though it were a gossamer curtain. “That’s not fair.”
“I know. The male Shifters get the raw end of the deal. They feel what they feel, and the females choo
se.”
“Do they ever fight over a female?”
“Sure. Sometimes a girl wants to know who’s the strongest, who wants her the most. We’re human, but we’re also animal.”
“I don’t know if I’ll ever wrap my mind around all this.”
He cradled my cheek with his hand and threaded his fingers up into my hair. “Are you freaked out about what I am?”
Strangely, I wasn’t freaked out by him. By myself, yes. I was definitely having some problems coping with that, but Lucas was just Lucas. Lying here with him, I could forget that he was sometimes furry.
“No,” I answered truthfully.
“Good.” He rolled over until I was on my back and he was above me. He cradled my cheek with his large, warm hand. “Good,” he repeated.
Then he kissed me. It wasn’t like any kiss I’d ever had before, but then, I hadn’t expected it to be. It was, after all, Lucas. And he wasn’t like any guy I’d ever known before. His lips were soft and gentle, as though he wasn’t sure that I would want this. But how could I not?
I’d wished for it on my birthday.
He pulled back and looked at me quizzically. “You smile when you’re being kissed?”
I broadened my smile. “My birthday wish just came true. When I blew out the candles, I wished you’d kiss me.”
“Really?”
“Strange, I know. I wasn’t even sure I liked you. You were always so intense.” I reached up and combed my fingers through his hair. “Now I know why.”
I wanted to believe what he believed, that I was going to shift, that I was his destiny—but it all seemed too amazing.
He drew me back into the circle of his arms. I pressed a light kiss to his shoulder.
“We should sleep now,” he said. “You’ll need all your strength tomorrow night.”
Practical Lucas. I wanted to get corny and say something like, “Strength? Who needs strength when I’ve got you?”
But he was right. Tomorrow everything would change. And according to him, that included me.
“Kayla, wake up.”
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