I wanted to stay and get answers from Nari, but I knew I couldn’t be late either. Even if Miss Ae wouldn’t punish me, I would surely be reported by one of my classmates. Jun Ha had warned me about that. And right now, I couldn’t afford to take any risks. Back in the Capital, I would have just brought up being late at the next self-criticism session, but here…
…they’ll drag me down to the Center of Truth to be tortured to death by Colonel wan… or maybe even by the Demon of Yodok himself…
I once more pictured Jae Eun clasping her pierced throat in a last dying struggle as the ever-growing puddle of warm sticky blood slowly traveled along my legs and colored my pants and socks red. ‘The rest of you won’t get off that easy,’ Colonel Wan’s ominous words echoed through my mind.
I shuddered.
“Try to go back to sleep,” Sun Hee stroked Nari’s hair back from her sweaty forehead. “Just rest… and for lunch, you can make a full portion of rice… only today… you need the energy.” Then she went over and held the door open for me. I threw one last glance at Nari before closing the door behind me. Once again, the feeling of guilt stabbed my chest.
Could it have been Chul who did this to her? Did he do it to my sister because… he couldn’t do it to me? But how…?
Consumed by the growing number of questions without answers, I turned around to go to school, but Sun Hee stopped me with a firm hand on my shoulder.
“Areum… you don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to, but please listen.” I couldn’t see any sign of anger on her face… only concern. “What happened to Nari yesterday… you… you understand what that was, right, Areum?”
I nodded, feeling my face flush. I knew perfectly well what it was. It was the same that would have happened to me if I hadn’t fought off Chul and Chang Min. It was the same atrocities I knew had been repeated over and over throughout the long and gruesome history of our country. I remembered the stories Mrs. Lee told us in history class… the stories of what the invading enemy forces did to women unlucky enough to cross their path. The horrific graphic drawings in our history books were to this day etched in my mind. The teachers made us study them in detail for hours, and we were not allowed to avert our eyes. It was pure agony. I couldn’t believe how someone could do such things to another human being… and some of the girls depicted were barely old enough to go to school. But those were our sworn enemies… the monsters who sought our annihilation. Somehow, that was expected from them. These heinous acts were committed by our fellow countrymen… the brave and tireless bearers of our Father - the Great General’s eternal revolution. Even imagining that a citizen of Choson could be capable of such horrendous acts would have been preposterous… until I arrived in Yodok, that is.
Sun Hee looked at me inquisitively, then pulled me closer before continuing in a whisper.
“Men like that… men who prey on women… they exist everywhere. I’ve even heard of some back home in the Capital. But back there, they are extremely few… and the police usually find them and put them away so they can’t hurt anyone else. But in this place, Areum… they are everywhere! Do you understand? In here, you must assume that every single man is like that. You can’t trust anyone… no matter if it’s a guard or a prisoner… no one can be trusted! Do you understand?”
I nodded that I did, but there was a struggle going on in my brain, which still resisted to fully believe such evil men could exist in a perfect paradise like Choson.
Sun Hee sighed.
“You’re very pretty, Areum. I have always been proud to have such a beautiful girl as my daughter. But in here… your beauty is your worst enemy. If you’re young and beautiful, those kind of men… the ones who prey on girls… they notice you. I don’t know what happened to you yesterday… and you’re not telling me everything either… but I know what happened to Nari.” Her voice trembled and her eyes were welling up, but she carried on anyway. “None of us are safe from this… not even me, even though I’m older… but especially you are at risk, Areum… because of the way you look.”
“What are you saying?” Fear and confusion tumbled around inside me. I couldn’t remember ever having been praised by my mother for how I looked, and this was a horrible way to hear it for the first time.
“Areum… you need to become less attractive. Do you understand? I know that your hair… and your clothes… they make you feel connected to your old life… and I know you want to hold on to that. But those are exactly the things that make you stand out… that make you attract dangerous attention. You… and Nari as well… need to change the way you look.”
“Change? H-how?” I looked at her, stunned.
“Look at the people around you… the other prisoners… you need to look like them. We need to cut your hair… and keep it dirty and uneven. And your clothes too… they need to be dirty and gray. Your face as well… you need to rub some mud on it in the morning. Then you’ll look like everybody else in here… you’ll blend in… and those men won’t notice you… they won’t even see you… and you’ll be safe. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
I nodded again but felt utterly repulsed and violated by what she was saying. I understood her point, but…
… am I ready to let go of that part of my life? Can I really let go of my hopes to be set free from this nightmare? Can I just like that abandon the truth… that I don’t belong here?
“Good girl,” Sun Hee let go of my shoulder. “We’ll work on it tonight. In the meantime, just do your best not to attract any attention, okay?”
“Okay,” I mumbled, looking away to mask the turmoil inside me.
We walked together until the main road. Before we parted ways, Sun Hee turned to me. This time, I saw fear on her face.
“Areum… do you think you will have more problems with those guards? The ones you fought last night… do you think they’ll come for you? I need you to be perfectly honest with me.”
I watched her distressed face for a moment. Somehow it made her look like a little girl trapped in a grown woman’s body.
“No, I don’t think so,” I shook my head. “I don’t think we will have any more problems with those guys… honestly.”
I wasn’t sure I believed that myself, but at least it made Sun Hee look somewhat reassured. She even gave me a feeble motherly smile… slightly reminiscent of those she used to give Nari daily.
Without returning the smile, I turned around and hurried off to school. My mother’s footsteps lingered for a while in my ears before fading as she disappeared in the opposite direction where the sewing factory impatiently awaited her.
CHAPTER 3
The walk to school was terrifying and felt like it took ten times longer than usual. Every time I saw a guard, I panicked before realizing that it wasn’t Chul or Chang Min… but maybe now it was somebody else’s turn to assault me. Running down the uneven dirt road, my head burning from rays of the early summer sun in the cloudless sky, I felt like everybody was looking at me and pointing at me. Even the other prisoners. It was like they knew… like it was written on my face. My heart raced, furiously pumping blood through my shivering body. By the time I reached the school building and stumbled into the gloomy corridor - away from the big scary outside - I saw tiny bright stars flickering before my eyes. I panted, bent over with my hands on my knees.
“Areum!”
The familiar voice of my old rival startled me.
“How is Nari? Is she here?” Mina asked, her eyes bulging with worry.
I shook my head, trying to catch my breath.
“She’s… she’s at home… Miss Ae gave her permission to stay home and rest,” I said. “But she’s stable… at least she seems to be.”
“Thank the Great General for that,” Mina sighed. “I still can’t believe this happened to her… I should have been there to protect her… I should have known… but I didn’t…” She swallowed loudly. “It’s this place… just one horror after another. In the end, it will get us all.”
&nb
sp; Tears filled her eyes, so I looked away not to start crying myself.
“It’s not your fault,” I said reluctantly. “I’m her big sister… if anyone should have protected her, it should have been me.”
Mina sniffled and wiped her tears as Min Ji and some other classmates passed us on their way to the classroom.
“D-do you know what happened… or who did it?” Mina whispered. “Did she say anything?”
I shook my head.
“She refuses to tell me anything.”
“She will tell us when she’s ready,” Mina said. “She just needs to rest… and focus on her recovery.”
I nodded.
“Areum, can I come home with you after school?” she looked imploringly into my eyes. “I want to be there for her… and I can’t stand not knowing how she is.”
“I guess—” I started, but right then we were interrupted by the disproportionately strong roaring voice of Corporal Bun who appeared in the doorway of his classroom.
“What are you doing here? The classes have already started! Get in before I report you. For Juche’s sake… where is the discipline? Miss Ae is too lenient with her pupils. If you were in my class, I would cane you in front of everybody until you bled through your pants.”
He continued roaring as we ran past him and quickly slipped into our classroom.
“Sorry we’re late, Miss Ae,” we bowed our heads before taking our seats.
“I hear you agitated Corporal Bun,” she commented. “I would advise you not to make a habit of that, girls. We have an unspoken agreement not to report on each other’s pupils, but… if you make him angry enough… well, just be careful.”
She gave us a warm smile, but through it, I saw a look that cautioned us not to forget about the ten sacred camp rules… for our own sake.
“Yes, Miss Ae,“ we chanted in reply.
I had no idea what the class was about, and Miss Ae was kind enough not to ask me any questions. Based on Mina’s confused response when Miss Ae asked her to retell a passage from the Great General’s The Arduous March, I knew she couldn’t concentrate on anything but Nari’s situation either.
Jun Ha came over during the lunch break, surprised to see me sitting with Mina. He asked about Nari, so I told him she had caught the flu - a really bad kind - and that I wouldn’t be surprised if our whole family has to stay home tomorrow. He looked at me suspiciously but only told me to give her his best wishes for a speedy recovery.
After class, Miss Ae asked me and Mina to stay behind.
“How is your sister?” she asked once the three of us were alone.
“We don’t know exactly, but she doesn’t seem to have any serious injuries… physically. She’s stronger than you would think, but…”
“It’s just horrible,” Miss Ae shook her head. Her face displayed no trace of its usual radiant smile. “I’m so very sorry this happened to her… but unfortunately, it’s not uncommon here.” She sighed deeply and shook her head again. “I understand you’re her best friend?” she turned to Mina. “From before as well?”
“We’re almost like sisters,” Mina blushed and threw me a worried glance.
“That’s good,” Miss Ae said, then leaned toward us and lowered her voice. “Listen, girls… I would like to tell you this is the worst thing that will ever happen here… but the truth is you have many challenges still ahead of you. And the only way for all of you to stay safe is for family and genuine friends to stick together… and for the strong to protect the weak. I know it’s a huge responsibility… too much to ask of fourteen-year-old girls… but you’re all she has, and you must understand that Nari’s life is in your hands.”
As a reflex, I cringed at the mentioning of family. To my surprise, that word affected me more than the heavy burden Miss Ae was putting on my shoulders.
“Do you understand me, girls?”
“Of course, Miss Ae… I’m so ashamed I wasn’t there for her… that I let this happen,” Mina rushed to say.
“Of course,” I said as well. “She’s my sister… I need to protect her better.” I felt a slight resentment toward Mina for reacting faster and stronger than me.
“Good… I trust you will,” Miss Ae mustered a lackluster smile before lowering her voice even further. “The other thing is that you need to take care of yourselves as well. You are both very attractive girls… and especially you, Areum, stand out from the crowd since you haven’t been here for long. Your clothes from the Capital are still relatively clean, you have long beautiful hair, and you walk around with your head held high. That makes you a target. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Miss Ae… my mother talked to me about it this morning,” I felt my cheeks blush.
“Good... then I trust you know what to do. I know you feel like you will lose a part of yourself, but the less attractive you are in a place like this, the better. The guards don’t see you as people… especially women prisoners… so the only way to be safe is if they don’t see you at all.”
I disliked being forced in this direction, but the assault by Chul and Chang Min yesterday scared me more, so I was reluctantly coming to terms with what I needed to do.
And how about if next time I’m attacked by a bigger, stronger, and less drunk guard? What if I won’t be able to fight him off…?
“Mina… you have been here longer, so I guess you have already applied some strategies to stay safe?” she looked at her short messy hair.
“Yes, Miss Ae,” Mina said. “My mother has helped me a lot.”
“Good… continue like that,” Miss Ae said. “Then, the other important thing I want to tell you is to never go around alone, especially at night… always go two and two.”
“Okay,” we both nodded and looked at each other. I didn’t like where this was headed. As long as Nari stayed at home, it would mean I was bound to Mina. I cringed once more.
Miss Ae turned back to me.
“Areum, I would very much like to see Nari… to see if there’s anything I can do for her. Would it be alright if I came home with you?
I looked at her, surprised. The possibility of an employee of the camp visiting the home of a prisoner had never even crossed my mind before. But this was Miss Ae we were talking about, and I couldn’t see any harm in it.
“Of course, Miss Ae,” I said. My eyes fell on Mina, and I knew what would follow.
“Yes… I would like to come too if it’s alright,” she said.
I nodded.
When we came out of the School of Juche, the sky was gray and cloudy. It felt like it would start to rain. As we walked down the main road, I saw that Miss Ae carried a small bundle in her right hand that I hadn’t noticed until then.
Is she bringing something for Nari?
As I put my hand on our doorknob, another wave of panic rushed through my body.
In what condition will we find Nari on the other side? Is she even still… alive?
I fortified myself and opened the door. Nari was asleep on the floor, breathing heavily. I sighed with relief. Miss Ae hunched over her and looked at her swollen face and cracked lip. She put her hand on her forehead.
“She has a fever,” she said.
“Should we let her sleep?” Mina said.
Nari suddenly opened her eyes and let out a frantic scream.
“Shhh… shhh… it’s only us, Nari, it’s only us,” Mina said softly as she crouched down and took her hand.
Nari rested her head back on the rolled-up jacket she used as a pillow, but her face remained as tense as before.
“How do you feel, Nari?” Miss Ae asked.
“It hurts,” Nari whimpered. “It hurts a lot.”
“Where does it hurt?”
“In my stomach… and… down there.”
Miss Ae lifted the quilt and her clothes gently.
“AAAAHHHHHH…” Nari let out another scream, which painfully pierced my eardrums.
Miss Ae instinctively put her hand over Nari’s mouth to muffle the scream as tears
streamed down from my wounded sister’s eyes.
“She needs to see a doctor,” Miss Ae looked at me.
“My mother is a doctor,” Mina said.
“Where is she now?”
“She’s working on the animal farm… by the Lotus Garden.”
“That will raise too much suspicion… We need to take her right away. We’ll go to Doctor Ham… he’s the camp doctor.”
My heart froze.
“No… we can’t do that,” I blurted out. Miss Ae looked up at me without understanding. “P-people… people don’t come back if they go to him… they call him… Doctor Death… he conducts sadis—”
“I’m well aware of what the prisoners call him,” Miss Ae interrupted me firmly, “but this is an emergency… and as long as I’m with her, she’ll be fine. Trust me.”
I did trust her… but the thought of going to Doctor Death scared me out of my mind. Judging by Mina’s face, it scared her too.
We looked at Nari who was squirming on the floor.
“Nari, can you hear us?” Miss Ae asked.
“Yes…” Nari grunted in pain.
“We’re going to take you to the doctor, okay? Just hold on.”
“AAAHHH!” Nari screamed again.
“You two are stronger… please help her up,” Miss Ae commanded.
Nari screamed once more as we picked her up from the floor. Even if we were two, it was excruciatingly hard to carry Nari all the way to the doctor’s house. She had her arms around our necks and her feet on the ground, but she could hardly support her own weight. And when she got her fits of pain, she cringed so hard she almost pulled both of us down to the ground.
We didn’t draw any attention from the few people we encountered on the way - seeing injured and sick people were too commonplace in here. When we finally had reached the run-down building, overgrown by vegetation, where Doctor Death worked, Miss Ae knocked on the door.
The Weeping Masses: A Young Adult Dystopian Survival Saga (Juche - Part 3) Page 2