“Is it because—?” Nari started.
“It’s because of his grudge against Grandpa,” I said. “Just like he told me during interrogation.”
Dad nodded sadly.
“I’m afraid that’s the case,” his voice almost broke.
I suddenly remembered something.
“But… Colonel Wan actually told me he would torment me, Nari and mom first… and only when he was finished with us, then he would go after you… why do you think—?”
“I don’t know,” dad lay down on his quilt with a hard thump. “But I get the feeling it’s because of General Roh… I think he has a different plan for me… for us.”
Nari looked worriedly at her father.
“W-what kind of plan, Dad?” her voice shivered.
“I don’t know,” dad mumbled half-consciously. “I don’t know…”
I didn’t know either, but I was fairly certain it had something to do with mom!
The next day, dad came home with bruises again. The day after as well. The day after that, Colonel Wan came back for another surprise visit, once again leaving our room in a mess and the floor covered in soup. We decided we would never leave food standing again, just make it and eat it immediately.
The daily beatings on top of the inhumanely hard work down in the mines took their toll on dad, and with each day, he seemed to wither and fade away a little more before our eyes. He became increasingly hunched and by the following week, had almost stopped talking altogether. He was skinny even compared to the other prisoners, and he had developed a cough. The dark circles around his eyes and neck were also growing. The skin there was flaking. If we hadn’t ostracized Mrs. Choy, she could probably have told us what it was… maybe she even knew about a cure. But we all knew going there was not an option. Even though I still deeply resented dad for ruining my life, my heart was breaking seeing him like this.
Our situation was becoming impossible fast, and we still had several days before returning to full rations. We were also painfully aware that full rations would not balance out four weeks of starvation. My fruitless search for even one cicada continued each day in the cornfield, but I think they could sense it because they were taunting me from their hiding places with their ever louder buzzing from all around me. It drove me crazy. I looked for other animals to catch as well, but the only one I managed to spot in the fields during these three weeks was a small frog. Unfortunately, my weakened body was no match for it… it didn’t even seem distressed as it casually jumped away from me and disappeared in the dense vegetation.
The few times we saw mom at home, she continued making promises that she would think of a way to extend the benefits to the rest of us, but the weeks passed and nothing happened. Some nights she didn’t come home at all, and even if I didn’t say anything to Nari, I had secretly given up hoping for any help coming from her. That didn’t mean I was giving up. Quite the opposite. I was filled with more determination than ever. I knew I had to take it upon myself to do something drastic if we were going to survive - there was nobody else left I could count on - and for the past couple of days, I had a growing feeling what that was… even if every fiber of my being protesting vehemently against it. Finally, the hunger pains and the hopelessness of our situation prevailed, so one day after work - using every ounce of determination to force my legs to move forward - I went over to ask my sister’s rapist for help.
I found Chul sitting with Chang Min’s arm around him in the shade across from the guardhouse - a form of male bonding I had seen quite frequently here, but never back in the Capital. They looked very relaxed, like they were truly enjoying each other’s company. Seeing them together, however, I was immediately transported back to the clearing up in the mountains, where they, reeking with alcohol, attacked me and ripped my clothes. I fought a losing battle not to run away, but then Chul noticed me. The fear that immediately seized his eyes helped my resolve to stay. He sat up erect, staring at me with his mouth open. I noticed his lip started trembling. Chang Min, who was in the same relaxed pose as before, smoking his cigarette, looked at his petrified friend and smirked. As much as I hated being near Chul, I took pleasure in seeing him so uncomfortable. But I couldn’t face them both, so I nodded at Chul to follow me, then went around the corner of the guardhouse and waited for him. My heart pounded fiercely in my chest.
“H-hey… do you have something new to report?” he asked shyly as he appeared around the corner. His eyes couldn’t meet mine for more than a second at the time. “You’re really cutting it close… my superior officers are getting impatient.”
He lit a cigarette with a shivering hand.
“No… sorry,” I said. I had honestly forgotten it was that time of the week. “I haven’t had time for… listen, I really need to talk to General Roh… again. Could you take me there?”
Chul stared at me completely stunned. This time he had no problem maintaining eye contact.
“W-what do you…? Take you… to see… G-General Roh?” he stuttered. “Are you insane? Don’t you remember the last time? Don’t you remember what he did to me in the middle of the street… in front of everybody?”
He looked at me with eyes full of panic and desperation. I didn’t answer, and my eyes didn’t waver. I felt panic and desperation too, but this was a battle I needed to win.
“W-why do you need to see him in person? What’s so important this time?” Chul’s voice was even more high-pitched than usual.
“I… just need to talk to him,” I kept my firm, pleading eyes locked on his. “It’s extremely important, Chul. Please, I’m begging you!”
Chul took a drag on his cigarette and exhaled a cloud of smoke together with a long sigh. His eyes had left me and were looking at something far in the distance behind me. He sighed again, then turned back to me, his face distorted with guilt.
“Look, Areum… you can’t just go and talk with the General whenever you feel like it. He’s the Director of the whole camp… and,” he lowered his voice, “he’s completely ruthless and merciless. You must understand that prisoners don’t have direct access to him.” He sighed again and shook his head. “If you have something to report, I’ll be happy to take you to Sergeant Park… and maybe in the future we can figure something—”
“No,” I shook my head as I once more locked eyes with him. “No, Chul… I must speak with General Roh… and I must speak with him now!” My hunger and panic made my patience drain at an extremely rapid pace… and I didn’t know what would happen when it ran out completely. “Listen, Chul… he gave me this assignment in person, right? So he must be okay with me seeing him if it’s important… and besides… ” I had to stop to clear my throat. “I… I know that the guilt is… is eating at you.” My blood started to boil inside of me, but there was no turning back. “And… and you’re not helping us with food anymore… so if you want to do something to… to repent for what you did to Nari… then you’ll do this for me… you have to do this for me…okay?”
Chul looked at me. He didn’t tremble anymore, but his eyes were saturated with guilt and shame. He took another drag on his cigarette, shaking his head. But in the same motion, his head went from shaking to nodding, and with the next cloud of smoke that left his lungs and mouth, he mumbled, “Okay.”
CHAPTER 28
My heart raced as we approached the Oversight. Both because I was terrified of how General Roh would react to what I had to say - if he let me see him at all - but also because it felt beyond mortified to rely on Chul for help. At the same time, the rational part of my brain thought this might be a good thing.
If he thinks there’s a chance I’ll forgive him… that could make him lower his guard!
Reaching the landing of the top floor of the desolate concrete staircase, I was once more greeted by the warm smile of infinite kindness of my Father - the Great General from the mountain top in the wall-to-wall mural. I had almost forgotten how he looked without blood and brain matter trickling down his face. My eyes widened a
nd a hollow pain spread through my heart and chest where it merged seamlessly with the pain from my rib.
Don’t look at him, Areum… he’s not here to protect you anymore!
I quickly wiped my tear-filled eyes and hurried through the door to the left, leaving the visualization of all that was good in the world behind me.
Walking down the long corridor, my aching heart for the loss of my Father was replaced by fear that Colonel Wan would intersect us again - I wasn’t sure being with Chul would save me this time - but when we walked past his office, the door was open and nothing but a lone secretary was inside sorting papers without even acknowledging us. Remembering my first real encounter with Colonel Wan on this very spot, pain shot through my finger, which otherwise had almost completely healed. I buried my aching finger deep in the palm of my other hand as if that would somehow erase my memories.
Chul knocked softly on the door, and both my breathing and my heart all but stopped during the everlasting seconds of silence that followed.
“Yes,” we finally heard General Roh’s authoritative voice from the other side, and I could breathe again.
“It’s Private Gang, Sir,” Chul stated in a firmer voice than I was used to. “I’m sorry to disturb you, Sir, but prisoner Kim Areum has something important to report… she says it’s sensitive and that she can only report it directly to you.”
There was another excruciating moment of silence. I saw sweat pearling on Chul’s forehead, and I could feel it pearling on mine as well.
“Sir? Should I take her away?” Chul’s voice was still firm, but tenser than before and had a slight tremble to it.
From inside the room, I heard a chair moving, and heavy footsteps approaching the door. At the next moment, General Roh appeared before us, his blind silvery eye looking straight through me before landing on Chul.
“It’s fine, Private… she can come in,” he said in a calm voice without any hint of disgust or disappointment. “You’re dismissed!”
“Yes, Sir,” Chul saluted respectfully, although visibly relieved, and left.
I went in and sat in the same chair as last time. General Roh sat down facing me across his massive desk with his hands on his lap. To the right, I saw the back of the frame holding the inexplicable picture of my mother in her prime.
“What do you have for me, Miss Kim, that you couldn’t tell Private Gang or Sergeant Park?” General Roh’s eyes examined my face.
I swallowed, but it didn’t help against the painful lump swelling in my throat.
How will I say it? I haven’t thought this through!
“I’m sorry, Sir… the thing is that… since you were kind enough to give me this assignment, I have noticed how many bad things are going on around in the camp… the Sacred Rules being broken… it’s truly awful… but the thing is… you see… er… you know… when I first came here, you told us we are here to atone for our sins, and… and that it was your job to help us… right?”
General Roh raised his eyebrows.
“Yes… that’s correct.”
“Well… the thing is that… my family and I… we’re now in a… kind of a situation, where… it’s difficult… almost impossible… for us to fulfill our duty and to… to atone for our crimes… through the work we’re doing here.”
General Roh’s impatience started to shine through his otherwise emotionless face. The sweat from my neck poured down to my back in steady streams, making my clothes uncomfortably stick to my skin.
“Well… you see… the thing is that… somebody… er… stole our rice… I mean… the one we brought with us from… from our home in the Capital… and then we… had some other… problems, let’s say… and… and the whole family got cut rations for four weeks… and then there is Young Il… I mean, my father… Colonel Wan increased his quota by another twenty-five percent, and… and… now he gets beaten by the others in his work unit—”
“Miss Kim,” General Roh interrupted me harshly and leaned forward, his brow deeply furrowed. “Do I understand it correctly that you came here to ask me for more food?”
“I… I… I mean… w-we really want to atone for our crimes… we want to pay back to Choson for what my father did, but… as it is now, we are failing… and… and we want to do the work that is given to us… truly, but—”
General Roh narrowed his eyes and stopped my rambling by raising a finger. I could feel the sweat dripping down the sides of my face as well.
“Miss Kim,” he said in the voice of a father who was patiently, but firmly, reprimanding his teenage daughter. “What you’re describing is the reality most, if not all, prisoners live every day… month after month, year after year. You have been the very lucky exception until now. Maybe you haven’t realized it yourselves, but your family has been living like kings and queens until now.” He leaned back in his chair without breaking eye contact. “What you need to do, Miss Kim is to accept your new reality… accept that you are here to atone for your father’s crimes. If you do that, the spirit of our Father - the Great General will fill you… and empower you. And I assure you he will help your body endure any hardship you might face here… and your mind will eventually attain redemption. That is the test you have to pass in this re-education camp… and to be honest, I have full faith that you can prove yourself worthy. I have been here long enough to see that you have it in you.”
“B-but, Sir—”
“What you can do in the meantime to improve your situation,” General Roh interrupted me by raising his finger once more, ”is to provide us with useful information about your fellow prisoners… about the Strayed… so we can identify those who have no wish to atone for their crimes. I gave you this opportunity because I believed in you, but from what I gather, so far you have only provided us with one decent report, and the rest… of little or no value.” He leaned forward again. ”Miss Kim… as I told you before… if you provide valuable information, you will be rewarded… and that is what will resolve your food situation. There is nothing else I can do for you, I’m afraid. Your fate is in your hands. Embrace the sacred principles of Juche… be self-reliant… and you will find a way.”
My heart sank to my feet.
This was our last hope… and now, we’re instead one step closer to our impending doom…
“And how about Youn… I mean… my father?” I asked, depleted of energy. “Is he being treated the same as… as everybody else?
I expected an angry outburst for my insolence, but instead, General Roh sighed heavily and a sadness came over his face.
“Are you asking me if I make it harder for your father than for the other prisoners?”
I nodded. On the inside, however, my panic was growing, and I immensely wished I had kept my big mouth shut.
“As I told you that night I came over to your house, I grew up with my grandparents in Hamhung… I had a happy childhood there, and I’m not going to deny I have a special place in my heart for that once great city. I’m also not going to pretend I don’t have more contempt for your father than for most other prisoners here for what he did to all those innocent people… to my grandparents, cousins, uncles, and aunts… friends of the family. All dead… because of your father.“ He looked away, blinking rapidly, his face distorted by a burning fury and unfathomable pain.
“I’m so sorry, Sir—” I tried to get him off this topic, but it was too late.
“There was nothing reported about this in the newspaper or on TV, but it had already gone quite far by the time I was contacted by a former colleague back in the Capital. He told me what was going on in Hamhung… and not only Hamhung… in the whole South Hamgyong prefecture. I took my car and went over there… and… and I saw everything with my own eyes… everybody was either dead, or soon to be dead, from starvation… sun-scorched bodies littered the streets.” The street of death from my dream suddenly flashed before my eyes. “I found my corpses of my grandparents in their bed… that was the only thing left in their apartment… not even the picture o
f the Great General had been left on the wall… all had been looted. I continued looking for any relative or friend that was still alive, but the only one I found was… was… well, it doesn’t matter…”
He didn’t look at me anymore, he just stared blankly at the picture of my mother on his desk. “It took some time to figure out what had happened there… I had to use all my contacts in the Capital… and finally, I came across a name… Kim Young Il… the son of great Kim Hyun Woo - the founder of the Public Food Distribution System. The system Kim Young Il… your father… later used to kill my entire family… and millions more. And for what? For his own selfish political advancement?” The deep furrows in his face were accentuated by the shadows created by the ceiling light. “I used to look at that name every day for so long… but then time passed, and somehow it faded from my mind. Not even seeing his name when he was first admitted joggled my memory. Only after Colonel Wan started looking into his file as you requested did I recognize the name I had been obsessing over for so many years.”
I tried to swallow but the swelling in my throat was so large and painful I could hardly even breathe.
“How—?” I wheezed but it was too painful to continue.
“So yes,” General Roh looked at me like he had just awakened from a dream, “I do have a personal grudge against your father.” He leaned forward, joining his hands over the desk. His seeing eye was interlocked with mine and his dead eye peered into my soul. “But I have received this sacred mission by the Great General… to re-educate the people of our nation who have strayed from the righteous path… and I would never fail Him in that. Your father is receiving the punishment he deserves, which is neither more lenient nor more severe than what the rest of the Strayed is receiving. If he proves himself worthy, he will persevere and re-join society. If not, he will perish. I do not get involved in the fates of specific prisoners, no matter who they are or what they have done… that is the truth.”
The Weeping Masses: A Young Adult Dystopian Survival Saga (Juche - Part 3) Page 23