“Just because he took the fall doesn’t mean he did it,” I said.
Nari went silent for a while.
“So you think another innocent man was just killed?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “Maybe he stole the food, maybe he didn’t… either way, I wouldn’t call him innocent. We both know what he did to you. He would have done more if he wouldn’t have been interrupted.”
“I remember,” Nari nodded. “But… if he didn’t steal the food, then… it’s just wrong. It’s wrong either way, but…”
She didn’t finish her sentence, and I didn’t answer. I was getting tired of this conversation.
Great General, she’s annoying sometimes!
The day became hot and sweaty just as I had predicted, but the magical effect of the water rations helped as usual. More than the heat and the thirst, my mind was preoccupied with worrying about Mr. Ma and his posse - which now was one man short - and spent most of the morning avoiding eye contact with anyone.
During the lunch break, Nari and I sat on our usual log in the shade of some trees. To avoid the uncomfortable silence, we made small talk about the cabbage soup, which was even more watery than usual. It seemed they had stopped putting salt in it altogether. But at least we got full rations again.
“Here are my favorite sisters!”
Hana had snuck up on us from behind so silently we almost drop our soup bowls.
“Hana… what the—”
Before I had time to protest, she squeezed herself in between us on the log. I could understand the complete surprise on Nari’s face since - as far as I knew - Hana had never even talked to her before.
“Hi, Hana,” I said inquisitively.
“How about Thank you, Hana!” she smirked at me.
“For what?”
“For saving your ass,” she winked and continued in a whisper. “Now you’re off the hook for stealing the rice… and now that Mr. Ma has lost his right-hand guy, he’ll probably back off from you two. Two birds - one blood-smeared stone!” Hana smiled.
“It was you who informed on him?” I gasped in a whisper and looked over at Nari, whose shocked expression now was mixed with confusion.
“We informed on him,” Hana corrected me. “I told the guards you were my source, so now both of us are rewarded with extra food rations for two weeks! So like I said… how about a thank you, Hana!”
“Thank you, Hana,” I mumbled, looking down at my trembling hands. The old flame of fury was again spreading inside me.
“Well… you don’t have to thank me,” Hana said. “But now you owe me.”
I had to clench my fist not to explode.
The arrogance of this girl! And why is she saying this in front of Nari?
Hana stood up and faced me.
“Tomorrow we have work to do, so be ready.”
“And… how about our transfer?” I looked around to make sure no one was around.
“Soon,” Hana averted her eyes. “Just help me out tomorrow, then I’ll take care of it.” She turned around and walked away before I had the chance to say anything else.
With every fiber of my being, I regretted having caved to this girl.
I caught Nari’s eyes. Her expression of shock and confusion had now turned into anger.
“You did this?” she whispered.
“Did what?” I rolled my eyes.
CAN’T EVERYBODY JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?
“You stole that food… you got that man killed… and… and what are you mixed up in with that girl?”
“Hey!” My patience was running out. “You were dying from that pellagra rash… and thanks to you not being able to work, we both got our rations cut in half for two weeks. What could I have done, huh? I’m saving your life… again and again, for Juche’s sake!”
Nari shook her head.
“Not like that… I refuse to live at the expense of killing innocent people.”
“THEY’RE NOT INNOCENT!” I yelled, and at once, our whole work unit scattered around the field stared at us.
“No,” Nari stood up. “I’m grateful, Areum, I truly am… but I can’t do it like that. I just can’t. So whatever you’re doing, just stop it… please.”
She turned around and walked back into the cornfield, leaving me alone on the log, boiling with anger.
After everything I do for her… everything I have done for her our whole life… and this is how she repays me?
TO HELL WITH HER!
When the workday was over and our quotas filled, Chul approached me by the field. He seemed more relaxed than usual, which made my blood boil once more.
Great… so it wasn’t enough with the execution, and then Hana and Nari… now my sister’s rapist will come pestering my life as well…
Looking at him, I couldn’t help picturing me strangling him and watch the life slowly fade from his boyish rapist face.
“I heard it was you who informed on Sang Jun,” Chul said under his breath. “It must have been tough… but it was the right thing to do. I want you to know that.”
I felt an overwhelming urge to tell him it hadn’t been me - just out of spite - but managed to restrain myself at the last minute.
Nothing good could come of that…
Chul’s eyes started flickering and he couldn’t maintain eye contact.
“General Roh wants to see you… you have to come with me,” he said reluctantly, but after seeing the fear on my face, he hurried to add, “I’m sure it’s a friendly meeting… you have done good.”
I despised being praised by him, but I held my tongue and followed him to the General’s office in the Oversight. Like always, my heart raced when we passed Colonel Wan’s office, but the door was closed and nobody came out. General Roh opened the door right away and thanked Chul without the slightest hint of disappointment and let me into his office. After we sat down, he gave me a brief smile before he returned to his normal blank face. I knew now it was a fake smile… not like the one he had given my mother in his house the other night. The still-fresh memory made the hair at the back of my neck stand on end and a chill traveled down my spine.
“I heard it was you who helped us catch the rice thief. I just wanted to thank you in person,” he threw another fake smile my way.
“I was just doing my duty, Sir,” I pressed my eyes shut, trying to shake the image of him sitting naked in the armchair in front of me.
General Roh explored my face with his penetrating seeing eye, forcing me to focus on his silvery dead one.
“Last time, our discussion became slightly heated,” he continued. “I just wanted you to know that as long as you continue doing good work like this, your life here will be comfortable… well, as comfortable as it can be for the Strayed. You have my word on that.”
“Thank you, Sir.”
His bare torso continued flickering before me. I swallowed painfully as I tried to avert my eyes without appearing disrespectful. I didn’t want to stay in this room for one more second.
“I understand your family has had some problems lately, but I was happy to hear your rations have already been restored to normal. And I understood you also got double rations for two weeks as a reward, is that correct?”
“Yes, Sir… I am very grateful, Sir,” I couldn’t avoid eye contact any longer.
“Well, you deserve it.”
It looked like he wanted to say something more, but instead, he went back to his papers in front of him on the desk and just said, “That was all, Miss Kim. You’re dismissed. Keep up the good work.”
After a quick bow, I all but flew out of his office and didn’t stop until I was safe outside the Oversight, panting against the wall. It took a couple of minutes to catch my breath, then I started walking home. I was so deep in my thoughts that Hana appearing from behind the corner made me shriek.
“Just came to give you your rice,” she laughed at my reaction.
“Why don’t you just give me the whole bag?” I snorted. “No one has come to s
earch our house.”
“As far as you know,” Hana gave me a meaningful look. “You don’t know what they do the whole day while you’re off working the fields.”
“Fine,” I rolled my eyes and took the bundle.
“So, what was that all about?” Hana asked with a curious smile, nodding at the door I had just come out from. “Did you meet the General? Was it about Sang Jun?”
“How can you say his name so casually?” I asked, appalled. “He was innocent… and you got him killed this morning.”
“Don’t be so dramatic, Areum… and trust me, he had done plenty of things you don’t know about,” Hana shook her head. “So what did he say… the good old General?”
“He told me to keep up the good work,” I muttered.
Hana bumped my shoulder with a smirk.
“I told you… your life is about to change. Do I hear a thank you, Hana?”
“I already said thank you,” I grunted. “And you said you didn’t need any thanks… that I owe you instead.”
“Yes you do… and don’t you forget it,” Hana winked. “Okay, head off home now, and remember… tomorrow’s the day… be ready!”
“The day for—?”
“You’ll see tomorrow… just be ready.”
I nodded, reluctantly accepting the futility of inquiring further, and headed home, fearing what tomorrow would have in store for me.
At least we will have double rations and rice for a couple of weeks! Our life might never return to how it was during the first months, but we are saved from immediate starvation!
The first thing I saw when I came in through the door was Nari’s furious face. She had already finished her share of the full ration of corn and cabbage soup. I went over to the fire and served myself, ignoring her glare.
“So… did you have the chance to sell anybody else out now after work?”
“Give me a break,” I grunted, annoyed with everyone and everything.
I sat down with an exhausted sigh and started eating. I remembered the bundle of rice and threw it over to Nari without saying anything.
“I don’t want your blood rice, Areum,” Nari threw it back.
“It’s not blood rice,” I grunted. “Be angry all you want, but just eat it. Otherwise, the pellagra will kill you.”
“We got our full rations back now, so I’ll be okay.”
“It doesn’t help!” I raised my voice. “You can eat ten times as much corn and cabbage, it won’t make any difference… it won’t make you better. You need rice!”
“I’ll be okay,” Nari refused to budge.
“Fine… suit yourself then,” I grunted.
I’d had enough. I took the bundle and put it next to me on my quilt. I considered eating it myself, just to rub it in her face, but in the end, I left it, hoping she would come to her senses.
We sat in silence for a while, facing away from each other. I took my time finishing my soup. It was thicker and more filling than it had been in many weeks, but unfortunately, it didn’t improve the flavor. My eyes kept being drawn to the bundle of rice on the floor, but I resisted.
“I can’t believe how callous you have become,” Nari said after a while. “It’s like you’re a completely different person now… indifferent to other peoples’ lives… or deaths.”
“You have never really known me,” I muttered.
“So what comes next? How many more will die for our survival?”
“Stop acting like we’re still in Capital, Nari. The rules are different here. You adapt or you die.”
“I’d rather die—”
At that precise moment, the door opened and Sun Hee appeared.
“What are you doing home?” I jumped.
“I asked to leave early to check in on Nari,” she said. “Are you okay, dear?”
“Wow… such privileges you have in your new work, Mother,” I snorted.
Sun Hee looked at me with a questioning expression but then turned back to Nari.
“I’m fine,” Nari said angrily.
“Have you two been fighting?”
“No,” both of us replied in chorus.
Sun Hee sighed.
“Girls… you need to look out for each other, you can’t afford to fight… you must stand together to survive.”
“Well, that’s what I’ve been trying to do,” I threw an angry glance at Nari.
“All I asked you to do was to be my big sister… if you would have asked me, I would have told you that I was not willing to pay that price.”
“What price? What are you talking about?” Sun Hee looked increasingly puzzled.
“It’s none of your business, Mother,” I snapped.
Sun Hee’s face turned red.
“How dare you talk to me like that? I have told you many times, Areum… you need to show me respect—”
“AND WHAT IS THERE TO RESPECT?” I screamed. “How dare you talk to me like that? You’re not part of this family anymore, MOTHER!”
Both Sun Hee and Nari gasped and stared at me, stunned.
“W-what are talking about? Have you lost your mind?” Sun Hee stuttered.
“I saw you,” I glared at her. “The other night… when we thought Nari was having a heart attack. I snuck into the Chrysanthemum Garden to get you, and… and I saw you… with him… I saw everything!”
Sun Hee’s face turned dark scarlet red and expressed nothing but sheer panic.
“Areum… honey… you’re mistaken… maybe you thought you saw something, but—”
“I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I SAW! I saw you… naked… and General Roh… naked… and you were kissing… and laughing… and… and…”
Nari gasped and looked at her mother with enormous eyes, amplified further by her round glasses.
“No, Areum… you don’t understand—”
“Mom… is that true?” Nari whimpered.
“No, darling… of course not—”
“I saw it with my own eyes,” I spat with disgust. “And I think I would recognize my mother… even when she’s naked… and in the arms of our enemy.”
“No, no, girls… please listen to me—”
“So it is true?” Nari sobbed, streams of tears running down her cheeks.
“Honey, it’s complicated… it’s not what you think… you just have to trust me… whatever I do, I do it for the two of you… you have to believe me.”
“If you want to do something for us,” I continued my unwavering glare, “then leave us alone. Why do you even come here? Just stay in the Chrysanthemum Garden with the General… I mean… that is your new home, right?”
Sun Hee’s eyes welled up with tears.
“No… Areum… Nari…”
Nari was crying as well, but her face was now also filled with fury.
“Nari,” Sun Hee pleaded.
“Don’t talk to me,” Nari growled. “Just do what Areum says and leave us alone. Obviously, she’s the one in charge now…”
She turned away from Sun Hee and lay down on her quilt.
I did the same.
“Girls… please…” Sun Hee continued pleading to our backs.
We met her pleas with cold and resilient silence.
She tried in futility to call us a few more times. Then she gave up and just sat, sobbing softly between us. I don’t know for how long. Finally, she got up and left without saying another word. Neither of us tried to stop her, but as the door closed, I couldn’t help but feel yet another dagger pierce through my already bleeding heart.
CHAPTER 36
I woke up exhausted after having seen Sang Jun’s head explode in front of the giant head of the Great General on a loop over and over the entire night. In my dream, the firing squad consisted of ten clones of my mother… one of them the young version I before believed was in the picture frame on General Roh’s desk. My clothes and quilt were drenched in sweat. I felt disgusting and guilty. The stink of moldy cabbage soup simmering over the fire didn’t make things better. Nari, who was tending t
o the soup, seemed to have had a similar night. At least her pellagra was visibly getting better.
Dad was also up and getting ready to go to work. He asked us if we had seen our mother, but both of us just shrugged our shoulders. He left without inquiring further. I guessed he didn’t have the energy to do more than just try to make it through another day.
The tension between Nari and me was palpable throughout breakfast and the way to work. In the cornfield, we kept our distance from each other, but I still had to stay close enough to help her fill her quota without it being too obvious. Even though we didn’t talk - and generally avoided looking in each other’s direction - I knew Nari had nothing on her mind except for the devastating news about our mother and General Roh, and I knew it was killing her… even more than the pellagra and starvation ever had. My mind, however, was more preoccupied with the task Hana would throw my way that night, and I had a distinct feeling I had been tossed out of the frying pan and was plummeting straight into a blazing fire… even though I couldn’t see it yet. I spent lunch apart from Nari together with Jun Ha. I was tempted to ask him if he knew what was in store for me tonight since I knew he and Hana were close, but in the end, I didn’t dare.
The workday in the cornfield finished quite late at night, but dad had still not come home by the time we left for the mandatory self-criticism session. I was worried Nari would attack me out of spite and reveal something about Sang Jun, but we only threw a few formal criticisms to each other, and the session ended without incident. Mina looked at us inquiringly as we a bit too obviously avoided looking at each other, but both of us avoided her as well. I had too much on my plate to also worry about my old nemesis. Especially since Chul was the overseeing guard of the self-criticism session this Sunday. The time my mind didn’t ponder what kind of task Hana would give me afterward, it spent fantasizing about increasingly gruesome ways to kill him.
Soon the time will come…
After the self-criticism session finished, I discretely left to meet with Hana by the river without saying goodbye to Nari. I didn’t want to initiate another meaningless argument. Anyway… she now had her real sister back that she could walk back to the Orchid Garden with.
The Weeping Masses: A Young Adult Dystopian Survival Saga (Juche - Part 3) Page 31