A split second later, Dong Suk towered up in front of me. I rolled over and jumped up to my feet just in time to evade his foot as he tried to stomp my face to a pulp. He grunted with furious desperation but was not deterred. He tried again to stomp me, this time to the ribs, but my body was finally starting to remember how to move, and I could easily roll out of harm’s way again. I rolled once more to get some distance from him and then jumped back onto my feet. Before he had time to charge again, I jumped up and did a roundhouse kick that hit him right on the cheek. He briefly lost his balance and went down on one knee, slightly dazed, but immediately got up again. Nevertheless, it gave me enough time to take a few steps back to increase the distance and then barge toward him in full speed, jump, and in mid-air do one of my match-ending spin hook kicks - as my taekwondo teammates used to call them - hitting him right in his already wounded nose. I felt the bone shatter under the heel of my foot. As I landed, Dong Suk was standing bent over on his knees. Blood gushed from between the fingers that were holding his mutilated nose. There was no way he would recover from that.
I have won!
Panting, I took a couple of steps backward. I just wanted this to be over… to take Nari’s hand and go home. To eat our disgusting soup and lick my wounds.
“Finish him!” Hana commanded from behind me.
“What?” I turned around and stared at her. “What are you talking about? He’s done for… there’s no need… I won.”
“I said finish him!” Hana repeated her order with an unwavering glare. “I decide when this fight is over.”
My eyes swept over at the Dragons. They all glared at me, menacingly holding their sticks and knives ready… all except for Jun Ha, who nodded at me with terrified eyes to go through with it.
Is she… threatening me?
“Finish him!” Hana commanded again, visibly running out of patience. “Finish him now!”
“P-please… there’s no need… I-I give up…” Dong Suk stuttered nasally from the ground, all of him covered in blood that was still flooding from his nose.
“FINISH HIM!” Hana bellowed and took a menacing step into the ring.
I looked over at Nari. She shook her head at me. “I have to,” I mouthed to her, then turned around and did a back kick, once again landing the heel of my food on Dong Suk’s nose. A loud crack carried through the night air and Dong Suk fell to the ground.
I looked at him holding my breath. The blood gushed from his nose more abundantly now. It had been a tricky balancing act to kick him hard enough to knock him out but not hard enough to kill him. But he wasn’t moving. Had I just killed a person? Not only caused somebody’s death like before… but killed him with my own hands… and feet? The whole field was veiled in tense silence. My body filled up with a tidal wave of new emotions I had never experienced before and had no idea if they even had names. I heard Nari gasp through the dead silence as I looked down at my doing on the ground. Then suddenly I jumped, and the whole circle gasped. Dong Suk’s body twitched on the ground. He let out a moan and rolled over on his back. His eyes were closed and a strange hissing sound was coming from his mouth. He was somewhere between conscious and unconscious… but he was still alive.
I sighed with relief and looked over at Nari, whose face still displayed nothing but shock and horror.
“For Juche’s sake!” Hana scowled and rolled her eyes. “Areum… go and finish him… for real this time!
My short-lived relief turned into fury and I glared her down, defiantly crossing my arms in front of my chest. My eyes were met by her huge, penetrating eyes as her face took on a darker shade of red.
“Finish him!” she spat again.
Nari was still desperately shaking her head at me behind her, pleading to me with her eyes to stop. But after the constant adrenaline overdose the whole day, I felt strangely numb inside, and at that moment it felt like it maybe didn’t make any difference… and that I didn’t have a choice in the matter either way. I slowly walked over to Dong Suk. The crowd of workers behind us gasped, but on one moved and nobody uttered a word. I lifted my leg over his face and held it there.
“DO IT!” Hana screamed at the top of her lungs.
I raised my leg further, and just when I was about to crush his face with the full weight of my body, there was another scream that made me stop mid-air.
“NOOOOOO… Areum… don’t do it… Great General… please don’t do it… PLEASE! I’M BEGGING YOU!”
Everybody’s attention was now directed at my baby sister, who had entered the circle next to Hana. I stood frozen like a statue with my foot still in the air, staring at the two of them. Dong Suk was barely conscious underneath me.
“Get out of here,” Hana ordered her furiously. “This is none of your business.”
“I won’t let you do it,” Nari cried. “Areum… I know this isn’t you… please… this is not who you are… you don’t have to do it… you’re my sister… I love you… please!”
“Oh, for Juche’s sake,” Hana shouted. “Do I have to come out and do it myself?”
She started walking toward me and Dong Suk in the middle of the circle. The tension around me spiked again, but I’d had enough. I carefully lowered my foot and put it down next to Dong Suk’s head. Hana was still coming toward me, so I held up an open hand.
“They have learned their lesson, Hana,” I said calmly. “I’m not disobeying you… I’m protecting you… if we cross this line, there will be consequences… consequences that I can’t protect you from… you want me to be your right hand in the Dragons? Then please don’t make it impossible for me to help you.”
Hana glared at me, her eyes burning with fury and hatred. But only for a moment. Then, her expression changed. She put her hands against her sides, and let out a thundering laugh.
I was shocked, but even more shocked when all of the Dragons joined in, standing in stark contrast with the grim-looking workers who still stared at me and Dong Suk.
The laughter settled down, and Hana came over and put her hand on my shoulder. She winked. Then she spat on Dong Suk, who was still barely conscious on the ground, and walked over to the rest of the workers.
“Well, then… I assume you have learned your lesson and that there will be no more insubordination from any of you… am I right?”
“No, Ma’am,” they all mumbled, their eyes moving from Dong Suk’s bloody figure on the ground to me, who was panting in the middle of the circle and finally back to Hana. “No, Ma’am.”
“That’s what I like to hear,” she smiled. “Now, what you’re going to do is to leave Mr. Dong Suk here while you go and finish your quota. After you have finished… if he’s still alive… you can take him to the doctor, so you’d better work quickly. Is that clear?”
“Yes, Ma’am,” the men mumbled, and after throwing one last look at Dong Suk, they picked up their harvesting knives and hurried back to work.
Hana took me to the side and gave me a big smile.
“Well done, Areum… from now on you can be sure no one will mess with you.”
“Hana… you will never do this to me again, do you understand me?” I locked my furious eyes on hers. “You will never leave me out of the plan again… you will never push me into a fight that I haven’t agreed to… and you will never tell me to kill somebody… or I’m done, I swear to the Great General!”
“Hey… don’t worry about it,” Hana said and bumped my shoulder. We’re a team now… Hana and Areum… together we’re unstoppable… everything will be great… you just need some time to get used to it, that’s all.”
She patted me on my cheek and disappeared into the night together with the rest of the Dragons before I could wrap my head around what she had said.
Nari came up to me, her face glistening with tears in the pale moonlight.
“Thank you, Nari,” I said.
“Areum… you almost executed that man in cold blood… would you have done it? If I hadn’t stopped you, would you have done it?�
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“I… I don’t know… I was so… exhausted… and in so much pain… I just wanted it to end… I don’t know…”
Nari took my hand.
“Please, Areum… never cross that line… promise me that.”
“I promise,” I looked her in the eyes and squeezed her hand. Remembering Hana’s words, however, I realized I had no idea what Hana would make me do in the future.
And what will happen if I break this promise to Nari?
But the future was the future… right now, I just needed to finish one of the worst days of my life and go home to bed.
Chul suddenly emerged from the darkness.
“Hey… you did what you had to do,” he said. “How do you feel?”
I looked at him with my tired bruised eyes.
“You saw that? You saw all of it… and you didn’t stop it?”
“It had to happen… I’m just glad you’re alright.”
Despite my exhaustion, I felt my hatred building up again, but my body didn’t have enough energy to let it peak.
“Don’t worry, you’ll get your full quota today,” I said. “But you don’t have the right to ask me how I feel. Stay away from me… and stay away from my sister!”
Without waiting for his reaction, I walked away to inspect the progress of my now terrified work unit.
On my way home after we had finished, I vomited on the side of the road.
CHAPTER 42
My night consisted of a marathon of consecutive nightmares, each more gruesome and horrid than the last. In the one that finally woke me up, I saw my Father - the Great General in the shape of a radiant celestial being of boundless benevolence, extending his arms at me. My body floated in the air. I tried to swim up to him, but no matter how much I kicked with my legs or moved my arms, I didn’t get an inch closer. Then suddenly, I was thrust backward by an unseen force. I flew through the air faster than a rocket, farther and farther away from the extended hands of my salvation. I screamed, but no sound came from my mouth.
I woke up covered in sweat. Based on Nari’s expression, my mouth had produced an actual scream in the woken realm. But she didn’t say anything. Nari had already made breakfast. As I sat on my quilt, I noticed my left fist was still painfully clenched around the Great General pin. I put it back under my rag pillow.
I touched my throbbing face with my fingers. I couldn’t find a single spot that wasn’t swollen and sore. I could hardly open my left eye, but at least, no part of me seemed to be bleeding. It was just the two of us in the house. I didn’t bother asking Nari if she had seen our parents before they left… or if Sun Hee had been home at all. It didn’t matter one way or the other. And besides… I already knew the answer. The room was filled with the usual damp smell of old cabbage and corn soup. Nari handed me my bowl, her face tense with concern.
“Thanks,” I said.
My night panic had made my fingers cold, so the bowl felt pleasantly warm in my hands. We ate in silence for a while, but I could see Nari building up the courage to speak.
“What is it?” I gave her a push.
Nari took a deep breath.
“You almost killed somebody yesterday, Areum,” her voice trembled.
“It was self-defense,” I muttered.
“At first… but at the end, he was lying unconscious on the ground. If I hadn’t begged you to stop… you would have—”
“But I didn’t,” I snapped. “And what did you want me to do? The whole thing was so… intense and extreme… and he was trying to kill me… I didn’t know what to do… it was all a haze.”
I looked down into my bowl and continued eating, awaiting an avalanche of judgment and pleas from my sister.
“How do you feel?” she asked instead.
“I… I don’t know. Honestly… I don’t know. But I think… I think I might be… okay.”
I looked over at her to see if she believed me. It didn’t seem like it.
“Do you think… you’ll get into trouble for it?” she asked after slurping down an extra-large and slimy cabbage leaf. The sight made me gag.
“I’m not sure… Hana said I won’t… that it’s part of their agreement with the guards.”
Nari cringed at the mention of Hana.
“That girl is dangerous,” she said under her breath. “Look at what she made you do yesterday—”
“I know. I don’t like her either… but I’m pretty sure she needs me to keep her in power, so I don’t think she’s about to throw me to the wolves.”
“She ordered you to kill that guy, Areum!” Nari raised her voice. “She will get you killed… maybe not now, but… you shouldn’t get more involved with her.”
I scoffed.
“I think it’s a bit late for that, Nari. Besides… we need her just as much as she needs me. Without her, we would still be starving… and you would still be dying from pellagra… and she could just as well have given me up to the guards when I stole the rice that night instead of Sang Jun and keep the whole reward for herself… but she didn’t… so for now, I have to see this through.”
“Areum, please… there must be another way,” Nari pleaded. “She is turning you into a murderer… people are dying, if not directly by your hand, then by your name. Yesterday, I can agree you acted in self-defense of sorts… but how about next time? Will you kill whomever she points her finger at?”
A lone tear ran down her left cheek.
“It won’t be like that.” I was losing my patience, but the truth was I had no idea how it actually would be. “Anyway… there’s no other way… this is how we survive… I will make it work.”
“I will tell mom and dad,” Nari mumbled. “If you don’t listen to me… maybe you’ll listen to them.”
“Are you joking?” I sat up. “Dad is… I’m sorry to say it, but he’s already half-dead… broken… he can’t do anything for us. And Sun Hee… she has abandoned us… she’s off living a comfortable life with General Roh… she doesn’t care about us… at all! How often does she come home lately? We’re not her family… not anymore!”
“Maybe it’s because you scared her away,” Nari said under her breath.
I felt a sharp dagger piercing through my heart.
Is she blaming me for our mother’s betrayal?
“This is ridiculous,” I jumped to my feet. “We have to get to work. Do whatever you want… talk to them, don’t talk to them… I don’t care… and it won’t make any difference either way.” I put on my now almost worn-out shoes before turning to her again. “And you can’t seriously blame me for Sun Hee abandoning us. She did this to us, no one else.”
“I know you think you’re saving us,” Nari said, “but I’m starting to think all these things you’re involved in… all the things you do… that is what will get us killed… and it will happen long before Colonel Wan or any of the guards get to us.”
I looked into Nari’s large swollen eyes behind her dirty glasses, not believing how unappreciated all my efforts and sacrifices were.
“You’re wrong, Nari,” I felt my eyes welling up, but pushed the tears back down again. “And by the way… while you’re here doing nothing to improve our situation… Hana is helping me get back at Chul… for what he did to you. We will do that since you obviously have no capability - or wish - to fend for yourself.”
Nari’s eyes and mouth opened in shock.
“No, Areum… no… no… this is bad… please, you have to stop her… I… I… you can’t do this,” Nari jumped up and grabbed my shoulders, her face distorted by desperation.
A hot wave of indignation flushed through my body upon her touch.
“I’m doing this for you, Nari,” I stared at her with incredulity. “He has to pay for what he did to you… how can you not understand that?”
“You’re the one who doesn’t understand, Areum,” her pleading eyes penetrated mine. “I… I can’t tell you, but… you just have to trust me… you can’t hurt him… promise me that you won’t hurt him… pl
ease, Areum!”
I pushed Nari away from me so hard that she stumbled and fell to the floor.
“I don’t know what’s going on with you, Nari, but you’re not thinking straight. If you’re not woman enough to stand up for yourself, I’ll just have to do it for you… just like I’ve done our entire lives.”
“No, Areum… you have to promise me… don’t do it!” Nari pleaded, but I was already out the door and running down the street toward the main road feeling the cool morning air against my swollen wet cheeks.
She’s never happy… never thankful… everything I do is wrong! But she will thank me later…
She will!
When I came to the cornfield, Chul was there with two nervous-looking replacements for Dong Suk and Mr. Ma. I had never seen either of them before. I also didn’t ask how or where my adversary from yesterday was. I didn’t want to know. I had enough horrible images in my mind without adding another one of them being tortured in the Center of Truth… or already up on Cemetery Hill. I also didn’t want to engage in unnecessary interactions with Chul. Now that I was no longer facing impending starvation and Nari wasn’t dying of pellagra, I could again channel my rage and hatred for Chul and go back to planning my revenge. Even if Nari for some inexplicable reason didn’t want to take part in it, it felt good having a sense of purpose again.
The cornfield was quiet. Nothing was heard except for the soft wind rustling the leaves of the unharvested cornstalks against the backdrop of the invisible cicadas. The challenging and hateful glares were gone. Nobody in the work unit even met my eyes as I gathered them around me. To be honest, it was a relief not having to assert my authority again, but I still felt horribly uncomfortable in this new role Hana had shoved down my throat.
The Weeping Masses: A Young Adult Dystopian Survival Saga (Juche - Part 3) Page 37