by Jamie Knight
“Yes, ma’am,” she said. “But, don’t you worry; Dr. Amy Renfro is more than capable of helping you out. She’s an excellent doctor as well. They all are.”
“Okay. But I have a question. Maybe you don’t know the answer to it. But, do you know why I’ve been transferred to another doctor?”
“Overflow,” was the only answer I got.
Yeah, right, I thought.
It sounded fishy.
“So, would you like to schedule that next appointment?” the receptionist asked, sounding friendly and professional as she was ripping my heart out.
“No thanks,” I told her, before I quickly hung up the phone.
I no longer wanted to go back to that clinic, ever again.
“And like I said,” I said, turning back to address Judy. “Men are nothing but liars and will go through great lengths to tell lies.”
Judy hung her head and stared at the floor.
“I am so sorry for helping you get your hopes up about this guy,” she said. “From what you said, it seemed like he was really into you.”
“Yeah, I thought that he was, too,” I said. “But it seems like it was all just my imagination.”
Judy came over to where I sat on the other side of the desk and gave my shoulder a hard squeeze, looking at me with the saddest eyes I had ever seen. I didn’t want her to pity me, but I knew that was what she was feeling.
I pitied myself. I knew there was good reason why I never wanted to open myself up to date someone and I kicked myself for breaking my own unwritten rule. Because I knew that, with my bad luck, it would always end up being tragic for me.
“Thank you so much for all your advice and support,” I told her. “You really are a good friend.”
“No problem,” she said.
At least a silver lining is that I had finally made a good friend, even if we had started as work colleagues.
I told myself to focus on the positive and to snap out of my bad mood. I picked up one of the briefs from her desk and tried to focus on it, thinking that maybe we should work together on more cases, and I could immerse myself in work instead of worrying about my own problems.
It was a case about divorce.
Our firm didn’t do many family law cases – only very high profile, expensive ones – so of course I’d pick up one of the few files about broken relationships that was lying around the office.
Just my luck, I thought.
As I tried reading the words, they started swimming before my eyes. I had to push the brief away before it got ruined by tears falling on the pages.
“Bye, Judy, gotta get back to work,” I said, hurriedly leaving her office before she could see me crying. “Thanks again.”
“Good luck,” she said, and I could only imagine the thoughts she was thinking. I was sure they were something along the lines of, “I still can’t believe you’re banging your fertility doctor.”
But she was too nice to say it.
I felt like a fool for getting my hopes up to this extent.
It had only been one day.
Yes, it had been the date of my dreams. But this should have been a sign that no matter how great the guy seemed, it would always end badly, and I should just stay focused on my career.
At least I knew that my job would never break my heart.
I called and ordered some Chinese food from my favorite Chinese restaurant. I would stop by the grocery store to pick up a gallon of mint double chocolate chip ice cream and a bottle of wine.
Then I could work on more of my cases at home. Where at least I could drown my sorrows in some delicious food and tasty alcohol.
Chapter Eleven
Anne
It had been weeks since the date that changed everything and nothing at all and I couldn’t help but feel a deep emptiness. But I also had that feeling that something was really off and I couldn’t quite put my finger on what it was.
It wasn’t until I was elbow deep in my third carton of ice cream for the week that I realized what had been missing: my period.
Now, I was freaking out.
Really, really freaking out.
I made my way down to the convenience store for the fifth time that day.
“Back again, I see,” said the attendant, eyeing the contents of the conveyor belt.
There was a pack of gum, incense, and two home pregnancy tests.
He looked at me judgmentally but didn’t say anything as he rung up my order.
Oh, my God, I thought.
Just weeks ago, I had been hoping that the fertilization had taken effect. And then I had been so disappointed to find out that I wasn’t pregnant. But now this was a completely different set of circumstances.
As soon as I got home, I took both tests.
They both came back positive, yet again.
I stared at the blue plus signs, wondering exactly how all of this was about to change my world.
I had to call Judy and see what she had to say.
“Judy, I’m pregnant,” I said, as soon as she picked up the phone.
“Congratulations,” she nearly yelled, sounding more excited about the news than I was. “I know that you had been hoping that the IUI would work. I’m glad to hear that it finally paid off, and you don’t even need to move on to IVF to get pregnant.”
“No, you don’t understand,” I said, nerves starting to creep up into my voice. “This didn't happen with the fertilization process. This happened after my date with Dr. Roberts. The asshole who promised me the world after our first date and then never called me back for another one. Not to mention transferring my case to someone else at his practice so I couldn’t get ahold of him after that. That asshole is the father of my baby.”
The line fell silent as the weight of my words started to sink in.
“Whoa,” I said Judy, sounding like someone had knocked all of the wind out of her. “Well, what did he say when you told him?”
“That’s just the thing,” I said. “I just took the test and found out myself. And then I called you. I haven’t told anyone else.”
Judy sucked her teeth dramatically.
I could already hear her judgment of me over the phone.
“Well, why not tell him?” she asked. “If he’s the father of your child, then he has the right to know.”
I thought about it for a minute and decided against it.
“Honestly, I don’t think that I can,” I admitted. “I am super excited about being pregnant and I kind of just want to bask in that for a while. I mean, after all of this time, I’m finally going to have a baby, just like I’ve been wanting to do for a long time. That is certainly something worth celebrating. The bad part about all of this is the fact that I got pregnant by someone who took my virginity and then ditched me. And when I think about that, it’s pretty depressing. So, I don’t think that I can call him. At least not any time soon.”
“I can understand that,” said Judy, sounding apologetic. “That Dr. Roberts is totally a bastard for what he did, and he definitely deserves to hear that. In fact, I feel bad for even indirectly referring you to the asshole. Sorry about that, by the way.”
“It’s not your fault,” I insisted. “I know you were just trying to help. I’m the dummy who went and slept with him.”
“True. But still, I felt guilty. Anyway, back to the matter at hand. Telling this asshole about his kid. If the shoe were on the other foot and you had a child out there in the world, wouldn’t you want to know about it?”
I could hear the desperation in her voice.
She fervently believed this was the right thing to do.
And I knew that she was right about that, no matter how much I wished she wasn’t.
“Yes,” I said, reluctantly.
“Well, then maybe you need some time to process things, but when you’re ready, you should tell him.”
I knew that Judy had a great point, but I wondered if I would ever be ready.
Chapter Twelve
Ted
Sitting at my desk in the middle of the afternoon while everyone else ventured off to enjoy the beautiful weather only made me think of Anne more. I was surprised and a little disappointed that I still hadn’t heard from her since the night that I had taken her out.
Surely, she had had a good time. I had been certain to lay out the red carpet for her and made sure to keep her smiling, at no small expense, I might add.
It made no sense, when every other woman I had ever dated had thrown themselves at me, practically begging for more dates and making me straight out tell them I wasn’t interested. Yet the one woman I actually wanted to see didn’t want to see me in return?
Maybe she was playing hard to get. But the least that she could do was return my phone calls by now. I had left several messages to no avail and I knew I was beginning to sound desperate and pathetic. I’m neither of those fucking things, so it was about time I gave up on trying to see Anne again.
My phone rang. It was Amy, my colleague, one of the only ones that I knew to be still in the building working away. Our influx of new patients made for a lot of late evenings for both her and me, so that we could try to catch up on everything.
There was so much paperwork I had to do after seeing all the patients all day that I felt I was drowning in it. And since there was only so much that Sheila, our receptionist, could do, I decided to ask Amy to help out. She agreed right away.
“Hey, there, boss,” she said, using the nickname the other doctors had given me, even though I hated it. “I’m just letting you know that I’m done for the day, and I’ve been putting both my and your roster of data for patients throughout the last year into our system. I think I’ve earned the right to sign off for the day.”
Amy laughed at her own joke and I chuckled, too.
“Yeah, I'd say so. Thanks for the help. I’m giving you a bonus on your next check. So treat yourself to something nice and I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Okay, thanks,” she said, hesitantly. “And one other thing. I’m not really sure why, but Dr. Thomas came around earlier, asking all kinds of weird questions about you. Did something happen?”
My palms started sweating and a lump began to form in my throat.
Why was Thomas still sniffing around?
Was he trying to build a case against me for the ethics board? It was probably for the best that Anne hadn’t called. It would hurt my seamless professional reputation to risk any idea of a scandal occurring, especially knowing that Dr. Thomas had his radar seemingly fixed directly on me.
But, still, it would be great to see her again, I thought.
Just then, Sheila buzzed my phone.
“Yes?” I said as I picked up, wondering why she was still in the office.
“I know, I need to go home because there’s no overtime,” she said right away, sounding apologetic as she mentioned a policy I had been forced to institute a while back due to other office workers – not her – abusing the overtime system. “But I was getting caught up on the filing and on relaying messages since there have been so many new patients.”
“It’s fine, Sheila,” I assured her, making a mental note that it was time to expand yet again and open another practice due to high demand. That is, of course, if Dr. Thomas didn’t ruin everything I had built. “And definitely keep track of your time. I’ll pay whatever overtime you need. Just stay discreet about it so that the other office workers don’t think they can stay until eight p.m. drinking champagne and watching TV for time and a half, like I found out they were doing last time.”
“So that’s why you had to change the policy,” Sheila said, tsking her teeth as if to show she heavily disapproved of those other office workers.
I knew she did, too, because she was an honest, reliable worker. I had had to fire the ringleaders of what I liked to refer in my mind to as OvertimeGate, but I didn’t want the new workers who had replaced them getting any ideas. So, I kept the information on the downlow and only shared it with Sheila since she was deserving of my trust and my overtime money.
“Anyway, the reason I’m calling,” Sheila continued, “is that there’s an Anne McAllister here, wanting to see you. No, she’s insisting on seeing you…”
Anne.
Anne!
She was here.
I almost couldn’t believe it.
It seemed like my prayers had been answered. I tried to clear my throat to tell Sheila to let Anne in, but I stopped, hearing Anne frantically talking in the background.
“I tried to tell her that she was Dr. Renfro’s patient and was no longer on your roster,” Sheila continued. “But she insisted that it was important to speak to you.”
“Go ahead and let her come back,” I said, curious as to why she felt such urgency to show up when she could have simply returned one of my many phone calls.
Anne exploded through the door of my office, looking a strange mixture of both angry and sad. I was confused, expecting that I would have seen more of the smile that I was used to seeing on her face when we were together.
“So, how are you doing?” I asked lightly, trying to ease the mood.
She put her hand up curtly, as if to stop me before I got started.
This surprised me but I decided to just listen to her.
“I’m not here to talk about anything personal,” she spat venomously. “I already made that mistake before. I am here for an official reason.”
I assumed that by “official,” she meant “medical.” I had just seen her chart when I was inputting information for Amy’s patients that used to be mine, and had kept it on my desk before I started daydreaming about her. I snatched it up and started flipping through it. I felt like I’d been punched in the gut.
“Congratulations,” I said half-heartedly. “I see the results of the test that the nurse gave you while you were waiting, and you’re pregnant. I guess you already knew that and that’s what you came to tell me, since you’re already on top of these things at home usually.”
I felt such mixed emotions, standing there with her. I was happy to see her, glad that she was getting the baby that she wanted, but also slightly disappointed that she wasn’t carrying my baby.
I wasn’t even sure where that last thought had come from.
Don’t be silly, Ted, I thought. Of course she’s not going to be carrying your baby.
That was probably why she had never called.
But then why would she show up at my office like this?
“I know your receptionist, Sheila, is such a perfect worker and all that, but it was really fucking annoying that she made me wait for a night shift nurse and take a pregnancy test just to come talk to you,” Anne said.
I couldn’t help but suppress a chuckle. Sheila was definitely thorough.
“Well, that is the protocol,” I told her. “You are at a fertility clinic. And it’s not like I sleep with all my patients and they just come back unannounced to see me in the office.”
“Yeah, the only reason I put up with it is that I didn’t want to throw a fit and reveal our little secret relationship we have,” Anne said. “I mean had.”
My first thought was one of relief. I was glad she wasn’t going to snitch on us and ruin my career. But my second thought was the realization that she had said we had had a little secret relationship.
Why did she not want to be in a relationship with me, as evidenced by the fact that she was ignoring my calls, only to now act as if that was my fault?
What in the world was going on here?
I couldn’t get my previous thought out of my head, either. About her pregnancy. And how I wished the baby was mine.
I picked up her chart again, looking to see if she had ever made another appointment.
“Did you ever come in for your next IVF attempt appointment?” I asked, still trying to piece it all together.
“No,” she said, shortly. “I decided not to go through with it, especially when I found out that you had rudely switched me to another doctor w
ithout even consulting me or letting me know. Clearly you wanted to get rid of me and be done with me.”
My eyes almost popped out of my head.
She had some nerve coming here with accusations, when I was the one who had been chasing her and getting no response.
“I had my reasons,” I said, folding my arms, starting to get irritated. “I would have loved to have explained them to you over the phone, but you never called back. I know you must have gotten at least one call or message since I called several times and left several messages.”
“Yeah right!” she spouted at me.
Why was she disputing reality?
I felt like I was in an alternate world where nothing made sense.
Chapter Thirteen
Anne
I was seething mad. I knew that my eyes were rolling out of my head, but he was being such a jerk, I couldn’t help myself.
It had already been obvious to me that he had been inconsiderate by not bothering to call, but to add being a liar on top of all of that, just to gaslight me into leaving his office, or not reporting him to the medical board, or for whatever nefarious other reason he was telling me lies, was the icing on the cake.
I had finally worked through my nerves about wanting to tell him about the baby and thought that he deserved the honor of not just hearing about it through the grapevine or over the phone, so I had come here in person and all I got was a bunch of lies.
I couldn’t believe how much of an asshole he was being and I decided that not only did he not deserve to know about the baby, but I was also completely done with him.
“You’re unreal,” I said, backing out of his office.
“What?” he asked, dumbly.
He really did seem confused. But it was an obvious act he was putting on. And I wasn’t about to sit there and entertain more lies, so I left without another word.
“Anne!” he yelled down the hall after me.
I moved even more quickly, wanting to put as much distance between us as possible. I could feel tears burning behind my eyes, but I willed myself to hold them in until I got back to my own office.