by B. Love
My heart was breaking for her and I needed to know why. Why did she have this effect on me? She shook her head no as if she had a choice on telling me or not. I grabbed her by the front of her shirt and pulled her closer to me.
“Talk to me,” I offered.
I wasn’t the most emotional nigga, but I had no problem being honest and expressing myself. I was close to my mother and younger sister so I understood that women were emotional creatures. I took pride in my ability to empathize with them. Shit, I had to learn, otherwise, they would’ve driven me crazy in my younger days. She opened her mouth like she wanted to tell me but closed it instead. I cupped her face so that her chin was resting in the gap between my thumb and pointing finger and she looked at me.
“Thanks for bringing me my stuff,” she said finally.
Nodding, I stepped back. She wasn’t ready to talk now. That was cool. I knew where she lived now. If she did another disappearing act I’d be at her front door again.
“Wait…” she called out stopping me surprisingly after I turned to walk away. “Do you… have to leave… right now?”
I smiled. “I think it would be best if I did. Don’t you?”
She shrugged again. “I don’t want to be alone,” she whispered.
This time, I grew silent. I walked towards her and gently grabbed her by her hand. Led her into her apartment. Closed and locked the door behind us, and texted my junior chef to let him know I was going to be gone longer than I expected.
“Make yourself comfortable,” she said, walking towards her kitchen with her food.
She had a cute little studio apartment. All across the walls were quotes, bible scriptures, and pictures of musicians. In one corner she had a desk and bookshelf. In the opposite corner, she had her bed and a lamp. Towards the center, she had her couch and beanie bags. On all of her tables and even on the floor she had candles and incense.
“Are you hungry?” she asked, putting the food in the refrigerator.
“Nah,” I replied, lighting a few of her candles.
“Thirsty?”
“What you got?”
“What you want?”
“Red Kool-Aid.”
She smiled genuinely for the first time and I melted. Her smile was so beautiful. So beautiful it made me mad that I had to wait this long to see it.
“Got you.”
She pulled a jug of Kool-aid out and I laughed. I wasn’t expecting her to actually have it but she did. I wanted to know more about her but I didn’t want her to lock up on me again so I decided to just vibe and feel her out. After she poured my glass of Kool-Aid she walked towards me and sat next to me on the couch. I took a swig and nodded my approval. I looked at her and she blushed as she looked away. I gripped her chin and forced her to look at me. Her hand covered mine as she closed her eyes.
“Look at me,” I commanded. Pouting, she unwillingly opened her eyes and looked at me. “What do you need from me? Just to sit here and be a body so you won’t feel alone? Random conversation? You need to get something off your chest without being judged? You need me to hold you? What? What do you need from me?”
She scratched the side of her face and avoided my eyes again. “Can you just hold me?”
Nodding, I stood and held my hand out for her. She obliged. As I led her to her bed, I cut the lights off. When we made it to her bed I undressed her. Leaving her in her bra and panties. I took off my clothes as well. Once I was down to my boxers I gave her one of my t-shirts. Let her be somewhat inside of me because I desperately wanted to be inside of her. She put it on and slid into her bed. I was about to get in with her but when she took her panties off I stopped. After she threw her bra on the floor she looked up at me briefly before turning her back to me and getting under her covers. I got in the bed behind her and pulled her close. Her arm wrapped around mine and she exhaled a deep breath that I didn’t even realize she’d taken.
“Would you ever lie to me?” she asked.
“Never.”
“How do I know you’re not lying now?”
“What reason would I have to lie, Sweetheart?”
She grew silent before speaking again. “Would you think I was a hoe if I asked you to make love to me?”
My dick swelled immediately. “No. I’d think you were a broken woman that needed love and affection. Intimacy. Is that what you want me to do?”
“When was the last time you were tested?”
“I get checked every three months when I go in for my physical. So…two months ago.”
“Do you have a girlfriend?”
“Wouldn’t be here if I did.”
“Do you have a wife?”
“Not unless that’s your way of proposing.”
“Do you have a boyfriend?”
“Hell nah.”
She sighed heavily before turning to face me. “I don’t know what it is about you but it scares me and makes me feel peaceful and content at the same time.”
“I understand. I feel the same way about you. That’s why I want to do whatever it takes to make you feel better.”
A tear fell from her eye. I wiped it away with my thumb before resting my hand on her face. She covered my hand with hers and closed her eyes. Breathing peacefully. And within a few minutes, she was snoring lightly.
Alayziah
I can’t lie…the shit with Alex got to me. It changed me. It broke something inside of me that I didn’t know was so fragile that it was even capable of breaking. Since him, I’d been drifting through life meaninglessly. Nothing that I’ve been doing has had substance besides my poetry. Yesterday when, I didn’t even know his name, I just called him he. Yesterday, when he was here with me, I felt like the pieces of me that Alex took had been returned. As crazy as it sounds, he made me feel normal. When he held me, his energy consumed me and it literally put me to sleep. It was so loving and peaceful. I didn’t know anything about this man besides he worked at a restaurant near my house and he’d read my poetry book enough times for it to be raggedy along the sides.
Other than that, I knew nothing about him, yet I had him in my bed and I felt at peace. When I woke up this morning, he was in the shower and I just laid there. Not wanting to say goodbye, I pretended to be sleep when he made his way to my side of the bed. He kissed my forehead, pulled my covers up slightly and rubbed my back a few times before walking out. I couldn’t help but shed a few tears. He was so patient and gentle with me like he knew that that was what I needed, but I didn’t even know. I wasn’t sure what the future held for us. I didn’t even know if I believed in happily ever after anymore. What I did know was that I wanted him to be my happy right now, and as soon as I got off work, I was going back to that restaurant to find out what his name is.
Jabari
“Well, what’s got you all happy today, RiRi? And, where were you yesterday? I stopped by your house and you weren’t there,” Jessica asked. I didn’t even realize I was smiling until she spoke to me.
“Nothing that concerns you, little girl. Stay out of grown folks business,” I replied, mushing her face.
“Ugh, stop you know I hate when you do that!” she yelled, grabbing her entrees off the counter.
“Why do you think I do it?” I asked, walking over to the sink to wash my hands before I started preparing for my dinner shift.
“Well, before you get ready to start dinner I thought you’d like to know ole girl is out there asking for the chef with the pretty eyelashes and vampire teeth.”
Jessica was cheesing with her hands folded under her chin. She had put her plates down and was searching my face for a response and that was when I remembered, we’d never exchanged names or phone numbers. After snatching my chef coat off, I rushed out of the kitchen and made my way to her. When I reached the dining room, she was standing with her back to the kitchen. The red pencil skirt she had on accentuated her curves and I couldn’t help but wonder what those pumps would look like wrapped around my shoulders. Shaking the thoughts from my head, I walked
over to her. I wrapped my hand around her forearm and gently turned her to face me. She smiled. I smiled. As good as she looked in her glasses, I was glad she didn’t have them on today. I got to look at those beauty marks.
“Hey, Sweetheart. Everything good?” I asked.
“What is your name?” she asked.
I chuckled. “Jabari. Jabari Henderson. And, you?”
“Alayziah. Alayziah Oliver.”
“Alayziah, can I take you out on a date tonight?”
“A date?”
The confused look on her face confused me. “Yeah, a date. What? You’ve never been on a date before?”
“I mean, I kick it with guys but…” She shrugged and pulled a piece of her hair behind her ear.
“Well, I would love to take you out on a date tonight if you would allow me to Alayziah.”
Blushing, she nodded her head slightly, “I’d like that.”
“Cool. You hungry? We’re about to start the dinner rush but I could whip you up something really quick.”
“No, no. It’s cool. I don’t want to hold you. I just… wanted to know your name. I can’t believe I had you all in my bed and I didn’t even know your name.”
Her cheeks turned slightly red and that was the first time I’d ever seen that happen on a brown girl before and the fact that it happened because of me turned me on.
“Damn, baby, you’re beautiful.”
She bit her lip and scratched the middle of her scalp, as she looked me up and down. “Jabari I’m going to be honest with you… I’m not easy. I’ve only had sex with three guys in my life, but I do fall in love fast, hard, passionately, and I like to make love a lot. My sex drive is high and I want you to respect me. So, I need you to not say things like that and look at me like that.”
I took a step closer to her and for the first time, she didn’t move back. “I’m a grown ass man and you’re a grown ass woman. If I was to take you into that restroom and fuck you right now that ain’t nobody’s business but ours. I wouldn’t judge you nor would I respect you any less. If you want to fall in love with me fall. I promise you I’m going to catch you. So, don’t fight how you feel and don’t hold back. I can assure you that I won’t. I’ll pick you up at eight.”
Nodding okay, she took a step back and left without saying another word.
Alayziah
I’d been sitting on my bed for the past hour. Jabari was going to be pulling up any second but… I was stuck. I’d taken my shower and put lotion on my whole body. I had a few outfit choices laid out on my bed. I had my hair wrapped and ready to go. All I’d have to do was comb it down and fluff it up, but I just couldn’t force myself to get ready to go out. Yes, I know all men aren’t the same. Yes, I know that Alex was… a fucking fool, but I love that nigga – and the thought of being with someone else… I just can’t. I don’t want to waste my time getting to know someone only to be hurt again. I’d rather just find someone to sex every once in a while and do my own thing. No strings. No commitment. No expectation. No disappointment. But this nigga Jabari, I don’t see myself being able to do just that with him, and that scares me.
Deciding not to completely give up all hope I called Marcel, but he didn’t answer. After I leaned back on my bed he called back.
“Hey, Love. What’s up?”
I smiled instantly. “How are you, Boo?”
“I’m cool. How are you? What’s wrong? I hear it in your voice.”
“You know I’m supposed to go out with Jabari tonight, right?”
“Right.”
“I can’t.”
“What you mean you can’t? You on your period or some?”
“Marcel!”
“What? You saying you can’t like you bleeding or some shit. That’s the only excuse I’ll take at this point.”
“Marcel…”
“No, Love, you need to go. I don’t even want to hear it. You’ve been cooped up in that house for too long. And there’s only so much I can do for you. You not the type to move on by being single. You need somebody to love on you. Let Jabari take care of that. From what you’ve told me, he seems genuine. Give him a chance and see what’s up.” I couldn’t even respond and he wasn’t going to take no for an answer anyway. “Now, get ya lil skinny ass up. I know you sitting there naked and ain’t did shit to get ready and the nigga bout on his way.”
“Aye! I took a shower and lotioned down!” I yelled defensively.
“Well, look at you! I’m surprised you did that much!”
“Fuck you, Marcel!”
“Nah, save that for Jabari! Call me in the morning and let me know what happens. I love you, my Love.”
“I love you too, Boo.”
Jabari
Alayziah was probably the cutest thing I had ever seen in my life, period. I knocked on her door and her silly ass opened the door wide enough to poke her head out. She smiled at me as I tilted my head to try and see the rest of her body. Her hair was wrapped around her head so I figured she was nowhere near ready. I chuckled as I took a step back.
“Hey, beautiful.”
“…Hey, handsome. I’m not ready.”
“Yeah, I figured. No rush. I can wait for you in the car.”
“No, just close your eyes and give me your hand and I’ll lead you to the couch. I don’t have on any clothes.”
Why did she have to say that? Nodding, I bit my lip and closed my eyes. She placed her hand inside mine and mine enveloped hers. She was so little. So petite. So fragile. Made a nigga wanna cuddle and shit. Wrap her inside me and then dig inside her. Shit. I don’t know how long I’m gone be able to keep my hands off of her. As much as I wanted to look at her body, I kept my eyes closed as she led me to her couch.
When we made it to the couch, she sat me down and I pulled her onto my lap. I couldn’t help but wrap my arms around her waist. Keeping my eyes on hers briefly, I closed them as she caressed my shoulder lightly.
“Sorry I’m not ready,” she mumbled, regaining my attention.
“You planned on backing out didn’t you?”
She nodded. I inhaled deeply. Taking in more of her scent. I’d never smelled the perfume she was wearing, but it was intoxicating. It was a mix of two things that seemed like they didn’t belong together, but in their complexity, they blended well. Kind of like how I figured she would be.
“Why, Alayziah? What is it that’s keeping you from letting me in?”
“It’s a long story and I’m sure you don’t want to hear about the men in my past.”
“No, I do. I need to know what I’m dealing with.”
She smiled. “Let me at least go and get dressed.”
“Do I need to close my eyes again?”
“Yes, Jabari.”
Damn. That was the first time she’d said my name and I must say…I love the way it sounds rolling off of her tongue. I closed my eyes and she removed herself from me. Since she had a studio apartment her bed was behind the couch where I was sitting. She had a covering that she could have used but she didn’t so I saw her silhouette as she maneuvered around her bed piecing her outfit together. When she was done, she walked past me and went into the bathroom to do her hair I assumed.
When she came out, all I could do was stand up and hug and hold her. She looked so fucking good. She was wearing a pair of high waist slacks that were loose fitting and a red crop top. Her hair was flowing against her shoulders and the only thing she had on her face was red lipstick. I didn’t know what the last nigga did to fuck up but there was no way in the world I was going to do anything to ruin her or what I could have with her.
“You are so beautiful. Do you know how beautiful you are?” I asked taking another whiff of her scent as my lips grazed her neck.
“Jabari…”
“What perfume are you wearing?”
She chuckled. I let her go so I could look in her eyes. “It’s a mix of this apple body spray and With Love by Hillary Duff.”
“Yeah, I figured that was some mixed shi
t. It didn’t smell like something you could buy. It smells really good on you.”
“Thanks, Jabari,” she blushed.
“So, you ready to talk now? We might as well get it over with now before we leave for our date. I want and deserve your undivided attention. I play second to no man. Not even in your mind and heart. If you’re with me physically I need you with me mentally and emotionally as well. So, what’s up?”
I could tell I’d taken her by surprise because she just stood there for a second staring at me. When she did move finally she went into her kitchen, grabbed a bottle of wine, and went out to her patio. She looked back at me and nodded for me to join her. After standing there and praying for enough self-control to not bend her over the railing on her patio, I walked towards her.
Alayziah
This nigga. First, he came in here looking all kinds of enticing in his pale blue tailored slacks and a red button down with navy blue flowers on it and a pair of navy blue loafers. I could tell his hair was freshly cut and he had his goatee trimmed slightly. He was wearing one of my favorite colognes for men, Blue de Chanel. Then, he talked to me like he cared about me, like he wanted— me. He was just as possessive as me, like he wanted to be a priority in my life, as I would be in his. I wanted to trust him and his sincerity, but I couldn’t risk being lied to and played again. My nerves were too bad for this shit. I grabbed the pack of cigarettes I had on the table on my patio and tried to take one out but he took the pack from me and put it in his pocket.
“The hell?”
“Watch your mouth. Why you stressing?” I sighed and leaned forward putting my forearms on my thighs. “What is it, Sweetheart? Is it me? Am I making you nervous?”
I shook my head no and tried to fight back my tears. “It’s not you, Bari. You’re everything right now. I’m just scared.”
“Talk to me about it. That’s what I’m here for. If I can’t make you feel better I’ll give you these cigarettes back but I promise you I can make you feel more at ease than these ever will.”