“You have talked about me, about what I went through?” she asks, picking at the skin on her thumb.
I cover her hands so she won’t make herself bleed. When she’s nervous, she either plays with her hair or picks at her fingers. “He knows about you, yes. You are important to me. However, he doesn’t know what happened. I told him something happened, but it wasn’t my story to tell.”
She stands there looking at me, tears in her eyes. “I hate feeling like this. I feel like I’m in a dream I can’t wake up from. Every time I close my eyes, I’m in that shed again.” She drops her head and starts to cry.
Without thinking, I pull her to me and wrap my arms around her, putting my chin on her head. She pulls my t-shirt into her fist, letting out everything she has been holding in for weeks. She gasps and gulps for air between her sobs. When she finally starts to calm, I run my hands up and down her back.
“I hate to point this out, but I have been able to touch you the entire time we have been together and you haven’t flinched once.”
She pulls back and looks at me. I try to wipe away the wetness from her cheeks. “You have. I didn’t even think about it. I was so focused on you and what you needed, I never thought about it freaking me out.” She wraps her arms around my waist. “God, I’ve missed you holding me.”
“I missed it, too. You have no idea how much.” I put two fingers under her chin and tilt her head up to make sure she’s looking at me. “Do you think two completely fucked up people can make it work? Or is it just too much?”
“I think we can make it work. I want to make it work. I don’t like being without you, Cole. It hurts.”
“I know, baby. I don’t like being without you, either, but I don’t want to force you into anything. I told you before. I’m not going anywhere.” I slowly lean forward, giving her time to back away. “Can I kiss you?”
“Yes,” she says right before my lips meet hers. This moment, my arms wrapped around her, my lips on hers, feels like home. I pull away, remembering where we are and that there are children around.
“Let me take you home.”
She nods, leaving her arm wrapped around my waist as we walk back to the truck. It’s almost like now that she can touch me again without freaking herself out, she doesn’t want to stop. And that is fine with me.
As we hold hands in the truck on the way back to Darren’s house, she starts spinning a piece of hair. “What are you thinking about so hard over there?” I ask.
“Do you think… I mean… Do you want to… If you want…”
This is not the J I know. She is always so confident. “What are you trying to say, baby?”
“Can I stay at your house?” She says it so fast, it takes me a second to decipher what she actually said.
“You want to stay at my house? Baby, you can stay at my house anytime you want.” I see her continue to twirl that piece of hair. “We don’t have to do anything, but are you sure you are ready for that?”
“I have no idea, but I want to try. I don’t want to be away from you right now.”
“You can absolutely come home with me. There is nothing I would like more.” I pull her hand up and kiss the back of it. “Do you want to stop and grab anything?”
“No, I’m good. But there is something I need.”
“Anything.”
“Do you think I can get Belle’s number? I want to see if she can recommend a good therapist.”
I smile over at her as the light from the setting sun reflects off her gorgeous face. I kiss her hand again and squeeze her fingers before answering. “Yeah, baby. I can do that.”
The baggage we have may be more than what we can carry alone, but together, I think we can definitely handle whatever life has to throw at us.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
J
I had a long talk with Belle without giving her details. I really like her and think we will be good friends, but I’m not ready for her to know all the crazy things that happened to me. The therapist’s name she gave me has been a godsend. I hate the idea of talking it all out, but I can’t keep living like this.
I’ve only been seeing Dr. Charles for about two weeks, but it was enough time to find out she is pretty sneaky. She gets me to open up without me even realizing what I am saying. I’ve been able to talk about my relationship with Justin, the shed, and everything in between. I’m not a hundred percent, but I am getting there. Cole has been amazing, just listening when I need him to. His just being there and being my rock means so much. I know he has his own shit to figure out; however, being able to do this together, but separately is helpful for both of us.
Sitting in Dr. Charles’ office today makes me remember something Justin said to me, something important. After my session, I rush from the doctor’s office to Pop’s house, breaking speed limits all over town.
I bust into the front door, causing him to jump and grab for his gun. Damn it. I keep forgetting that is his new best friend.
“Jocelyn Jane, what the fuck have I told you about coming into the house like that? You are either going to get your ass shot or give me a fucking heart attack.”
I rush over to the chair and sit facing him. “Pop, I know who it is. Do you remember about a week before Justin took me, Mark came in and asked for time off because Beth’s mom was sick and they needed to go help her?”
“Yeah…,” Pop says, eyeing me.
“Pop, she wasn’t sick. Mark was working for Justin. He was selling for the DiMarcos and got in over his head using the product he was supposed to be selling. The DiMarcos wanted the drugs or the money. Justin told him to start skimming from you to make up the difference. Justin needed him in the shop to spy on you. He was trying to make a name for himself in the organization. Getting you to run dirty money for them was the ultimate plan. Justin said he could get you to do it.”
“Are you fucking kidding me? I brought Mark in when he was just out of high school. Yeah, I noticed a difference in him lately, but to completely cross me, I never…”
“Justin let me know he was never with me for me. It was all about you and the shop. He was planted here by Angelo. They thought if he got in good with me, you would welcome him into the family. I would be his meal ticket to bringing the shop under the DiMarco umbrella.”
“Jesus fucking Christ. If I could bring that little fuck back to life to kill him all over again, I would. How he died was nowhere near painful enough.”
“Justin said something about going to Mark’s place and it being empty.”
“He’d better keep running because if I get a hold of him, he’s a dead man.”
“I don’t care about Mark, he made his bed, but what about Beth and Em? They don’t deserve living a life like this.”
“Shit.” Pop moves his bandana up and rubs his head before putting it back in place. “Damn it. Call Cole and see if Asher can find out anything. If it was just Mark, I’d let that bastard lie in the desert with the vultures eating his eyes.” Pop looks at me with hate in his eyes. “If he did anything to that baby…”
“That’s what scares me.”
“Desperate men do desperate things, J.” He rubs my shoulders as he walks by. I hope to God he’s not that desperate.
*
Cole and Asher walk into the kitchen, both talking on their phones. When Cole hangs up, he walks over and kisses my temple as I sit at the island. “Hi, sugar. Your appointment seems to have been productive today.” The smile he gives me as he sits melts me heart.
“You can say that. Did you or Asher find anything out? I’m so worried about Em.”
“The couple guys I talked to said they’d let me know if they heard anything, but as of yet, they know nothing.”
Asher finishes his call and puts his phone into his pocket. “All right. Here is what I know. Angelo had Mark followed out of town. Mark thought he was just running from Justin. I don’t think he realized how high the missing drugs and money would go. Mark’s car was found on the side of Route 95 that r
uns through Maryland. There wasn’t any trace of him, his wife, or kid. The car seat was gone, which could mean they just changed cars. At this point, I am waiting on a call from the state police in Maryland to see what they know.”
I drop my forehead to the island. That poor baby. Such a sweet girl mixed up in all this drama because of her asshole father. Cole rubs my back while he talks to my father, who has been calling the bank and Nan with the information I gave them. I hear Asher’s phone ring in his pocket, someone knocking on the door at the same time. It’s like Grand Central Station in this place. I sit up and spin in my stool to see who is at the door. I hear Asher thanking someone on his phone, a smile on his face.
Nan and Jules join us at the island just in time to hear Asher say, “Beth and Em are safe.” I hear a collective sigh from all of us. “From what Beth has told the police in Maryland, Mark took both of them without telling them what they were running from. When the car broke down along 95, he ran into the woods, leaving Beth and Em to fend for themselves.”
“What an asshole,” Jules says
“To say the least, but that’s not the best part. They were being followed. Whoever saw Mark run into the woods followed him there. Two guys came out of the woods carrying a struggling Mark, put him into a black SUV, and drove off. Beth turned the other way and ignored it. She said she could have gotten the license plate, but he wasn’t her problem anymore.”
After the shock wears off, Pop bursts out laughing, “Good for her. Where is she now?”
“She’s staying at her parents’ place in Virginia.”
“At least we know they’re safe. Can’t say the same for Mark, though.” Cole laughs. “What’s this mean for the DiMarcos?”
“Well, right now, the DiMarcos have gone underground. I can’t get a read on them. I’m sure they’ll pop back up, and when they do, I will be waiting,” Asher says.
“So will I,” Pop growls.
Chapter Forty
J
Knowing the DiMarcos are in hiding makes me feel better, but only slightly. They can come back at any time. With everything that has happened, I’m hoping they know they can’t get Pop to do anything he doesn’t want to do. And getting into bed with the DiMarcos has never been and will never be an option, regardless of how in the red the shop gets.
Even with everything Mark did, we’re still bringing in money. It hurt financially, but it didn’t cripple the business. Z’s Service is still strong and moving forward.
I am trying really hard to be strong and move forward, too. I’m not going to lie. It’s hard as fuck, but I refuse to be a victim. Yes, horrible things happened, but I won’t let them define me. I’m moving on. It’s the only thing I can do. I’m back at work and going to the gym, but I’ve only been back to the apartment once. I tried to stay there. I was on edge and every noise had me jumping, my heart thundering in my chest the whole time. It was the longest night of my life. I called Dr. Charles first thing the next morning. She explained that your home is your sanctuary. Once someone tarnishes that security and you don’t feel safe anymore, it’s very hard to get that back. It’s work. Sometimes even after all the work you do, you still can’t be there. I decided it’s just an apartment. I’ve been staying with Pop. My lease runs out at the end of the month, so I have a few days to get the rest of my stuff and either store it or throw it out. Cole and Asher are meeting Jules and me there in a few hours.
I put the key into the door and push. It looks the same, but it doesn’t feel the same. The hominess is gone. It was taken from me. I hate sleeping at Pop’s. I know he doesn’t mind, but I miss my own space where I can just be without answering questions or talking. Dinner is a production, too. I miss my bowls of cereal over the sink.
“So, where do we start?” Jules asks from behind me in the kitchen.
“It all has to go. I guess the best way is to split it by what’s going to storage and what’s going with me to Pop’s. The kitchen can all be packed for storage. I won’t need any of it. Why don’t you start here and I’ll go start in the living room so we can have some boxes done by the time the guys get here.”
“So Ash is coming with Cole?”
I roll my eyes as I gather the supplies we brought to pack everything. “Yes, I told you that. What’s the deal anyway?”
“We’re just friends. We hook up sometimes, but it’s nothing serious. Neither one of us is ready for all the emotion and bullshit that comes with a relationship. It’s basically just sex.”
“So he’s your booty call? He calls just when he wants sex and you’re okay with that?”
“Well, yeah. That is what a no strings relationship is about. We’re friends. I text him funny memes I think he’d like. He texts me stuff the other guys say at work.”
I stop packing the box and move to the kitchen door. Jules is wrapping plates in the dish towels, putting them into a box. “How exactly does that work? Do you date other people?”
“Sweetie, how do you not know how a friend with benefits works? We’re just having fun. Yes, we both see other people, but nothing serious. We talked about it. If either one of us decides we want to start something with another person, we just bow out of this thing. No hurt feelings, no issues. It works for us. Ash is gorgeous, has a sexy job, and he treats me good. He’s just a great guy. I’m not ready to be tied down.”
I watch her as she talks. She’s happy. Who am I to say it’s wrong just because I couldn’t do that kind of relationship? I walk back to my boxes. “You’re right. I’m sorry. You don’t have to explain anything to me. As long as you’re happy and no one gets hurt.”
“Bitch, I am happy. I know not everyone gets it, but it’s what I need. Speaking of relationships, what’s the latest on you and mechanic boy?”
“Mechanic boy… Let him hear you call him that.” We both laugh. “Things are okay… They’re good…great. I don’t know how to describe them. We get along great. Even after everything, he still wants to be with me. Why? I have no idea.”
“Why? Because you’re a catch. He’s a lucky man and he knows it.”
“But that whole thing fucked me up. I know I’m different than I was before. It sucks finding out what you thought you knew was one big lie and you fell for it hook, line, and sinker.”
“Please. Justin was an asshole. You can’t base the type of person you are on that loser. Personally, I think Cole has had a great impact on you.”
As we talk and work, the hours fly by. Boxes upon boxes are filled, labeled, and pushed up against the kitchen wall. It is nice to just hang out with Jules, no bullshit, just best friends laughing and talking about everything. I feel like this is one of those things we needed. It’s been too long.
“Knock, knock,” Cole says, pushing the door open. “We’ve brought beer and pizza.” He carries the pizzas to the stove, since every other surface is covered with stuff. I never realized how much junk I really had.
“Food!” Jules yells, running to the stove to open the box, grabbing a slice. “J is a freaking slave driver. I’ve been at this for hours without any food or water. I was held hostage and thought I was going to die.” She says that last part around a mouthful of pizza. Cole and Asher just look at her, eyes wide. I start laughing.
I start laughing. “Guys, come on. It was funny.”
Jules’ eyes widen. “Oh god, J! I didn’t even think—”
“Bitch, shut up. I’m fine. The guys just need to relax.” I push on Cole’s stomach. “Grab some pizza before she eats it all. We got shit to do.”
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Cole asks, getting a slice of pizza.
“I’m good. Really.”
And I will be.
*
When the last box is finally put into Cole’s truck, I sigh in relief. I have four completely packed vehicles. Three going to storage and the stuff in my Jeep going to Pop’s. I’ll just have the basics—clothes, toiletries, and a few books. That’s my life in boxes.
“Hey, guys, can you give me and J a min
ute?” Cole asks.
“Yeah, take your time. We’ll be out here,” Asher answers, leaning on the bed of the truck, talking to Jules.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
“Nothing. I want to ask you something.”
He leads me back into the empty apartment. It looks smaller somehow. He leans on the kitchen counter and reaches for me. I walk to him. He lifts his hand, wrapping it around the back of my neck, and rubs his thumb over my jaw.
“J, I’ve watched you for the last couple weeks. Today, for the first time in so long, you looked happy. You laughed and joked. It was natural, not forced. You were smiling. It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I’m so proud of you. You knew this thing was too big for you to handle on your own and you took control. You took control of your life.” Speechless, I stare at him. “I wanted… No. I needed you to know I am so in love with you.”
Trust in Us (Forbidden Love Book 1) Page 24