“You love her for real, huh?”
“More than anything in this world, Leland. She’s my everything.”
“I know how that feels. She loves you, too. I can tell. She’ll come back.”
“I hope you’re right. Hey, I’ll call you later. Got something I need to take care of.”
“A’ight. Be strong, man.”
“I will.”
I ended the call, and before I could put the phone down, it started ringing again. Nolan.
“Yeah?” I sighed into the phone.
“Hey…just checking on you.”
“I’m…the same. Bridgette still ain’t heard from Sage?”
“No, man, I’m sorry.”
“It is what it is. Let me hit you back.”
I hung up before he could reply, turned off my phone, and closed my eyes. Ten minutes passed before I opened the car door. A few seconds after that, I was walking the aisles of the liquor store.
30
“Neil? What are you doing here, son? It’s the middle of the night.” The foyer light framed her as she stood there in a caftan, a scarf covering her hair, sleep and concern in her eyes.
My response was to swallow back my fucking tears and lift the bottle in my hand. “She’s gone.”
Without a word, she let me in, led me to her office, and after I’d taken my usual seat, she sat down across from me and extended her hand. “You wanna give me that bottle, Neil?”
I blinked and shook my head. “Nah, I might need it.”
Reclining in her chair, she asked, “And why might you need it?”
Fixing my eyes on that Sankofa painting, I sniffed and swiped my thumb across my bottom lip. “You lied to me.”
“How so?” Mother Erica said in that even, calm voice of hers, and that pissed me off. My fucking life was unraveling, my mind was obviously messed up, and she was sitting there sounding like we were discussing the damn weather.
I tore my eyes from the painting and glued them to the bottle in my hand, motherfucking tears running down my face again. “You said she was my soul mate, my rib, and I fell in love with her. She was my Sankofa, or-or I was hers. I learned from my past so that she could be my future. She was my future, my world, my everything. I treasured her, took care of her like you’re supposed to take care of a gift, because that’s what she is or was—my gift! And now she’s gone, and I don’t know why or where. I don’t know if she’s safe! I can’t…I can’t take care of her like this! So do I need what’s in this bottle? Hell yeah, I do! My life is just as fucked up as it’s ever been, so what’s the damn difference?! I knew this shit wouldn’t work! I’m not supposed to be happy! I will never be happy!”
“But you were happy. I saw it.”
“That just makes this shit worse. To be happy and then have it snatched away? I’d rather have never been happy!”
I heard footsteps but didn’t look up when she assured someone that everything was okay. I knew it was probably her daughter, Annie, who helped her run the place. I did wipe my face, though.
Then she said to me, “Neil, I didn’t lie to you, and you know I didn’t. Your own ancestor confirmed who Sage is to you. You love her, connected with her before she became your wife. You saved her, remember? Through your dream, you saved her in her waking hours. She is your soul mate, and you do know where she is. If you could find her in a dream, what’s stopping you from finding her now?”
That’s when the light bulb in my head turned on. I set that bottle down and stood to my feet. “Yeah, I know where she is. Uh, Mother—”
“It’s okay. You’re upset. You wouldn’t have used that tone or language with me otherwise.”
I nodded, dropping my eyes to the bottle again. “I didn’t drink. It’s not even open.”
Standing from her chair, she moved closer to me, resting a hand on my cheek. “Don’t you think I know that? I know your strength, Neil. I always have, and now you know it, too. Go find your rib, son.”
I nodded again, and then I left, powering my phone back on and ignoring the calls from my sisters-in-law and sister and brothers as I made my way to my wife.
31
Neil: If you jump, I’m jumping right behind you.
My head shot up as I looked around, trying to see if he was there. He wasn’t.
Me: Where are you?
Him: So you’re still alive?
Me: Yes. And I’m not going to jump.
Him: Then why are you there?
Before I could type out my response, headlights glared through my rear window, illuminating the inside of my truck where it sat on the little lot that people parked on to access the walking path that occupied one side of the bridge, the same lot I’d sat on months earlier when a similar sense of despair filled me. Closing my eyes, I sighed and popped them open when I heard him use his key fob to unlock the door. When he climbed in beside me, he didn’t look at me, but fixed his eyes on his hands in his lap. His countenance was dim, and I could almost reach out and touch the pain emitting from him. What had I done? I was trying to do the right thing, but it appeared that I’d broken the love of my life in the process.
He wore black jogging pants and a black hoodie, smelled like remnants of his usual cologne, and as my eyes followed his gaze to his hands, I could see that he was rubbing his thumb over his wide gold wedding band, and that sight brought tears to my eyes, so I turned my head and re-affixed them to the bridge.
“Tell me what I did and how I can fix it, because I swear to God and Allah and Buddha and Olorun and Isis and all the rest of them that I can’t live without you. I can’t, baby.” His voice was soft, shaky, heart-breaking.
I shook my head, stared at the steering wheel. “You didn’t do anything. I did. I put you in a horrible position and I’m trying to fix it by releasing you, but I don’t think I can. I’ve been sitting here trying to convince myself that I can be without you, but I can’t. I just can’t.”
I felt his eyes on me as he said, “What position did you put me in? I married you willingly, fell in love with you purposely. You didn’t make me do anything, Sage.”
“But-but you want kids and—”
“Baby, I told you we ain’t never got to have no kids. Is that why you left me? Where’ve you been sleeping? In here?”
“I haven’t been sleeping, and what I’m tryna say is, I know about your daughter and how you want to be a family with her and your ex, but you feel obligated to stay with me.”
“Who the fuck told you some shit like that?!”
“Em-Emery. You told her why you married me?”
“Hell, no! Emery told you that shit about that kid?!” he thundered, making me jump.
I turned my head to see fire in his eyes and creases in his forehead. “Yeah. So you didn’t tell her why we got married? Why’d she say you felt obligated to stay with me, then?”
“Because she knows I always said if I got married, I was never getting a divorce. And she knows I meant it. I still mean it.”
“Oh…”
“That motherfu—look, baby…I ain’t got no got-damn daughter by her! This girl she’s talking about is some cousin or something she and Gala took in. Gala’s got the girl and Emery wants her back. She thinks if we get back together the judge will decide her home is more stable and award her custody. When she came to me claiming the girl was mine, I knew she had to be lying. I mean, I wasn’t sure, but I knew I’d never been careless. Yeah, I was a sexual deviant, but not a dumb one. Shit, Ev schooled me a long time ago with him getting caught up with Esther. I’ve always believed raw sex is for wives. I ain’t never been married to Emery’s ass.”
“But…how do you know the girl isn’t hers, or yours, for sure? Accidents happen.”
“Because I put Nole on the case. He got the info for me, and when I confronted her with it, her ass was dumbfounded. She thought I was the same pathetic-ass nigga who wanted her back so bad all those years, that I’d actually leave you because she said she had a kid by me, not ask for proof or d
o any research. Shit, I asked her who she thought was stupider, me or the judge? Wasn’t nobody falling for that shit. Then she admitted that while she really did want custody of the little girl, what she wanted more than that was me.”
I stared at him for a moment before asking, “And what did you say?”
He reached over and laid his hand on my cheek, making me finally release the tears I’d been holding back. “I told her that I’m happy, that I’m married to my soul mate, my other half, and that I intend to stay married to her until the day I die.”
“And-and-and what did she say?”
“Some shit that don’t matter.”
“Something about me?”
“Something about me being a weak-ass drunk who she didn’t want anyway.”
“I’ma kick her ass,” I whimpered.
He chuckled. “How about we just let Nolan get someone to do it like he did with that Gavin asshole?”
My mouth dropped open. “Is that why he posted that long-ass video on Facebook apologizing for all the wrong he’s done? He apologized to me, his parents, his third-grade teacher, some kid he stole some candy from when he was ten…the shit was crazy! And he was wearing one of those halos like he had a spinal injury or something! Damn, what did they do to him?”
“Obviously, they fucked his hoe-ass up.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you had him beat up?! I woulda given you so much extra pussy and head had I known!”
“Shit, for real?”
“Yeah!”
“Damn…well, you know now so…”
I rolled my eyes.
“I didn’t tell you because that was man shit. You didn’t need to know.”
“Why didn’t you tell me about Emery and the fake kid? That wasn’t man shit. I had to hear it from her at the expo when you were blowing up the public restroom.”
“I didn’t want to worry you, and I wasn’t trying to disrupt my happy home. You were wildin’ just from her popping up at the birthday party, remember? Plus, I knew she was lying. I guess she was so pissed about me rejecting her, she decided she’d try to ruin my marriage by telling you herself, but she didn’t…did she?”
I wiped my face and shook my head. “No, but I really need to whoop her ass, and are you…it’s not that I don’t trust you, but you’re positive that’s not your child? I mean, it’s okay if it is. We weren’t together back then, so it’s not like you cheated on me to make her.”
“Hold on a second,” he said, pulling out his phone, tapping the screen, and putting it on speaker.
A few rings later, I heard that stank-ass bitch groggily say, “Hello? Neil?”
“Yeah, it’s me.”
“Mmm, why are you calling so late? You finally came to your senses and left that fat woman who isn’t even on your level?”
“Bitch! I’ll tell you what’s on his level! This fat pussy and fat ass he loves to eat!” I yelled.
Neil looked at me and held up his hand.
“Was that her?! You’re still with her?!”
“Yes, you scrawny-ass ho’, he is!” I screamed.
“Yeah, I’m still with her and I’ma need you to stay away from her and stop starting shit in my household with that fake kid lie. I don’t give a damn if she leaves me; I’ma spend the rest of my life trying to win her back. I wouldn’t get with you!”
“Yes, you can be persistent. Remember how you’d leave all those messages begging me to take you back?” the bitch said.
I had opened my mouth to call her a trifling ho’ when Neil said, “Yeah, I remember that, but I ain’t that man no more. A lot of shit has changed since then.”
“Yeah, I heard you chased Jeremy away from her. What makes her so special when you let anyone fuck me?! Huh?! I did everything you ever asked me to and look how you treated me!”
Neil sighed. “Look, I know I was a messed-up dude when we were together and even after we broke up. I apologize for that. I am truly sorry for being so damn crazy back then with you, but I’ma need you to leave me and mine the hell alone.”
“Whatever. You know you want me back. You know you do.”
“Everything I want and need is inside the woman who has my last name. I’m good.” He ended the call, and I stared at his phone.
“You still don’t believe me?” he asked. “I got the proof at home. I can show you the stuff Nolan got for me.”
“I believe you. I mean, the more I think about it, you want kids, so there’s no way you wouldn’t claim her if she was yours.”
“Yeah, so can you not do this again? I know how we got together is about as unconventional as it can get, but we’re in this, we love each other, and we want each other, right?”
I nodded. “Right.”
“And we’re adults. Hell, I’m pushing forty like a mug. We can talk to each other. Okay?”
“But you didn’t tell me about the fake kid or you having Gavin beat up. You gotta be willing to talk, too. If I’d known when she came to me, things wouldn’t have gone this way. I wouldn’t have been caught off-guard like that.”
“I know…I was wrong. I just didn’t want to upset you about Emery and I didn’t want you complicit in the Gavin thing, but I won’t make those mistakes again.”
“Me either. I shouldn’t have run. I was just trying to free you of this obligation you made to me…”
“Sage, I am with you because you own my damn heart. That’s it. Nothing more and nothing less.”
“You own mine, too.”
“And I’m so thankful for that. So, now that all that’s taken care of, will you please follow me home?”
“I’ll follow you anywhere.”
With a smile, he leaned in and kissed me softly, then nodded toward the scenery outside the car—the sun rising, peeking over the bridge. “Grand rising, baby.”
I returned his smile, and said, “Grand rising, king. And Neil?”
“Yeah, baby.”
“I’ma need you to delete that bitch’s number.”
“Done.”
32
“Why you in that phone so deep?” I asked, scooting closer to her in our booth.
“Posting on IG about that movie, because damn! I have never been so scared and turned on at the same time in my life! That movie was soooo good! And the title? Wolfe? It definitely fit, because he was a savage with that coochie! Now I wanna read the book!”
“Yeah, it was a great movie. Score could’ve been better, though. Man, if I’d had my shit together when Leland and his partners made that movie, I could’ve composed some crazy music for it.”
“Like what you’re working on for Nolan’s and Big South’s next movie? That music is ridiculously good!”
“Thank you, baby, but I’ma need you to get out of your phone and pay attention to your husband.”
She set her phone down and smiled at me. “You jealous?”
“Yep.”
After she kissed me, she said, “Big baby.” Her eyes surveyed the club, and then she added, “Where’s everybody else? I mean, this place is packed, but I thought this was supposed to be where the premiere’s after-party was at. I don’t see your brothers or your sister or Bridgette or Jo or—”
“That’s because they’re at a different club.”
She turned to face me, a slight frown on her face. “Then what are we doing here?”
“Fulfilling your fantasy.”
“Huh?”
I loosened my tie and pushed the table back a little. “Come here, baby. Sit on my lap.”
“What? Why?”
“Because I’m about to fuck the shit outta you in this club.”
“Ohhhhhhh! That’s why we’re back here in this dark corner?”
“Yeah, baby. Come here.”
Her eyes were wild as she pulled her red dress up and climbed into my lap, straddling me.
I kissed her as I pulled my tie off. “Let me see your hands.”
Wearing an unsure expression, she presented her hands to me and I clasped them betw
een mine, kissing each finger and then binding her wrists with my tie. Her eyes rose from her hands to my eyes, wide with excitement. She didn’t say a word as I reached between us, sliding her panties to the side and finding my way to her treasure, easing my fingers inside to stroke that special spot a couple of inches inside of her. I massaged that spot, rubbing her clit with my thumb as she threw her head back and moaned loudly, but I was sure no one could hear her over the speakers blasting Kodak Black’s ZEZE.
“Oooooo, baby!” she groaned, lowering her head to kiss me.
I kept working her spot, rubbing her clit, and tasting her mouth until she started trembling, tearing her mouth away from mine as tears ran down her cheeks. She grabbed my shirt collar with her restricted hands, breathing harshly with her eyes on me, her eyebrows knitted together.
“Shhhhit!” she whimpered, as she finally came down from her orgasm.
“Lift up a little, baby,” I said, licking my lips and reaching between us to unfasten my belt and unbutton my pants. A second or so later, she was sinking down on me with a gasp, and I was moaning at the slippery hotness that surrounded me. I gripped her ass as she slid up and down me, her hands on my chest.
“You feel that, baby? Huh? You feel that?” I murmured, clutching her face and kissing her.
“Oooooo, shit! I feel it!” she yelled into my mouth.
I grabbed her freshly-braided hair, yanking her head back and sucking on her neck as she rode me to the rhythm of Drake’s Don’t Matter to Me, her face in a beautiful contortion as another orgasm seized her. I could feel eyes on us in the dimness, almost hear their thoughts, and that shit turned me completely on. Made me thrust upward and squeeze her ass in my hands. And when I finally hit my peak, I grabbed her, holding onto her like she’d fly away if I didn’t, and as I emptied inside her, I damn near shouted, “I love you so fucking much!”
“I love you, too!!!!”
33
1 year later…
“Okay, first of all, I wanna say how proud I am of my baby girl, Ella, for graduating with honors. This was my last summer with you before you go off to college. You’ll be leaving soon, and I don’t know how to feel. Seems like time just flew by.” Big South grasped the back of his chair and shook his head as Ella jumped up from her seat and wrapped her arms around him.
Let Me Free You (McClain Brothers Book 4) Page 16