by Z. Allora
Daiki hugged him tight. “I really think this is going to work.”
“And if it doesn’t?” Sage couldn’t help but worry.
Shrugging, Daiki said, “Then we try something else. If that doesn’t work, you know what we do?”
Sage laughed. His heart was light with happiness. “Yeah, we try something else.”
He’d never really been part of a we. The we counterbalanced much of his stress.
It wasn’t him alone dealing with his fear, but Daiki as well. And the band and maybe even their fans would be supportive, and in turn his sharing might help some of them.
Mission accomplished.
Chapter 17
AS SOON as Daiki and Sage returned from Inari and stepped into the apartment, the band lined up to question Sage. The guys wanted to reassure themselves Sage wouldn’t be quitting.
“I’ll answer all your questions, but first someone needs to fill me in on this whole Butterscotch thing.” Sage’s grin morphed into a resigned smile directed at Daiki.
Ah, the Pause button was now pushed on their covert groping on the train, which had continued in the taxi. Daiki could be patient.
“Well, let me tell you—” Zen’s words became muffled by Haru’s hand over his mouth as he was dragged into the band room.
“I’ll see you in a bit.” Sage pulled Daiki into his arms. “Thank you.”
Daiki never expected to be hugged so much in his life, but he snuggled Sage back tight and then released him. “Go.”
Sage’s hand landed on Daiki’s butt and he rubbed. “Okay, but later….”
Nodding, Daiki took their bags to the laundry room. He threw a small load in the washer and headed to their bedroom.
Their bedroom… his grandfather approved, as he’d expected him to, but he still was relieved.
And Sage had basically admitted he loved Daiki. They hadn’t discussed that new bit, but Daiki felt like his heart was made of pure rainbows.
He grabbed his sketch pad and let his hand and mind loose on the page.
Hard to believe a gorgeous drummer was in love with him. He was definitely writing his own manga. Glancing down at the paper in front of him, he paused. He’d drawn the beginnings of a wedding scene.
Did he want that? He flipped the page on that question because that was best left for another day. First he wanted to make sure Sage was on the right track with overcoming his stage fright. And then, if he were writing his own story….
“OH,” DAIKI gasped as the lights in the room flicked on. He glanced at the door to see Sage smiling at him.
Sage said, “I think we should get the lights on a sensor so they turn on when it gets dark.”
“I could still see.” Daiki grumbled and rubbed his eyes. Then he set aside his sketch pad and stretched. Every bone in his back and neck either popped, cracked, or both.
“I also think we should look into a drafting table and a proper chair like you have in your studio, along with a computer setup.” Sage held out sketch pads and a thumb drive.
“That’s a good idea.” Daiki accepted the items. “What’s this?”
“Art from Zen’s sister. He said there’s no rush and asked if you would be willing to give her honest feedback. He’d appreciate it.”
“Of course I will.” Daiki set the pads and thumb drive on the shelf. “How did it go with the band?”
“I guess they really aren’t letting me replace myself.” Sage pulled out the elastic holding back the front of his hair and rubbed his fingers across the top of his head.
Daiki grinned. “I didn’t think you’d be able to convince them.”
“Mm, yeah. I didn’t try too hard. So tomorrow I want to get that herbal med you mentioned. Zen already booked another gig. He says this venue is smaller, but his definition of small and mine I’m pretty sure are different.”
Daiki nodded. “When?”
“Next Friday.” Sage twisted his hands in front of him.
“That’s only a bit more than a week away.”
“I know. He has also scheduled us at increasingly larger venues over the next three months.” Sage sounded anxious and annoyed in equal parts. “I didn’t think Zen would be able to move so quickly. Though Haru said it’s a way to help desensitize me.”
“Also, it’s a more natural progression for musicians to start smaller, then work their way up. You jumped from no audience to big with no buildup.” Daiki could see the panels of the manga in his head unfolding. The growing crowd size with each page turned. His man sitting behind the drums, looking incredibly sexy in a blindfold. Shirt draped off one shoulder….
“What are you thinking?” Sage asked as if he could see how delicious and explicit Daiki’s mental storyboards had started to turn.
“Me kneeling behind the bass drum during a show, sucking—”
“Is it later?” Sage stared at him.
“Hm, it is,” Daiki said.
Sage grabbed him out of the chair.
Whoosh, the air rushed out of him as his back hit the wall, but his heart beat faster. “Sage?”
Sage’s other hand slapped the wall on the other side of Daiki’s head. “Yes, Daiki?”
Daiki tried to inhale, but the air got stuck. He attempted to look down, but Sage lowered his head so they maintained eye contact.
“Let’s finish what you started on the train.” Sage opened both of their jeans. His lips trailed along Daiki’s jaw, sending shivers of want through him.
“I didn’t start anything… much.” Daiki should help, but he stayed pressed against the wall. He surrendered to the achy and needy feelings that erupted whenever Sage touched him.
“You didn’t, huh?” Sage smirked and then nuzzled his neck. He pushed Daiki’s pants out of the way.
“Oh God,” Daiki moaned as Sage wrapped a hand around both of their shafts.
Sage glanced down, as did Daiki.
Their erections pressed together, providing an unfamiliar but delicious heated friction.
Usually Daiki didn’t get hard this fast, but they were both erect and leaking. The hours between the train and now vanished.
He wanted this never to end. The desire to stay suspended in pleasure had gone to his head.
Sage’s gaze burned him on the way to his eyes. “You wanna come?”
The direct words shocked and excited Daiki in equal measure, making denial impossible. He thrust his shaft into Sage’s fist, trying to rush toward orgasm.
Loosening his grip, Sage asked, “Do you?”
Daiki’s breath caught. To admit such a thing… he’d never. But if Sage demanded his confession, he’d comply. “Yes, Sage. Make me come. I want to come, please. Please, Sage.”
“Fuck, your begging—it does something to me. Pleading with me heals something in me. Seeing you always controlled and measured until I get my hands on you, around you, and then—”
Is that why Sage needed his admission? He’d gladly give it. “I’m your slutty uke wanting nothing more than to come for you again and again. I’d do anything for you, Sage. Anything. Please…. Oh, coming—” The last part morphed into a shuddering groan.
“Yes.” Sage gasped. His head dropped onto Daiki’s shoulder, and within a few strokes he came too.
They cleaned up and slid into bed.
Sage pulled Daiki onto his shoulder and then tucked the blanket around them. “You still haven’t asked me about what I told your grandfather.”
Daiki was tempted to play clueless but couldn’t. “Did you want me to?”
Chuckling, Sage nodded.
He’d never shared his feelings before, not that he had many to share. One glance at Sage told him he wanted to try.
Daiki took a deep breath and exhaled. “I love you. It’s not because I’ve been drawing someone who looks like you, but I like spending time with you. You make me smile. Your dares make me step past my usual boundaries. I adore that you’re traditional but a bit unpredictable. I want to spend a very long time with you, crossing things off our
list and adding more so we’re never done with it or each other.”
Daiki pressed his lips together, not sure if that could stop the emotions swirling in him but hoping the words would stop flooding out.
Sage hugged him tight. “Thank you. At the risk of being everything you expect an emotional American to be, I love you too. You are everything I didn’t know I wanted. I don’t have to settle for less than what I need with you. Maybe I’m crazy for admitting this so soon, but I want us to be together as a long-term thing, whatever happens with the band.”
Inhaling sharply, Daiki sat up so he could see Sage’s face.
Sincerity and affection painted Sage in the glorious colors of love, and he said, “You’re the life partner I want by my side always… and forever.”
Rainbows of happiness sparked around him.
Daiki wouldn’t have believed he could love Sage any more than he had a moment ago, but the man’s words proved him wrong in the best possible way. His heart expanded with more love and affection.
Words wouldn’t come out, so he simply rolled into Sage and hugged him tight.
THE NEXT morning, Daiki woke squinting at the not completely closed curtains. He shivered. Sage had stolen the covers again. He’d have to get another throw to defend against the thief he slept with.
After pushing himself out of bed, Daiki took care of life in the bathroom.
As he walked back into the room, his breath caught. What was a beautiful bleached-blond drummer, with his lips still swollen from last night, doing in his bed? Catching sight of the love bruises Sage wore on his neck and left shoulder reminded Daiki this was not a storyboard. This was real life. His real life.
Not sure how he got here but glad to have finally made it to happy, Daiki wanted Sage to steal all the covers for his entire life.
A soft ping notified him he had an email, probably from Akihiro.
Though his feedback would probably yank Daiki from the land of happy, he opened the message anyway.
Wow, for Akihiro this was glowing feedback. His pages and the changes in the story worked!
Moving in with Sage hadn’t affected his art negatively. If anything, Daiki might be more productive.
Sage snuffled in his sleep and then put the covers over his head.
Daiki grabbed the work from Zen’s sister. Flipping the cover of the first sketch pad over, he eased into the chair.
Yumi’s style captured his attention with its sharpness and directness. Good strong lines cut across the pages, telling the story with crystal-clear accuracy. Yumi appeared reluctant to utilize shadow and black spaces, but each panel moved the stories along, though possibly a bit too fast. Although Yumi needed to find patience and let the stories unfold at a slower pace, overall, he was impressed.
Daiki plugged the thumb drive into his laptop and saw more of the same. Zen’s sister was talented. He retrieved the card and then sent an email with his feedback, suggestions, and an offer to look over her—or perhaps it would be their—portfolio for art school when the time came.
Sage stretched and reached over to Daiki’s side of the bed. Whining when he found it empty, he kept touching the bed as if to make Daiki appear.
Setting aside his computer, Daiki slid back into bed.
The conscious Sage covered Daiki with blankets and snuggled into him. “Morning.”
“Good morning. We should get up.” Though he didn’t know why.
Sage thrust against Daiki’s thigh and snorted. “I already am.”
He dragged Daiki out of bed and into the bathroom for an interesting and satisfying shower, which made them decide going back to bed was the best decision ever.
Even though Sage was still stressed, it appeared not to be affecting everything anymore.
Eventually, as they decided to get dressed, Sage said, “I should make a vlog.”
Daiki began to gather his things. “Okay, I’ll go in the other room.”
Sage nabbed his hand like Daiki had suggested he go on a walkabout. “You can stay.”
Daiki couldn’t say no to the big eyes Sage used as a weapon to take away his will. “Sure. I’ll be over here drawing.”
After a few minutes, Sage stopped pacing and sat in front of his computer. “Hey, voiders. It’s Sage Nakamura. Welcome to Scream Into the Void. Are you ready to hear me holler?”
Daiki tried not to stare, but Sage was quite impressive. His free hair cascaded around his face; Daiki needed to capture that bounce on the page. Sage’s vlogging voice dropped deeper than usual, and his vlog was in English. Hearing Sage’s deep voice speaking foreign words made Daiki go a bit uke.
Sage’s voice washed over Daiki, making him want. What would Sage do if Daiki slipped under…?
“Many of you have asked for an update on my band, Kashi-sei. So here it is.” Pointing like there was something in front of him Sage said, “Like, subscribe, comment, but don’t offer me sexual favors. I’m taken.”
Sexual favors? Daiki would be happy to, but Sage mesmerized him.
Sage caught Daiki gawking and gave him a crooked smile that could ignite all the paper in his sketch pad. Then he turned back to the camera. “’Cause now I’m part of a we, so you horny bitches can stop sending the dick pic links and dirty suggestions in the comment section. Anyway, you know the routine.
“Back to the update. Here’s a fun fact. Did you know you might have stage fright and not even realize it?” Wow, right out of the gate. Sage really was fearless. “I found this out at a very convenient time… minutes before Kashi-sei’s debut show.”
With too much cuteness, Sage cupped his ear. “What’s that, you ask? How could I be such a dope not to know a huge crowd would freak me out? Great question…. Ah, what’s that? How did I deal with the situation?”
Sage shrugged as he exhaled hard. He set aside the cue cards he shuffled. “I guess this little confessional isn’t as easy as my index cards led me to believe. What-the-fuck-ever. I’m going to keep giving you the truth whether you want it or not. Yeah, I’m an idiot, so there’s that. But skipping to how did I deal with my stage fright? I didn’t. I fled the scene like a murderer. I shit you not. I come to Japan to start a band, find talented musicians, and then I flee prior to our first show.”
Shaking his head, he sighed. “Here on my YouTube channel, as much as some of you don’t think I edit, I do. I also reshoot, delete, and add. But as I stepped onto that stage, I realized there were no redos. Anxiety is a horrific task master.”
That was truth. Reality didn’t come with an eraser.
“This is it. You screw up, you can’t go edit that out. Your mistake will live forever. I left the stage and my band to do what any other unstable LAer would do. I got rip-roaring drunk. Bad move? You bet. Fortunately, there were people who had my back. Like my boyfriend.
“Now the next part, I know several of you will think I orchestrated it, but my boyfriend took me to the Inari shrine to work out my issues. I swear. I climbed a mountain of torii gates and got answers—well, possible answers. I say possible because I don’t know if these will work or if I’ll have to find other things. But luckily for me, my band wouldn’t let me quit. Yes, I did try. I’m going to use several things to survive getting on that stage.”
Smiling, Sage glanced off camera at Daiki again. “The reason why I’m no longer accepting generous sexual offers reminded me that’s what Kashi-sei is about. Yeah, my boyfriend is much smarter than me. He pointed out being visible is about being yourself and loving yourself even with flaws and mistakes.”
Daiki didn’t deserve so much credit. He shook his head.
Sage nodded and mouthed, “Thank you.”
Turning back to the camera, Sage continued, “My good friend Ryder has always said visibility is showing exactly who you are. Sharing things you don’t even want to look at yourself, and fuck it. They’re right. There might be someone out there watching this or the band who will get something valuable from me sharing this bit of my humanity… one of my many imperfections, if y
ou will.”
Sage took a sip of his probably now cold green tea. “So how am I going to accomplish getting my ass on stage and staying there? I really don’t know, but there’s an herbal remedy along with, get this… a blindfold. Yup, I’m going to go onstage in a blindfold.”
Waving a strip of fabric around, Sage grinned and then set it aside. He held up the picture he’d asked Daiki to draw yesterday. The colorful drawing showed Sage shirtless behind the drums, wearing a black blindfold. Getting a good look at the sketch, he grinned. “I look sexy, right?”
Daiki stopped himself from nodding. Penning those drumming muscles of Sage’s had aroused him deeply, which evolved into a glorious time.
“Well, more on that in the upcoming manga. The links to the artist and a preorder for the manga are right here.” Sage pointed to nothing again.
After a bit more on the band, Sage signed off.
“How was that?” The uncertainty bled out in Sage’s tone.
“Great.” Daiki smiled and turned his pad around. He’d drawn Sage dancing down the steps of the Inari shrine in a blindfold. “And yes, you look very sexy!”
Sage strutted around the room with a smug smirk. He arched his eyebrow and lifted his chin. “Really?”
“Yeah, really, and since there are no redos in life, I think we should go back to bed so I can convince you that you are as sexy as I draw you.”
Grinning, Sage was already pulling down the covers.
Chapter 18
SAGE ENDED the song with a six-stroke roll on the drums. The pure sound bounced off their practice room walls and seeped into his bones.
Haru nodded his approval. “Good add.”
Rehearsal had been going well for days. Now if Sage could just translate that into confidence, maybe he’d feel ready for the show tomorrow night.
Without a doubt, he loved working with the band. If he was forced to choose between playing with the band or alone, he would, surprisingly, pick the band. The immediate feedback from someone not behind glass, staring at the sound board, was beyond reinforcing, and the synergy the group created fed his soul.