by Z. Allora
Wayuu and Zen looked over their shoulders at him. Lights found and outlined Haru, who raised his chin to Sage.
“Five, six, seven, eight,” he counted them in.
The first three songs went as planned, but then Wayuu’s mic cut out.
Sage had a moment of panic. What the hell were they going to do?
Wayuu shrugged and danced in place.
Zen strutted over with his mic, and they sang the song together, their voices harmonizing. The notes were brighter, and the lyrics had even more emotion weaved into them.
The thirsty crowd went even crazier.
Zen told the crowd, “Sometimes things go wrong. Like hell-in-a-handbasket wrong—”
Wayuu stuck his mouth near the mic. “Hell in a what?”
“Kashi-sei is about screwing up and being okay with that.” Zen sounded like he was grinning.
“We’re about being different and celebrating it,” Wayuu added.
Sage was learning that as well.
Chapter 19
“ARE YOU sure you want to come back here?” Daiki and Sage stood in front of the love hotel they had visited.
“There’s a symmetry about being back for another first. Don’t you think?” Sage grinned at him.
Daiki swallowed hard. Why was he nervous? They’d had all sorts of sex, in a variety of places. This should be no—
What if he were a terrible top? Or if he couldn’t get hard?
“Unless you don’t want to. We definitely don’t have to do this. So many other things to do.” Sage was considerate to a fault.
Daiki wanted to do this, and he’d promised, so he braced himself. “No, I want to try this… if you want to.”
Sage slipped his hand into Daiki’s and squeezed. “I really do. It’s been a while, but I enjoy being penetrated.”
Oh. When his Americanness showed, his openness, Sage still had the ability to shock the thoughts out of Daiki.
Once they’d checked in and gathered the treats Sage insisted on, they went to their room.
Setting down the tray, Sage said, “I’ll be right back.” He went into the bathroom and shut the door.
Daiki stowed two condoms and lubricant under the pillow on the left side. As was their practice during any couple time, he turned off both of their cell phones.
What is taking so long?
He paced around the big, very purple, ruffled bed and then rechecked the supplies. Still there.
Should he undress? Maybe just down to his underwear. He smiled as he put his jeans and T-shirt on the chair. Adjusted the fancy silk underwear Sage had gotten him. They were ultracomfortable and somehow cupped him in a way that made him look more well-endowed than he actually was.
The room had no windows or clocks, and now that the phones were off, Daiki had no idea what time it was. Sage had disappeared into the bathroom about twenty years ago… or maybe it was minutes.
The door opened. Sage emerged in a white robe. The eyeliner he wore for the show hadn’t washed off completely, or maybe he’d reapplied it.
Daiki’s fingers itched to capture Sage as a picture.
“Hi.” Standing in front of Daiki, Sage smiled at him and then looked away.
Daiki’s “Hi” came out a little strangled.
Sage kissed him on the cheek. Love painted over the sweet affection of that gesture.
Everything came into focus. Daiki had been drawing sex for over a decade, but tonight he didn’t want the filter of art between him and the world. He wanted his life to depict love without the intervention of a storyboard.
Daiki would do his best to show Sage how much he cared with his body and his words.
He took Sage’s hands in his own and confessed, “I want to do all my firsts with you, and all my lasts too.”
“Oh, Daiki.” Sage sounded like he agreed to the unspoken proposal of a lifetime of firsts and lasts.
“What?” Daiki wanted clarity.
“You’ve been so many of my firsts. You’re the first man I’ve ever loved… and I want you to be my last.” Sage closed his eyes and kissed Daiki’s hands.
Daiki’s breath caught, and only a strangled sound emerged.
Sage chuckled and shook his head. “Maybe that sounds like dialogue from a manga…. But I mean it.”
“I couldn’t have written it better myself. I love you, and I want to show you how much.” Daiki guided him to the bed and laid him out gently.
He hesitated only a moment to capture the image with his heart and then followed him onto the bed.
Sage’s robe gaped open a little.
Daiki rested a palm on the warm skin of Sage’s chest. He looked serene and calm, but his heart pumped hard and fast.
Skimming a hand down Sage’s body, Daiki parted the robe that separated him from Sage. The unfamiliar bath products Sage had used covered his usual scent, but they smelled clean and reminded Daiki of the last time they were here, when Sage took him with such mastery. Daiki doubted he’d have the same skill.
The robe revealed Sage’s erection.
Daiki traced a finger around the crown.
“Oh.” Sage sighed and thrust.
Maybe skill didn’t matter. This was about love, and he certainly could show Sage how he felt by treasuring him.
He stopped staring at the lovely appendage and returned his gaze to meet Sage’s.
Sage studied Daiki as if he were judging what he should do. “I prepped myself for you, so I’m good to go when you are.”
Daiki wasn’t exactly disappointed—not really—but he would have taken care of Sage in that way. “Oh, I thought I could—”
“Next time. I’m just kind of amped up.” Sage shifted and pushed against Daiki’s fingers.
Daiki removed his hand from Sage’s erection and bit back the grin at Sage’s whine. “How do you want to lie?”
Sage slipped out of the robe and rolled away from Daiki, presenting him with a lovely view. He glanced over his shoulder. “Could we try it on my side?”
“Of course.” Daiki helped him arrange pillows so that Sage would be comfortable and got behind him.
Daiki reached under the pillow and got the supplies. He opened the condom package only to have the rubber spring out and bounce off Sage’s back.
Sage half turned. “Can I help?”
“No, I’ve got it.” Trying not to be embarrassed, he shoved off his underwear and kicked it to the floor. Putting a drop of lube in the condom made him feel like this wasn’t the first time he was doing this… with another person. Research was one thing, but Daiki’s focus shouldn’t be on his inexperience, which prevented perfection, but on how loving he could make this experience for Sage.
He rolled on the rubber.
Daiki couldn’t wait any longer; he coated two fingers and slid them inside of Sage. He caressed them in and out of that warm tightness with a gentle glide.
“Mm, yeah.” Sage gripped the pillow in front of him and thrust back, allowing Daiki all the access he could hope for.
“Daiki.” His name left Sage’s mouth as a moan.
Pulling his fingers out, Daiki coated the already lubed condom with the slippery gel. His strokes helped him regain his full hardness. He set the recapped bottle aside and then traced the crevice of Sage’s ass with his covered erection.
Sage leaned his head back against Daiki’s shoulder and begged in a soft voice, “Please?”
With all the gentleness he could manage, Daiki slid into Sage a few centimeters. His mind screamed with joy at being inside Sage.
“Yeah, that’s good.” Sage sighed.
Daiki grabbed the lubricant and added another drop to his erection because the idea of hurting Sage was unthinkable. He evened out the slick and pressed forward with care.
“More, Daiki.” Sage wiggled in front of him.
Holding Sage’s hip still, Daiki slid slowly and steadily into the tightness until he was as deep as he could go.
“Ah,” Sage moaned, like Daiki had given him something he�
��d been missing his entire life. He tipped his head back with closed eyes and kissed Daiki’s jaw. “Rock a bit.”
Daiki did. Sensation slammed into him, but it was watching Sage that almost did him in.
“Yeah, more.” Sage’s eyes remained closed, and he started pushing against Daiki.
A rhythm started. Daiki rolled his hips, inching out.
Sage moaned at the loss and pushed against him harder. With no hesitation Sage was taking what he wanted, and what he wanted was Daiki inside him.
In and out. Daiki tried to focus as he moved.
He wrapped his arms around Sage tighter, holding him close.
The friction increased. Sage kept thrusting back against Daiki.
Sage panted as he said, “Give me your hand.”
What? Oh. Daiki wrapped a hand around Sage’s erection and stroked.
“Are you going to come?” Sage asked in a worried voice.
Daiki bit his lip. He tried to keep his attention on Sage, but that was what kept nudging him toward the edge. “Soon.”
“Not yet,” Sage demanded and picked up the pace as he thrust back onto Daiki. “Almost there.”
Daiki would try, but oh…. He squeezed his eyes shut.
Sage’s loose hair grazed Daiki’s shoulder. He thrust his perfect butt, encompassing Daiki in enticing heat.
Riding the edge of sanity, Daiki held on and tried not to fall.
Sage adjusted his angle as he shoved against Daiki. “Ah, yeah… that’s it. Right there. Yes—coming!”
Daiki kept thrusting into the impossible tightness, and the heat pulsed all around him. His fist was coated with Sage’s orgasm as his body was milked.
Pleasure built in Daiki.
Sage’s hand wrapped over his slowed Daiki’s strokes, and Sage squeezed Daiki as he continued driving against him. “Come.”
Lightning bolted through Daiki as he filled the condom. Orgasm consumed him, but he held on to Sage and eventually found stable ground.
Sage’s chuckling roused him.
He stopped pressing kisses on Sage’s face and asked, “What?”
“Another first.”
Not that it mattered, but Daiki was sure Sage had been with other men in this way—he’d said as much. “I don’t understand.”
“First time I came while bottoming.” Sage turned his head to give him a smirk.
Shock and something that might be pride flooded Daiki, making him need to clarify. “Really?”
“Yup.” Sage snorted. “I didn’t think I could do that.”
A MONTH later, Daiki sat on the balcony and smiled as he read the email from his editor.
Congratulations on your first band series becoming an instant hit. The numbers suggest this is more than name recognition. Your fans have welcomed this new manga starring Kashi-sei, and you’ve gained readers.
According to the emails and letters the publisher received, there was a sense of relief and gratefulness. His own fan mail confirmed the sentiment.
The reviews said the Kashi-sei manga, called See Me, resonated with all ages. Some were LGBTQ+, others suffered from anxiety, some were fans of the music, and many just wanted to find a community where differences were celebrated. This was better than Daiki had hoped for when he met with his editor all those months ago.
This opportunity not only allowed him to help others find acceptance and an understanding of themselves, but he now accepted who he was. He wrote his own storyboards. Of course, he still had flaws, but he’d found a certain contentment with those parts of himself.
The band had given their approval on the next few story ideas, so it was time to begin some rough storyboards. Needing to think, Daiki slipped out of the apartment and took the elevator to the roof. He meandered through the manicured rooftop garden and over to the glass-enclosed edge. This apartment’s roof was much fancier than the one above his studio and with a much better view.
How many times over the years had he stood at a railing and wished for his life to be different?
Tonight, as a gentle breeze blew, he only wanted more of what he had now. His life was exactly where he hoped it would be. His work was finally doing what he desired. And his love life—
“Why are you up here all alone?” Sage’s arms wrapped around him, making him feel nearly perfect.
“Just watching the sunset. I didn’t want to pull you away from the band.” This was better than working on a storyboard… this was working on his life.
Sage hugged him tighter. “I like watching sunsets with you.”
Daiki savored this moment of calm. “Me too. Though I need to spend an hour or so drawing tonight.”
“No worries. I’m glad the drafting table is working out. I don’t want your work to suffer.” Sage didn’t seem to believe Daiki could work from anywhere, and did. Drawing was air to him; in order to survive he needed to put pen to paper.
“I appreciate that, but it’s going well. My assistants have really picked up any slack me working on Kashi-sei has created, which is helping to develop their skills. And actually earlier today I got a couple of emails from my editors. Both publishers have approved several of my unreleased mangas for publication.” He’d had fun updating them before submitting them.
Sage chuckled. “I bet they were happy.”
“A little too much, but it gives me even more breathing room.” Right now he wanted everyone happy. How different his world had become… and how much happier he had become.
“Why do I think you’re already working on secret manga besides the ones you’ve given them?”
Daiki batted his eyelashes, like he’d seen Sage do during his vlogs, and smirked. “Whatever do you mean?”
Sage grinned at him.
Changing the subject, Daiki asked, “What do you want for dinner?”
“Everyone is going out tonight, but if you’re not up to it, we can have a quiet night at home,” Sage was quick to point out.
“Let’s go to dinner but not out for the drinking Haru and Zen will most likely want to do.” Sometimes life became the perfect storyboard. Daiki blinked to clear his watery eyes.
“What’s wrong?” Sage swiped his fingers under Daiki’s eyes.
“Nothing… everything is perfect. Would you help me hang something downstairs?”
“Um, sure.” Sage followed Daiki back to the apartment.
Daiki slid a stack of canvases out from under the bed. He flipped through them until he came to the one he wanted.
Sage looked over his shoulder at it. “Is that us?”
“It was my fantasy of what I didn’t think would ever happen.” Daiki held out his painting of two men holding each other on a roof under a big moon.
“Your fantasy?” Sage asked.
“To have someone to share all the big and little things in life with. Someone to love.”
Sage encircled him a tight hug. “Now that’s our reality.”
Epilogue
HARU WHISTLED. “So that’s what a sold-out arena looks like at the end of summer concert season.”
Sage trailed him back to the dressing room, feeling light-headed but kind of excited. “The training-wheel shows are over.”
As they entered the dressing room, Wayuu asked Zen, “Where were you all day?”
“Trying to reproduce,” Zen teased, then frowned. “Why?”
“Never mind.” Wayuu stomped off to do his preshow jumps.
Why didn’t Zen tell him the truth?
Daiki handed Sage his pill bottle. He took one and handed the bottle back. “Thanks.”
“How are you feeling?” Daiki asked.
“There’s about a billion people out there.”
Chuckling, Daiki shook his head. “I doubt that, but it probably feels that way.”
“This is a big show to have a screwup.”
“It’ll be okay,” Daiki encouraged.
Sage took the blindfold Daiki held out to him. The fabric he used had gotten progressively more sheer, so he could see through the
fabric when he wanted to. He had been experimenting with seeing the audience. “I don’t know if I need it anymore, but it’s legend.”
Daiki grinned in that sexy almost-innocent way of his and said, “Maybe we can retire it to the bedroom.”
Trying not to choke on Daiki’s bold words, Sage asked, “Would you tie it on, later?”
“Of course.”
Zen gathered the band. “Remember, whatever happens, happens. Let’s show people how perfect their imperfections are. Kashi-sei on three.”
THE SHOW had been going great until the song “Wabi-sabi.” A power surge plunged the entire arena into darkness. The irony of the lyrics embodying the concept of embracing imperfections wasn’t lost on Sage.
Sage’s anxiety skyrocketed, and he had trouble catching his breath.
But out of the pitch-black, the lights of thousands of cell phones seeped through his blindfold. He pushed the fabric up onto his forehead.
The crowd picked up the words that had been lost to the dead mics and sang their hearts out.
Sage stepped from behind his drums to join his band at the edge of the stage.
Kashi-sei linked arms and let their fans serenade them with lyrics about happiness not being perfection but the ability to deal with and embrace their flaws.
Haru leaned in and shouted into Sage’s ear, “Let this be proof. We’re not just another boy band.”
Author’s Note
I WROTE many parts of Not Another Boy Band while on a three-week trip to Japan, which is why the story is set mostly in Tokyo and Kyoto. I was actually at the Inari shrine when enlightenment, shall we call it, about this story’s resolution came to me.
The issues the main characters face—demonizing “the other,” censorship, homophobia, transphobia, fear—are global issues. We all need to work together to eliminate these issues.
So why did I dedicate a book set in Japan to a Chinese novelist? Tianyi is now serving a ten-year prison term for writing homoerotic fiction. Censorship laws can be extremely strict, and only the brave dare to tread close to the line.