Pam hadn’t been wrong. The truth was a bitch, but there it was, staring her in the face. Pam hadn’t been wrong to worry, to question, to want to protect Steven. Her points were all good ones. If she and Steven kept going the way they were going—if they were in love, it was reasonable to think they could get married. And then what? This child that he would help raise from birth would never be his. If the worst happened and they broke up, the most Steven could hope for was some kind of visitation. And the odds were against it. Which meant he was putting more on the line for her than she was for him.
She knew she was getting ahead of herself. That things were still really new between them, but she also understood what he was looking for and she couldn’t help hoping he’d found it with her.
The baby complicated everything and yet she couldn’t wish it away.
Funny how so much had changed so quickly. Six months ago, she was breaking up with Chad and wondering what she was supposed to do without him. Now she had a new career path, a baby on the way and a wonderful man who loved her.
She felt something brush against her calf and glanced down. She smiled. “And you, Mason. I still have you.”
Her cat meowed at her, as if telling her not to forget that.
“Do you think you’re going to like children?”
The slow green-eyed blink could easily be interpreted as a yes, she thought with a chuckle.
“What’s so funny?”
She turned and saw Steven walking toward her. He held two reusable grocery bags in his hands. Cut flowers were sticking out of one.
She hurried toward him. After taking one of the bags, she raised herself up on tiptoe and kissed him. “You’re early.”
“I know. I kept thinking about you, so I ducked out of work and here I am.” He raised the bag he still held. “Ingredients for a garden salad, along with cut fruit, all organic. Free-range chicken and a recipe for a quick marinade that my mom texted me. She says it’s delicious.”
He put his arm around Zoe and guided her toward the house. “I’ve been pissed at her and haven’t talked to her since she’s been back, and then she goes and texts me marinade recipes. I’m a bad son.”
“You’re not. You’ve been very protective of me and I appreciate it.”
“I love you, Zoe. What else would I be?”
What else indeed?
They’d reached the kitchen. She put down her bag, then took his and set it on the counter, as well. Then she took his hands in hers and led him to the kitchen table.
“We have to talk,” she told him. “I have to say a few things.”
His dark gaze never left her face. “Should I be worried?”
“No. It’s not like that. I want us to be sure.”
They were sitting close enough for their knees to touch. She studied his face—the handsome lines, the strength of him. He was calm, capable and affectionate. He loved his family, his country and he took care of his employees. He was, by all definitions, a good man.
“I love you,” she began.
He smiled. “Yeah?”
She nodded, but when he reached for her, she shook her head. “Let me finish. I love you, Steven. I’m so lucky to have found you.” She raised a shoulder. “Or rather I’m so lucky your mom threw us together. You’ve been wonderful. But the baby complicates things.”
“I’m okay with the baby.”
“I believe you. We’ve talked about it so many times. I know you understand in your head what’s going to happen, but I’m less sure about your heart. I need you to be completely sure that you’re willing to do all this because you love me and not because you want to be a hero.”
She’d thought he might get mad or push back, but Steven being Steven, he only nodded slowly.
“That’s a fair point,” he said. “I am the guy who wants to be a hero, but not this time. I’m here because of you, Zoe. If things keep going, then I know I’m taking a chance. I’m willing to do that.”
She drew in a breath. “If things keep going the way they’re going, I’m willing to take a chance, too. I’m going to have a parenting plan in place for Chad before the baby’s born. There’s no way he’s going to give up the rights to the baby, so you couldn’t be the adoptive parent. But if we, um, well, I’m not saying we’re going to but, if we, you know, took things further, then we could do some kind of...you know...plan.”
She stumbled to a stop, not sure how to say what she was trying to say. Because jeez, it wasn’t like he’d proposed or anything. Heat burned on her cheeks. Would it be too weird to suddenly stand and suggest they get going on that marinade?
He touched her cheek. “You’re saying if we get married then we could do the same kind of thing. Like a prenuptial visitation agreement.” He smiled. “You’re not the only one looking things up online.”
Relief eased through her. “Yes, a visitation plan.”
“I’d like that.” He leaned in and kissed her. “Zoe, I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
He kissed her again. “We’re good?”
“We’re the best.”
* * *
Pam had one more stop on her apology train. She’d been to see Zoe, she’d spoken with Steven. Now there was just Miguel to deal with.
Taking a page from the brave young women in her life, she’d texted him and asked him to meet her at the pier for a drink. He’d said yes, and now here she was, walking into a restaurant bar to meet a man.
Not just any man either. A complicated, handsome man who had kissed her.
She still didn’t think she was ready to start dating. But she also wasn’t willing to walk away from Miguel. Which left her shaking oh-so-slightly.
He’d arrived before her. She saw him at a corner table by the window. When she approached, he stood and smiled at her.
“Pamela. How beautiful you look. Such a pleasure to see you.”
That voice. It wasn’t fair he had that voice. It was smooth and silky and made shivers dance up and down her spine.
When she was seated, he flagged the server. “May I?” he asked Pamela.
She nodded and he ordered margaritas on the rocks, made with his family’s tequila. Of course.
She’d dressed carefully in a dark red dress that was tighter than she normally wore her clothes. It was sleeveless and just to her knee. Her low heels gave her a bit more height, but not so much that she wobbled when she walked. She’d done her hair and makeup, sprayed on a light mist of perfume, and then worried her nerves were going to make her throw up and wouldn’t that be an impression?
“I spoke to Zoe,” she blurted, figuring she might as well get the apology part over with. “I was wrong to get between her and Steven and I told her that. I also explained why I was worried about what could happen if they broke up. But it’s not my decision to make. I see that now. I can’t protect him from everything. I have to trust him to make the right choices for him.”
“How did she take it?”
“You know she was totally gracious and forgiving.”
He smiled. “I had hoped she would be, but one never knows for sure. So all is well?”
“It is. I hope it is. I don’t know. Is it?”
“Ah, Pamela.” He studied her. “You’re an interesting woman.”
Interesting? Interesting! No! She wanted to be intriguing or mysterious. An article on global GDP was interesting.
“Do I still frighten you?”
“I, ah, you...” She cleared her throat. “Yes.”
“As you do me.”
“Do I?”
The smile returned. “You are more complicated than I’m used to. And there is the issue of you being John’s wife.”
“You remember that.”
“It is impossible to forget.”
&
nbsp; “I can’t change who I am.”
“You can change a little. We all just saw that, but I know what you mean. I admire the faith of your love. In my way, I feel the same about Constance. She was special and will always be a part of me. We had Zoe together, just as you had your children. So where does that leave us?”
The server returned with their drinks. Miguel waited until she picked up a glass then touched his to hers.
“I suggest we toast to possibilities and the promise of what might yet be,” he said.
“To possibilities.”
She took a sip.
“And good sex,” he added.
She started to choke. After she finished coughing and put down her glass, she stared at him. “Are you serious?”
He winked. “Never more so.”
A thousand thoughts swirled through her mind. Then a million. There was fear, confusion, worry and the tiniest kernel of anticipation. She’d been alone for two years. While she would never stop loving John, she was close to accepting that the world kept turning and dragging her along with it.
“You’d have to wear a condom,” she said primly. “I’ve heard that people over fifty are the fastest growing demographic for STDs.”
Miguel leaned back in his chair and laughed. The hearty, happy sound came from his belly. She smiled, more than a little smug at his response.
“Oh, Pamela, you are unexpected in so many ways.” He raised his glass again. “To us.”
“To us, Miguel.”
* * *
The sound of the baseball game blaring on the TV competed with conversation, laughter and Lulu and Mariposa playing some game that involved lots of running in and out of the house, not to mention barking. Jen had long since given up keeping control over the party and decided she was just going to go with it.
Fourth of July in Mischief Bay had dawned clear and warm, with the promise of a perfect evening for fireworks. Jen and Kirk were hosting a barbecue until sunset, then everyone would walk over to the beach to watch the fireworks.
“Let me get the guys to carry out the kitchen table,” Pam said. “Then we’ll put in the leaves and it can be the buffet table.”
“Perfect. I have paper plates in the pantry.”
Her mother raised her eyebrows. “Paper plates?”
“They’re biodegradable. I got the good ones.”
Jen also got the point. She didn’t like paper plates. She didn’t like loud parties and dogs running through her house. Or at least she hadn’t. Part of getting better was learning to let go. It had taken her a while but she’d finally figured out that when she stopped trying to control the world, she had a whole lot less anxiety.
Oh, it hadn’t gone away. There were still nights she woke up from a dead sleep with her heart pounding and the horrible sensation of being unable to breathe. But those events were more and more rare. Every day she practiced her coping skills. She took care of herself, had her quiet mind time and took her meds. Sometimes it really did take a village to get through life.
Kirk and Steven carried the table outside. Her mom put down a plastic tablecloth, then set out the paper plates. Jen got the platter of raw hamburgers from the refrigerator and took it outside.
“We have meat,” her husband called. “Meat because we are men.” He took the tray, then kissed her. “And women.”
Desire sat in the shade with Zoe and Miguel. Lucas walked by carrying Jack fireman style. Her son shrieked with laughter.
“Careful,” Jen said with a tilt of her head. “Someone might be trying to steal your girlfriend.”
“Miguel’s too into Pam,” Lucas said without looking. “We all know it.”
They did. The older couple, while discreet, was obviously taking things to the next level. Not that she wanted to know what that meant. Let Steven deal with the whole old people having sex if he was so concerned. And speaking of her brother, things were going well with Zoe. Her mom had calmed down and accepted what seemed to be the inevitable.
They were all in a good place, she thought happily. Kirk was loving his job and she was dealing with it. They were making love regularly now. It was as if that one explosive moment had broken through whatever had been keeping them from each other.
She returned to the kitchen to get the hot dogs. Steven followed her.
“Jen, can I ask you a favor?”
“Sure.” She handed him the hot dogs, then went into the pantry to collect the buns. When she stepped back into the kitchen, her brother had put down the plate. His expression was serious.
“What? What’s wrong? Are you sick? Is everything okay with the baby?”
“Relax. You sound like Mom.”
“There are worse things. What is it?”
“I want some help.” He glanced over his shoulder. “You can’t say anything, but I want to get Zoe a ring.” His grin turned sheepish. “An engagement ring.”
“What?” Her voice echoed through the kitchen. She lowered it to whisper, “Sorry. You’re going to propose?”
“I am.”
She flung herself at him. “Good for you. That’s so great. Yes, of course I’ll come with you. She’s going to want to wait until after the baby’s born to get married. Just so you know.”
“You’ve talked about it?”
“No, but it’s a girl thing.” She hung on to him. “My little brother getting married. You’re so grown-up.”
“Thanks.” He looked at her. “You can’t tell anyone. I mean it. Except Kirk. Promise?”
“I swear.”
“Good.” He grinned. “I’m really happy.”
“Me, too.”
He took the hot dogs and buns out onto the patio. Jen did a little dance in her kitchen. When she turned she saw Jack smiling at her. He gestured to the refrigerator. She dropped to a crouch.
“Hey, little man. Are you thirsty? What would you like? Use your words, please.”
Because that was what all the articles said. To ask for words. So she did, a dozen times a day, all to no avail.
Jack pointed to the refrigerator again, then smiled at her. “Milk, Mommy. Peas.”
She dropped onto her butt and stared at him. Her brain replayed the statement. He’d said milk. He’d said Mommy! He’d said please. At least she was pretty sure it was please and not peas.
She wanted to grab him close and hug him and scream to the world: My son spoke to me! Only the voice in her head said not to make a big deal of it.
So she smiled and stood. “Milk it is.”
She poured milk into a sippy cup and handed it to him.
“Tank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
Together they walked out of the kitchen and joined the party.
* * * * *
A Million Little Things
Susan Mallery
Reader’s Guide
Questions for Discussion
Note: The questions themselves contain spoilers,
so you should wait until you’ve finished the book to read them.
The three heroines—Zoe, Jen and Pam—have three distinct story lines, but they impact each other. Talk first about each heroine’s character arc, and then discuss the points at which they intersect. How do the events of one character’s life change the events of another’s? Which story created the most emotion in you? Why?
Why do you think Jen was so convinced there was something wrong with her son? Did you applaud her efforts to get him help, or did you think she should have done something different? Did your feelings change throughout the course of the story?
Do you think the relationship between Zoe and Jen was a friendship of equals? Why or why not? What about the friendship between Zoe and Pam?
Did your feelings about Pam chan
ge because of how she behaved after she found out that Zoe was pregnant? What made you understand why she felt the way she did, if anything? What do you think made her come around?
Toward the end of the book, Pam says of her son Steven, “I can’t protect him from everything.” How was this theme illustrated in the story? Did you recognize any other themes as you read?
Discuss the line between protective and overprotective. How did the characters cross that line? Have you ever gone too far when trying to protect the people you love?
What did the characters learn because of what happened in the story? Which character grew or changed the most? Do any of those lessons apply to your life?
Discuss the men in the book—Steven, Kirk, Miguel, Lucas and Chad. Did each heroine end up with the right man? Why or why not? Which man did you like the most, and why?
What did you think of the relationship between Jen and Lucas? Did you expect something different to happen? Did you like the way this relationship was handled? Why or why not?
Pam’s story began in The Girls of Mischief Bay. Did you read the first Mischief Bay book? If not, do you want to go back and read it now? If some people in your group did read the first book and others did not, discuss how your perception is different.
Suggested Book Club Menu
Miguel’s Steak Fajita Quesadillas
Black beans
Chips and salsa
Margaritas (of course!)
Recipe
Miguel’s Steak Fajita Quesadillas
2 ribeye steaks, sliced 1/4-inch thick, then cut into 1-inch pieces
Marinade:
Juice of three limes
1/2 cup tequila (too bad you can’t use Saldivar tequila!)
2 tbsp triple sec or other orange-flavored liqueur
1 jalapeno, seeded and diced
3 cloves garlic, minced
A Million Little Things--A Novel Page 32