Shame oozed from all her pores. It was hard to admit, but she trusted him. She nodded. “I couldn’t do it. John Todd was right. I was cowardly.”
“Your mate went out of his way to make sure it was the only way for you to free yourself. And if he’d have thought you could do something like that, he would’ve taken that away, too.”
She hadn’t thought about it like that. “How do you always know the right thing to say? Do you have a lot of experience with trauma victims?”
Color leached from his face. “No. My, um, my mate had similar concerns and I tried to make her feel better. I tried.”
There was so much about him and this mysterious mate he’d lost that she wanted to know about. She was about to ask when his gaze darted to Nala.
Sylva spun and rushed to the cat’s side. Had she moved?
The cat’s massive paws twitched, then her whiskers. Her eyes blinked open halfway, the inner eyelid still in place. More twitching, a little blinking.
Harrison backed away. “She’ll react better if I’m not around, but I won’t be far.”
Good. She never wanted him far away.
Chapter 9
Harrison looked out the window as he finished the dishes. Malcolm was behind him and he could sense all the questions his brother was dying to ask.
What happened in the garage?
Seriously, what happened?
All Malcolm said was “You don’t look like a pound puppy anymore.”
“I didn’t look like one before, jackass.”
It was only seven p.m. They’d decided to alternate their shift changes an hour in either direction to keep it unpredictable, but Harrison had been up for hours.
“You sure you don’t need more sleep?” Malcolm asked.
“I’m fine.” He couldn’t sleep. After that weird kiss, he definitely wouldn’t get a second of shut-eye.
Her lips had been so soft. And the way her cherry-blossom scent had wrapped around him, he couldn’t get it out of his head.
As awkward and perfunctory as it’d been, the badly timed kiss had blown his mind. And he couldn’t quit thinking about it. After what had happened with Nala, he’d thought he was not only back to square one with Sylva, but even farther behind. She had so few close connections in her life and he’d nearly killed one of them.
“How’s Nala?” Malcolm asked.
“Sylva managed to get some broth into her.”
“Good call.”
It was the least he could do. He hadn’t wanted to kill her and regretted that so much force had been necessary.
“She scared?” Malcolm asked.
“She’s too weak to feel much. I wish there was more online, but rehabbing mountain lions doesn’t seem to be recommended for the average person.” Though they weren’t average, and Sylva was determined. They could’ve called a vet, but he didn’t trust the brothers not to get to Nala in someone else’s custody. “She’ll heal. She’s survived this long living in shifter territory.”
“Demke couldn’t find any info on the Raymores. They’ve been able to slip through the gaps, keeping their colony shit to themselves and not drawing attention. But he did find that Raymores often mate within the colony, and pretty young, too.”
“You and I met our mates young.”
Malcolm didn’t have to say Look how that turned out. He glanced toward the door, making sure Sylva was still outside. “It’s unusual, but not for them. I mean, like every Raymore finds their true mate young. It’s like they breed their own mates.”
“Maybe it’s fate because they’re so isolated.” That was a lame guess. Demke’s findings were more than odd. “But she said they were true mates.”
“I call shenanigans.”
He draped his rag over the faucet, taking his time to keep from ripping it to shreds. “You think they tampered with our nature and are creating true mates?”
“I think it’s possible. We have the ability to cast wards to protect our Guardian headquarters from being discovered by humans. You’ve heard Demetrius’s reports, demons and underworld shit. Why not this, too?”
Why not indeed. “Get some sleep. I’ll check on Sylva and go patrol.”
Malcolm didn’t move. “What happened in the garage?”
“Couldn’t help yourself, could you?”
Malcolm scowled, reminding him of when they were five and Malcolm refused to admit where he’d hidden the new toy truck they were supposed to share.
“We talked. We’re fine.”
“She’s not fine and neither are you.”
No, he wasn’t. “It’s not your business.”
“Your issues with Gloria weren’t my business. You and Sylva are.”
“What the fuck does Gloria have to do with any of this?” Couldn’t Malcolm quit being so perceptive for once?
“She was scared of you, too.”
“Sylva’s not scared of me. Not anymore.” She wouldn’t have kissed him if she were. But then, Gloria had, pretending to be strong.
“She was cowering from you less than twenty-four hours ago. I’m just trying to keep you from going off the deep end again. I don’t want another Gloria.”
“Sylva’s not Gloria, and Sylva and I are just friends.” And he had not gone off the deep end.
“Sylva might not be Gloria, but I’ve never seen you this way around someone. Except Gloria, and she couldn’t handle you. There are a lot of parallels.”
“None of which were what got Gloria killed.” And there were a lot of differences. Sylva owned her leadership position, and she wanted to defend herself and not rely on Harrison to do it.
Gloria should’ve been one of the strongest in the pack. Her parents were colony leaders and she could’ve been their uncontested heir. But instead of learning to use her strength, she’d relied on her beauty and people-pleasing skills. She could have been killed in a fight for power and she’d known it.
She’d loved and hated that Harrison’s family gave zero fucks when it came to what others thought of them and they had the brawn to back it up. Looking to him to fight her battles had been her strategy.
Then one day, he hadn’t been around to protect her. She’d tried to contact him and he’d ignored her.
Apparently, Malcolm wasn’t done with the subject. “I know full well what—who—killed your mate. Which is why I need you to keep being the Harrison you’ve been for years. Father isn’t our leader any longer. He can’t save your ass if something happens to Sylva and you go on a rampage.”
Those shifters had deserved to die. They’d seeded fear and then toyed with Gloria like she was the feeder kitten in a dog fight. But he was done with this subject. “Want to talk about mates? Let’s discuss yours and how happy she is with another male. How has that changed you?”
Malcolm squeezed the bridge of his nose. “Harrison…”
The front door clicked open. They hadn’t been shouting, but their voices had been raised and shifters had excellent hearing. How much had Sylva heard? He didn’t want her to know the story. As much as he hated to admit Malcolm was right, there were too many parallels and Sylva didn’t need to hear an unhappy ending.
“I’m going on patrol.” He spun on his heel, and taking the coward’s route, he kept his head down as he whisked out the door. His boots had barely touched the dirt before he was stripping down and shifting. But as he trotted to the edge of the trees, he had the feeling that he was running off again on someone who needed him.
Sylva shifted her position. She stood post over Nala in her wolf form so that when the cat woke up, she’d be ready.
It had been twenty-four hours since the attack. Nala had woken up, lapped some broth, and slept. She’d kept that routine into the night, but she’d also started moving her limbs and adjusting her body. In another day, she might get up and walk around.
Before she shifted, she’d washed Nala’s tawny coat, removing blood and grit from the fight. After receiving a tense smile and a goodnight from Malcolm after the obvious fight wi
th Harrison, she’d brought out a fresh batch of broth.
The bits of angry words she’d heard had filled in part of the story.
She thought back to Harrison when she’d first been broken out of prison and then thrust into serving on the Synod. He’d been competent, doing his job and ignoring her. Hadn’t that made her feel like nothing had changed. Another male who thought she was merely a weak shifter. And sons of a former member of the Lycan Council to boot, the leaders who had enabled shifters like the Raymores to abuse their power. That had been the biggest strike against them. So she’d guarded herself against them.
But their father had gladly walked away from his leadership position. From what she understood, he’d been phoning in most of his duties anyway. Did the twins have anything to do with him? Or their mother?
She mulled over the memory of her own parents. Roman had effectively cut her off, restricting and shortening visits until she had to beg for weeks. After Mother helped her kill him, they hadn’t seen each other again. Sylva couldn’t bring herself to check on her. Mother might’ve gotten her access to the gun and the bullets, but she’d also let her own daughter get mated off like a not-so-prized horse.
Soft steps caught her ear. Harrison’s heady scent teased her nose. He smelled like sweat, fresh air, and pine trees—all male. It should be enough to send her running, but she wanted to breathe harder, to suck it all in.
Harrison’s scent was so unlike her mate’s. There was no deception, no lingering smells of others’ pain, and definitely not the scent of the brothers. Always the brothers. John Todd, Rafe, and Clayton had been a constant in her life. That they hadn’t been living under the same roof as her was a shock. But Roman wouldn’t have allowed it. He had better control living on his own with a mate he could lord over them.
Harrison was hovering outside the open garage door. She couldn’t call out and tell him it was okay to come inside. Mind-speak, maybe, but she hadn’t made that much progress. Once she’d gotten Roman’s ugly, hurtful voice out of her head, she’d had no interest in inviting another back in.
He finally entered the garage, still in wolf form, and settled on his haunches next to her. They both watched the cat’s chest rise and fall.
If he were in his human form, she could imagine what he’d say. She’s doing better.
And she’d tell him, Yes, she drank the whole bowl of broth. She might even nervously chatter and say, I got another bowl, but with the bugs, I had to put a cloth over it. She can probably still smell what’s inside and get to it if I’m not here.
At that, he’d reply, You should get some rest.
And she’d agree, but simply shrug as much as her wolf would allow and they’d sit in silence before she offered, I can’t leave her until I know that she knows she’s safe here.
And he’d go, I know.
He got on all fours and padded out. She swore the thought I’ll be right outside hung on the air.
Chapter 10
Harrison was pulling his jeans on when soft footsteps broke through his thoughts.
“Was it my imagination,” tentative interest clung to her words, “or did we have some odd kind of mental conversation?”
He hadn’t yet pulled on his boots or his shirt, and he wished for an entire suit of armor to keep from answering her question. Or to help hide his body stirring at the sight of her curvy silhouette outlined in the moonlight. It shouldn’t be that clear, the moon was only half full, but there were no clouds and it was like the stars cast their light just for her.
She’d pulled her cream robe back on and her arms were crossed in front of her, but not like when she was confronting an angry petitioner at the Synod. Yet she wasn’t hugging herself either, like when she’d been curled up in her cellar.
She was embracing her strength.
“I don’t mind-speak.” He didn’t mean to sound so abrupt. Dropping his shoulders, he expected her to scurry away with rightfully hurt feelings.
“No, I know. I mean, I get it. I don’t either.” Her smile was hesitant. “Probably for different reasons.”
“He hurt you with his thoughts.”
She pushed a lock of hair behind her ear and tucked her hand back into the fold of her other arm. “Not as often as you might expect. But his words were always on replay. He knew exactly what to say so he didn’t have to keep repeating himself.”
She’d shared so much. Did she realize she was speaking about her past in a more confident tone and with less apprehension? The female cowering in that prison cell years ago wouldn’t have been able to. Her act was no longer a show.
“I was gone.” He could kick himself but he couldn’t quit talking. “Gloria didn’t want me to go, but she couldn’t forbid me to. We were so young, I thought we had forever. And she was in my head.” Please come back to me, Harrison. I need you. “Always in my head. We weren’t finding Camille, and Gloria was begging me to return, and I snapped. I told her to get out of my head and suck it up until I got home.”
She drifted closer. “Then they got to her.”
Why had he opened his big mouth? Reliving his biggest regret in front of Sylva was the perfect nightmare. “They were a rival pack. We all knew they’d challenge her for leadership, but her parents were still alive. She had nothing to worry about. But while I was gone, there was a fire. Her parents survived. Then her mother nearly died from silver poisoning. Gloria was so scared. She tried to contact me when—I ignored her.” He hung his head. Finding Camille had consumed him. “I should’ve gone back. She was sweet and threatened no one as the heir.”
“Let me guess. They weren’t worried about her until they learned you were her true mate. It’d be harder to challenge her when you could do the same and take the colony back.”
Gloria’s guileless, soft brown eyes and her innocent smile swam in his head. He hadn’t opened his mind to anyone since then. “Then I was gone and she was as vulnerable as she’d ever been.”
“When her parents didn’t die, they went for her.”
Air whooshed out of him, deflating him until he sank to the ground. “And I was miles away.”
She sat next to him, sinking effortlessly to her butt and curling her legs next to her. She still hugged her robe to herself. “You felt her death.” He could hug her sympathy to him, use it to mop up the helpless feelings warring inside of him.
“I knew the moment her heart quit beating. I tore through the colony, ripping apart the three shifters involved.” He stretched his legs out and propped his arms behind him. Dropping his head back, he gazed at the moon. “They lured her out to the trees, and when she was alone…”
He didn’t see the moon anymore. The loss of the connection, the way it had shattered in a second and was gone. If he’d properly mated Gloria, he would’ve died when she had. He wouldn’t have been one of those empty mates who could keep going.
He’d done everything for her. He’d waited for her, abstaining until she was ready, but when she’d begged him to come to her, he’d shut her out.
Sylva laid her hand on his arm. He didn’t snap his arm away—his typical reaction to touch. Instead, he leaned into the comfort of her warmth. Her small hand had rendered him unable to think.
It was bliss.
For once, he wasn’t plagued with everything he’d done wrong. The memory of Gloria’s sweet, innocent smile didn’t fill him with guilt, but pleasant recollection.
More of his tragic story refused to be contained. “Malcolm thought our connection made her more insecure.”
“That’s too bad.”
Not the comment he’d been expecting. “What do you mean?”
She withdrew her hand. It was all he could do to keep his planted in the grass and not reach for it. “I was just thinking earlier about the way you and Malcolm are. It’s how Roman and his brothers should’ve been.”
“It’s a twin thing.”
“Maybe,” she murmured. “But your closeness should be celebrated. You protect each other, and together, your ability
to do good for your kind is amplified. I’m glad you were the one Demke called.”
Leaving Sylva’s well-being in someone else’s care sounded ridiculous. Damn right, Demke had called him. He met her violet gaze, seeing the moonlight shine in her eyes. “Me, too.”
He shifted so smoothly, neither one of them had time to react. He was on his hip, leaning into her, his mouth poised over hers.
Did she want this? Did he? He wasn’t the romantic type. He didn’t kiss. He didn’t snuggle. He didn’t share any of himself with anyone. He shouldn’t get to experience this when he’d squandered his chance.
What was he thinking?
He was about to retreat when Sylva moved forward, her lips brushing his. Her blossom scent closed around him and he pressed his lips to hers.
Two kisses now and this female had him wound up in knots.
He should stop. This wasn’t sex. Sex was useful, practical. It was a way to use up extra energy and hormones and pheromones and whatever the hell had his dick insisting he get laid. Kissing was so much more than that.
Her breath wafted over his cheek, so warm, so soft, just like her. He held himself tight, fighting the temptation to push her back onto the grass and yank open her robe, see how luscious those breasts of hers really were.
But he was already leaning into her until she was unfolding beneath him. If they kept going like this, she’d be under him.
She’d be under him in nothing but a robe held together by a narrow strip of cloth.
A low growl escaped him. Need pounded through his blood, rushing to his cock until the clasp of his pants dug into his flesh.
A faint growl broke through the crickets chirping.
Sylva lunged upward, shoving him off with enough force to send him tumbling onto his ass.
“Nala!” She jumped up, shed her robe, and shifted as she ran.
He didn’t follow right away. Not because of the raging erection he sported or because he was worried he’d frighten the cat.
He was mesmerized by the brief moment of seeing Sylva’s ripe butt cheeks flex and bunch as she ran off.
A Shifter's Bodyguard (Pale Moonlight Book 5) Page 10