by Kent, Rina
I can’t be removed from the team’s line up. Running is what keeps me alive.
“No. It’s only because of the season’s changes.”
Coach Nessrine nods, but she doesn’t seem convinced. We spend another twenty minutes strategising our next competition before I head to the showers.
The last of the girls leave the locker room. I release a relieved breath as I shimmy out of my clothes and step into the shower.
My head tips back as water cascades over me. I pretend it’s the rain soaking me and washing away all impurities.
Once I’m done, I scrub my hands clean and wrap a towel around my torso while stepping out of the shower.
A small rustle comes from the other side. Must be Coach who came to lock up.
I round the corner and freeze.
Aiden stands in the middle of the locker room.
Chapter Ten
Aiden is in the locker room.
The girls’ locker room.
For a second, I’m too stunned to do anything except stare.
He leans against the locker. His arms and ankles crossed and a dark spark dances in his cloudy gaze.
He’s watching me with an unnerving focus like he’s a ravenous predator salivating after his prey.
His attention slides down my body and I follow his gaze. Water still drips from my loose hair, creating rivulets down my skin. The towel barely hides the top of my breasts and stops at the middle of my thighs.
I cross my arms over my chest.
Standing in front of Aiden in nothing but a towel is about the worst situation I can be in.
Tipping my chin, I point at the door. “Get out or I’ll call for Coach.”
He continues measuring me up and down, not bothering to hide the sick desire from his features. “You said to meet you after school.”
“I meant outside, not in the locker room.”
He lifts a shoulder, his gaze finally sliding up to mine. “You didn’t specify the place. This is as good as any.”
“Get out. I’ll meet you outside.”
“Why not here?”
“Are you freaking kidding me?”
“No.”
“Damn it, Aiden. I can’t just talk when I’m only wearing a towel.”
His lips curve into a sadistic smile. “What’s the matter, sweetheart? Are you shy?”
“Of you? Not a chance.”
“Hmm.” He tilts his head to the side. “Then are you afraid of temptation?”
“More like I want your attention nowhere near me.”
“Here’s the problem, Frozen.” He pushes off the locker and stalks towards me in cool, predatory strides.
Don’t step back.
Don’t you dare step back.
I can’t believe I have to remind myself to be strong and not allow Aiden to hurt me.
Then I remember that I kicked him in the balls and he might be here to take revenge.
A tremor shoots down my spine and my feet move back.
With every step back, he pushes forward like a hurricane.
Looming.
Unstoppable.
Dangerous.
Everything heightens.
My breathing becomes quicker and shallower. The droplets of water still coating my skin drip between the valley of my breasts, creating razor-sharp friction. My hold on the towel turns into a death grip.
My back hits the wall, and I startle, barely stopping a yelp from escaping.
Damn him and damn me for allowing him to affect me.
When I attempt to sidestep him, he plants a hand on the wall beside my head, caging me in.
He invades my personal space until all I can smell is his clean, straight-from-the-shower scent. He’s changed into the school’s uniform but didn’t bother with the jacket.
He’s only wearing a crisp white shirt that wraps around his narrow waist and is tucked haphazardly into the band of his trousers.
Then I realise I’m looking at his trousers and snap my attention back to his face.
Huge mistake.
This close, we’re almost breathing the same air. I can see the small mole at the corner of his right eye and the hollowness in said eyes.
His free hand reaches for my hair and he twirls a blonde strand between his fingers. “You didn’t ask for my attention but you’re getting it anyway, Frozen. All I could think about since yesterday was touching you again. I keep wondering how you’d feel with my hands fisted in your hair and my dick shoved deep down your throat.”
My lips tremble, falling open.
“Or how you’d feel beneath me as I fuck you until you pass out,” he continues in that casual tone. “Or how you’d taste when I tongue-fuck you or how —”
“Stop…” I meant it as a warning but it comes out as a helpless whimper.
An overwhelming, strange sensation takes over my body because of his crude words.
I wish it’s embarrassment or anger, but it’s far from it.
The bottom of my stomach tightens and heat pours all over my skin. My nipples pucker and strain against the towel until it’s slightly painful.
Aiden watches me with a tilted head as if he’s searching for something.
He always takes whatever he likes without asking for permission. Hell, he loves not having permission. It’s weird that he’s going as far as gauging my reaction.
“Are you wet, Frozen?”
It takes everything in me to jut my chin out. “No.”
“You’re not, hmm?” He releases my hair and drags his thumb at the bottom of my lip. “So you’re telling me that if I reach under the towel, you won’t soak my fingers?”
I clamp my lips shut around whatever voice that’s been clawing its way through.
“Maybe I should check, huh? Just to make sure.”
Keeping a hand around the towel, I plant the other on his chest. The word ‘stop’ hangs on the corner of my tongue, but knowing he’d probably take it as a challenge and continue, I swallow it back inside.
Instead, I say, “The only way you’ll be able to do that is if you knock me unconscious.”
“That’s both necrophilia and cheating. Neither interests me. When I bring you to orgasm, I want your face flushed red and your screams cutting through the air.”
“You really are sick.”
“And you’re really beginning to sound repetitive.”
His gaze drops to my naked shoulders and the hint of my scar surrounded by the hickeys he left.
“Aiden… don’t...” I warn. My nails dig into my palm as if my grip on the towel is my lifeline.
“I asked you nicely this morning.” His dark eyes meet mine. “But maybe you don’t like nice, sweetheart. Maybe deep down, you like the opposite of nice.”
“I like being left alone.”
“Is that what you believe?” His thumb traces down my cheek and swipes harshly along my bottom lip as if he’s attempting to wipe something off.
I can’t even fight him away because that will mean leaving my towel and my body at his mercy — or the lack thereof.
“Do you know what I think? I think a part of you likes the opposite of nice, but because you’re such a good girl, you’re out to destroy that part. You’re scared about what it could mean about you. How can you like something so deprived when you’re such a perfect human being? You’re scared of yourself, sweetheart.”
“You’re delusional.”
“Am I?” He releases my face and his fingers drop down to my collarbone. Every contact of his skin against mine is like a scorching fire.
And like any fire, ashes is the only thing he’ll leave behind.
“Leave me the hell alone,” I hiss.
“I told you. I can’t.”
He yanks the towel down, exposing the scar and my pale breasts.
It’s a miracle that I keep the towel fastened around my middle. Or maybe I only keep it because he allows it.
He wraps his thumb and forefinger around my nipple and squeezes hard.
<
br /> A zapping sensation shoots straight to my core and I close my eyes with shame.
“Your nipples are so hard.” He squeezes some more until a whimper leaves my lips. “See? They’re all tight and sensitive so maybe they like the opposite of nice, too.”
I purse my lips together, scared that an alien sound would come out.
“Fuck.” His metallic eyes fill with wonder.
He continues pinching and twirling my nipple, but it’s not his focus. His entire attention is on the angry red marks he left around my scar.
Biting down the sensations going through my body, I stare, incredulous. “Do you get off on causing people pain?”
His gaze reluctantly leaves my chest to meet my eyes. A sheen of indifference covers his features, sealing whatever interest sparked earlier. “Are you in pain?”
“No, but I’m uncomfortable. Spare me your attention.”
“Why?” He pinches my nipple hard.
My lips tremble as I try to gather my wits around me. “You’re toxic. And oh, you ruined my life for two years.”
He leans over, lips ghosting on the shell of my ear sending chills to the bottom of my stomach as he whispers, “Not enough.”
“What have I done to you?” My voice trembles around the words.
“You exist.”
Tears rim my eyes at his words.
Somewhere deep inside, I agree with Kim. Aiden doesn’t bully anyone else in school — not even her. He doesn’t go out of his way to trap others as he does me.
“Why me?” I shout. “Why the fuck is it my life you decided to ruin? Was it a toss of a coin? Did you wake up that day and decided it would be me?”
His hand wraps around my neck and he squeezes. It’s tight enough to make me beg for air and show that he’s the one in control.
That he can in any second squeeze the life out of me.
“Do you think I was destroying you?” he asks with a dark voice. “You’ve seen nothing, Frozen.”
I try to push at his chest, but he reaches his free hand to my nipple and pinches it while squeezing my neck harder.
I can’t breathe.
I can’t freaking breathe.
My lungs choke on non-existent air as I thrash and claw at his hand and arms.
My eyes bulge, feeling every nerve ending tingling. Lightheadedness grips me and everything turns hazy.
“The more you fight, the harder I squeeze.” He swipes his tongue along my parted bottom lip and whispers against my mouth, “You’re smart, aren’t you, sweetheart?”
My hands tremble as I drop them to either side of me.
He loosens his hand the slightest bit to allow some air in. I gulp it greedily, my lungs and eyes burning with oxygen.
“Good girl,” he twirls his thumb over my nipple as I tremble with tiny bursts of breath.
“You could’ve stayed away, Frozen.” His voice is dark and chilling like a moonless night. “But you had to start the war.”
What…?
“Elsa?” Coach Nessrine calls from the door.
Her footsteps come closer with each passing second.
My face heats and panic grips me by the gut. If she finds me with Aiden, I can kiss my clean, perfect record goodbye. I will endanger Cambridge and everything I’ve worked for.
Aiden releases me and strides to the window. He throws me one last indecipherable look before he jumps down and disappears.
I release a shaky breath as I pull the towel up my body. My legs are trembling and barely holding me upright.
Coach Nessrine comes into view. “Is everything all right?”
“Yeah,” I whisper.
Not really.
Not at all.
Chapter Eleven
Aunt Blair and I switch from a side plank to a meditation position.
Eyes closed, we just feel.
The sound of the birds chirping in the trees fills my ears like soothing music. The humid air sticks to my cheeks and ruffles my hair back.
For as long as I remember, Aunt and I have shared this moment of inner peace.
The only difference is that I can’t focus right now.
The confrontation I had with Aiden in the locker room yesterday keeps replaying in the back of my mind like a recurring nightmare.
My skin prickles with unease.
Or is it unease?
My body didn’t forget how close he got. How he touched me like he had every right to.
Since my return to school this year, everything has been spiralling out of control. The inner peace I’ve been doing my best to protect is being chipped, chewed, and thrown out. Or maybe it’s been crumbling for the past two years while I’ve been doing my best to be strong.
Or the ten years before that.
Damn Aiden to the darkest pits of hell.
He’s stirring a part I’ve been keeping under wraps from everyone. Hell, I’ve been shielding myself from that part, too.
Haunted memories.
Excruciating pain.
Dead eyes.
Every time I stare into his smoky gaze, I see a hint of the darkness I left behind. I’ll be damned if I let him or anyone else force me to remember that nightmare.
“Elsie?”
My eyes snap open to find Aunt sitting cross-legged in front of me. She’s staring at my clenched fists with furrowed brows.
“The idea is to relax.” She’s smiling but concern is etched on her creased brow. No wrinkles whatsoever.
Aunt is an ageless beauty, basically.
Her face hasn’t changed an inch since that day she took my small hand in hers and promised me a new life.
People believe in guardian angels, I believe in Aunt Blair and Uncle Jaxon.
“Sorry,” I smile back and take the bottle of mineral water she offers. “I’ve been thinking about a test.”
I do have a math test, but that’s not what’s occupying me right now.
Ugh. I hate lying to my aunt.
She pushes my bangs off of my forehead and behind my ear. Aunt and I are in yoga trousers. She’s wearing a sports bra while I’m in a sleeveless top. She shifted her mat so we’re facing each other instead of the green scenery of our back garden.
“You know we’re proud of you no matter what you do, right? It doesn’t have to be Cambridge if you don’t want to.” Her smile is warm but also pained.
Sometimes, I wonder if she sees my mother in my face. I’m becoming more and more a carbon copy of her.
“Blasphemy,” I laugh. “Don’t let Uncle Jaxon hear you say the words ‘no Cambridge’. Besides, I want Cambridge, Aunt. It’s my dream.”
She rolls her wedding band. “Don’t tell Jaxon and we’ll eat ice cream while watching a cheesy chick flick until we pass out.”
“Deal.”
We roll our mats, close the door against the garden’s chilly air and go inside.
Aunt lied about letting me eat as much ice cream as I want. She barely let me have two spoonfuls before her parent side took over. Ice cream isn’t good for my healthy food dosage.
We scroll through Netflix for ten minutes before we decide to re-watch Pride and Prejudice for the thousandth time.
The book is still better. Just saying.
Aunt answers her emails as we snuggle on the couch with popcorn — mine doesn’t have salt because... healthy.
Since Aunt came home today, Uncle will probably pull an all-nighter. Lately, they’ve been up to their necks in a new project. My heart squeezes knowing that I’ll be seeing less and less of them.
“You can work from your office, Aunt,” I offer.
“Nonsense.” She pulls me in so I’m leaning against her shoulder. “It’s girls’ night.”
We’re about half an hour in when I ask, “Aunt?”
“Hmm?” She glances at me then back at her phone.
“Have we lived in London before? I mean, my parents and I?”
She raises her head from her phone slowly, too slowly. “No. You were born and brought up in Birmi
ngham.”
That’s also what I know. Since that accident, my memories have been wiped clean, but I remember Birmingham. The copper air. The suffocating, grey atmosphere and the smell of a lake.
“Why would you think you lived in London?” Aunt has abandoned her phone and is staring at me with an unreadable expression.
“Nothing. I just wondered if we came to visit you at the time?”
“Your uncle and I studied at Cambridge at the time. We didn’t live in London until we started our business.”
“Yeah.” I smile awkwardly. “I’m just flipping things.”
Aunt faces me. The look on her face is still unreadable, but it brings back a distant memory when her nose scrunches and she asks me the same question she did when I woke up in the hospital. “Do you remember anything?”
I shake my head.
“Do you want me to call Dr Khan?”
My shrink.
Since I was seven, my life has been shackled by two doctors. The heart doctor and the shrink.
“No, Aunt. It’s nothing.”
“You know that normal people talk to shrinks, right? It’s relieving and healthy.” She laughs. “Hell, I tell him more than I tell you or Jaxon.”
“I’ll think about it.”
A lie.
I’d rather not step into Dr Khan’s office again. I dislike having my brain probed.
Aunt ignores her phone for the rest of the film. Once we reach the end, I call it a night to revise my notes before sleep.
As I change into my PJ’s, I pause buttoning the top and stare at the hickeys Aiden left on my flesh.
In the past, whenever I looked at the scar, I’d have haunting flashbacks about the incident when I lost my parents.
Now, I don’t.
The flashback is still haunting, but it’s filled with deep grey eyes gnawing into my soul as he bit the skin and left his mark in an intrusive, intimate way.
I think a part of you likes this but because you’re such a good girl, you’re out to destroy that part.
I button the rest with jerky hands. I’m angry at myself, no, I’m furious. How the hell can I remember his words, let alone give them weight?
I meant it earlier. I didn’t want his attention, but on the flip, damning side, he’s having mine.