by Regine Abel
“But that doesn’t mean we should be complacent,” I chastised her.
“Yes, Dad,” she replied with a snotty brat attitude, making me chuckle. “If you’re done busting my balls, it’s time for me to bust yours. I had a look at the team list. Is it wise to bring Silzi? We’re planning on killing her sister and slaughtering her offspring.”
“She understands killing Pahiven will be a mercy,” I argued. “Shuria intends to take care of it herself. As for the eggs, they are not Mimics. Herina has explained to her in no uncertain terms that they are abominations. She is onboard with the plan. The Kryptid breeding facility may not be heavily defended, having a Mimic able to infiltrate to make our life easier and open access for us will be beneficial. We can’t count on Shuria working with us as a team player.
Tabitha harrumphed, clearly not convinced, but dropped the subject. Although she entertained a cordial relationship with Silzi, a part of me believed she still held a bit of a grudge over the Mimic attempting to poison her and all of our Veterans and Aspirants while she was still under the thumb of the General. However, with Bane and Wrath also doubting we should bring Silzi along, I was starting to reconsider.
“I see Doom is coming as well,” Tabitha continued. “I thought he was coming home at last for a bit of family time?”
I kissed Defiant just below his half-moon-shaped Deynian horn before answering.
“He is coming home, but this will be his last mission before doing so,” I explained. “From what intel we gathered from Shuria, but mostly from Herina, the nurseries are massive and spread over multiple rooms. If Doom comes, then you know his friend Stran will tag along. That Creckel is just as unkillable as Doom, and he can steamroll Kryptid eggs and Drone Swarms like no one’s business. Him going in first will significantly reduce the risks of casualties on our end.”
Tabitha nodded slowly. “Fair enough. I wish we could recruit more like him.”
“You and everyone else in the Vanguard,” I said wistfully. “But I understand that Stran, too, is starting to itch to go back home. General Khutu devastated his planet in an attempt to use his species for his experiments. They won the war at a huge price. Stran lost his mate and offspring to that war and has been out for Kryptid blood ever since. But the rest of his people are doing what we are now doing; rebuilding their population.”
“Why am I feeling like everyone is thinking the war is over, and becoming complacent?” Tabitha asked with a frown.
“Because, like me, they believe we are getting closer to the end,” I said in all honesty. “For all the horrors he’s perpetrated, General Khutu has made us stronger than ever, while alienating his own people. The war is not over, and we can’t let our guards down just yet, but my every instinct tells me Khutu’s downfall isn’t too far away.”
“Hmm,” Tabitha said, looking far from convinced. “Want a drink?” she asked while rising from her chair.
“No, I’m good, but I think your boy is getting hungry and tired,” I said with a smile as she headed to my kitchen to rummage through my cooling unit.
“That one is always hungry,” she chuckled. “But yes, he’s going to need feeding soon and then a nap. However, my other question about your list is why the heck Sabra isn’t on it?”
“Because I can’t make up my mind,” I answered truthfully as I watched her pour herself a glass of orange juice.
Tabitha wasn’t just my former Soulcatcher, she was the true sister of my hearts. With her, I could drop the mask of the tough man always in control, the face of the Vanguard who could deal with whatever curve ball life threw at me. I had held Tabitha in my arms as she cried her heart out in her times of sorrow. She had bared her soul to me, and I had bared mine to her.
“Sabra is your soulmate,” Tabitha said matter-of-factly. “Anyone with eyes on that mission to Fobos saw it. She’s a Soulcatcher, which you need, and we both know she will get the position. So, what’s the hold up? Please don’t tell me it’s some rule book that says you can’t?”
“I may have OCD tendencies, I’m not a narrow-minded fool. It doesn’t control me,” I said with a sliver of annoyance.
She raised a dubious eyebrow while taking a sip of her orange juice. “I bet you if I open one of your cupboards, all the cans will be perfectly aligned, grouped by type, labels facing forward,” she taunted.
“You certainly would if I had cans in there,” I retorted, itching to throw something at her. “But I do with my spices, except for one bottle per shelf that is facing the wrong direction.”
She gaped at me, wide-eyed, then scrunched her face with a doubtful expression before opening my spice cupboard.
“No way! You weren’t freaking kidding! Why?” she asked, staring at me with a bewildered expression that made me laugh.
“To prove to all of you idiots that I can,” I said mockingly. “Being organized and efficient means I don’t pull out twenty wrong bottles every time I want to prepare food before finding the right one. Now, if you’re done ‘busting my balls’ as you so eloquently put it earlier, can we get back to the important topic?”
She made a face and closed the spice cabinet. She picked up a coaster and her drink before joining us again in my living area. After setting her glass down on the coffee table, she took the little boy from me who had stopped flapping his wings and appeared to be flagging.
“Yeah, what’s your excuse for benching Sabra?” she asked while resuming her seat, her son snuggling against her.
“I want to bring her for selfish reasons, and because I know she wants to go,” I said honestly. “Her affinity with Shuria and her Ghosting ability could be of great use to us during this mission, which also weighs in favor of bringing her.”
“So, what’s the problem?” Tabitha asked. “She’s proven she can handle herself on Fobos.”
“She has,” I admitted with a nod. “But had she not been my soulmate, would I even consider bringing her? Would I even deem her a suitable Soulcatcher? Am I pushing her too far, too fast out of selfishness? Am I jeopardizing her future within the Vanguard by fast-tracking her before she’s had a chance to benefit from the extra training everyone else does?”
I rubbed my hand over my short hair, fed up with the internal tug of war that had been torturing me.
“You know how many of our girls have applied to replace you,” I said, locking eyes with Tabitha. “What if they resent her for—”
“Oh. My. God. Chaos, cut it out!” Tabitha exclaimed, looking at me disbelievingly. “You waaaay overcomplicate things. No one, and I mean NO ONE, will question you taking your soulmate as your Soulcatcher. Frankly, it’s the best thing that could have happened, because anyone else you chose would have caused petty jealousies with everyone finding a flaw or fault that made it bull crap that she was chosen over them.”
She kissed the tip of the nose of her son who had fallen asleep before continuing.
“Did it ever cross your mind that you might be doing the exact opposite, depriving her of achieving all that she could be by keeping her at arms-length for fear of appearing like you’re playing favorites?” Tabitha asked. “She’s not Meredith, Chaos.”
I flinched and swallowed hard. The pain of losing my first human Soulcatcher and so many others to kidnappings by the Kryptids would never fully go away. Although liberating them had at long last greatly dampened the pain, I couldn’t forget the decades of torture Meredith and the others had been forced to endure because we had failed them.
“Our girls are far better trained than back in the day,” Tabitha said with a soft voice. “You and the Vanguard as a whole are better organized than ever to ensure the safety of our psychic girls. Do not punish her for what happened three decades ago. We were together for nearly five years, and you never lost me. You always kept me safe and brought me back home. You will do the same for each other. You are the springboard that is meant to make her soar, and the safe haven that will catch her when she falls back down. Don’t be the shackles that hold her back.”
/> That hit a nerve.
“Stop questioning everything so much. She’s qualified and willing, and everyone on the team will want to have her tagging along,” Tabitha said, getting up on her feet. “Now, stop playing hard to get and go claim your woman. You’re way overdue to make me an aunt.”
I snorted, although the image of a mini me cradled in Sabra’s arms had me feeling faint with longing.
“See you later, knucklehead,” Tabitha said while heading towards the door. “Time to go feed you, little Dragon,” she cooed to her son.
I went to open the door for them and kissed my Godson’s forehead one last time. As I closed the door, thoughts of my mate invaded my mind again.
How the fuck am I supposed to declare myself without coming across like a complete fool?
Chapter 12
Sabra
I ran very nervous fingers through my hair to fix my curls, then flattened the nonexistent creases on my beige Aspirant uniform. Mouth dry, heart pounding, I took in a deep breath before knocking on Chaos’s office door. I hadn’t seen him since we’d parted ways after first arriving on Khepri three days ago. Each minute of every hour had been pure torture from missing him so much. How could I have grown so addicted to someone in such little time?
Before our arrival, I’d foolishly convinced myself that his feelings for me—as conveyed by his emotions whenever he didn’t block them—ran deeper than mere physical attraction. And yet, as much as he broke my heart, I was forced to accept that I wasn’t his soulmate. We’d spent an entire week together, often alone. Had I been, he’d had plenty of opportunities to declare himself. That he hadn’t, spoke volumes. You didn’t wait sixty-four years to find your soulmate only to give her the cold shoulder. Right? And he had warned me he didn’t fraternize. So, why was I feeling hurt and betrayed?
“Come in,” Chaos shouted, his voice muffled through the door.
As I reached for the door handle, approaching footsteps made me look down the hallway of the third floor of the Vanguard HQ where many of the Warriors with management and diplomatic roles had offices. I didn’t recognize the one heading for his office, but I didn’t miss the way his gaze flicked above my head to check out my aura. I felt mortified by the mix of amusement and sympathy that immediately emanated from him. Just how much had he gleaned about my current state of mind from my damn aura ratting me out? No wonder Ayana was so frustrated about it. Unlike emotions which you could block, you couldn’t prevent your aura from outing you… unless you were a Warrior.
Forcing myself to rein in my emotions, I opened the door and walked into the plainest, barest office I’d ever seen. The minimalist décor only made it look bigger, but more importantly, it made my heart’s impossible desire become an even greater focal point.
The wave of joy, desire, and nervousness that slammed into me the minute our gazes locked left me reeling. Why the heck would he project such strong and contradictory emotions towards me? Was this some kind of a game? Some sort of mindfuck he liked to pull on the stupid girls, like me, who fell for him?
Chaos rose from the chair behind his imposing dark wood desk as soon as he saw me enter. He looked good enough to eat in his skin-tight, black Vanguard shirt that outlined every bump and curve of his muscular chest.
“Hello, Sabra,” Chaos said with that rumbling voice that had goosebumps erupting all over my skin as I closed the door behind me. “The Aspirant uniform looks great on you.”
“I bet you the black Vanguard uniform will look even nicer,” I deadpanned.
I’d expected him to snort or give me some smart remark about not getting ahead of myself, but not for his dark gaze to smolder and for him to undress me with his eyes. He slammed me with another powerful wave of desire, this time laced with a fierce possessive undertone that made me instantly hot and bothered, but also very angry.
“Stop it!” I snapped, shaking off my blossoming arousal to glare at him.
He recoiled and stared at me with a confused expression.
“Enough with the mixed signals,” I continued, advancing a couple of threatening steps towards him. “I don’t need to tell you that I’m attracted to you. My fucking aura has all but shouted it from the rooftops. You’ve made it clear that you’re not interested in fraternizing. I respect that, but then don’t bombard me with your desire.”
I kicked myself the minute the words came out of my mouth. I meant what I said, but there would have been far more professional ways of expressing them. He would think me hysterical. So much for making a great impression.
He gave me an enigmatic look, although an even stranger mix of guilt, shame, pleasure, and joy wafted towards me as he continued to make no effort to clamp down on his feelings.
“You’re quite presumptuous, aren’t you?” Chaos said calmly.
I swallowed hard as he slowly circled around his desk to come and stand before me.
“I and everyone else are entitled to feel whatever we want,” Chaos said sternly. “We do not owe you the silencing of our feelings simply because they make you uncomfortable. If you don’t want to know what other people feel, then don’t open that Pandora’s box. That burden is on you, not on the rest of the world.”
My cheeks heated with embarrassment. I actually knew this very well. It was, after all, one of the basic principles that were taught to us on Thirilia about using our empathic abilities at our own risks and not to begrudge others for feeling what they did. It was unreasonable to expect the whole world to adjust to our needs.
“The fact that I don’t fraternize doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to want you or fantasize about you,” he added in the same severe tone.
Another wave of desire and possessiveness rose from him, making me dizzy. And yet, the underlying vulnerability and nervousness beneath it all really threw me for a loop. I should be closing myself from receiving further empathic perceptions, but I could feel him trying to talk himself into doing or saying something, and I couldn’t let go.
“You… You’re right,” I said in a breathy voice. “I apologize. I’m usually much, much better at handling myself. I… I’ve just never been this drawn to anyone. Please tell me I didn’t just shoot my chances of becoming your Soulcatcher.”
But do I really want that torture?
“Why are you drawn to me, Sabra?” Chaos asked, ignoring my question. “Would you be as attracted if I wasn’t one of the faces of the Vanguard?”
I recoiled, feeling somewhat offended by that question. Only the strong sense of uncertainty and hopefulness emanating from him kept me from getting worked up—although it further deepened my confusion.
“I don’t give a shit about that,” I said with a slightly defensive tone. “Frankly, being drawn to someone like Wrath would probably make my life easier, as there would be no question to anyone that my interest in him has nothing to do with whatever position I might covet. But the moment I laid eyes on you, my brain just tilted and that was it.”
His eyes flicked up to my aura, and the happiness that emanated from him before swirling around me nearly robbed me of words. His feelings were fucking with my mind, finally forcing me to block him out. I’d started this mess, and I was going to finish it. Hopefully, we could move forward on firmer ground and properly managed expectations… on my part.
“Look, I realize I’ve made a mess of things,” I said, clasping my hands before me. “You’ve been honest from the start, but I’ve allowed myself to indulge in wishful thinking. I’ve had a bit of a sheltered life on Thirilia, and I’m pretty much clueless when it comes to relationships. I now know beyond a doubt where I stand and will get my shit together. Can we forget the past ten minutes and start over?”
Chaos stared at me for a second with an unreadable expression on his face.
“No,” he said after a beat.
I recoiled and stared at him with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. “No?” I asked in a whisper. “What do you mean?”
He moved a couple of steps closer to me, invading my
personal space. I gaped at him, more confused than ever, but the intensity of his gaze kept me rooted in place.
“I should be the one apologizing to you,” Chaos said, a vulnerable expression descending on his stunning features. “It was never my intention to send you mixed signals, but I can see how my behavior might have come across as such. You speak of your lack of experience regarding relationships, my own is limited to the guidelines we were given growing up, according to which we shouldn’t pursue a female unless we’ve known her for at least two weeks so that she knows our interest isn’t superficial, and so that she doesn’t feel disrespected.”
I blinked, rendered speechless by the scales on his cheeks and around his neck taking on a darker shade. He shifted on his feet and rolled his shoulders as if to lessen some of the tension there.
“What are you saying?” I asked, refusing to let hope blossom again in my heart and fearing to take a peek at his emotion to get a sense of where this was headed.
“That I was going to wait four more days to have this conversation with you, but since you have initiated it, and I’ve clearly mucked things up, I might as well clean my mess now,” Chaos said, looking nothing like the confident co-leader of the Vanguard and badass killing machine I’d seen on Fobos. “I want to kiss you, Sabra. May I kiss you?”
YES!
“But… You don’t fraternize,” I whispered, my eyes locked on his plump lips while a bolt of desire erupted in the pit of my stomach.
“I’m not attempting to fraternize,” Chaos said, moving another step closer, to the point our chests met. “I’m asking you to let me claim what’s mine.”