by Ryan Casey
He kept on holding on to her when she went still.
When her lips weren’t moving anymore.
When her twitches were occasional.
And when the sky outside turned dark, and then light again.
He kept on holding on to her as time lost its form. As her body went deathly cold. And as the rats started scurrying around, curious about the smell.
And then he looked up from her, looked out of that storeroom.
He stood up.
Walked out of the storeroom.
Walked past that reception area.
Out into the light of the morning sun.
And as he stood there, Sadia in his arms, he looked over to where those people had stood.
That man.
That woman.
Noah.
Jasmine.
And at that moment, he felt rage.
Total rage.
He could’ve been there for his daughter.
He could’ve been there to help her.
To comfort her.
He could’ve saved her, somehow.
He was going to make them suffer.
He was going to make them pay.
He was never going to stop hunting them.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Jasmine couldn’t stop thinking about that scream.
It was pitch black. She and Noah had found some abandoned building in the middle of nowhere. There were a lot of places like this around Preston. Old military bunkers, outposts, that kind of thing. It was cold in here, far colder than felt normal for this time of year. A smell of piss and damp lingered in the air. Fading graffiti lined the mossy brick walls. There wasn’t anything distinctive in this place at all. A couple of dusty benches lining the walls. Loose concrete all across the floor. But nothing that signified what this place was; what it used to be.
But only one thing mattered right now.
It was empty.
Nobody was here.
And it was a roof over their heads for the night.
She felt Barney rest his head against her lap as she stared out into the darkness. There was no light for miles. Nothing but the moon and the stars beaming down from the clear skies above.
She wondered whether it was always this dark around the countryside at night. The power grid went down in stages. Some of it on day one. Then gradually, as the days went by, more and more. Electricity. Water. Everything falling apart. A dark new world waiting for them with cold arms.
Noah sat beside her. He hadn’t said much since they’d fled that medical centre. She’d helped him with his bandage. Checked the wound was alright. Looked fine for now. They just had to hope it stayed that way.
“I keep thinking about that cry,” Noah said.
Hearing him say that made the hairs on Jasmine’s arms stand on end. It echoed her thoughts completely. “We… we can’t let ourselves worry about him.”
“But how? That scream. It sounded like… like a child. And then his cry…”
Jasmine thought back to that moment, and she felt sick. First, the standoff with that bloke. Then the scream. The child-like scream.
And the way that scream totally shattered that man’s world.
Sadia! Sadia!
She shook her head. “We got what we went there for. There was always a risk we were going to run into something we didn’t like, or someone who tried stopping us. That’s just the nature of the world we’re living in now.”
“I don’t get how you can be so detached from it.”
“What?”
“You act as if nothing happened back there. We could’ve… we could’ve stayed. We could’ve helped.”
Jasmine frowned. “Hold on. If I remember correctly, you were the one suddenly acting all Mr Big Man back there. I was the one telling you we should just leave.”
Noah sighed. “I know. I just…”
He looked around at Jasmine.
“When I lost Kyle, something changed in me.”
“Noah,” Jasmine said. “We’ve spoken about your brother before. You don’t have to again.”
“And then I lost you. I’m sorry. I have to say it. But when I lost you… it hurt me. It broke me. I knew it had to happen. I knew we were at the end of the road. And it was on me, too. I see that now. I get it. Really.
“But when I found you again… I guess it just woke something inside me. This… this fear. This fear of losing you again. And sometimes it’s hard to manage. Sometimes it’s just hard to adjust to the way things are now. If that comes out in weird ways sometimes… then I’m sorry. I’m just trying my best here.”
Jasmine kept on staring into Noah’s eyes. There was so much she had bottled up. So much she was containing within.
“And you have to understand that if I act the way I act… there’s a reason for it, too,” she said. “I… I know you think I’m ruthless. I know I am ruthless. But it’s because…”
She didn’t finish what she was saying.
She didn’t think she had to.
The unspoken words said all that needed to be said.
She was afraid of losing Noah.
She was afraid of losing those around her, too.
It just manifested in a different way to Noah.
Noah did something, then.
Something Jasmine didn’t see coming.
He edged closer to her.
Shuffled up, right beside her.
And just for a brief moment, he put his hand on hers.
“We’ll be okay. One way or another.”
And then he took his hand away and moved back to the other side of this cold, damp building in the middle of nowhere.
She watched him lie down.
Watched him tuck his arms under his head.
Watched him curl up, trying to sleep.
She wanted to climb over there.
Wanted to hold him.
Wanted to be beside him.
But in the end, she just stayed sat there.
Staring out into the darkness.
Barney by her side.
She couldn’t let herself get too close.
Because she was terrified of just how much she had to lose.
Chapter Twenty-Four
It was only when he saw the smoke on the horizon that Noah started to suspect something was desperately wrong.
It was a bright day. Stifling hot, right from waking up. He’d slept alright considering the conditions. The hard, dusty floor of that miserable brick building. Bits of debris sticking into his back, into his sides. He’d just lie there, focusing on his breath, telling himself that if he couldn’t drift off, the next best thing was just the ability to relax.
But he had drifted off. He’d slept well. Hell, he dared say he’d slept better than he usually slept in Kelly’s place. Probably because there wasn’t much to defend in that abandoned building. It didn’t feel like it was a home or a territory that he had to look after or protect.
But he was awake now. He, Jasmine, and Barney set off walking after a few snack bars, headed across the fields, down the country lanes in the direction of Broughton. Because there was only one focus in mind now. Only one goal.
They had to get to this place in Broughton where Eddie and Kelly were, wherever it was.
And they had to find a trace of them, one way or another.
But they hadn’t been walking long when they saw the smoke rising in the distance. And just seeing it gave Noah a bad feeling right away. He knew it could be anything. He knew the nation had fallen into disorder. He knew there were bound to be pockets of conflict that he and Jasmine had fortunately kept themselves out of the midst of since getting away from the city. And he knew there were still plenty of people about, most of them going about their own lives, surviving in their own individualistic ways, just like him and Jasmine. In a way, they’d been cocooned from things. They’d seen traces of life along the way, of course. They’d seen people in caravans. People in their homes, and on their farms, keeping to themselves, surviving in their own ways.
But this smoke.
Right before Broughton.
Noah had a bad feeling about it from the start.
“It might be nothing,” Jasmine said.
“Or it might be something.”
“We won’t know for sure,” she said. “Not until we check it out ourselves. But...”
“But what?”
“Are you still sure this is such a good idea?”
Noah frowned. “What?”
“This whole journey. Are you still sure it’s a good idea?”
Noah sighed. “You know how I feel about it. And I thought I knew how you felt about it too. We find them. One way or another. Or we don’t. But we can’t not search. We’re going to be okay.”
Jasmine looked like she was going to protest.
Then she just sighed and nodded.
“I know. I get it. I...”
“You don’t have to be sorry,” Noah said. “I get it too. We’ve got this. Okay?”
She nodded at him.
And then together, they walked down this road, towards that smoke.
They picked up their pace the more they headed down this road. Noah was conscious of his surroundings. They’d passed people on the way. All of them keeping their heads down, keeping themselves to themselves. Cautious that this could be some kind of trap. That people could be around. That someone might be here. Someone might be watching.
He looked at the hedges surrounding the road. He looked over his shoulder. That constant, spine-tingling sense that someone was here. Someone was close. Someone was closing in.
He turned back ahead. Focused in front of him. That smoke grew higher. It didn’t look like it was in Broughton, after all. Before Broughton. On the way to Broughton, somewhere.
He kept his focus ahead. Kept aware of his surroundings.
Then he felt a hand on his arm.
Jasmine.
He looked at her. “What?”
She nodded at something in the road.
Noah looked around.
His stomach turned.
Blood.
He knew he shouldn’t fall into a net of rumination, but he couldn’t help thinking about Eddie. One moment, there by his side in that supermarket. The next, captured by those guards in quarantine gear.
Maybe they’d dragged him out of the van.
Maybe they’d finished him off in the road.
He looked further up the road. Saw a thickening trail of blood, which Barney sniffed at.
He held his breath. Tensed his fists.
And he followed it.
Because it was all he could do.
He kept on moving. Walked closer and closer towards that smoke. Unsure of what might await him at the end of it. Only sure that it was close. Just around the corner.
He held his breath as he reached the turn in the road.
Told himself it might be nothing.
Told himself it could just be a natural fire. Or the remnants of some kind of clash.
It was a large world, after all.
There was no guarantee this had anything to do with anything.
In fact, chances were it had nothing to do with anything.
He looked at Jasmine.
Saw her look back at him.
Half-smile.
And then he stepped around the turn in the road.
When he saw what was up ahead, his whole world came crumbling down around him.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Jasmine saw the scene up ahead, and she couldn’t help fearing the worst.
The smoke billowed into the bright blue sky. The hedges either side of them felt more imposing, more suffocating. That smoke caught at the back of her dry throat, made her cough. The smell of burning filled her lungs.
And tension flooded her shaking body.
She looked at Noah, almost for confirmation of her own feelings over anything else. Just seeing his face, instantly more pale, eyes wide and bloodshot, it told her everything she needed to know.
He was seeing the same thing as her.
He was feeling the same way as her.
He was having the same fears as her.
“Noah?” she said.
“We don’t know yet,” he said.
“We—”
“We don’t know yet.”
She nodded. Looked around. And she took the whole scene in, all over again.
The army vehicle lay on its side up ahead.
Flames clawed up from its side.
A couple of bodies lay on the side of the road, right beside it.
Eyes staring up into nothingness.
Deep, sore burns, all over their bodies.
Jasmine’s first instinct was to check their faces. As much as she felt resistant, she knew she had to.
Eddie.
Kelly.
She squinted at them.
It wasn’t them.
A momentary relief, which was washed away instantly by the scene behind these bodies.
The army vehicle. It had to be the same one that’d taken Eddie and Kelly away.
There was no sign of life around this vehicle.
It looked like whatever had happened, it’d happened recently.
Jasmine didn’t want to walk any closer towards it. She didn’t want to find Kelly or Eddie. She wasn’t sure she could live with the guilt.
But she knew she had to know for certain.
She walked ahead. Barney trailing reluctantly by her side. The air was thick with smoke. Every step she took, the heat from those smouldering flames grew more intense.
She reached the side of the vehicle, and her stomach turned even more.
Everyone inside the vehicle looked in a state. The driver’s face—that of it which hadn’t been burned to a crisp—was smeared in blood. Blood that Jasmine couldn’t be sure was from infection or the accident itself.
Jasmine walked around to the open door at the back of the truck. It was hard to see properly, but the people she could see in there were in various awful states. Some of them looked burned. Some of them looked bloodied. Jasmine couldn’t know what’d happened here. Not for sure. But something had. Something serious.
“No sign?” Noah said.
Jasmine shook her head.
Noah nodded. It was painful, all of this. Because while Jasmine was certain this was the same vehicle she’d seen at the supermarket yesterday, there was no knowing for certain whether this was the truck that Kelly and Eddie had been in. There could be loads of these trucks out and about. Loads of these attempted quarantines.
But at the same time, Jasmine knew that hope was dangerous.
She went to turn around, to look away from the truck, when she noticed something.
She wanted to unsee it. She wanted to pretend she hadn’t seen it at all. She didn’t want to tell Noah about it. She wanted to protect him from it. To cocoon him from it.
But she couldn’t.
It wasn’t fair.
“Noah,” she said.
Noah stopped walking away from the truck. Turned and looked at her. “Yeah?”
She pointed at the ground.
Pointed at what she’d seen.
“What is...”
He stopped.
The second he stopped, she knew he’d seen it. Knew he’d understood its significance.
He crouched down. Lifted it up in his shaking hand.
Confirmation.
Confirmation she didn’t want to receive, but confirmation she knew she needed to accept.
They both needed to accept.
“It’s Eddie’s,” Noah said.
Jasmine nodded.
Eddie always wore this rubber band around his wrist. Always looked too tight for him. Jasmine didn’t know what cause it was for. None of them did. The writing had faded away years ago. But he insisted on wearing it. Insisted on keeping it on at all times.
Jasmine remembered grilling him about it years ago. Asking him why he wore it. He said something about it reminding him of someone.
Before she knew what’d happened to his parents.
So seeing it now, she felt guilty. Sad.
Because this was Eddie’s.
Undoubtedly, unmistakably Eddie’s.
Noah rolled the band around in his palm. The reality hit Jasmine like a wall of bricks. Because it wasn’t just Eddie. It was Kelly, too.
And the guilt she felt, right at that moment, was crippling.
It churned inside her stomach.
Squeezed, right at her core.
Because she knew what this meant.
Kelly was gone.
Her best friend was gone.
She stood there and stared at that band. Unable to cry. Unable to react in any way that made her feel weakened or subservient. Those voices of her parents shouting down at her, telling her she was weak. Telling her she needed someone by her side.
And her own voice crying back that it wasn’t true. That she could be strong.
That she could make it on her own.
A tear rolled down her face.
She wiped it away as she stood there with Noah.
As the reality set in.
“They’re gone,” Noah said.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Noah and Jasmine stood at the top of the country lane and stared at the smoke still rising from the army truck.
It was late morning. Warm. Humid. No breeze in the air. Not a single sound around. The smell of smoke still hanging in his nostrils. A tickly cough lingering at the back of his throat.
And that band. Eddie’s band, between his fingers.
The reminder of his friend.
A friend he’d lost, all over again.
They looked back down the road, over towards that smoke. Noah wanted to search the army vehicle properly. He wanted to scan every single body in there so they were absolutely sure Eddie and Kelly were amongst them. He needed that certainty. He needed that closure.
But at the same time, he already knew the truth.
He already had all the closure he was going to get.
“We need to have a conversation,” Jasmine said.
Noah’s stomach turned. “About what?”
“About what we do next.”
Noah knew this conversation was coming. He didn’t want to let go. He didn’t want to accept the search was over. But what more could they do? With the information they had, what more could they do?