by Ryan Casey
“Anyway,” Steve said. “I won’t embarrass you any more. There’s time for your love to blossom yet. Fact is, the offer’s there, on the table. This place ain’t perfect. It has its flaws. But we’re building something here. Building a community. And hopefully, it’ll not be forever. Hopefully, the government will get shit in order soon, whichever government is still out there. But we’re better off together, the way I see it. What progress did humanity ever make alone? None. None at all. But I guess it depends what sorta place you two lovebirds are heading home to.”
Jasmine looked at Noah. She wanted to head back to Kelly’s, now, after some initial uncertainty. She felt a connection with that place. And a duty to Kelly, too. Her friend might be gone, but it felt like if she could commit one final act of kindness, it was to look after her home.
But she knew the roots of those emotions.
Clinging.
Clinging to something that wasn’t going to change.
Clinging to someone who wasn’t going to return.
“Anyway,” Steve said. “Mull it over. The offer’s on the table. Have a think about it. Just make a decision fast, like. I don’t wanna be giving up too much squirrel to a pair of people who aren’t gonna pull their weight. Besides. I don’t like some of the shit I’ve seen out there. If you wanna take your chances on the road, more fool you.”
Jasmine didn’t like the way he said those words. There was a look to his face. Like he knew something. Like he wasn’t being totally honest. Wasn’t being totally straight.
“What sort of shit you seen out there?” Jasmine asked.
Steve looked at her. Narrowed his eyes. “Ah, probably just nothing. Just… shit. Shit that doesn’t make sense. Shit that doesn’t add up. I’ve seen people drop dead then get up again. Nobody believes me. Everyone thinks I’m crazy. But believe me. There’s more going on here than they tell us. Otherwise, why else would they bring the net down? Why would they bring the power down, day one? They’re cutting communication. They’re trying to suppress the truth.”
A chill crept up Jasmine’s spine. She had to admit she had worries of her own about some kind of cover-up. A sense that they weren’t being told the full story about this virus. “What do you think the truth is?”
Steve took a deep breath. Smiled. “I guess we’ll find out soon enough. Or not.”
He got up. Walked away from the fire. Jasmine and Noah stood too. They walked down the street together with Barney. She was surprised. This place felt so threatening when they were just passing through it. But now they were here, now they knew the nature of the people here... she saw things through a different lens. A more optimistic, positive, hopeful lens.
“What do you think?” Noah asked.
Jasmine looked at him. “I can’t believe I’m actually admitting this. But—”
“You feel like this place could be good, too.”
“You feel that too?”
Noah rubbed the back of his neck like he always did when he was stressed. Then he nodded. “I’ve got my doubts. But I figure... well, what does Kelly’s have to offer that this place doesn’t? We’ve got to face it, just like we faced it when we left that place yesterday. Kelly’s was a way of hiding from the world. But we can only hide from the world for so long. As hard as it is for me to admit that.”
Jasmine nodded. She kind of didn’t want Noah to say that. She wanted him to tell her that she was crazy. That staying here was a bad idea. Confirming her defences. Her suspicions.
But he was on the same page as her.
And that scared her.
“What he said,” Noah mumbled. “About us... about being a couple.”
She looked at him. Lump growing in her throat. “What about it?”
Noah looked away from her. Flushing. A little sweat on his forehead. “I dunno. I just found it funny, I guess. People always said we looked good together.”
Jasmine’s cheeks grew even hotter. Again, those defences rose. That resistance rose.
But she said something that broke through that resistance.
“I think they were right,” she said.
She looked into Noah’s eyes.
He looked back into hers.
For a moment, they just stood there, staring at one another. Smiling.
And then he looked away, back towards the fire.
“We’d better tell Steve we’re sticking around for a while, then,” he said.
Jasmine smiled. “Yeah. Yeah, we had.”
There was optimism.
There was hope.
Jasmine rubbed her cold palms together.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Bruce Wright stared out into the darkness and thought about killing himself.
It was late. He had no idea where he was. He’d set off from the medical centre hours ago and just started walking. At first, he’d searched for a trail of the bloke, the woman, and the dog who’d broken into his home. Noah. Jasmine. The people who’d threatened to take his stuff. Who’d sparked this whole sorry mess with his daughter. His Sadia.
Every time he thought of her, he felt a stabbing pain, right in the middle of his chest. Her big, gorgeous eyes. Her cute little laugh, so innocent, so sweet. The way she always made him feel so happy, no matter what was happening, no matter what he was going through.
And it’d always been that way, too. Before she was born, things weren’t great between him and Samantha. Their marriage was strained. The spark had long ago extinguished and petered out. They were going through the motions. Work was shit, and it was taking a toll on the pair of them.
But then Samantha fell pregnant, and the pair of them faced a crossroads. A turning point. Either they could let this be the end of them, or they could let this be the start of them, all over again.
The decision wasn’t easy. Bruce didn’t want to be one of those blokes who just stayed together for the sake of a kid.
But once that decision was made, there was no turning back.
And there was absolutely no doubt in Bruce’s mind that it was the right call, either.
Right from the day she was born, Sadia brought a spark back to his and Samantha’s lives. And just seeing the way Samantha held her, listening to her sing to her in the night, all of these things reignited his love for her, all over again.
Their marriage had never been better. Their relationship had never been stronger.
And then Samantha died.
And then Sadia died.
And suddenly, Bruce was all alone.
He stared at the pack of pills he’d taken from the medical centre. Co-codamol. He didn’t know how many he’d need to take to kill himself. He figured a whole box of them might do the trick, though.
And he felt so guilty for having these thoughts, as he sat in the darkness, on a park bench, looking out at the empty streets. A play area beside him. A swing blowing in the wind, creaking. A reminder of the times he’d push Sadia and she’d just beg him to push higher, higher. All around him, memories. Sights. Sounds. Smells. All of it so fresh. All of it so raw.
All of it taunting him.
He just wanted it to stop.
He just wanted it to end.
He pulled that first tab of pills out with his shaking hands. Opened up a few of the tabs, dropped the tablets into his palm. He looked at them. Thirty of them sitting there in his hand. Would thirty be enough?
Maybe another thirty would do the trick.
Or maybe even another thirty.
He felt a tear roll down his cheek as another of those anxious, unstoppable pangs of pain crippled his chest. He felt so bad that he was even considering this. Because he knew what Samantha would say to him. He had to be strong. He had to keep on going. They’d spoken about what they’d do if the other died. How they wanted the other half to live their lives. To find new love, if they could.
But above anything, to be there for Sadia. To make sure she grew up to live the best life she could. A life she deserved. A life where she could be proud of herself.<
br />
And now she was gone.
His whole reason for staying alive, gone.
He stuffed the pills into his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut.
He sat there. Cried. Waited for the pills to dissolve. Waited til he gained the courage to swallow them down.
And then he saw her.
He saw both of them.
Samantha.
Sadia.
Such sadness in their eyes.
Such disappointment.
Such love.
He spat the pills out. And then he vomited right after. Heaved. He fell off the park bench, and he pressed his head against the ground and cried. This pain, it wasn’t going to get any easier. It wasn’t going to get any better.
But he couldn’t kill himself.
He couldn’t take his life.
He had to keep going.
He had to keep fighting.
He dragged himself up from the ground. Tears blinding his eyes. The taste of vomit clinging to his throat. Body shaking. Everything cloudy, muddied.
And then he had a flash of the only thing he was certain of in this world anymore.
That lad. That girl.
Noah.
Jasmine.
If they hadn’t snooped around the medical centre, he could’ve been there for Sadia.
Maybe he could’ve even found a way to help her.
To save her.
But at the very least, he could’ve been there to comfort her.
He looked down the street. Back towards the route he’d walked down.
And that pain inside was replaced by anger.
He tightened his fists.
He knew what he had to do.
He had to find them.
And he had to make them pay.
No matter what it took.
He went to walk when he saw two figures up ahead in the distance.
A chubby guy.
And a slim, blonde girl.
Both walking together.
Right towards him.
He crouched down and held his breath.
Watched them closely...
Chapter Thirty-Four
Kelly didn’t want to admit it to herself, but she was pretty fucking sure she and Eddie were lost.
It was dark. Night had crept up on them out of nowhere. She was exhausted. Her feet were blistered. She felt greasy, in need of a damned good shower. Her head was itchy as mad. She was supposed to have her hair and nails done a couple of days ago, and even though that was surely the least of her problems, she always felt better after a good trip to the salon. Refreshed. Reinvigorated. Any delay, and she started to get antsy, pissy.
She wanted nothing more than to get the hell back home. At least at home, she felt more secure. She felt more comfortable.
But yeah. She didn’t know how it’d happened, but she definitely didn’t recognise this street right now.
She moved her phone around in her hands. The charge had gone days ago, but it comforted her, holding it close. Attachment issues, clearly.
“I just don’t get how we can be lost,” Eddie muttered. “Like, aren’t you supposed to be from around here?”
Kelly bit her lip. Her brief moment of sympathy for Eddie earlier had rapidly waned. He was back to his usual self. As much as she respected him a whole lot more after this journey together, he was still the same old annoying Eddie.
Then again, pretty much everyone pissed her off after a certain amount of time. Just the nature of her character.
“I’m not Google Maps,” Kelly said. “Besides, it’s hard when you’re not in a car, sometimes. The streets, they look different. And forgive me for trying not to get us killed, but I’ve been doing my best to keep us away from the busier places. Away from places we might run into trouble.”
Eddie sighed. “Good to know you’ve had a plan all this time. Could’ve fooled me.”
“You had any better ideas yourself? ‘Cause, you know. Feel free to share them with me if you do.”
Eddie sighed. He planted his hands on his knees, gasping for breath. “My feet are killing. My legs feel like they’re gonna drop off. If you’re not careful, you’re gonna have to carry me.”
Kelly snorted. “Fat chance of that.”
“Fat chance? Sensitive choice of words.”
“Sorry,” Kelly said. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Yeah, well maybe you should think about things before you blurt them out sometimes. I might be ugly on the outside, but at least I’m not...”
He stopped. But Kelly knew exactly what he was going to say. At least I’m not ugly on the inside.
And it hurt. Because she’d been told as much before. Told as much by guys she’d dated. Told as much by friends.
She’d been told how much of a bitch she was so many times in her life that she was really starting to fulfil that role.
Eddie walked on. And as much as Kelly didn’t want to open up, as much as she wanted to just stay on guard for any people that might pose a threat, she felt the weight of Eddie’s openness earlier weighing down on her, and she knew she had to say something.
“I was in an abusive relationship when I was fifteen,” Kelly said.
Eddie looked around. Frowned. “Huh?”
Kelly walked up to him. Walked beside him, slower now. “When... when I was fifteen, I met a guy. Simon. He was nice. Charming. And he seemed to care. He was sweet. Offered me rides home from school. Told me how gorgeous I was. There wasn’t anything... sexual in it. Like, I was mad about him. I think I was in love with him. And I can see now, he used that. I wanted him to make a move. I wanted him to tell me how much he loved me too. I wanted him to run away with me. But... but instead, he just kept backing off. He gave me enough hope to keep me interested, and then he’d back away and send me into this desperate, needy state.
“And then he introduced me to his ‘friends’. Said he wanted me to do something with them. Be nice to them. Be kind to them. I remember this bloke walking in. Old guy. Reeked of sweat. Standing there looking at me like I was a fucking piece of meat. I broke down in tears, and I got the hell out of that hotel, and I didn’t leave my room for days.”
“Shit,” Eddie said. “Kelly, I didn’t... I’m sorry. The guy. Simon. What happened with him?”
“See, that’s the thing,” Kelly said. “I was so stupidly in love; I wanted to believe it was a mistake. That I’d just got the wrong end of the stick. So I rang him. I rang him, and I met up with him and he... he told me we couldn’t see each other anymore if I wasn’t willing to help out his friends. Because his friends were sad. They were lonely. They needed help. I told him I couldn’t do that, so he dropped me off at the side of the road, and then he disappeared from my life forever.”
“Wanker. I hope to God you reported this guy.”
“I tried. But he’d vanished. Disappeared off the face of the earth. Never saw him again. Police never caught up with him. But I remember one day, when I was in my early twenties... I remember seeing his friend. The old guy. Walking along. Wife by his side. Grandkids in a pram in front of him. I remember looking at him and him looking at me and there just being this sense of knowing between us. Like we knew exactly who each other was. But we had nothing to say to each other. There was nothing that could be said.”
Silence from Eddie. Nothing but the sound of his footsteps.
“So I’m sorry if I’m blunt sometimes. And I’m sorry if I’m a bitch sometimes. But I need to be strong. I need to be tough. Because every single day of my life, I wake up wondering whether Simon’s going to appear again. Or what he’s doing to some other girl, just like me. And it haunts the shit out of me. Right to this day.”
Eddie didn’t say anything. To be honest, Kelly doubted he could say anything that would help her in any way.
But then he finally broke the silence.
“I’m not judging you for the way you are. We all have our demons. We’re just trying our best to get through, in our own weird ways.”
&nb
sp; She looked at Eddie, and she felt something.
Just momentary.
And something she wasn’t comfortable with.
But she felt her heart flutter.
“Thank you,” she said.
Eddie frowned. “What for?”
“For...”
And then she stopped.
Because she heard the footsteps up ahead.
She spun around.
A man stood in the middle of the road.
Dark-haired.
Bearded.
Dark circles under his eyes.
Knife in hand.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Jasmine woke to a scream.
She opened her eyes. Peered up into the darkness. For a moment, she didn’t know where she was. She was on a bed somewhere. Quite solid, the springs sticking up into her back, digging right in. She looked to her left. Saw Noah lying there on the single bed beside her. Eyes open, too. Staring over at her. Concern across his face.
“Did you hear that?” he asked.
It all came back to Jasmine right away. Reaching Longridge. Deciding to stay here, at least for a little while. Giving up their hopes of reaching Kelly’s place again, because that was just a fantasy, that was just clinging to the past, that was just an illusion.
They’d been given a room to stay in. A flat to live in, for the time being. Just the one room. Two single beds pushed up against each other, something she and Noah had been sure to separate as soon as possible.
They’d lay there in bed. Fallen to sleep in the same room for the first time since they broke up.
And then she heard another scream.
She got up. Walked across the room, over to the window. Barney wandered up. Whining. Growling. Like he was bothered about something, too.
She pulled the curtains open. Couldn’t see anything outside in the dark streets. No movement. Nothing.
But that scream. It was coming from across the street. From one of the buildings across the road.
“What do we do?” she asked.
Noah looked out the window, squinting into the darkness.
Then he looked back at her and opened his mouth, went to speak.