by Jill Lynn
Emma’s theory was completely unfounded. She was the most amazing person. Sweet and kind and funny and distractingly pretty. “I wouldn’t use meek or medium to describe you.”
“Really?”
“Nope. And willow trees are overrated.”
She laughed, then beamed, and his skin warmed under the glow. “Thanks.”
“I’d say you’re more like...sunshine.” And not the crisp winter kind. The warm summer kind that filtered through the leaves of trees and spoke of swimming pools and forts and long, lazy days. “You’re irresistible. That’s why everyone wants to be around you.”
Moisture glistened, making her intriguing eyes shimmer. “That might be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.”
“People are fools not to see you for who you are, Emma.”
“Oh my!” She fanned her neck. “All of these compliments are making me overheat.”
A chuckle rumbled in his chest. “So, what did you do tonight after Hudson went to sleep?” His eyes bounced off the notebook on the coffee table. Would she tell him what was in there? Or was it too private?
“I was working on some ideas for the ranch.”
“Mine or yours?”
“Wilder.” The word tumbled out with a hint of laughter.
“Kids’ Club stuff? I would assume this is the time of year you normally prep for the summer. How are you handling all of that while watching Hudson?” And why hadn’t Gage thought to ask her that question previously? Probably because he’d assumed he wouldn’t have Hudson living with him for very long.
“Oh, I’m working some at night and while Hudson naps when I’m here. Right now it’s just about hiring summer staff and developing this year’s program and theme. Since so many families come back year after year, I like to change things up for the kids. But that’s not what I was thinking about tonight.”
She sipped her tea.
He waited.
“You really want to know?”
“I do.”
“Okay.” Her exhale wobbled. Was she nervous to tell him? Why? “I’ve been thinking of things we could add to the guest ranch experience.” She plunked her mug down on the coffee table and then flipped the notebook open. After a few seconds—gathering courage?—she turned it so he could see. The paper contained a few sketches. One of an older building turned into a rustic ice cream parlor, the next a small store.
“So you’re an artist on top of all of your many impressive qualities.”
“Not a good one. But I have always sketched my ideas. When I was little, I told my dad that we should build a castle lodge. He still has my drawing of it. There may have been a few white stallions and unicorns grazing nearby.” Her cheeks creased. “I’m definitely more starry-eyed than I am practical. I’m always dreaming about what we could do to make staying at a guest ranch more tempting in a world where people want every convenience at their fingertips.”
“Envisioning how to improve the ranch is a good thing.” And attractive. Intriguing to know there was more to Emma than met the eye. In the past Gage’s longer interactions had typically been with Luc. He’d been missing out. “So will you tell Luc and Mackenzie about your ideas?”
“They aren’t really looking for this kind of stuff from me. They’re usually the big-picture people, and I’m just...”
“Brilliant? Smart? A total asset? I’m not sure which word to fill in, but they all fit.”
Emma dropped the notebook onto the couch, momentarily covering her face with her hands. “Stop it. I’m none of those things. Luc teases me that I’m a romantic, and it’s true. I come up with lofty ideas that aren’t necessarily feasible.”
“But aren’t there two outbuildings currently not being used that would be a fit for both of those?” He pointed to her drawing.
“Yeah. That’s what made me think of it, actually. The ice cream parlor would be a great place for families to hang out in the evenings. And the store idea would be so fun. We could pull in different Colorado handmade goods. Souvenirs with the ranch logo Cate just redesigned. It would be perfect for guests who love to shop. Or to purchase supplies if they’ve forgotten something for their trip.”
“Those are great suggestions, Emma. You should say something to your siblings.”
Those distracting lips of hers pressed tightly together. She flipped the journal cover closed, hiding her creativity. “Maybe.”
“That sounded more like a no.”
“Can I have another one of these?” She motioned to the chocolates, which she’d set on the coffee table earlier.
“Of course. They’re for you.”
She plucked one from the plate. “I’ll think about what you said.”
“Are you just saying that so that I’ll stop bugging you about it?” He quoted her from the night of the talent show.
An Emma-sweetened, done-with-this-conversation smile answered him.
Gage raised his hands in defeat. “I’ll let it go.” Only...he didn’t understand her reasoning for not saying something. Emma was obviously talented at running the Kids’ Club program, but her skills went beyond that, too. Did her siblings see that? Or were their noses buried in the sand? Because Gage suddenly felt quite protective of the woman in front of him who would do anything for anyone else.
Who took care of her?
* * *
Emma wasn’t used to being so...noticed. It wasn’t as though Luc and Mackenzie didn’t appreciate her—they did. But with Gage it felt...different.
Better.
She shouldn’t have shown Gage her brainstorming sketches. The concepts were silly. Fanciful. But the man had a way of pulling information out of her.
And despite Gage’s praise, Emma didn’t plan to share the concepts with Luc or Mackenzie anytime soon.
Her siblings had too much going on. Luc and Cate’s twins were due in July—smack-dab in the middle of their busiest season—so her brother was working to accomplish whatever he could ahead of time. Mackenzie was video-interviewing staff left and right.
Neither of them had time for anything more right now.
And Emma was quite occupied with Hudson, so she didn’t have the capacity to pursue developing a project, either.
Letting the ideas simmer made sense. And if the concepts never came to fruition, that would be fine. Who knew if her daydreams were actually any good? Just because Gage had said so didn’t make it true.
Between her watching Hudson and the dinners they’d shared together lately, he probably felt like he owed her.
He didn’t. Especially not if he’d actually consider keeping Hudson.
After the talent show fiasco, Gage had once again stuck to home in the evenings. Emma had cooked dinner and stayed to eat with him and Hudson a few nights, hoping to remind him he could have some semblance of normalcy while raising a baby. Wanting to provide some adult companionship so that he didn’t drown in isolation.
At first Gage had balked. He’d demanded that she stop doing so much for him and Hudson. He’d tried sending her home. Kicking her out.
But after one meal, his protests had faded.
Over the course of their dinners together, Emma and Gage had gotten closer, and the idea of him raising Hudson had wormed even further into her heart. Gage was gentle and sweet with the boy, the awkwardness that had first plagued their relationship fading with time. Hudson was opening Gage up, softening him.
Yet each day, Emma feared that Gage would walk down the hallway or through the front door and announce to her that he’d found a home for Hudson. And then all of her plans to heal Gage by convincing him to keep Hudson would crumble.
“Anything new with finding a family for Hudson?”
Rows burrowed across his forehead. “Nope.” Disappointment weighted down the word.
Gage had nosed into her business tonight, so she felt liberated to do
the same. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Why are you so certain another home is the right answer? How do you know?”
Gage rubbed the back of his neck. “My childhood growing up was pretty...perfect. My sister and I got along for the most part. We had amazing parents who loved us and enjoyed being with us. They never missed one of our activities. I still have a good relationship with them.”
“That’s great.” Emma sipped her lemongrass tea, which somehow tasted better when Gage made it for her. Was that possible? Of course the image of Gage in the kitchen prepping tea for her certainly didn’t hurt anything.
“Exactly. I look back on my childhood and think, I want that for Hudson. A mom and a dad who love each other, who can’t get enough of their kids. A whole family unit, not just—” he motioned to himself “—me. And I can’t imagine getting married again,” his nose wrinkled, broadcasting inner turmoil, “when things went bad with Nicole...”
She inched forward, all ears. Gage didn’t talk about Nicole much. Emma knew pieces of what had happened, but there were a lot of blanks.
“It turned ugly. I tried so hard to keep Nicole. To change her into thinking our marriage was where she wanted to be. But it wasn’t. Maybe even from the start. She cheated on me when we lived in Denver. It was an emotional affair the first time around—or so she said—but that didn’t lessen the bite.”
How could Nicole have done that? Two affairs? How had the woman not seen Gage for the prize he was? “I’m so sorry, Gage. You deserve better than that.” An adoring wife. A brood of children. Someone who appreciates you like... Emma didn’t allow herself to finish the wayward thought.
His eyes crinkled yet remained sad. “Thanks.”
“So then what happened?”
“Then we moved here. I hoped completely uprooting our lives would change things. That maybe it was my fault for working too much. For not loving her enough.” Gage swallowed, and Emma’s heart broke a little. Only Gage would put all of the blame on himself when Nicole had so obviously not made any effort.
“I thought that here, of all places, she would be focused on us and our marriage. As if moving to the ranch would limit her straying. I forgave her for the affair. I thought... I don’t know. That’s what I was supposed to do. That saving our marriage was worth it.”
“Maybe it would have been...”
“If she’d changed.” Gage filled in the rest. “But she didn’t. She was still the same woman. And she took off at the first opportunity. I threw myself at her feet, attempting to let go of the way she’d wounded me and our marriage in order to save it and us, and she just tossed it all back in my face.”
“You fighting for your relationship through all of that gives me hope that there are good men left in the world who love wholeheartedly. Who don’t give up, even when things are incredibly hard. I think what you did, the way you loved her... It was beautiful. Even if it wasn’t reciprocated.”
Gage blinked, lost somewhere in painful memories. The agony radiating from him was palpable. It took everything in Emma not to walk over, sit on the arm of his chair and wrap him in a hug.
“My divorce felt like such an overwhelming failure. I’m not sure you can understand how awful, how crushing and disappointing it was to lose my marriage after fighting so hard to keep it.”
“Failure is suffocating. I get that.”
Gage’s head tilted, narrowed eyes questioning. “I can’t imagine that you do, but okay.”
Oh, honey. You have no idea the kind of failing I’ve succeeded at. Emma’s situation with James read like a stilted children’s book.
Emma meets guy.
Emma is flattered by the attention from said guy.
Guy is slime.
Mortified by her choice in men, Emma flees. But her shame and embarrassment stay with her, because those are hers alone.
Just like the choice to get involved with James in the first place.
He’d told her she was beautiful. That he thought about her all of the time. That he’d never met anyone like her before. Emma’s romantic heart had fluttered like butterfly wings at James’s compliments.
They’d dated for about a month. During that time, he would bounce from a praise to a recommendation. Something she could or should change about herself.
Her hair or clothes. Toning down her laugh.
Hurtful things.
And then, quick as a whip, he’d be back to waxing on about how amazing she was. He’d confused her. Flattered her. And the worst part was, she’d stuck around for it all a bit too long. During the time they’d dated, James had spun her head in so many directions she’d forgotten which way was up.
Then one morning, she’d been knee-deep in her devotions, and God had opened her eyes to all of the reasons she should be running from James instead of to him. The conviction had been so strong that she’d broken things off...and uncovered a spiteful, malicious side to him she was only too happy to escape. Not long after, James had begun an affair with Nicole and the two of them had left town together.
The whole thing made Emma feel filthy, like she’d been wading through mud puddles and fallen flat on her face while the whole world watched.
“I care about Hudson so much.” Gage continued. “But I can’t picture myself having kids or providing that kind of family for him. I just...don’t have enough confidence in relationships anymore.”
So Gage had wanted children before things went bad with Nicole? Heartbreaking.
“I don’t have enough faith is what it comes down to.”
“In God?”
“No. In me. In my ability to make a marriage work. In my ability to trust someone again.” The last thing was said quietly, burdened with a sadness Emma wasn’t sure Gage even recognized.
Her chest ached like an elephant had plopped down on it.
“That childhood I told you about with a loving mom and dad? I want that for him. Is that so wrong?”
Her heart shattered, the hope she’d harbored over Gage keeping Hudson crumbling with the weight of his admission. “No.” Her vocal cords squeaked. “It’s not wrong to want that for Hudson.”
Gage’s reasoning was almost...sacrificial. Giving up Hudson wouldn’t be easy for him—Emma could tell that he loved the boy. And yet, he would, for what he believed to be Hudson’s sake.
Emma had previously thought that she—or, rather, Hudson—could change Gage’s mind. But she’d only been going up against him not wanting kids. She hadn’t realized how Gage felt about marriage...that he didn’t trust himself or anyone else. So now, in order for Gage to keep Hudson, not only would she have to reverse his thinking about having children, but also about marriage. He’d have to stop believing that the world was full of Nicoles and start believing that he could have a loving, lasting relationship with the right person.
And even with her optimism, Emma didn’t know how she’d go about doing that.
Chapter Seven
Hudson and Gage sat in the back row of the church on Sunday morning. Emma was with her family halfway up on the right side, in seats they used so frequently their names could practically be etched into the back of the old mahogany pew.
Gage felt strangely misplaced not sitting with them. Something about Emma pulled him in. Made him feel at home. Like he belonged. And he hadn’t felt that way in a long time. Since even before Nicole took off.
It wasn’t until partway through the closing prayer that Gage realized he was staring at Emma’s back, grinning like a besotted fool at the way she bobbed her head in agreement with Pastor Higgin’s requests to God.
A quick glance to his left and right told him his blatant study of Emma had gone unnoticed. Gage slammed his lids closed for the remainder of the prayer.
Hudson climbed up and down in his lap, ready to be released from sitting still. Certainly the boy would
much rather be crawling and playing, but when Gage had attempted to leave him in the nursery, Hudson had clung to him. His eyes had welled with tears, and his chubby fist had grasped the buttons on Gage’s evergreen shirt like they were his saving grace.
With Zeke’s death so fresh and Hudson’s life in such upheaval, Gage had quickly caved to keeping the baby with him for the service. Though he’d been so occupied with entertaining and feeding Hudson he hadn’t heard much of the sermon at all.
“Amen.” Pastor Higgin ended the prayer, and Hudson punctuated it with a burp that must have been jarred loose during his recent movements.
The sound elicited quiet laughter from Gage and some of the other parents near him.
Parents. He sat in a section full of them, and yet he didn’t belong. Zeke should be the one holding Hudson. The one raising him, teaching him.
It shattered Gage that not only would Zeke miss out on seeing each new milestone from Hudson, but that the boy would never have the chance to know his amazing father.
If he let himself think too much about any of it, Gage could barely stay upright.
Yesterday Gage had found out that a distant relative of Rita’s might be interested in raising Hudson. The Franks were missionaries in Ghana and wanted to discuss things more with Gage when they returned to the States at the end of February. They had three kids already but desired to have more and their doctor had advised that Noreen not carry another pregnancy. The situation sounded promising—like maybe Hudson would be as much of a gift to them as they would be to him. Their visit was still a couple of weeks away, so in the meantime Gage would wait and pray.
The congregation filed into the church meeting hall, where cookies and coffee were being served in celebration of the Grammars’ wedding anniversary. Fifty years. What an accomplishment. Gage’s parents had just celebrated their thirty-fourth this year. It was amazing how thoroughly he’d botched his own marriage with them as an example.