by Jill Lynn
* * *
Had Gage and Luc conspired about her? Why? A sluggish beat ricocheted inside Emma’s rib cage, as if the pumping blood couldn’t swim through her traumatized veins.
Gage groaned and scrubbed a hand across the back of his neck, casting his eyes to the ceiling. “This is all coming out wrong.”
Emma counted to five silently, stretching the Mississippis out. “Okay. Then figure out how to say it right. I’ll wait.”
His earnest look almost had her accepting his explanation before he spoke. “Luc and I were both worried about you because of how close you’ve gotten to Hudson and the fact that I’m not keeping him. We thought that if you had some time away from him, it would help you take a step back. Re-evaluate. You could gain some distance and then not be so wounded when he goes.”
So Gage had been trying to protect her, not get rid of her. Emma expected that kind of behavior from Luc. Her older brother had often watched out for her, whether she wanted him to or not. But Gage’s involvement was new. And not altogether unwelcome.
Gage worrying about her meant he cared for her, and she was warmed by that. But the way he’d gone about it stunk like stepping in a pile of manure in flip-flops. Which she’d done before. Ew.
“Boys are dumb when they make decisions for a girl without asking.”
A bark of laughter escaped from Gage, a slow grin following. “I couldn’t agree more.”
Emma’s lips bowed. This man softened her like melted butter and he didn’t even need a heat source.
“I don’t know why I didn’t just talk to you about it and explain. Definitely not my best move.” Gage’s baby blues danced with remorse and self-deprecating humor, making her stomach twirl like Ruby in a full skirt. The man would make gorgeous children. Such a pity he didn’t plan to have any.
“I understand why you did it.” She poked him in the chest—a wall of strength under a long-sleeved button-up shirt. “I’m not saying I agree with your actions, but if you’re asking for forgiveness, you have it.”
“Good. Because I don’t like making you mad.”
“I wasn’t mad so much as...hurt.”
His mouth pursed to the side. “I like that even less. I’m sorry, Em.”
He’d called her Em. Little cartoon hearts were likely shooting from her eyes and tummy and any other warm, fuzzy places inside of her. The shortened name felt intimate. It only made her want more. Of him. Of Hudson.
Perhaps Gage and Luc had been right to send her off and hope she’d build some walls. Protect herself. But that just wasn’t who she was.
“Are you going to be okay when Hudson goes? Because I’m still worried about you. I think you’ve fallen for him.”
He might not be the only one. “I’m definitely smitten with that boy. And I’m quite confident that I’m going to be a mess when you find another home for him. It isn’t in my DNA to not care deeply. I don’t have that switch.”
A grin that had her stomach flipping like pancakes surfaced, coupled with a hint of sadness. “That’s why you’re so lovable. Because you give it so freely.”
Lovable but not loved. Not by Gage. Not by any other man. Those were two very different things, and one of these days, Emma really wanted to experience the second.
Hudson squawked. He’d thrown his banana teether, so Emma retrieved it for him. She handed it off, made sure he was content again, and returned to Gage. “I thought maybe you’d hired someone else to watch Hudson this weekend.”
“No. I worked as much as I could but wasn’t much of a help. Ford’s been covering for me. We worked in the barn cutting fence stays on Saturday. I bundled Hudson up, and Ford and I rigged up his bouncy swing so that he couldn’t collide with anything. The kid went to town.”
Emma could just imagine Hudson’s delight at that. There really wasn’t a great place for him to use it in the house.
Gage was so good with Hudson and he didn’t even realize it. It pained Emma to think he was still going to give the boy up. “Sounds like you survived just fine without me. At least until this morning.”
“We managed okay.” He squeezed her arm, ran a thumb across her bicep. “But Hudson and I don’t want to survive without you.” His voice swung low, beseeching. “Does that change anything?”
He’s referring to you taking care of Hudson. Don’t read anything more into it than that. Still, her pulse raced and she melted into liquid caramel. None of which she planned to admit.
“Do you want me to...” Emma didn’t complete the offer. She was still raw and tender from the weekend and would be quite thankful to avoid dipping her toes into that pool of torment again.
“Stay? Yes. But I don’t want to ask that of you. You were supposed to have the day to yourself.”
What did it say about her that she didn’t want to be anywhere but here? “I’m happy to take care of Hudson.”
Gage remained silent, studying her. “Are you absolutely sure it’s not an imposition?”
Actually, staying away from the two of you is becoming the bigger imposition. But let’s not discuss trite details like that right now.
“I’m sure.”
“Then I’ll gratefully accept your help. Hudson could use your comfort today. Everything is better when you’re here.”
If only her system didn’t compute Gage’s words and assume they had something to do with her outside of her role as Hudson’s caregiver.
“I owe you big-time. Again. Or more like still. I’ll grab takeout tonight if you’re interested. Your pick.”
“You’re going to drive into town to pick up dinner?”
“Actually, the Berrets live just past me, and their son Tommy is usually willing to deliver when he’s on his way home from work. He likes the addition to his gas fund. But yes, I would drive into town for you.”
Do not swoon over that, Emma Wilder. Don’t you dare swoon over that. “You take this apology stuff seriously, don’t you?”
“I do. If you need me to write one up for you, I will.”
Humor simmered, quickly spiking to a boil. “That won’t be necessary.” Although she wouldn’t mind seeing what Gage would come up with. But that was because Emma was eternally optimistic even when she shouldn’t be. Gage’s apology would be all legalese and no romance-ese. Better to skip it and the disappointment.
“We’ve missed you over here. Just look how happy Hudson is now that you’ve returned.” He nodded toward the baby, who was attempting to eat the small plastic mirror adhered to his saucer. “I’m afraid if you leave Hudson will start fussing again. We need you.”
Need, not want. Again, words with two very different meanings.
“Okay, Counselor. I’ll stay and take you up on dinner—even though your enticement isn’t necessary.” She sprinkled the words with teasing instead of the sense of loss and yearning that filled her. Her fake perkiness must have worked, because Gage’s cheeks creased in answer.
Hudson gave a frustrated cry that quickly escalated. Emma rescued him from the saucer while Gage got the washcloth from the freezer. He ran warm water over one end and brought it to the baby.
“Here, bud. Hold on right here.” He offered the warm part to Hudson and the boy seized it.
He gummed the icy portion as if it were dusted in sugar, and Emma wiped a line of drool from the corner of his mouth.
Hold on. Gage’s phrase echoed in her mind. That’s exactly what she had to figure out how to do with her heart. Because not only was Hudson snatching up serious portions, Gage was buying up real estate, too.
And, unfortunately, unless Gage changed his mind about marriage and kids, he was all wrong for her. Even if he was beginning to feel right.
Chapter Nine
Gage swung the ax into the ice covering the pond that the cattle needed access to for hydration. Earlier this morning it had sleeted, but then the temperature had plumm
eted and the moisture had switched to snow. White flakes had been spitting from the sky ever since. So much had dumped that he’d driven the snowmobile out here and sent the guys home before heading out to complete this last necessary task.
The crash of the ax meeting ice again and again broke into the quiet, swirling blanket of white as Gage chopped a parallel line about a foot or so from the shoreline.
It had been a long, frigid day of making sure the cattle had provisions, and Gage was chilled to the bone. Ready for his warm house.
And Emma.
And Hudson.
Having the two of them to come home to might not be permanent, but was it so wrong to enjoy their company while it lasted?
If only Gage had met Emma earlier. Before Nicole. Back then he’d wanted it all—a wife and kids. A house full of laughter and warmth. But that picture had turned cold and brittle, and he had as much chance of heating that old dream back to life as he had of melting the ice on the pond in front of him with a single glance.
And since Emma wanted a future that he didn’t—she deserved that and more—it was Gage’s job to tame his increasing attraction to her. To everything about her.
He rested the ax on solid ground, propped his palms against the handle and scanned the terrain. Miles of hills and crevices led up to defiant mountains that were currently hiding behind low, gray clouds. Out here would be a great place to dig a hole and bury his disruptive Emma fixation. To kick his growing need for her to the curb.
But that wasn’t going to happen, was it? Because wiping clean the impact she’d had on him in the past few weeks was impossible.
His grunt of frustration echoed into the quiet, and he lifted the ax for another blow.
Just because the attraction itself wouldn’t go away didn’t mean Gage couldn’t hide it. Toss some frozen ground over it and deny its existence. Because Emma was everything that was good in the world, and Gage refused to hurt her.
At least, not again. Wounding her over the weekend had been awful, and that had just been about him controlling her time with Hudson. Trying to protect her. How much more damage would he cause if he let himself think about Emma in that way? Because eventually, if something did develop between them, it would have a horrible ending. The kind that would burn both of them to the ground.
But laying to rest the hold she had on him was easier said than done. Because the glimpse of his world without Emma in it over the weekend had been empty. Rudderless. And then yesterday she’d breezed back into their lives. Forgiven Gage for his stupidity—for hurting her. She’d slipped back into their routine as if she’d never been gone.
Hudson had done so much better with her around, and overnight his tooth had broken through. This morning he’d greeted Emma with delight and waving arms.
The woman just made everything better. Lighter. She couldn’t help it.
Gage simply could not go anywhere near thinking of Emma as more than a friend—for both of their sakes. But maybe he could admit to himself that he’d missed her this weekend. Like a man missed the ability to see. Or walk. Or breathe.
Surely that small concession had to be acceptable.
He connected his line in the ice to the shore on both ends, then began chopping a divider every few feet. He returned the ax to the back of the refurbished snowmobile, trading it for the shovel. Scooping up the chunks of ice he’d cut free, he tossed them to the bank behind him. Gage continued down the line until he had a long, wide berth cleared.
After securing his supplies to the snowmobile, he headed for shelter. The wind bullied him on the drive back, whipping snow and decreasing visibility. The weather was deteriorating by the minute.
Gage stored the machine in the barn and then trekked across to the house. A gust pushed him from behind as he twisted the knob, and the door swung open with such strength that he practically fell inside. He latched it quickly to keep out the bitter temperatures.
No sign of Emma in the living room or kitchen, but the house smelled amazing, so she must be cooking something. A longing that Gage was certain he’d suppressed years ago rose up inside of him.
Would it be so wrong to want this? A second chance? A family to come home to at the end of the day?
But therein lay the problem. Emma and Hudson weren’t his to keep. And fairy-tale endings were better left in books or movies. Fitting for Ruby. Or Emma.
That garnered a grin.
Gage stowed his things so they could dry and then made his way down the hallway. Emma’s voice came from Hudson’s room, and he paused in the doorway.
She didn’t turn. Must not have sensed him. She was too busy throwing Hudson into the air. The movement tugged her striped shirt away from her wrists. With an army-green sleeveless vest over it, battered jeans and cowboy boots, her hair flying back as she tipped her head, Emma was mind-numbingly pretty.
“Who’s the yummiest boy?” Emma caught Hudson, stretching his deep brown footie pajamas tight as she layered numerous smooches to his face. “Who’s the yummiest boy in the whole world?” More flying and kisses. Hudson belly laughed. She nibbled on both of his cheeks, peppering him with those generous lips. Gage could safely say he’d never wanted to be the yummiest boy before.
Mind changed.
Emma caught Hudson again, and Gage forced himself to speak. “Hey.”
Her head swung to him, those amazing steel-blue eyes widening with relief. “Oh, I’m so glad you’re back.”
Her sweet, welcoming response rendered his throat dry as a Colorado drought. And then she crossed the space and enveloped him in an Emma-Hudson hug. The portion of his hair that hadn’t been protected by his hat was wet from the snow and his face temperature probably resided somewhere near ice-cube level, but Emma didn’t retreat. Hudson fisted his hair in greeting, and between the two of them, the day’s stress vanished into thin air.
Gage tightened his arms around them. A friendly hug wasn’t breaking the rules, was it?
“Thank you, Emma.”
“For what?” Her voice was muffled against his shirt.
“For changing Hudson’s life. For making this ranch into a real home for him, even if it is temporary.”
Her arms tightened in answer.
When Uncle Kip had left Gage the ranch, he’d also left a monetary inheritance for his sister. The man had probably only spent a small portion of what he’d made over the years.
Neither of them had ever expected to inherit what they’d received. The ranch had been an answer to a prayer Gage hadn’t even known to utter. It had provided a chance to start over with Nicole. And after that attempt hadn’t worked, it had become a place to pour himself into. To dive into learning something new. Even working his body to the bone with physical labor had been a blessing because it had allowed him to fall into bed at night and sleep soundly.
And now that Emma and Hudson were here, the ranch was starting to feel like a true home. What would Gage do when his prayers were answered and the right family came along for Hudson?
He’d be as much of a mess as Emma had admitted she would be. But for the baby’s sake, and for Zeke, Gage would do what was best for Hudson.
Emma let go and stepped back, and Gage fought the temptation to pull them both close again.
“I heard the guys take off a bit ago and then assumed you’d be in shortly. The weather has been so nasty today, I kept stressing about you all being out there.”
“I just had to clear ice from the pond. Sorry I worried you.” One of those off-limit feelings he’d doused earlier sparked, burrowing beneath his skin, heating, tenderizing. It was nice to be cared about. Noticed. “The temperature’s dropped and it’s been snowing like crazy. The roads have to be horrible. I’ll give you a ride home in the Jeep.”
No way was Gage letting Emma attempt the drive back to Wilder Ranch in her snack-sized car. And it had nothing to do with her driving ability a
nd everything to do with the amount of snow. And the idea of her being out on the roads by herself and something going wrong. Not being able to get ahold of her. Or know if she was okay.
Gage wasn’t good with any of the above.
“Ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya.” A sling of consonants came from Hudson, and then he lunged for Gage.
He gathered the baby against his chest. “Thank you for the agreement, Hudson. I’m glad you’ve got my back.” The baby explored his nose and ears, then gave a shudder that made Gage and Emma laugh. “Are you saying I’m cold, little man?”
Emma sank to a sitting position on the edge of the bed. “But if you drive me then Hudson has to go, too. What if we have trouble or get stuck? Maybe I could just borrow your Jeep and come back in the morning?”
Huh. Gage hadn’t thought about the fact that Hudson would have to ride along. Really, neither of them should be driving at this point. But what else were they supposed to do?
A swell of music snaked down the hallway. His phone. Gage must have left it in his coat pocket. He hurried to catch it, carrying Hudson. The boy giggled at the bouncy ride.
Luc’s name filled the screen. Surprisingly, Gage managed to answer before it went to voice mail.
“Hey, man. Is my sister still there?”
“Yep, hang on.” Emma had followed Gage down the hall, and he offered her the phone. “It’s your brother.”
Emma took it. “Luc? What’s up?”
“I called your phone three times and you didn’t answer.”
Gage winced. He wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, but he could hear everything Luc was saying clear as could be.
“Sorry. Changing a diaper. What’s going on? Everyone okay?”
Gage was about to walk away, give them space, but Emma’s questions and concern pinned him to the spot.
“We’re all good,” Luc’s voice came through, “but the roads aren’t. There’s so much snow the plows can’t keep up. And some places are icy, too. There’s no way you’re getting back here tonight.”
Gage’s saliva turned to dust and his attempt to swallow stuttered and failed.