Derek laughed, a dry, humorless sound. “Sounds like it.”
Emma tossed the half-formed swan onto her nightstand. It landed on its side near the edge. Broken flight. Emma sighed. As much as she wanted to lean on Derek, to tell him what was really going on and how much she was hurting and how nothing she’d planned was going right, she couldn’t. Her pride was greater than her need.
Besides, what was she going to do? Admit she hated sex with Cam? Tell him she’d pictured him when she was with Cam? Derek had told her that Honey was living at his place. She bet they were having sex like bunnies all day every day. The thought made her fume.
“Yup, things are going great.” She packed more power into the lie this time. “Sex everywhere, all the time. On the floor, on the stairs, outside my mother’s bedroom door. We like it dangerous.”
“Wait, your mother’s door? Your mom’s back? And she’s staying with you?”
“Yeah, she is.”
“Why didn’t you call me?”
Emma sat up straighter, the concern in his voice touching her. “I…I didn’t know you’d care.” She leaned back and rested her head on the headboard. “I mean, our plan worked, our deal’s over, right?”
“I’d like to think we’ve become friends, at least.” He sounded hurt.
“At least” echoed in her mind. Was he thinking of her like she was thinking of him? Like there was something more than friends they could be?
“Yes, me too,” she said. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay. But call me next time. I care.”
“Okay.” She smiled, imagining his lips curling into a knowing smirk and his eyes sparkling at her with that mischievous glint. She told him about her dad changing the locks and how it had been going between her and her semi-permanent houseguest.
“Wow. When your dad comes back they’ll really have a mess to deal with.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you know. Your dad changing the locks was a real passive-aggressive way to confront your mom. If he decides to come back to her they’ll have to deal with everything. It’ll be good for them. They’ll have to be more open and work everything out that they used to ignore.”
Emma felt a sudden pain and emptiness in her heart. That Derek should know her parents’ situation, her worries, her life so well. It hurt her heart. Cam had been her friend for twelve years, and she wasn’t sure he’d be able to come up with her parents’ first names when questioned, let alone a well-reasoned diagnosis of their relationship troubles.
She swallowed before speaking. “I think you’re right.”
“Let me know when you hear from your dad, okay?”
“Will do.”
“And Emma?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m glad things are working out for you and Cam. I really am.”
“Thanks,” she said and then tried to be generous. “And I’m sure things will smooth out with you and Honey. The beginning of a relationship always has its ups and downs.”
“Yeah. Right. Thanks.” Derek’s tone was full of doubt. Emma loved that she could exactly picture the look on his face. Thick eyebrows drawn together, full mouth half smirking, the apples of his cheeks rounding slightly over sharp cheekbones. She ached to have him there, in person, talking to her.
“Well, I have to go,” she lied again.
“Me too. Talk to you later.”
How she wished he would.
She ignored the hollow feeling in her stomach as they said goodbye and ended the call. She told herself this feeling of loss was just because things were not going as planned with Cam. If she and Cam were happy together, she’d have no reason to feel any kind of longing for Derek. No reason to miss him. Or picture him beside her. Or imagine crawling onto his lap and kissing his sexy-with-stubble face.
Her unfinished origami swan lay by her pencil holder, sad and incomplete. She tore it into tiny pieces, letting them flutter onto the surface of her desk. She picked up her trash can and swept the bits into it. Some things weren’t worth finishing. Or saving.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Derek’s last training session Thursday night ended at six, but he didn’t want to go home.
Honey had taken over. It was tantamount to an infestation. Her clothes, her makeup, her sundry appliances that curled or straightened her hair or made her coffee or buffed some part of her overwhelmed his small apartment.
How in the world had this happened?
And it wasn’t just her stuff.
From the minute she’d arrived, her whole personality had changed. She required constant attention. She wanted help changing, bathing, even walking. He knew she needed some help because of the cast on her leg, but this much? Really? Derek didn’t think he’d need this much help if he’d broken both his legs. In the three weeks she’d been living there, she’d never even so much as poured her own bowl of cereal. Derek had to make, or, more often, go and fetch from expensive restaurants, her meals for her.
Was this neediness all because of her injured leg? Or had Honey been like this all along and Derek was only now able to see it?
He shook his head. How had Cameron stood it for eight years? Poor sucker.
Maybe seeing Honey in half-hour bursts had been the right amount to entice and not overwhelm. He didn’t think he’d ever have fallen in love with her if he’d spent a continuous twenty-four-hour period in her presence. He guessed there was a lot of truth to the old saying that you don’t know someone until you live with them. And how nice that she’d given him this close-up opportunity to observe the unvarnished Honey without his ever having to request it.
Derek took his time showering and changing and then found he still wasn’t ready to go home. He texted Honey to say he was going to be late. Then he drove to Cole’s office.
Derek didn’t have to call him to know that Cole would still be at work. Cole was always at work. He lived and breathed billable hours and was quickly climbing the ranks to becoming one of the top divorce lawyers in the city. So of course he was a terrible person to seek relationship advice from, but Derek went anyway.
He greeted the secretary at the front desk and continued down the hall until he came to Cole’s office door. He knocked and waited until Cole called for him to come in before entering.
“Derek!” His brother’s face beamed at him. “Why are you here?” he asked bluntly, still smiling.
Derek sank into the leather chair across from Cole’s desk and felt comfortable for perhaps the first time that day. “Because I don’t want to be home.”
“Ouch.” Cole winced and smoothed his hand down his well-tailored suit. “Trouble with the goddess?”
Derek nodded.
“I thought things were going great. I compared notes with Ryder and Alex last night and we discovered none of us had seen you since Macey left and Ryder had his breakdown. We thought you were too busy with your lady to talk to us.”
A pang of guilt poked Derek in the ribs. He’d called to check on Ryder a couple of times over the last few weeks, but he hadn’t made the effort to go see him. Dealing with Honey had taken up half his time and working hard to avoid her had taken the other half. On top of that, there was the draining, strength-sapping feeling of dread that had settled over his days the last couple of weeks. He’d been feeling down, and selfishly had not been thinking of his brothers as he ought to have.
Derek sighed and put his hands through his hair. “No, things are not great. I’m sorry I’ve been out of it.” He told Cole about Honey moving in, unasked, and her demands that kept him catering to her when he was home, and his attempts to be home less because of it. By the time he’d finished, Cole was staring at him in open-mouthed horror.
“Get out!” Cole said.
Derek glanced over his shoulder at the door through which he’d entered.
“No, get out of that situation. Are you kidding me?” Cole shook his head in disbelief. “Just get out. End it. Kick her and her crutches to the curb.”
De
rek leaned forward. “It’s not that easy. She needs my help.”
Cole shook his head and closed his eyes. “No. No, no, no.” He opened his eyes and looked at Derek squarely. “I’ve got a client who left his pregnant wife with five kids and a house she didn’t know he’d gambled away. Of course you can kick her out.”
Taking a deep breath, Derek said, “But I’m not—”
Cole interrupted him. “I know. I know. You’re not like that. Of course not. You’re good and honorable and willing to sacrifice everything you have and are for the people you love.” He leaned his elbows on his desk and steepled his fingers. “But answer me this, big brother. Do you love her?”
Derek sat back against his chair and exhaled heavily. “No, I don’t.”
“No, of course not. You’re in love with the sexy little schemer you pretended to be engaged to.” Cole raised his eyebrows and gave Derek a superior smile. Daring him to contradict him.
“I am.” Derek’s grin broke wide.
Cole smirked. “Of course you are. I’m half in love with her myself. Kidding!” He added that last part when Derek glowered at him. “Just kidding. But what are you waiting for? You don’t owe Honey anything. She broke her own leg, made her own choices. It sounds like she’d benefit from having some time on her own without anyone taking care of her.”
Derek stood up. He felt proud that Cole had grown into such a decisive, dependable man.
“Thanks, Cole.”
“Anytime, bro.”
Derek reached for the door.
“Oh, one more thing,” Cole called. Derek looked up. “If things don’t work out with Emma, tell her you have a brother who’s even better-looking, will you?”
“Shut up, Cole.”
Derek closed the door on Cole’s still-grinning face.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Friday night Emma stayed at work even later than usual. Between not wanting to spend time with her mother and having complicated feelings about Cam since her phone call with Derek, it seemed safest to keep working. It was after midnight by the time she made it home. She let herself into the house quietly, not wanting to wake her mom. But she shouldn’t have bothered. Jennifer was awake, sitting on the couch, watching the game show network.
“Emma, welcome home.” Her mother’s voice was wry. Emma resisted the urge to roll her eyes.
“Hi. What are you doing up? I would’ve thought you’d go to sleep hours ago.”
“I was waiting for you.”
“Really?” She couldn’t remember her mother ever waiting up for her before. “Sure you weren’t just watching that reality show you love?” She gestured to the TV. Her mother followed her gaze and frowned.
“No, my show has been off the air for a few hours now. It will come back though. It’s on one of those twenty-four-hour networks.”
They’re all twenty-four-hour networks, Emma thought but didn’t say. “Oh. What’s it called again?”
“Remember? I told you about it. I still haven’t seen the title sequence, but it must be called Sad and Naked. It’s like Naked and Alone, only not as good. More nudity, though. And that guy is so handsome.” She fanned herself, and Emma winced. “It’s compelling television.”
“Oh. I’ll have to try to catch it with you sometime.” Never.
“You should. But here, come and sit with me.” She patted the seat next to her on the couch. Emma reluctantly collapsed down onto it.
She yawned. All she wanted to do was go to bed. And not deal with her mother. And maybe think about Cam and where they’d go from here. She couldn’t say that their relationship was everything she’d wanted it to be, but they should find a way to go forward. They’d accomplished a crucial step. Go team.
“Was there something you wanted to talk to me about?” Emma put a hand in front of her mouth and stifled another yawn.
“Your father called.”
“What?” Emma sat up. “Dad called and you didn’t tell me?”
“There isn’t much to tell. I told him you were working late. He said he’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“What did he say? Why hasn’t he answered our calls?”
Her mom stretched her legs out onto the coffee table, a casual move her proper mother never made when Emma was growing up. Another example that Jennifer felt more comfortable in Emma’s house than she did her own. Frightening.
“It was what we thought—his phone charger broke again. It took a few days to find another one and charge it up. Or at least that’s what he said.”
Emma was afraid that maybe her mother was right to doubt what her father said. Maybe he’d just wanted a break from her. From them. From the stressors in his life. Though she herself didn’t qualify as a stressor, did she?
“Well, where is he?”
“He’s in Ensenada.”
“Ensenada? That’s south of California! That’s about as far west from Atlanta as you can get.”
“Yes.”
Emma paused and rested her chin on her arm, puzzling it out. “You weren’t in Ensenada, were you?”
“No, Draxton and I stopped in Cancún. I don’t know why your father chose to keep driving.”
“When is he coming back?”
“He didn’t say.”
“Ensenada.” Emma mused. “It’s like he kept driving until he ran out of land.”
“Exactly.”
“Well, what does that mean?” She looked at her mother, realizing she wanted her to act like a mother and reassure her, make sense of the situation and tell her everything was going to be all right.
Jennifer folded her arms. “Well, I don’t know, Emma, but it sounds a lot like he wanted to get the hell away from me. The greater the distance, the better.”
But he’d gone out there to save her, to win her back. It didn’t make any sense. Emma decided she’d never understand men. Even if the man in question was her father.
∞∞∞
Cam attacked Emma leech-like the minute she stepped in the office Monday.
“Good morning.” He threw his arms around her and backed her into the corner of their plush reception area.
“Cam!” Emma put her hand between them. “Someone’s going to see.”
He nuzzled her hair. “No one else is in yet. It’s just us.” He planted a kiss close to her ear. Emma resisted the urge to wipe it off. She took a step back, though. “Someone could walk in any minute.”
“You’re right. Have to look professional.” He straightened his suit coat then took her hand and tucked it into the crook of his arm. “Walk you to your office?”
Emma smiled. “That would be nice.”
“Best to get the day started off right.”
After twenty steps they reached her door, and he paused in front of it. He leaned his head to the side. “Lunch?”
“Sure.”
“See you then.” He made his hand into a gun and fired it at her with a wink. She waved and ducked into her office. Had Cam always been this annoying?
She put a hand to her temple and rubbed where the headache was starting. Oh yeah, they were in a relationship.
∞∞∞
It was right before lunch when her father called. She answered on the first ring. “Dad!”
He chuckled, the sound bringing back a wave of memories of after-school bike rides at the park and weekend campouts in the backyard. “Hey, sweetpea. How’re you doing?”
“How am I doing? Dad! Are you kidding?”
“Well, now, kiddo—”
“Dad, no, wait. Listen. A month ago you were driving to Mexico crying your eyes out, chasing Mom down with your canine companion. I haven’t gotten so much as a single text from you. I’ve got Mom living at my house. What the hell is going on here?”
Her father cleared his throat, after which there was silence on the line.
“Hello?” she ventured. There was no answer. Oh no. I’ve broken my father.
“Dad?”
“I’m here, kiddo.” His voice sounded hesitant, b
ut he wasn’t sobbing.
She made her own voice softer. “What’s happening, Daddy? Where are you?”
He took a deep breath, the sound of it echoing in her ear. “I’m here. In Ensenada. Mexico.”
“Why? Did you think Mom was there?”
“No, I…I found where she’d been. They. Where they’d been. The hotel happily informed me the young man had left the older lady, and when he didn’t come back she’d gone back to Atlanta.”
“So why didn’t you come home then?”
He sighed, and Emma thought her father sounded older than when he’d left.
“At first, I didn’t want to embarrass her.”
His frankness was for her alone. She knew her mother would not have gotten the same answer. Her mother was the problem.
“Embarrass her? Dad, you changed the locks on her. She couldn’t get into the house. I found her sitting on a suitcase on my front porch.”
Her dad barked a short flash of surprised laughter. “Really? Oh, I wish I’d been there to see it. She must have been fuming.”
“She was pretty ticked.” She nodded, smiling faintly, even though her father couldn’t see her. “But why, Dad?”
“Look, Emma. I was really angry when I left. I was hurt that your mother would run off and leave us like that. I didn’t want her to be able to slip right back into our lives like she had never left. Like her leaving hadn’t meant anything. There had to be a reckoning. A confrontation. A renewal. She would have to face me and admit that things had changed. Things were different between us, and there was no going back. If we were—are—going to find a way to go forward, together, then she has to admit what she’s done and make up for it. She doesn’t get to come back and have things her way again. Like always.”
He’d started crying somewhere during his speech, and Emma could hear him struggling for control of his ragged breath. It didn’t stop him, though. It was as if he’d been mentally rehearsing this defense for days and was now grateful to be able to give voice to it. “She’ll have to face me. She’ll have to ask for my forgiveness. She doesn’t get to pretend like nothing happened.”
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