by Pepper Pace
“I’m sorry, both of you. I’m just going to say this.” He sighed. “Nicole. I should have never led you on. I take full responsibility.”
Still staring at the ground, Nicole did not see Kendall’s grin. Her stomach plunged to the floor. This was really more then she had signed on for. It was one thing to have a secret crush on someone but for his new lover to flaunt it was just much much more then she could bare.
Marty looked at Kendall next.
“And Kendall. I NEVER led you on.”
Kendall’s smile faded. Nicole glanced at her in time to see that happen. But she only felt coldness. She didn’t want to hear this. Whether Marty had feelings for the girl or not, she didn’t want to listen to it, because he had already confirmed that he didn’t have any for her…
“In that freezer, when you grabbed my dick, I told you that a man will only treat you like a whore for acting like that. But that was not my lesson to teach you. For that I apologize, Kendall.” His face began to redden. It certainly hadn’t had the desired effect. When he shoved her up against the wall and asked her if all she wanted was to be some man’s slut and then he had roughly pinched her tits and pushed up on her, she had acted like that is exactly what she wanted.
“It’s not even about being a slut or a whore.” Kendall said. And for once her voice wasn’t whiny, or faux sexy, or wannabe black girl. She just sounded like a 25 year old girl that wanted something that she couldn’t have. “Why shouldn’t I ask for what I want? If you want it too, then it’s not wrong-“
“Because I told you that I didn’t feel the same about you. You are a beautiful, smart girl that doesn’t need to be some man’s quick lay. What I did to you wasn’t desire, it was anger. But you don’t get that…Still, I shouldn’t have touched you and for that I’ll deal with the consequences-”
Kendall rolled her eyes. “Whatever, Marty. Like you said, I grabbed your dick. So am I fired, or what?”
“Do you want to continue working here?”
She looked at him surprised. “Yeah.”
“Then we can continue with my original plan. I’d like you to take over the cold bar during the days and you can work opposite Fred. I’ll be working mainly nights working opposite Nicole.”
Kendall squealed and jumped up and down clapping her hands happily.
“Thank you, Marty!” Nicole had not made a move or spoken once. Marty had cut back some of her hours but it was the only way that he could see it working. It would definitely keep the two women apart and it would keep her out of his way. And maybe it would give Fred something to occupy his attention so that he could stop trying to be the center of Nicole’s.
“That comes with a raise, right, Marty?” She asked sweetly, as if she hadn’t been completely scandalous just a few minutes before.
“Yes.” He said blandly. He glanced at Nicole. “Kendall, go back out on the floor. Starting Monday you’ll take over Fred’s old schedule.” Nicole turned to follow Kendall out.
“Nicole, wait.”
She wouldn’t look at him she was so mad and hurt tears had sprouted in her eyes. “My breaks over. I need to get back on the floor-”
“I wanted to apologize to you-“
“I don’t need an apology!” She said sharply. “Then I have to thank you again for taking mercy on me? Look, I already thanked you, what more do you want?” She glared at him, rage building in her with surprising speed, causing her to tremble.
Marty frowned, surprised. He was struck speechless by her reaction. What had he said to cause her to become so upset? He’d taken Kendall out of the picture…was it Fred? He’d taken Fred out of her equation as well.
An angry tear fell down her face and she swiped it away quickly. “It made you feel good to help me and I needed the help so we’re even. And for the record, you didn’t lead me on. Because I never thought you wanted anything from me-” she raised a cold brow, “maybe something freaky but the opportunity you missed with me you took with her, so…whatever.” She turned to leave.
Swiftly Marty grabbed her arm and swung her toward him. He had a strong grip on her sore arm and although it hurt she didn’t show it.
“Wait a minute!” He growled. “Didn’t you hear what I said to Kendall? I wasn’t trying for her. I’m ashamed of what I did to her but I wasn’t trying for her! And as far as freaky? Nicole, I missed a lot of opportunities with you because I didn’t want it to be freaky!” She tried to yank away but he held on to her tightly. “Furthermore, I do owe you an apology-“
“Will you let me go?” She asked in a chilly voice.
He didn’t speak but his eyes grew equally as chilly. “No. Because I’m not done and you’ll just run out of here.”
“Just let me go and I’ll listen.”
He released his hold on her. “I’m sorry.”
Nicole spun away and quickly pulled open the door. Marty reached past her and slammed it shut.
“This is crazy Nicole.” His voice had lost its anger. She kept her back to him. “I really fucked this up. Nicole, please forgive me for everything that’s happened. I honestly didn’t mean for it to go this way.” He stepped away from the door, allowing her the opportunity to retreat or to stay.
Nicole turned and looked at him curiously. “You fucked what up? What is this?”
Marty stared into her eyes. “I think I fucked it up between you and me.” Despite her resolve to feel nothing, something leaped in her heart. Nonetheless she kept her face cool.
“Marty, what are you really trying to tell me? I’m not going to guess.”
He had been trying to keep things between them on a friendly basis. The invisible line that he had set was supposed to protect his heart. But he was in denial; so much so, that even when she saw him kissing Kendall, he had tried to fool himself into believing that it would be for the best. But one day without her was all that he needed to confirm what he was too stubborn to admit; he was in love with her and life was not worth living if he couldn’t laugh with her, and talk to her, or just watch her when she didn’t know she was being watched. This woman made him want to do better. And that meant that he could no longer go back to that empty life he’d had before she had become a part of it.
“Nicole, I want you to be in my life. I want to be with you. And,” He shook his head. “…I’m not talking about sex I’m talking about loving you-all of you.” She crossed her arms over her chest and felt her eyes grow moist. She blinked back the stinging tears and continued to watch him with the same angry expression. “Nicole, from the moment you walked into this restaurant I saw something in you that stood out from everyone else and it drew me. It continues to draw me. You continue to draw me.”
Nicole’s brow rose in surprise. From the moment she had walked into the restaurant? When he barely looked at her, or when he blurted out commands?
He tried to read her expression. “I know the face I show to you and the rest of the world. I didn’t think I could ever want anybody close to me again. Today I can see how much of a prick I’ve been to the people I care about. I’m going to change that, Baby Girl.” He whispered. “Even if you don’t like me, I’m still going to make it up to you.”
Another tear rolled down her cheek. And because of it she could no longer hold onto her anger.
Marty moved tentatively to her and she didn’t retreat. Hesitantly he pulled her into his arms. Nicole sighed, relaxing the tension from her body. Marty sighed, feeling his fears fall behind him. They had both reached out in the only way they could, and despite how hard it had been to take that first step, they held on to each other now.
“I can’t stand to see you in pain. Nicole, it just makes me crazy. I…” Those tears in her eyes crushed him.
“Don’t feel sorry for me-” she looked at him sharply.
His lips pressed against hers cutting off that statement as if he wanted to wipe it out of existence. Her body began to shake and she sighed against his lips. He opened his mouth and accepted it. Tentatively she touched her tongue to
his and felt him shiver down to his toes. He closed his lips gently on her tongue capturing it and letting his lips glide sensually over it as he slowly pulled away. He had dreamed of his lips on hers for so long…how those beautiful full lips would feel. And now he knew; it was like heaven.
Damn…was all she could think. That hadn’t been a kiss. That had been a landslide…
Marty’s eyes remained closed as he inhaled a deep breath. Then he looked at her carefully contemplating something. “I know this is not the right time to ask this but Nicole, I need to know something.”
Nicole’s eyes were dazed from the brief kiss. “Okay. What?” She replied perplexed at his serious tone.
“Where’s your daughter? Alicia?” The question stunned her.
“How do you know about Alicia?” Her surprise cleared her head. Did child welfare contact him, or the court…the judge…?
“In the hospital you called for her. And your wallet had pictures of her...” She had to be hers. She was beautiful just like Nicole.
Nicole closed her eyes.
“My daughter is dead.”
And before that very second she had never said those words out loud.
Marty groaned then stroked her arm tenderly. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry.”
She waited for the familiar breaking of her heart. But this time it didn’t happen, just the lingering regret.
He gave her a solemn look. “I’d like to hear about her one day. Will you tell me?”
Then she felt something too long locked inside slip away; much like a weight on her chest. She could suddenly breathe. For the first time in two years, Nicole could breathe. She’d never talked about her baby to anyone. She realized that she had been hoarding Alicia’s memory—but also the pain; she had never released the pain.
Nicole slowly nodded her head. “Yes…I’d like to talk about her.”
“I want to take you home; my home.”
“Marty.” She shook her head. “I can’t keep taking from you. It’s not my way.”
“Nicole, I want to make love to you.”
“Oh.”
The drive to Marty’s house was silent but not uncomfortable. She thought about the look of pure dislike on Kendall’s face when they left together. Everybody looked at them. There was no more hiding what either of them was feeling, especially not after that argument. Marty’s office was private, but when you’re screaming at each other, that’s not so private.
Marty pulled up into the drive-way. Nicole looked at the familiar home. “I missed being here.”
Marty watched her. “I missed you being here.” They looked at each other and both got out of the car, Marty tossing her the keys while he wheeled her bike into the house.
Nicole slipped off her shoes and shrugged out of her jacket hanging it in the closet. It was like she had never left.
“Do you want something to drink?” He asked.
“No. I’m going to the restroom.” Marty left for the kitchen while Nicole went up the stairs.
Her face was tear streaked. She splashed herself with cold water and it helped her to feel better. She smoothed a few stray strands of hair back, then opened the bathroom door and was about to go downstairs when she heard Marty speak from his bedroom.
“Nicole. In here.”
She went into his bedroom. She had never been in there, though she’d passed it often. His room was very minimalist, but in a polished, very male way. He had a plush white rug over hardwood floors. The walls were painted a deep hunter’s green and he had maroon accents that drew from an oversized abstract painting over the bed. The only other piece of furniture besides the bed was an arm chair and a dresser. The bed wasn’t even very big, maybe just full sized. Marty was sitting on it, expression serious. “Come here.” He gestured for her to sit next to him and somehow the invitation wasn’t at all sexy. Something was wrong.
“What’s wrong, Baby?”
He closed his eyes and sighed. “That sounds so good. Say it again.”
Nicole smiled. “Baby…”
“God, do you know how much I’ve wanted you?”
“How much?”
He cradled her face and kissed her urgently, restlessly. He stroked her hair, her back, sent his fingers gliding down her neck. He sucked her lips, teased her tongue. It was as if he couldn’t get enough of her.
She couldn’t breathe and it wasn’t because he was there, it was because her heart was slamming in her chest and her limbs had grown weak.
She reached out and let her fingertips graze the length of him through his jeans. Marty moaned softly in the back of his throat. Then he stopped her hand.
“I have to tell you something.”
She let out a breath. “Now? Because-”
“It’s about my ex-wife. I have to tell you now before we go any further.” She watched him silently, expectantly, his anguish seeping into her. He stood up and moved away from her, stroking his goatee and seemingly in deep thought.
“When my wife left me I remember wanting to punish her for what she’d done to us. I swore that I would never forgive her. I divorced her quickly, destroying all of her belongings.” He paused becoming glazed eyed as he looked back to the past. “I got out of paying her alimony by threatening to smear her name. As for my partner, I sold my shares to our biggest competitor for half its worth.” He looked at Nicole again. “As if that wasn’t enough I went on a crusade to win her back so that I could dump her. I was consumed with hatred, all I could think of was ways in which I could hurt them; my ex-wife and my ex-best friend.”
“She was probably in her 6th month of pregnancy when she finally conceded to leaving her lover to be with me again. I painted a pretty picture…and when she got to the house…”Marty swallowed stiffly,” she had been roughed up by him.” Marty looked down. Nicole covered his hand with hers. “I was supposed to run over to his house all enraged and kick his ass…Instead, I looked down my nose at her and told her that it was all a set up…and that she disgusted me. Then I made her go back to him; the man that had just beaten her.” He looked at her then.
“It felt good Nicole. I didn’t have one bit of remorse. The woman that I had at one time loved with all my heart, I now hated furiously. And I didn’t regret a thing.” He looked into the distance again.
“Well, the next day I got a call from my ex-wife’s mother. My ex had been killed, beaten to death by…her lover; my best friend.”
Nicole gasped. “Oh my God, Marty.”
He looked at her again. “He was furious that I had destroyed the business. He…turned a gun on himself.”
Nicole blinked in disbelief. Marty’s eyes were shiny with unshed tears. She went to him but he turned away from her touch. Still she would not withdraw, placing her hand on his shoulder allowing him to know that she was still there. He shivered then turned back to look at her.
“I still loved her when I sent her away. God…” He shook his head. “If I hadn’t…I sent a pregnant woman back to her abuser…I hated her so much.”
“Love and hate are two sides of the same coin.” It was her turn to look into the distance. “We hurt the ones we love and it’s the strangers that get our best. When you saw me after the accident it opened up all those memories of your wife, didn’t it? Seeing me hurt?”
Marty stared at her, eyes still sparkling. He shook his head. “Seeing you hurt wasn’t some Knight in shining armor syndrome. I just knew that I didn’t want to turn my back on someone else that I cared for.”