“If Elise will call Mom, she’ll be okay with Kerry staying here,” Mairin said. “Mom pretty much takes whatever Elise says as gospel.”
“I’ll tell Loraine you need to stay here while this killer is killing girls who look like you,” Elise said from the kitchen doorway. “That will allow you to stay until this is settled.”
"Is that the best idea?" Mairin asked. "Mom hasn't been reading the paper. I think Tawnya's been keeping it from her that the victims resembled Kerry."
"Your mother is blinded by many things, Mairin," Elise said. "But no matter what she chooses not to see, she will always choose the safety of you and your sister over anything else. She needs to know that Kerry would be in danger if she were to go home. I will make sure she understands it is for Kerry's safety that she stays here. Lorraine will agree."
Mairin sighed and nodded. "Thank you."
“Thanks, Gram,” Xavier echoed.
The pizza delivery boy knocked and the living room dissolved into chaos. Mathias slipped several bills into the boy's hand and took the boxes from him before turning away and closing the door. The pride fell on the food like the ravening animals they were, leaving time for Mathias and Mairin to disappear outside without anyone noticing but me. Xavier squeezed my hand and joined the pride in the kitchen, leaving me to wait alone on the couch or follow my sister and Mathias outside. I chose the latter, carefully limping across the living room and pausing at the door to listen.
“I don’t know how to explain this to Mom, let alone Tawnya,” Mairin said.
"I believe that what Elise said about your mother tonight is correct. She sees only what she wishes when it comes to the monsters in your life. It is your angel we must answer to." Mathias' voice held a bitterness I didn't understand.
"You're not a monster, Mathias," Mairin whispered.
"I know what I am, my heart. But thank you. Now what will we tell your angel?"
"What angel and what does an angel need to know?" I asked, stepping carefully onto the porch.
“Nothing, Kerr. Vampire stuff.” Mairin blushed, a surefire sign she was lying. They’d been talking about me and the infection.
“You’re a terrible liar, Maire. You always have been.”
She smiled. “Well, I suppose there are worse things to be.”
“You mean like a panther?” The bitterness of my words shocked me. The anger I'd kept at bay since Lane's claws had ripped my future to shreds thundered in my blood with my racing heart. Was that feeling, a sensation of power rushing through my veins, a further indication that I was going to be a panther? I wanted to scream, cry, lash out and I wanted everyone to hurt the way I hurt when I thought my sister would abandon me if I were changed.
“No,” Mairin exclaimed. “Kerry, no. I never meant that. I was trying to make a joke and I guess I flubbed it.” She hugged me carefully, conscious of my stitches, but always my big sister. “I was just planning ahead, I guess. You know Mom. She’s pretty good with weird as long as there aren’t many details to deal with. If we need to tell her...I was trying to decide how much to tell her.”
I clung to Mairin and felt the hot tears slipping down my cheeks again. “I’m scared, Maire.”
“You’re allowed to be, sis. I'd be far more worried about you if you weren't afraid.”
“I don’t want Xavier to think I don’t want to be what he is, but I didn’t think I’d have to worry about this." I hitched in a watery breath. "I don’t know how to tell him how afraid I am without hurting him. How can I tell him I don't want to be a panther without him thinking I care whether or not he's one?”
“I think he’s as afraid as you are, Kerry, and I know he didn’t want this for you,” Mairin said. “You won’t be hurting him unless you keep him out and don’t tell him what you’re feeling. Xavier's a big boy. He will understand your fears and he loves you no matter what.”
I sniffed and wiped the tears from my face. Mairin let me go when I pulled back. “Are you going to stay here, too?” I asked her. I didn't want to admit it, but having my sister nearby was a huge comfort. She was so strong and I felt so weak. I knew she would watch over me, love me no matter what. As much as I loved Xavier, I wasn't as certain of his love as I was of Mairin's.
“Do you want me to?” she asked.
I looked at Mathias. I knew he spent most nights in Mairin’s room watching her while she slept. He wouldn’t be able to do that here. Elise wouldn’t allow a vampire to stay in her house while everyone slept. I didn’t feel right separating them just because I was stressed out. I wanted my sister, but I couldn't be that selfish.
“I think Xavier will be enough smothering for me tonight,” I said, smiling.
“Are you sure?” she asked. I knew she’d seen my thoughts as they went through my head and showed in my expression. No one could read me the way Mairin could. “I’ll stay if you need me, Kerr. That’s what big sisters are for.”
I shook my head. “No. I’m good, Maire. Really. Go home and get some sleep. I think we’re going to be busy for a while. At least until we find Lane and take care of him.”
She kissed my cheek and whispered, “I love you, sis. Thank you for loving me, too. Even when I don't keep you safe.”
“You've kept me safe longer than anyone else, Maire. I couldn't ask for a better sister,” I said.
“We will return in the morning, Kerry," Mathias interrupted. "Please give our regards to Xavier and the others.”
“Sure, Mathias. See you tomorrow.”
I waited on the porch until the SUV had rounded the corner. I heard the screen door slam behind me and I jumped. Xavier wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me against his chest.
“I love you, Kerry,” he said, nuzzling my neck.
“Love you, too,” I said. My body flushed with the heat of his against me. I sighed and leaned harder into Xavier. “I think I need to lie down. I’m getting really tired. Will you and the boys be much longer?”
“I’m kicking them out now.”
“Not on my account?”
“No, the pizza’s gone and we really can’t do any more planning until the vamps get here tomorrow. Besides, healing from the beating I took from that jackass on the football field makes me tired too.”
“Elise called my Mom?”
“Yeah. Loraine said she’d come by tomorrow with some clothes. Your mom’s really good with all this weird crap. She didn’t ask Gram any questions other than how many days she thought you’d need to stay here.”
“Mom has had to put up with me and Maire our whole lives. Weird is normal for us.”
Xavier turned me so I was facing him and kissed me. The wolf whistles from the living room faded as I let myself fall into the spell Xavier’s kisses always wove for me. “Let’s go to bed,” he said, taking my hand and pulling me into the house.
Chapter 6
The phone in the kitchen rang early Sunday evening. It was almost a relief when the familiar sound jarred me out of a light nap on the couch. For two days, I'd waited for that sound, knowing that when it finally came, it would carry with it my future. The pride used their cell phones. My mother and sister called my own cell. The old green phone in the kitchen only rang when someone wanted to talk to Elise and couldn't get to the small house in East Hampton. I struggled to sit up, listening for the words that would be the end of one chapter of my life and the beginning of another.
Xavier, who had spent the weekend glued to my side, stirred sluggishly on his end of the couch.
"What?" he asked. His voice was heavy with sleep and I wished he hadn't awakened. He'd barely slept during the last two days. Instead, he'd fielded calls from vampires and panthers as they staked out likely places where Lane might be hiding in both East Hampton and Highland Home. The calls had come in at all hours, often jerking Xavier out of a nightmare. He wouldn't talk to me about what he was dreaming, but I had a pretty good idea. My own dreams were dark shadows where beasts coughed and roared. I even understood the relief of being awakened as Xavier had bee
n during the search for Lane.
"Just the phone," I said. I leaned as far forward as I could and watched Elise lift the phone from the cradle and tuck it under her ear as she continued to cook the massive meal she had planned for the pride. I limped across the living room, craning to hear the voice from the other end of the line, but only Elise's voice was clear.
“Of course, Dr. Coffman. I'm just finishing with the cooking. I’ll set an extra seat at the table,” Elise said. She smiled at me when she looked up and saw me clutching the doorjamb between the kitchen and the living room. “No, no. We don’t need anything. Just come on for dinner, doctor.”
Elise hung up and I felt Xavier’s hand on my waist. His grip was almost tight enough to mask the tremor in his hand.
“Did he...” I said. My stomach swirled and I clung even harder to the doorjamb. Xavier tried to pull me closer, but some stubborn part of me refused to accept his comfort. I wanted to hear the news standing on my own two feet.
“He just said he had results, honey. Not what they were.” Elise pulled more plates from the cabinet and rearranged the chairs around the table. “You’ll probably want your sister and...well you should probably call her so she can join us for dinner.”
I released the door jamb, but made only the slightest forward progress before my knees gave out. I sat down hard on the kitchen floor, a mewling cry escaping my lips as the stitches pulled. The yellow linoleum, usually such a sunny part of Elise's kitchen, swirled and twisted sickeningly as my head spun. I reached for the counter, but couldn't get my body to obey my commands.
No news. It was all I could focus on. Results but no news. Why would Doctor Coffman keep the results to himself? Surely he must know what the last two days had been like for me. Why would he prolong the torture?
“Kerry!” Xavier exclaimed. He knelt in front of me, cupping my face in his palms. His hands felt so good against my face. The heat that sometimes was too much for me to bear now warmed my icy skin. I leaned into his caress, realizing I could feel my body trembling but had no idea how to make it stop. “Kerr, babe, come on. You’re gonna be fine no matter what, right? We talked about this. You’re alive. You’re healthy. You’re loved. It’s enough, right?”
I nodded. I couldn’t seem to form words or whole thoughts. Flashes of the past two days came to me instead. Xavier holding me as I wept and trembled in the night. Claude and Andre telling me of the attacks that made them panthers. Holding Xavier as he shook and growled in the night. Dreams of Lane's twisted features and claws in the glaring light of the stadium parking lot. Elise watching me as I waited, trying to convince me to heal myself. Xavier assuring me that no matter what, he loved me and wanted me in his life. Mairin and Mathias' frustration, echoed in Xavier's darkening gaze, as each day passed without the pride or the vampires finding Lane. The faces from the news of the three girls Lane had attacked and infected since he'd fled the high school parking lot. The utter helplessness of watching those same girls limp into Elise's home where they would be safe and where they had the pride to help them through their first transformation. The anger that had come when I realized how much harder it was to not know than to learn to accept the inevitable.
The images came and went with such speed that my head spun and I felt sick. It wasn't until there were no more memories to distract me that I realized Xavier held me, rocking gently with me on the kitchen floor.
I blinked slowly, looking into his beloved pale eyes. He was right. All that mattered what that I was safe, healthy and loved. “I love you,” I said. “That’s all that matters.”
“That’s all that matters,” he repeated. “No matter what else might change, our love will be all that matters.”
Elise leaned down and handed me my cell phone. “You’re family, Kerry,” she said. “We protect our family and we hold each other up when we are hurt. We won’t abandon you, ever.”
I thanked her, taking my phone and dialing Mairin’s number. She answered on the second ring. Her anxious tone told me she'd been waiting, just as I had, for the phone to ring. Something deep in my soul broke loose as I realized the pain she must have been in while we waited. I'd been so wrapped up in my own tragedy that I hadn't thought once of what it would be like for Mairin to be outside the circle the pride had formed around me. If I'd needed comfort, surely the sister who loved me as deeply as any mother might love a child would have needed comfort as well. Shame washed over me, raising heat and color in my face. I'd let her down. Kept her out when I should have asked her to stay close.
My mother and Tawnya still didn’t know I’d been attacked, so Mairin wouldn't have been able to talk to them. When she'd come to Elise's house, I'd been torn between allowing Xavier to comfort me and reaching for the solid comfort my sister had always been to me. It was Mairin to whom I turned with the things I just couldn’t say to Xavier. She’d held me and let me cry. She’d listened to my fears and shared them without trying to make me feel like everything would just be okay. She’d been the one to say, “So what,” not, “I love you, so it won’t matter,” and the difference meant the world to me. I knew Mairin loved me no matter what. The fact that her honest opinion of my becoming a werepanther was “So what,” told me so much about my sister that I hadn’t known, or had refused to see.
I knew her utter acceptance of whatever came from Lane's attack came from her love for me, but I could also see her considering how much safer I would be with the advantages the wereanimal virus would give me. She wouldn’t have to worry about me ever being turned into a vampire by some rogue vamp. She’d be able to worry less about me getting hurt. She saw the strengths I already had intensified, not diminished by what might be my future and I loved her so much for making me understand.
“The doctor is coming for dinner, Maire. Can you guys come?” I said once I'd managed a solid breath without being choked by fear.
“On our way out the door now, sis. We’ll be there in twenty minutes,” she said. I could hear the keys jingling and the telltale beeping of Mathias' car alarm disengaging. She wasn’t wasting any time.
“Okay,” I said. I knew I still wasn’t making full synaptic connections and apparently Mairin heard my confusion.
“I love you, Kerry,” she said. “No matter what, no matter why, no matter how our lives play out, we are always sisters. I’m gonna annoy your grand kids, remember?”
“Yeah,” I whispered. “And I’m gonna spoil your kids rotten. I love you, too.”
“We’ll be there soon.”
I closed my phone and leaned into Xavier. He held me, whispering nonsense and comfort to me until I felt like I could stand up. He led me to the couch and turned on the television so I wouldn't feel compelled to talk. Members of the pride arrived in twos and threes. Some sat with us; others went to the kitchen to snitch bits of the ham Elise had cooked. I watched the images on the television flash by, listened vaguely to the conversations but mostly I just waited. Waited as I had for the past two days. Waited for my sister and my future.
Randal and Andre arrived, each holding hands with one of the girls who had been infected by Lane in the last two days. I recognized the sad but determined look each of the girls wore as the same one which peered back at me from the bathroom mirror. The third girl sat on the floor near the window, her arms wrapped around her knees, watching me as I pretended not to notice. I'd heard the pride talk about these girls and knew there was a good bit of resentment toward me since there was still a chance I wouldn't become what they knew they were. Lane had been fully changed when he'd attacked the girls. They knew there was no hope for a reprieve. Only the coming nights of running with the pride, hunting in the swamps, and living in a close-knit community from which they really had no escape. The pride would care for them, but they would also control them. The hierarchy of the pride meant the girls would have to answer to the pride if they were unable to control their beasts. It meant that until the pride was certain they could live on their own without harming any humans, they were stuck in East H
ampton. At least one of the girls had already been accepted to the college of her choice, but had had to tell them she couldn't accept their scholarship. It was she whose eyes glowed with resentment and pain as she watched me wait.
The knock on the door sent my heart thumping sickly in my chest, but it was only Mairin and Mathias. As polite as always, Mathias refused to enter Elise's home without an invitation, though Mairin had explained that the need for an invitation was a myth. It was only Mathias' deference to Elise's discomfort with his presence that made the invitation necessary for him.
Mathias waited near the door, but allowed Mairin to rush in and gather me against her chest. Xavier released me, a quick but sad smile passing between him and my sister, and I let Mairin hold me for a while. The familiar scent of my sister’s shampoo and the feel of her arms around me started the tears again and she rocked me until they stopped. She pushed me out to arms-length so I could see her face. She wiped the tears from my cheeks and grinned.
“Hey, think of it this way, sis,” she said. “If you have the virus, the next fight you get into with Stephanie Bartlet really will be a cat fight.”
I laughed. The sound was shocky and bordered on hysterical but it made me feel better. “Only you, Maire,” I said fondly.
“Damn right,” she said. She pushed me back to Xavier and took her usual seat in the chair under the living room window. Mathias stood beside her, taking her hand in his own. Suddenly Mairin wasn't just a human sitting in a room full to the brim with werepanthers. She was fully and vehemently protected by the most dangerous being in the room. It was subtle, the way Mathias stood between my sister and the pride, but there was no mistaking his intention once you noticed his posture. I wondered if simple gestures between me and Xavier looked as powerful and meaningful as they did when they occurred between Mairin and Mathias. Anyone looking at them now would know he would die for her. Did outsiders see the same intensity in my relationship with Xavier? Was the same intensity there? I knew how I felt about Xavier and I knew he loved me, but watching my sister and her vampire was awe inspiring. Surely there had to be more than one couple in the world who deserved that kind of devotion.
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