Xavier leaned over me, kissing my forehead, eyelids, and finally lips. I felt his body relax and heard him sigh heavily before he lay beside me and pulled me to lie against his chest.
“Do you know that real panthers live alone? That even mated pairs stay together only long enough to mate before they separate?” Xavier's hand trailed down my arm, eliciting a sigh from me. He smiled and kissed me again.
“I used to wonder why the pride here in East Hampton seemed to want to band together when so many other wereanimals live more like their normal counterparts. I finally figured out that it’s the human part of each of the pride members that draws them to each other, that makes them choose the ones they love and seek to spend time together. You are the strongest link I have to my humanity, Kerry. There isn’t anything in this world worth more to me than that.”
I shuddered under the weight of his words. I didn’t know if I could handle the responsibility Xavier’s words implied. I wasn’t sure my humanity was going to be with me for much longer and once it was gone, would he feel the same way about me?
“But what if...” I swallowed over the lump in my throat. “What if I’m not human anymore?”
Xavier kissed me and held me tighter. “Before you, there was only one other girl I ever spent time with. I was devastated when she left and I spent a lot of time roaming as my cat and shunning my human side. When I saw you in your mother’s shop the day I took Gram to meet your sister, I knew you were the missing piece of me, of my humanity. I knew I wanted you and more.” Xavier caressed my face, trailing his fingers along my forehead and cheeks. He leaned in and kissed me softly. “I knew I needed you.”
“But what if...”
“It won’t matter,” he said firmly. “You are the love of my life and the link to my humanity. You don’t feel any different to me now than you ever have so no matter what happens in twenty four hours, you’ll always be my girl.”
I kissed him and threw my leg over his hips so I could lie along his body. With only a thin blanket between us, the intimacy of our position made my head spin and Xavier growled.
“I love you,” I said.
“I love you, too.”
“I’m so scared,” I admitted. “I’m afraid of changing. I’m afraid of not changing. I’m afraid that one day you’ll hate me for what happened today. I’m afraid someday you’ll figure out I’m just some girl and you’ll love someone else.”
Xavier wrapped his arms around me and turned us so we lay beside each other. “I’m here to stay, no matter what, Kerry. And whenever you’re afraid, you just come to me and we’ll take care of the fear. There is one thing in this world stronger than fear,” he said. “It’s love.”
When the sun rose on my last day, Xavier was already awake. He'd been watching me sleep and smiled when I opened my eyes.
“Good morning,” he said, kissing my forehead. “Did you know you talk in your sleep?”
I hid my face against his side. “No,” I said. “What did I say?”
Xavier pulled me up so he could touch my face. “You’re worried about your family, about us, about all sorts of things.”
“I guess that’s to be expected,” I said.
“You also said you loved me,” he said.
“You already knew that.”
“But you say it different in your sleep. Like it’s more permanent than one lifetime. It was kind of...”
“Weird?” I offered. I could feel the heat in my face and knew I was blushing.
“I was going to say humbling,” Xavier said. “I see you watching Mairin and Mathias sometimes and I’ve wondered if it was because you’re jealous of how often he tells her he loves her, but that isn’t it, is it?”
“No,” I said softly. “It’s because if they want it, they have all of eternity to love each other the way they do.” It was the first time I had ever spoken those words aloud. I envied my sister because if she chose it, she could be immortal and could spend all of eternity with Mathias. It didn’t matter that she’d have to become a blood sucking vampire for that to happen. The fact was, she and Mathias had that choice. Xavier and I didn’t.
“If we had that choice,” Xavier said. “Would you want it...with me?”
“Yes.”
Xavier’s smile was brilliant. “Marry me,” he said.
“Nope,” I said, grinning.
“You just said you’d spend eternity with me, but you won’t marry me?” Xavier laughed and kissed me.
“Nope. I’m sixteen, goofball,” I said. “I still have more than two years of high school left. I’m not going to marry you now.”
Xavier laughed and pushed me out of bed. “Go...do girl stuff and get dressed. I have plans for us today.”
In the shower, I realized that whatever Xavier had planned for me that day, it was likely designed to distract me from the fact that today might be the last day I could claim to be human. I knew I wanted and needed to see my family today. I hadn't seen my mother or Tawnya since the day of the attack. I needed Mairin, too. I wanted to surround myself with the people whom I loved, but not for the end of the day. When the moon rose, I wanted no one nearby but Xavier.
I cranked the knobs to shut off the shower and heard raised voices in the living room. I recognized Xavier’s voice and thought I heard his mother’s soft tones as well. “What new hell is this?” I cursed. I threw on the first clothes my hands touched and ran for the living room and the voices.
“He swore he would kill you, Xavier. Of course we’re here.” Dorothy sounded as though she’d been crying. I rounded the corner and saw Xavier pacing in front of the couch.
“Mom, Dad, you know I love you, but for heaven’s sake, you can’t just pop in for a visit like this and you know it.” Xavier’s flushed face nearly glowed with his agitation as he paced the length of the living room. Dorothy and Tyler sat calmly on the couch, though Dorothy looked like she might start crying at any moment. Elise smiled at me from the kitchen doorway where she had a front row seat for the fireworks. I lifted my hands in a silent question, but Elise just shook her head and leaned more comfortably in the doorway.
“Xavier, you didn’t hear the message he left,” Dorothy said. “He said I’d need to come pick up your corpse to take it back to Florida to bury. When we couldn’t reach you yesterday, we got on the plane.”
I reached for Xavier and he stopped beside me, slipping his hand into mine. “He left his cell on the kitchen counter,” I said.
“Because he’s hard-headed,” Elise said. The warm, homey scent of fresh coffee filled the living room as Elise set mugs on the new coffee table. I glanced around and saw that every bit of damage the room had suffered the night before had been repaired or replaced. A new chair sat in front of the repaired wall and window. New tables were scattered around the room and not a trace of blood was left. I sensed Mathias' hand in the repairs and silently thanked my sister's boyfriend for being able to work miracles.
“No,” Xavier said. “I left the phone here so it wouldn’t ring while I was sneaking up on the bastard. I’m sure that would have gone over well strategy-wise.” Xavier snapped. “Did any of you think of calling the house or each other when you knew you couldn't reach me on my cell?”
“Don’t take that attitude with me, young man,” Elise snapped. I grinned at her and she winked. “Now sit down and talk to your parents as though I raised you better.”
“Yes, Gram,” Xavier said, flopping into the chair by the window. He glanced down at the chair, his eyes wide. He'd finally noticed the room had been repaired. He mouthed "Mathias," at me and I shrugged. Maybe the repair job would be enough to finally end the animosity between the pride and the vampires. I certainly hoped so. It was exhausting being in the middle of their testosterone-driven rivalry.
“Xavier, when Lane called, I knew he’d told you what happened ten years ago.” Dorothy was wringing her hands in her lap.
“Yeah,” Xavier said. “He said a lot of things last night.” I could hear the remnants of t
he bitterness from the night before still lingering in Xavier’s voice and I sat on the floor beside his legs so we could touch each other. I wanted to help him; to make it easier for him to understand what Dorothy might have done that had broken that last bit of humanity in Lane. I knew Lane had already been broken long before his night with Dorothy and his own attack, but Xavier still wanted someone or something to blame. I just didn't want that thing to be his mother.
Dorothy took a deep breath. “Then I guess I need to tell you the rest of the story so you can understand it all.”
Xavier shook his head and I could tell that he didn’t want more details than Lane had shared, but Dorothy ignored him. “When Tyler and I went back to school after I came out of the swamps, I didn’t hear from Lane for weeks. He didn’t call or write. I assumed he’d heard I’d gone back to school with Tyler and had finally come to terms with the fact that we wouldn’t be together. When I was certain I was pregnant, I thought of calling Lane, but I told Tyler first and he convinced me that there was no need. He didn't care." Dorothy squeezed Tyler's hand and he kissed her. "He wanted you before I was certain I wanted to carry Lane's child at all. Your father, Tyler, is the reason you're here, Xavier. If I hadn't believed he loved me and would love you as his own, I'm ashamed to say I would have...well...I wouldn't have had a baby at all."
I glanced up at Xavier and found his gaze locked with his father's. His eyes were bright, shining with tears that he would not allow to fall.
"I asked Dot to marry me right then and there, Xavier," Tyler said. "I wanted you and your mother to be in my life until my last breath. Never, ever, doubt that you were loved for every moment of your life."
"I never had," Xavier whispered.
Dorothy wiped the silent tears from her face and continued her tale.
"I didn’t think about Lane again until he showed up in Gainesville unannounced. He came to my apartment and begged me to go home with him. I wasn’t showing yet, but somehow he knew I was pregnant. He begged me to marry him and go home with him, but I told him Tyler and I were going to get married and raise you as a family. Lane...he was so angry. He pushed me away and was on his feet so quickly I hadn't even seen him. For the first time in my life, despite some of the strange things Lane had done when we were children, I was truly afraid of him. I'd been afraid for him, worried about him, but until that moment, I'd not feared him.”
Tyler took Dorothy’s hand from her lap and held it. Tyler was obviously in pain from reliving what couldn't have been an easy time of his life, but he also seemed relieved. It was as though he'd waited eighteen years for this tale to finally be told and no matter what, he felt better to have the truth out in the open. He kept glancing between Xavier and Elise, waiting for either of them to react. I realized that even Elise didn't know the whole story of how Lane had been a part of their lives from the beginning. I'd always believed my sister to be good at keeping secrets, but Tyler's secret-keeping surpassed even her abilities. For nearly twenty years this man had held close to his heart the story Dorothy was slowly sharing. It was like watching Tyler be reborn as Dorothy spoke. The shadows I'd seen in his eyes when I'd met him in Florida were slowly fading as the truth was revealed.
“I had been expecting Tyler when Lane showed up,” Dorothy said, “so when Tyler got to my apartment, I ran to him. Tyler, as always, protected me from whatever I couldn't face alone. He immediately turned us so that he stood between me and Lane and it was then that I heard the change in Lane’s voice. He shouted something about how it was always Tyler who stood between us, who pretended to be the protector, but now he would show me why he’d be the better protector for me and our baby.”
Xavier shuddered and I wrapped my arms around his legs. Elise leaned forward and put her hand on Xavier’s shoulder.
“Don’t do this now, Mom. Please,” Xavier begged.
“You have to know, son,” Tyler said.
“But Kerry doesn’t,” Xavier said. “Not today.”
I lay my head against Xavier’s leg. “I’m okay, Xavier,” I whispered. “Let her get it done.”
Xavier stroked my hair and nodded to his mother.
“I didn’t see it happen,” Dorothy said. “Tyler was holding me back and standing between me and Lane. When I heard the change in Lane’s breathing, smelled the heavy scent of a big cat, I moved so I could see around Tyler. It was horrifying. The boy who had been my friend for as long as I could remember was long gone. I could feel the difference in the air. The Lane I had grown up with no longer existed. In his place was this cat...this panther and it growled at me.” Dorothy shuddered and Tyler squeezed her hand.
“We got out of the apartment,” Tyler said. “I could tell Lane was angry enough to hurt Dot. I can’t say I’m proud of running, but I wasn’t going to lose you both because of some misguided sense of machismo. I’ve always been a realist and I knew there was no way I could win a fight against an animal as powerful as the cat that had appeared when Lane changed.”
“When we reached the courtyard in front of my apartment building, Tyler and I stood there, unsure what to do,” Dorothy said. “When Lane came out of the building, he was human again, but so much angrier. He screamed at me that it was my fault he was what he was. That I’d left him alone by the pond that morning when I heard Tyler calling for me and the cat who infected him had taken him because he’d been alone. He told me he’d been ill and injured and that was why he hadn’t come to Gainesville for me until then.”
Dorothy looked at me and Xavier, together and comfortable with the truth of who and what he was. “Lane was most angry that I rejected what he’d become. He never understood that I didn’t love him, had never loved him. The only good thing to ever come from that man was you, Xavier.”
“I told him that, Mom,” Xavier said. “I told him you’d rejected who he was, not what he was. I knew you didn’t care if he was a panther. You’ve never cared that I was one. But Lane only saw his own narrow view of the world and was certain you rejected him because of his cat, not his nature.”
“When he attacked you in the swamp the year you were seven, I wanted to send men to hunt him down,” Dorothy said. For the first time, I saw in her the fire of Xavier’s own temper. “I wanted to send someone out to find him whether he was still the cat who had nearly killed you or the man who had infected you, but your father talked me out of it when we knew you would live. He convinced me that if I sent people out to kill Lane, I would hate myself for it in the future. He was right, of course, but I was never as angry in my life as I was when I saw your poor battered little body at the edge of the woods behind the house.” Dorothy took a deep breath before continuing. “When your first full moon came, I held you in my arms and sang you the songs you’d loved as an infant. You watched my face the whole time, your little hand lying against my cheek until I felt the prickle of the rough fur of your paw. I never looked away as you changed. I watched every moment of your transformation and you were so beautiful to me, so strong. I knew then that whatever Lane had meant to do, whatever damage he had meant to do, he’d done us a kindness. He’d made you stronger than I could have done. He’d given you the ability to protect yourself in a way that Tyler could never have taught you. I knew you’d need those skills and for the first time since I had found out I was pregnant, I was grateful that Lane was your biological father. When you'd been attacked, we had already moved to Florida after trying to live here. We brought you to Elise because Tyler was certain she could help you heal after the attack. He wanted to stay here after you changed, but I begged him to take me home. The winters up here were just too hard for me. Tyler wanted to make me happy, but we both knew how much your grandmother needed you in her life. You might not know it, but Elise has been so much a part of your everyday life and you of hers that I knew if we took you back to Florida, Elise would suffer. I couldn’t do that to either of you and Elise kept telling us you had work here and you had to stay. When you changed that first time, I saw you were strong enough to be safe
without me or your father. We could go and you could stay.”
“So I took your mother home and you stayed here with my mother,” Tyler said. “You came to visit every year for your birthday and every year we’d find prints on the edge of the yard that told us Lane had come, but he never got any closer than the edge of the woods. It wasn’t until this year that his pattern changed. First he came to the house before you and Kerry arrived and then again during your birthday party. We had no idea what had changed, only that Lane seemed angrier this year than he had been before.”
“It’s my fault,” I said.
“Absolutely not,” the four Meyers said in unison.
I shook my head. “No, it really is,” I said. “There might have been something else that brought Lane in closer initially, but it was my fault that he wanted Xavier to suffer as he had. After the birthday party, Xavier went for a run. I saw a cat move in the woods and thought it was Xavier, so I went out into the yard.” I smiled at Xavier. “You came back from your run and we lay in the grass together for a while. Lane must have seen me with you then, seen that I wasn’t afraid of you or your panther. Think of what that would have done to him.”
“Oh my God,” Xavier whispered. “That’s what all that was about that night. I had no idea he’d seen us like that. I thought he just saw us like this, human, with you knowing what I was.”
“Lane thought Dorothy hated his cat,” I said. “He saw that I love your cat as much as I love the human part of you. That’s why he started hunting me...why he attacked me.”
I heard Dorothy and Tyler gasp, but I kept my eyes on Xavier.
“Envy is a horrible thing,” Elise said. “It can bring the strongest to their knees or raise the weakest to their best. For Lane, it meant his death.”
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