“That will teach you not to drink,” Nova tells Selina, chuckling.
“Please don’t remind me,” Selina groans.
“You’re awake,” Nova states, smiling wide at me. My stomach twists into knots.
I grunt, looking away from her and taking a seat next to Selina at the breakfast bar. My lips twitch when she raises her hand in greeting, her head shoved into her arms, which are folded under her on the table. Other than that, she doesn’t verbally greet me.
“Would you like some eggs, Ivy?” Annette asks softly, and I look up, taken aback by her scrutinising gaze.
I shake it off, nodding. “That’d be awesome,” I mutter.
Nova pours me a glass of orange juice before leaning against the counter opposite me. “I thought we could spend the day shopping, go out of town for the day, just us three girls. What do you think, Ivy?”
I stare at her for a moment, wondering if she knows about my mum. Did she care either way? Has she thought about any of it while I’ve been here?
I hate that I have all this turmoil going on inside of me while she’s happy planning shopping trips and joking around.
“Ivy?” she pushes when I don’t answer.
I can’t hold back any longer.
Looking at her dead on, I ask her outright. “Did you know my mother was raped?”
I don’t turn my attention away from her, not even when I hear someone walk in from the side entrance attached to the kitchen. Nor when Selina gasps from beside me.
“W-what?”
“You heard me,” I tell her, my voice steady.
Annette quickly turns to the stove, but I don’t miss how pale she looks. Does she know? Was it her that left that diary out for me to find?
“Maybe we should talk about this in private.” She focuses on something behind me, shifting on her feet. “And don’t think I won’t be asking about those bruises later.” I look over my shoulder, finding the twins and Kaiden standing in the doorway. Ethan really does look worse for wear.
A snarky retort is on the tip of my tongue, but the look in Kaiden’s eyes stops me. He’s not giving much away, but I can tell from the tightness around his lips and the muscles in his jaw clenching that he’s angry. He looks two seconds away from saying something. My attention flicks to the twins, who look uncomfortable with being in the room.
I don’t care.
I don’t care about any of them. They’ve given me nothing but shit since I moved here.
“Um, I’ll leave you to it,” Selina murmurs, grabbing her plate of food.
I let her go without a word, meeting Nova’s gaze once again. I arch my eyebrows, waiting for her to answer. Because goddammit, I deserve those answers.
“Boys, why don’t you take these plates and go eat with Selina for me,” Annette says. I don’t bother to see if they listen. Instead, I stare at Nova, imploring her to answer me.
“Kaiden?” Nova calls, looking a little panicked. She hides it quickly, but there’s no mistaking it with the quiver in her voice. “Could you leave.”
“No!”
“Please, Kaiden. This is between me and Ivy,” she tells him, her voice stronger now.
I hear footsteps, and although I don’t see him leave, I feel him leave, his looming presence no longer in the room.
I didn’t realise how tense I was from him being in the room until he’s gone, my shoulders sagging somewhat.
“Tell me!”
“Where did you hear your mother was raped?” Nova asks gently.
“I read her diary,” I tell her honestly.
“Her diary?” Nova asks, surprised. “Where did you find her diary?”
I open my mouth to tell her, but something inside of me screams at me not to. “It doesn’t matter where I found it. I want to know the truth, Nova, or I’m leaving here for good.”
She sighs, placing her cup of coffee down on the side. “It’s a lie.”
My lip curls. “I read her diary, Nova. That wasn’t a fucking lie.”
“Language,” she calls sharply, before pinching the bridge of her nose. “Your mum got drunk at a party. Really drunk. She was a wild child, always looking for a good time. One thing led to another, but she wasn’t raped.”
That sounds like the mum I knew, but not the girl I read about in that diary. The two entries I read were too different, even the style of writing.
“I don’t believe you.”
“Believe me. She slept with her best friend’s boyfriends.”
“Boyfriends?” I ask, now in two minds.
She did write it like it was more than one person. She kept saying ‘they’, but until now, I was unsure whether or not to believe it.
She nods, sadly. “Yes. She regretted it terribly the next day. She was scared her friends would find out so she told people they forced her.”
“That wasn’t the version I read,” I tell her, feeling conflicted. Either Mum twisted the truth or Nova is twisting it; either protecting herself or the people who raped my mum.
“I’m sure she filled her diary with a version of the lie. She carried the secret for weeks and weeks, Ivy. You have to understand—your mum… she was sick. She drank and did a lot of drugs.”
Her words ring true, but something doesn’t seem to be adding up.
“She was pregnant,” I tell her, reading her reaction.
She pales further, grabbing the counter for support. “What?”
I nod. “Yes. She was pregnant with one of their babies. She wanted it out of her, even admitted to drug abuse to help her forget what they did. That doesn’t sound like someone who was lying. It would be one hell of a story to keep up if she was.”
“A baby?”
“You didn’t know?”
“No,” she whispers, no longer paying attention to me but focussing on the counter, seeming lost in thought.
“Are you lying to me? I need to know. I want to know if that was the reason my mum was the way she was.”
“Have you got this diary?” she asks, suddenly looking up at me.
“No,” I tell her, raising my eyebrow.
She grips my arm. “Please. I want to see that diary. Did it say what happened to the baby?”
Confused, I rip my arm from her trembling grasp. “I don’t know where it is. It was gone this morning,” I tell her. “You really didn’t know?”
“Please—if you have it, I need to see it,” she tells me, more urgent now.
“I’m not the one fucking lying,” I yell at her. “I need to know the truth, Nova. No more fucking lying.”
“I’ve told you the truth. Please, I implore you to let the past stay where it belongs: in the past. Don’t dredge up old memories that won’t help anyone involved. It will cause more harm than good.”
I pull my hair out of my face and tie it into a bobble. “I just want answers, Nova. I’ve had my mum thrown in my face more than once since being here. I’m not her. I’ll never be her. But I won’t sit back and be lied to. Something happened to her, something so traumatic that she ran away from all of this and decided to raise a child she didn’t want.”
“That can’t be true,” she whispers, looking pale.
I force out a laugh. “She didn’t love me. She didn’t hate me either. She just didn’t care. And I was raised all my life in that environment. Sometimes I wonder how I survived being a baby, got through infancy. She had no moral compass. I want to know if what she wrote is true. I’m not asking for anything else. I need to know there was a goddamn reason she chose to bring me up like that.”
“I’m sure that’s not true,” she tells me. “If I could have helped, I would have.”
“Would you though? Because like I said, I’ve had her thrown in my face more than once since being here, people acting like they have a right to judge me.”
“Who said something about your mum?”
I let out a heavy sigh. “It doesn’t matter. I just feel like there’s a lot you aren’t telling me and I’m sick of it.”
“Your mum made some seriously bad choices that affected a lot of lives. She caused a lot of damage before she left, Ivy. Lives were ruined.”
“Mine was ruined,” I scream at her, losing my patience. “Mine was fucking ruined. And I want to fucking know why. I can handle it.”
She holds her hand out to me, and I want to smack it away. “Please, calm down. It’s all in the past. I can’t make excuses for your mum. Only she knows the reasons why she did what she did. All I can say is that I’m sorry. It’s all in the past now. You can have a good life here, Ivy.”
I stand up, shoving the stool to the floor in the process as I laugh bitterly. “No, it’s fucking not! I didn’t even know her, and I lived with her. Everyone here acts like they knew her better than me. I don’t know anything. Why did she leave here? Why? Why did we live on scraps when she had all of this? Why would she say she was raped if she wasn’t? You aren’t telling me the truth,” I scream, slamming my fists down on the table. “Tell me! Fucking tell me!”
“She slept with my husband,” Nova yells, her expression horrified. She places her hand over her mouth, falling back a few steps, the clacking of her heels on the tiled floor in sync with my racing heart.
“What?” I ask, quieter this time, stunned by her answer.
“I’m so, so, so sorry, Ivy,” she says, her eyes watering. “I didn’t want to tell you this yet. I wanted you to have time to settle in, to get to know me and decide to stay of your own accord. The night your mum left… I-I found her in bed with my husband. I had been with him for as long as I could remember, and I walked in on them in bed together.” She takes a deep breath, calming herself. “I hated her. I hated her so much that I told her I wished she was dead,” she admits as the first tear flows down her cheek. She swipes it away quickly. “She left that night before anyone could calm down, and for three months our parents searched for her. When they finally found her, they discovered her pregnant with you.”
“What are you trying to tell me?” I ask, my stomach sinking.
“Sam, my ex-husband, is your father. You have his hair, his eyes… My dad managed to get a DNA test done to confirm it, but before the results were back, your mum was gone again. We couldn’t find her. After a time, I think everyone just gave up.”
I begin to sway, feeling my world tilt once again. This can’t be happening. My mum told me my dad didn’t want me.
A dad.
“I-I… this can’t be happening,” I whisper.
“I’m sorry. I really wanted to tell you when the time was right. I wasn’t sure how much your mum had told you, but by your reaction, she told you nothing.”
“Why didn’t he come for me?” I ask, my heart hardening.
“I tracked your mum down when you were one. We thought it would be better for me to go since I was the reason she left. She didn’t want to see me. She caused a massive scene, so I left to give her time to calm down. When I went back the next day, she was gone. You were both gone. I didn’t find you until I got the phone call that your mother died.”
“This is too much,” I tell her.
“Just take a moment,” she tells me. “It’s a lot to process.”
I laugh without humour. “Process? My mum slept with her twin sister’s husband and got pregnant—and then neglected me my whole life.”
“Ivy, where are you going?” she calls when I turn to leave, my gaze finding Kaiden’s in the doorway. I narrow my eyes at him before turning around.
“Anywhere but fucking here,” I tell her, heading towards the backdoor. I notice a tray on a small bar area, with bottles of alcohol sat atop it, and grab the nearest one.
“Ivy,” she calls, but I ignore her, slamming the door shut behind me. The glass rattles from the force.
I don’t care.
Maybe Mum had the right idea when she drank her troubles away, because as of right now, all I want to do is forget. I want to forget I read that fucking diary, and everything Nova just told me.
How dare she keep something like that from me. Who the fuck does she think she is? And why isn’t he here? Why hasn’t he come to see me?
Fuck him.
Fuck her.
Fuck all of them.
I’ve never needed anyone, and I won’t start now.
I storm towards the tree I sat under the second day I arrived here, opening the bottle on the way. The vodka burns my throat as I take a hefty swig. I hiss through my teeth, placing the top of my hand against my mouth.
I take another as I reach the tree, already feeling the effects as I drop my arse to the ground.
A quarter of the bottle is gone by the time I hear people approaching. I look up, finding the twins and Selina approaching. Selina looks reluctant to be there, yet the twins are grinning, holding their own bottle of something.
Great, more alcohol for me to drink after I finish this one, I think sourly as I take another swig.
My eyes catch some movement behind Selina, and leaning against the entryway to Nova’s garden, is Kaiden, his sunglass covering those eyes of his. Doesn’t matter, I can still feel them on me.
The twins block the sun when they step in front of me.
Lucca drops to the ground, grinning smugly at me, even with that cut on his lip. I guess he didn’t get hit as much as I thought in the fight, because the bruising is minimal. “So, is this a private party, or can anyone join?”
CHAPTER TWELVE
I sneer at Lucca. “Go the fuck away.”
Ethan winces as he sits down next to his brother, and I grimace at the sight of him. His bruises look worse than they did in the kitchen. I shrug, not giving a shit. It’s kind of revenge for groping me the first time we met.
My gaze drifts over his shoulder, eyeing Kaiden with disgust as I gulp down more of the bottle. My tongue feels numb, but it doesn’t stop my spite lashing out when I get the urge to get shit off my chest. “Come to see the great Ivy Monroe fall down on her arse? Are you here to deliver the punchline or the killer blow? Going to tell me how worthless I am, big man?”
“Ivy,” Selina whispers, trying to take the bottle away from me.
“No! This is mine. You know my mum drank to forget, don’t you? She had it figured out.”
She shakes her head, her lips tipped down. “I didn’t know your mother, Ivy.”
I laugh in her face. “Me neither.” After taking another swig, I turn to the twins. “Why the fuck are you two here?”
Ethan looks up from his phone. “Hey, I had the life beat out of me. I deserve a drink, don’t you think?”
I shrug, not bothering to answer.
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Selina asks gently, looking at my bottle.
I snort, laughing harder at the sound.
“This is a great fucking idea,” Lucca chuckles, drinking from his own bottle.
I roll my eyes, snatching the blue liquid from his hands, causing some to spill down his shirt. “You weren’t invited.”
“Hey, that’s mine,” he snaps. I shove the vodka in his lap, and he grabs it before the contents completely soak his shorts.
“So… mummy and daddy issues, huh?” Ethan asks, smirking.
“Ethan!” Selina snaps.
“What? It’s not like we all don’t have them,” he mutters back.
“Yeah, join the club,” Lucca salutes, holding his bottle up in the air.
A lightbulb goes off, and my head spins when I face Selina too fast. “Wait, didn’t you say your uncle was married to Nova?”
Selina bites her bottom lip, nodding slowly. “I didn’t know, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“Of course, you didn’t. We know fuck all, remember? But that would mean we’re cousins, right?”
Her entire face brightens. I’m glad someone is happy. “Oh, yes—that is so cool.”
“So, no foursome then?” Lucca asks, and both Selina and I roll our eyes at him. “That’s a no then.”
“Anyway… So, if we’re cousins, that means you have to drink with m
e,” I tell her, handing her the bottle. I have no idea what it even is, but it tastes better than vodka.
She takes the bottle, looking unsure. “Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it? We only heard the last bit. We heard you yelling and came to see if you were okay.”
“See if Nova was okay you mean,” I snap sarcastically. Because let’s face it, none of them know me enough to care.
No one cares about me.
Not my mum.
Not my dad.
And I couldn’t give a flying fuck anymore.
They can all go to hell, for all I care.
“That’s not true,” she tells me, almost looking sincere.
Lucca laughs. “We were checking on Nova. She’s done a lot for our mum over the years.”
“More than she did for mine.”
“Your mum was a slag and a drunk,” Ethan comments, not harshly, but not nicely either.
I glare at him, sitting up from my slouched position. “Yeah? Was it you she flaunted it in front of? Was it you she ignored or forgot about? No, so shut the fuck up, Ethan. If she did something that affected you, then pipe in. Until then, simmer down and keep ya mouth shut, yeah?”
He chuckles, holding his hands up. “All right. All right.”
“I still think you should talk about it. Was your mum really raped?” Selina asks, and my stomach sinks.
“She was pregnant. I don’t even know if she had that baby or not. I could have a sibling out there and she never even told me. They’re better off though,” I tell her, snatching the bottle back.
Her eyes hold pity, and I look away. When she goes to reach for me, I pull away, standing up.
“I don’t want to talk about this. I don’t give a fuck. My mum lied to me my whole life, so why should I expect anything different from other people?”
“Where’s the party?” is yelled, and I look towards the Kingsley’s garden, seeing a bunch of people piling through the gate.
I look down at the twins with hardened eyes. “What did you do?” I bite out.
Lucca grins. “You picked up a bottle of vodka. That’s a call for a party. We invited everyone and anyone to come out to the lake. Think of it like a welcome to Cheshire Grove party.”
Wrong Crowd (Kingsley Academy Book 1) Page 11