‘Sit down, gentlemen. Make yourself comfortable. I’ll fetch the treats. We’ve been baking, haven’t we, Maddie?’
‘Well, you’ve been baking; I’ve been observing. I’m hoping to learn a few tricks, though. Never too old to learn a new hobby.’ Maddie was giving a very good account of an elderly innocent bystander, but neither the Colonel nor Derek was fooled. The Colonel narrowed his eyes as he watched her, and Derek smiled, fascinated and somewhat bewitched by the transformation.
Olive stopped before she left the room to address them all. ‘That Doubler’s a charmer, isn’t he? He’s been spending a little time here, helping to get Maddie settled in and teaching us both some of the basic principles of baking. You’ll be the lucky testers today, trying out some of the delicious cakes we’ve been perfecting. Paula and Mabel were here only yesterday and they certainly seemed to approve. Frankly, you’re lucky there’s anything left for you to sample.’
‘There is a piece of the lemon drizzle left for the Colonel, isn’t there? I do hope so. That quite stole the show.’ Maddie sounded genuinely anxious, but Olive had already disappeared in the direction of the kitchen.
Derek pulled up a chair to sit near Maddie.
‘Well, this is a bit of a change, Maddie. I hadn’t heard the two of you were friends now.’
‘I’d say it is a bit of a change. Poacher turned gamekeeper,’ the Colonel muttered, resigning himself to his fate and sitting down heavily in a chair on the far side of the room.
‘Do I take it you’re up here often, Maddie?’ Derek probed.
‘I am spending most of my time here. I’ve slept here five nights on the trot. I now consider this my home.’ Her lip wobbled as she spoke the word and she blinked sternly to arrest the threat of a tear. She continued, the emotion high in her voice, ‘I can’t believe my luck. I have to pinch myself every morning when I open my eyes.’ She faltered, choking back the tears. ‘You know what I see when I first wake in the morning?’
Derek looked towards the window, imagining waking at the farmhouse. ‘I imagine it’s a stunning view. What do you see? The fields? The trees? The sky?’ He smiled at her warmly. ‘Tell me.’
‘The view is marvellous, of course, but the first thing I actually see is a little patch of mould and this old, old water stain on the ceiling in the corner. I look at it and I know I’m back in a living, breathing home again, a house that will let the elements in but will throw a warm blanket over you if you get too cold. I lie and look at that water stain and think of the stories the ceiling has to tell and I’m almost deliriously happy. I feel like I’ve escaped from a nightmare.’
Derek looked at Maddie earnestly, wondering whether it was actually possible to find delight in a mouldy ceiling, but her eyes were shining and there was no trace of the scowl that everyone at Grove Farm had become so used to.
‘I’m the luckiest woman on the planet,’ she added emphatically.
The Colonel studied her carefully. ‘Good God, Maddie Mitchell. I expected you to be locked up and instead you’ve found a whole new freedom.’
‘Oh, I’m not off the hook yet. I think there are a few people looking for me. Doubler is very kindly trying to calm everyone down. My boys think I’ve been kidnapped, the police think I’m trying to avoid arson charges, and social services think I’m a threat to society. It’s not all plain sailing.’
‘I should think not. There’s a reason there’s a structure in our society, Maddie. You can’t go stealing donkeys and setting your house on fire and not expect to face the consequences.’
Olive walked in for this last comment. ‘Enough of that. Maddie is living consequence-free today and she’s loving it, aren’t you, dear?’ She set a tray down proudly and started to pour tea.
Derek whistled appreciatively at the spread before him, and the Colonel acknowledged begrudgingly that this was an improvement on the custard creams.
‘We are so loving our new life. I might have been sitting on all of these acres for years, but it turns out I really know astonishingly little. Maddie is making me think about the land and what we might hope to achieve here, given our considerable limitations. It turns out that she’s the real farmer around here, and in the meantime lovely Doubler is teaching me how to be a farmer’s wife.’
‘Lovely Doubler? When did that miserable old potato farmer become “lovely Doubler”, for goodness’ sake?’ The Colonel rolled his eyes, nonplussed.
‘Seems to me like you’ve both entirely reinvented yourselves,’ commented Derek, delighted though still baffled. ‘I must say it all seems a bit sudden.’
Olive spoke for them both. ‘It was sudden, wasn’t it, dear? It was Doubler who introduced us. Maddie had got herself into a spot of bother and Doubler knew I was deathly lonely up here, so he thought we might be good for each other. When we met, it just seemed to make the most perfect sense. I was going to go crazy up here alone. I think I was already about eighty per cent of the way to craziness, if truth be told.’
‘Ha!’ exclaimed Maddie in delighted recognition of her own plight. ‘And I was already one hundred per cent certifiable!’
‘And so we put our heads together and decided that twenty per cent sanity between us was better than nothing.’
Their laughs were similar, Derek noticed, like the oldest of friends.
‘But seriously,’ said Olive solemnly, ‘I am by nature a carer. That’s all I’ve done with my life. I looked after my kids, my husband, my parents, his parents and then suddenly, completely to my surprise and at great consequence to my health, I found myself completely alone.’ She looked at the Colonel with wide eyes. ‘With nothing to look forward to from one day to another. That’s why when you talked to me about taking some space up here for the animals, I was delighted. That’s why I agreed so readily. I thought it would help deal with my isolation and give me a sense of purpose. But it didn’t turn out that way, did it? Quite frankly, you’ve ignored me from day one. It’s like you’re here, but you’re not here. The sound of your cars coming and going with no one bothering to stop in and say hello makes me feel lonelier than if you weren’t up here at all.’ This was said without a trace of accusation; Olive was just setting out the facts as she had observed them. It wasn’t self-pity she displayed but, rather, she seemed pleased with her careful analysis.
Derek was appalled and grasped her hand. ‘Oh, Olive, we do try to stop in once a week to say hello, and we do our best to keep you updated, but if we’ve been neglecting you, we can certainly drop in more often if you’d like. I had no idea you were suffering so.’
‘No, no, this is all my fault,’ said the Colonel, who, within the folds of the large armchair, looked smaller than usual.
‘Yes, Colonel, it is your fault,’ said Olive, though merely agreeing and still with no hint of hostility in her voice. ‘You talked me into this because it suited you, and the minute you’d got yourselves established here, you abandoned me.’
The Colonel looked disappointed. ‘That wasn’t the intention. But if that’s the outcome and that’s how you feel, then I must take full responsibility for it. In my defence, I thought we were a burden. You made it very clear to me that our presence was causing you distress, so I felt we must give you some space.’
‘The space wasn’t yours to give me, with all due respect. I already had space in buckets.’
‘But you expressly told me to leave you alone. I remember this very clearly. Derek, back me up. Olive here told us to get out of the house, didn’t she?’
Derek started to answer, but Olive silenced him with a raised hand. ‘I was having a bad day. I remember that conversation. I wasn’t up to company and I couldn’t cope with your constant questions.’
‘Well, exactly. That was all I responded to. I wanted to respect your request for privacy and we did everything we could to make ourselves scarce.’
‘It’s regrettable that I sent you away. But that feeling, the feeling of not coping doesn’t happen very often. The minute I felt strong again, I tried
to engage with your activities here, but you cut me out from that moment on.’
‘That’s right,’ added Maddie, nodding encouragingly. ‘You made her feel more isolated than ever before.’
‘Goodness me, Olive, how long have you been feeling this way?’ asked Derek, wondering at his own complicity. He was starting to feel slightly sick at the idea that while noting the Colonel’s bullying tendencies, he had done little to defend or protect Olive.
‘Since the beginning,’ said Olive with a matter-of-fact shrug.
‘I feel terrible,’ said Derek.
‘I feel terrible,’ said the Colonel at almost the same time.
‘We feel terrible,’ they both echoed.
The Colonel stood up and started to pace; his whole frame appeared to have diminished with remorse. ‘No, really, I must try to correct my misdemeanours. I misjudged the situation. I misread the situation. And I didn’t show good leadership.’
‘Doubler says you’re not good at dealing with hysterical women,’ said Maddie, quite kindly.
The Colonel stopped pacing and frowned at Maddie. ‘Doubler is out of order making such bold statements. He knows nothing of me or my ability to cope with hysterical women.’
‘Did he say that, dear, or did he say the Colonel is no good at dealing with women of any temperament?’ Olive asked Maddie, as if the Colonel had shrunk into nothingness and could no longer hear them.
‘No, no, he was very specific. He definitely said that hysteria wasn’t the Colonel’s forté.’
Derek laughed loudly and the Colonel raised his voice to talk over the noise. ‘Do you mind, ladies? I am still in the room.’
‘Oh goodness, I am sorry, but perhaps you’ll get a glimpse of what it feels like to be in a room with you. I speak, or at least I try to speak, but you prepare to leave as soon as you arrive. It’s disrespectful.’
The Colonel, who had just resolved to leave, chose instead to settle back in his seat and he looked at both women boldly, as if to urge them to do their best.
Derek spoke instead. ‘While we might not like to hear it, Olive has made a very fair point, Maxwell. We don’t tend to drop in to report until last thing on a Friday and it often feels a little rushed. It’s her farm, after all.’
The Colonel tipped his head to one side, allowing Derek to make his argument. ‘That’s a reasonable comment. We ought perhaps to meet more regularly. Would that help?’
‘That would be a start,’ acknowledged Olive.
‘But it’s not enough, is it? Not to make up for being ignored all this time. I wouldn’t have it, Olive. I wouldn’t stand for it a minute longer,’ urged Maddie, her eyes beginning to narrow with distrust at Olive’s hasty submission.
‘I don’t think you get to speak on the matter, Maddie. As far as I can tell, you’re practically a fugitive, so the less we hear from you, the better,’ objected the Colonel.
Olive was quick to interrupt him. ‘No, Colonel, that won’t do. You won’t speak to Mrs Mitchell like that, not in my house. She’s here as my guest and she will be treated with the proper respect.’
Derek intervened, emboldened by the metamorphosis of the two women. ‘What can we do to make it up to you, Olive? I feel terrible that you feel used when you’ve been so generous to us all.’
Olive studied both men carefully and folded her arms resolutely. ‘I want a fresh start, gentlemen. Like the fresh start that Maddie and I are having. Like the fresh start Doubler is making for himself. Doubler says he’s reinventing himself as a father. Shows you are never too old.’
‘OK, you get one. You get a fresh start. You’ll be welcomed into the team as one of us, we’ll have more regular meetings, and we’ll have them for longer – we can get into much greater detail. Will that help?’ pleaded Derek, realizing he was speaking for the Colonel with no interruption.
‘I don’t want Olive settling for less than is her due,’ said Maddie, her steely determination not remotely diminished by Olive’s more conciliatory stance. ‘I think she should be in charge. She should be the president.’
‘President? Do we need a president? All feels a bit overblown,’ said the Colonel, wondering what would happen to his carefully crafted hierarchy if Olive were to suddenly be promoted from obsolescence to omnipotence.
‘There’s always a president,’ insisted Maddie.
‘Olive as president is an excellent idea. I think it will help lift our ambition, make us think a bit bolder. More structure and accountability is an excellent idea, Maddie,’ said Derek, seeing this step as the first in many towards rearranging the universe in a more equitable form.
Olive was beaming. ‘I’m rather chuffed, I must say. President! I’ve never been president of anything.’ She sat down heavily, as if overcome by emotion. ‘Thank you, Maddie. That was a very sweet suggestion. And thank you, Derek. You’ve always been very kind to me and I greatly appreciate it. And, Colonel, I’m sorry if I’ve had my occasional bad days, and I’m sure they scared you a little. There’s nothing quite like an out-of-sorts woman to scare the living daylights out of a repressed gentleman like yourself.’
The Colonel opened his mouth to object, but Olive hadn’t finished. ‘Now, while we are at it, there’s something you can do for Maddie too.’
The Colonel looked exhausted. ‘You two are a bit fierce today.’
‘To tell you the truth, I feel bolstered. I haven’t been part of a couple for a while and I love it, I must say. Having to look out for your other half is part of the fun, don’t you think? I rather hope that together we will be formidable.’
‘I fear you might well be. But I don’t know what more I can do for Maddie. I’ve been getting her out of scrapes for years. You think I’ve been disrespectful, but who do you think takes Maddie back to her house every time she turns up here trying to steal – yes, steal, that donkey? And who has convinced the owners of the tractors, horseboxes and vans she’s commandeered not to press charges? Who do you think has even had a quiet word with the police to make sure they don’t arrest her for any number of crimes that might ordinarily carry a stiff sentence? Like driving without a licence, breaking and entering, hijacking, stealing . . . Who exactly do you think has been watching her back all these years?’
‘I’m sorry,’ said Maddie quietly. ‘I’ve been rather a nuisance.’
Olive got to her feet and went to stand by Maddie in solidarity. ‘Well, we’re both very grateful for the help you’ve given her in the past, but it’s more of your powers of persuasion we need. Doubler and I were talking and we think you’ll probably need to get a bit involved to get Maddie off the hook again.’
‘Well, I’ll have a go – one more time can’t do any harm – but it’s not just the police and the fire services she’s upset this time. It’s social services, and who knows what they will make of this? I can have a try, but if they think she’s not fit to live alone, I can’t imagine there is anything much I can do to help.’
‘Well, that’s not the point, is it? She’s not living alone. She’s with me up here and we are going to take full responsibility for each other’s welfare and we’ll see how that goes. It might be utter chaos, but we can cope with that. The last few days have been chaotic, but they’ve been my happiest in recent memory. We had a cooked breakfast this morning! But it’s not social services we’re concerned about. It’s the sons.’
‘Yes, Olive’s quite right – they’re the ones who will have me locked up.’ Maddie looked fearful as she spoke.
‘Don’t be so melodramatic,’ chided the Colonel. ‘Your sons are not going to have you locked up. They think the world of you and I have absolutely no doubt they have your best interests at heart.’
‘They’re very cross with Doubler and they think Olive here might have enticed me to join a cult.’
‘A cult? God, this would be the strangest cult on the planet. A terrifying network of two old women and a donkey. I’m not sure you’re going to attract many followers.’
‘I’m not an old woman;
I’m the newly appointed president of a registered charity.’ Olive sounded both affronted and dignified.
‘Quite so. Well said,’ said Derek, who hadn’t enjoyed a conversation as much for a very long time.
‘Nevertheless, I don’t suppose it would be very difficult to persuade them of the merits of the arrangement,’ sighed the Colonel, knowing he had some convoluted discourse ahead of him.
‘Exactly. What possible harm could come from it?’ asked Olive innocently.
‘I hope everyone will agree it’s for the best. I would be happier, less of a burden to my family, and it’s a lovely place to bring the grandchildren. I’m going to sow carrots with them.’
‘We’re planning a veggie patch, aren’t we, dear?’ said Olive.
‘So, you want me to talk to your boys, get them to see sense?’ The Colonel addressed Maddie.
‘Yes, they’re good lads, sensible lads. Then they can talk to social services,’ said Maddie happily.
‘And social services can talk to the police,’ suggested Olive.
‘Who’ll have a kindly word with the fire services,’ added Derek.
‘Well, good Lord, I hope you know what you’re getting yourself into, Olive. She’s a live wire, this one.’
Maddie looked up brightly, colouring a little. ‘Thank you, Colonel. That’s the nicest thing anyone has said to me for the longest time.’
Olive stood up. ‘This has been an excellent meeting, gentlemen. But we can’t sit around here all day chatting – we’ve got things we should be seeing to. You can let us know how you get on with the sons next time we meet.’ She led the Colonel briskly towards the door, turning to give Derek a big pantomime wink and blowing him a kiss.
Derek hugged Olive briefly to him before Olive ushered them both out of the door. As Derek and the Colonel left, Olive was already turning to Maddie to plan their next escapade.
Chapter 32
Mr Doubler Begins Again Page 28