Recovered

by Jay Crownover

  I’ve had people want to spend time around me before, but she was the first who actually wanted to spend time with me. That was why I didn’t want to think about what was going to happen when she was gone and I was left to my own devices once again. I couldn’t get my head around being accountable for myself. I couldn’t imagine working to be better if it wasn’t for her. She was the reason I learned to float. She was the one thing that made me keep my head above water the entire summer.

  “I don’t know where I’m going.” I inhaled hard on the end of my cigarette and squinted at her through the smoke between us. “I don’t think I’m ready to go back to the ranch. I’m not sure I can ever go back to Loveless. My dad’s going to want his love nest back, eventually, so I can’t stay here indefinitely, either. I’ll have access to my trust fund again, so maybe I’ll go somewhere I’ve never been, hit up some places where no one knows who I am or what I’ve done.”

  She sighed heavily and turned back to face the water. Her shoulders fell as she leaned over the railing. “So, instead of drifting away inside your own head, you’re going to actually be a drifter.” She sounded disappointed and sad. “You do know that you can’t outrun your issues, right? All you’re going to do is take them with you to a new place. Your view might change, but the luggage is going to be crammed full of the same garbage. All you’re going to do is haul it from one destination to another. When are you going to settle somewhere and unpack?”

  I tossed the sketchpad to the side and put my smoke out on the wood of the deck. I put my hands behind my head and watched as the sky glowed orange and red with celestial fire. She wanted answers I didn’t have. I never wanted to hurt her, and I never wanted anyone close enough to hurt me, but that was where we were headed, and it didn’t matter where she was going or where I ended up.

  “Cracked that suitcase open with you this summer, Reed. It isn’t nearly as heavy as it always has been. It’ll be much easier to move around from place to place.” She made a strangled sound low in her throat so I climbed to my feet and moved behind her. I braced my hands on either side of her body and pressed my front into the stiff line of her back. I rested my chin on her shoulder and felt her damp cheek press into mine. I hated that she was crying over me and because of me, but she wanted to face reality, and ours wasn’t pretty or easy. “You’ve always known where you’re going, Affton, and I’ve always been lost. Eventually, I’ll find my way to wherever it is I’m supposed to be, but we both know that place isn’t anywhere close to where you’re headed.”

  She sniffed a little and lifted a hand to rub at her wet face. She put her hand next to mine on the railing and whispered, “It could be.”

  I sighed and turned my head so I could kiss her cheek. The beach behind the house was surprisingly empty, the only sounds were our whispered words and the beating of our hearts as they raced toward each other and away from the heavy truth that was hanging over us. “It could be if I were a different person, if I weren’t bound to fuck everything up. The last thing you need is to spend all your time trying to fix me when you’re working on building your future. You have always been made to do great things, Affton. Anyone who spends more than five minutes with you knows that.” I wanted to keep her, but for once in my life could recognize how selfish and self-serving that was. For once, I wanted to do the right thing, not necessarily for myself, but for her. She would take me, making probably the first bad choice of her life, and I couldn’t let her do that. “This summer with you is as close to great as I’m gonna get, and honestly, it’s been more than I deserve. I didn’t want anyone in my space, but I’m grateful that you are the person who showed up to share that space with me while I tried to figure shit out. This is the second time you saved me.”

  I moved my head so I could kiss her jawline and up behind her ear. She tilted her head to give me better access, and her sniffles turned into soft sighs. “I guess that makes us even then. You saved me twice this summer, as well.”

  I wrapped an arm around her middle and pulled her back more firmly into the curve of my body. Her hips fit perfectly against mine. She sucked in her stomach when I shifted my hold so my hand covered the full roundness of her breast over the light fabric of her dress. I knew for sure she didn’t have a bra on under the flowy fabric because I watched her get dressed this morning. We hadn’t had to go anywhere, no call in for a drug test today, so she never bothered to put one on. Her nipple beaded up and poked into the palm of my hand as I moved my lips from her ear to the side of her neck. I licked a wet line down to where her neck met her shoulder and took a bite at that sensitive bend. She shivered against me and lifted one of her hands so that it covered mine on her chest. My thumb was rolling over her aroused flesh, making it rasp against the fabric of her dress.

  “We can’t control where we’re headed, but we can make the most out of where we are right now.” I couldn’t see anything beyond her, and that was scary because there was a time in my life where I couldn’t see anything beyond my next hit or my next line. She made me feel better than any of that stuff did, but when she was gone, I had no idea how I was supposed to find my way back to those kinds of feelings without my vices to get me there. I was going to be cold again, empty and alone. I’d spent most of my life that way, but now that I knew there was a different way to be, it was going to suck going backward.

  I put my other hand on her thigh where the hem of her dress rested. I felt her skin pebble up in reaction, and she shifted slightly against me. My zipper started to dig into my dick, and all the blood rushed from my brain to other places in my body. I got hard when she breathed, but when she wiggled against me and subtly pushed her breast harder into my touch, I turned rigid. There was no give where my cock was concerned, and I made that known by pressing the stiff length into the fullness of her backside. She sucked in a breath and curled her hand into a fist on the wooden beam where she was leaning.

  “We should go inside.” Her voice was strained and thin. A mixture of desire and resignation threaded throughout her voice indicating she understood this was all we had . She rubbed her cheek into mine and pressed back into my seeking cock. I wanted my jeans and her dress gone so I could rock into that sweet valley in front of me. I wanted to bend her over a little bit more, so I could drag my tip through her wetness and sink into her pulsing heat. I wanted to get on my knees and put my mouth on her as the setting sun reflected the colors of fire off the water, making the sound of the waves hitting the shoreline battle for supremacy over her screams of pleasure and moans of delight. I wanted to take her without a thought as to who might be watching or who might come along while I was buried deep inside of her. I wanted to claim her, make her mine, and have the rest of the world know it.

  I let my hand move up her leg, chasing goosebumps and feeling her stiffen as I took more of her dress up with me. When I got to the top of her thigh, I let the material go so that it covered my hand as I traced the seam of her pretty, lacy panties.

  I put my lips to her ear and told her, “I dig it right here.” I really did. Here with her, with the water, the thrill of being outside and doing something that was usually done behind closed doors. I’d had sex in public places before, but it was always rushed, and I was usually too high to appreciate the natural rush of anticipation and excitement that made my blood heat and my skin tingle. I was too fucked up to care. All I was after was the release, it didn’t matter where I was or whom I was with. Neither of those things were true now. I cared about Affton, and I cared about this moment in a place that helped soothe all my jagged edges.

  “Cable . . .” She was hesitant and nervous, but she didn’t protest when I hooked a finger along the side of her underwear and started to pull them down. I had to let go of her breast so I could lower myself to my knees behind her. I smoothed my hands along the firm line of the back of her legs, taking her undergarment with them, and getting an eyeful of her perfectly shaped ass while I was down there.

  “No one can see you. The deck is up too high, and
the slats in the railing keep you covered. Anyone who happens by will simply think we’re two people cuddling during the sunset. It’s romantic.”

  She snorted and looked down at me as I nudged her knees slightly apart so I could get my hand between her legs.

  “I don’t think romantic is the right word for it.” She shifted her feet and bit down on her lip to stifle a gasp as my fingers found her damp center. She was already slick and hot, her body welcoming and ready, even if the rest of her wasn’t.

  I grinned up at her and put my free hand on her hip so that her dress folded in the back but was still down and covering her in the front. I was the only one who could see her sweet, slippery folds. I was the only one who could feel her body quiver and quake as I slipped my fingers inside of her and flicked them back and forth. I was the only one who could taste her, and I wanted to eat her up.

  “Tilt your hips back toward me a little bit.” She muttered something under her breath but obeyed my command. She was always so responsive when we were together this way. She was chasing after the same sensation as I was, always eager to feel the things only I made her feel.

  I sank my teeth into the plump flesh of her backside, which made her yelp and look back at me through narrowed eyes. I grinned up at her, pulled my wet fingers out of her dripping center, and stuck them in my mouth. Her eyes widened in surprise, but they quickly got heavy-lidded and dropped with desire.

  “You gotta keep quiet, Reed, or the jig is up.” I reached in front of her and circled her clit with quick strokes. “Or you can be loud. Doesn’t matter to me. I’ll know how I make you feel, either way.” Because I would have her pleasure all over my tongue.

  I put my mouth over her and started to lick and fuck her with my tongue. I couldn’t help but grin against her opening as she gave a startled little shriek. She pushed her hips back against my face and grabbed my wrist so she could grind against my fingers as I toyed with her clit. I could feel her body quickening and pulsing around me. Her thighs were shaking, and she lifted on her toes to give me more access. I growled in approval and sank my tongue more deeply into her. She moaned in response, and I heard her say my name. Nothing ever sounded better, my name on her lips as the waves broke.

  I tugged on her tight little clit harder than I normally would and felt how much she was into it as her pleasure rushed across my tongue. She tasted so good and responded so sweetly. All I wanted to do was make her react this way all the time. She was amazing when she was rigid and uptight, but when she let loose and let go, she was spectacular.

  “Cable . . .” There was a warning in her tone, and I heard voices drifting up from somewhere out on the sand. They were laughing and chattering away, but all I could focus on was how close she was to coming and how hard my cock was. I didn’t care about them; I cared about her and making the most of every minute we had left together.

  I gave her one last, long lick and lifted to my feet. I opened my pants and pulled my cock out. It was pulsing in my fist, wet at the tip and dying to be inside of her. It took a minute to pull a condom out of my wallet and roll it down the shaft. I kept waiting for her to change her mind as the voices got louder and closer, but she waited silently in front of me, eyes locked on the water. I squeezed a handful of her ass as I braced one hand on the railing and pressed my hips into hers. She whimpered a little bit and leaned back against me, tilting her head as my lips landed on her neck.

  “They think we're cuddling, remember?” This was as far from cuddling as we could get, and if anyone looked close enough, they would know that.

  I used my hold on my cock to guide myself through her folds and pushed inside of her in one long, smooth stroke. Her body clamped down on mine, her heat surrounding me, greedy walls fluttering around my shaft. I breathed into her neck, buried my nose in the curve of her shoulder and lifted a hand to cover her breast. I wanted her dress gone so I could feel the velvet softness of her nipple against my palm, but I didn’t want to push my luck. She was still mostly covered from the front, and I was so close to her in the back that you couldn’t fit a piece of paper between us. My pants were hanging off my ass, but I didn’t care. I would fuck her buck naked in front of the entire town, but I knew she wasn’t that kind of girl. She had far more discretion than I did, and I didn’t want her to regret any of the things we did together.

  I palmed her breast and rolled my thumb over her nipple. I rocked my hips into her and grunted in satisfaction as she pushed back into me. It was a slow grind. We barely moved against one another. I thrust steadily, making sure not to jolt her or press her into the wood too hard. It was softer and far more unhurried than the first time we did this. It wasn’t fucking. I knew because that was all I had ever done before Affton, and this was different, down to the core.

  My heart was thudding heavy in my ears. I could feel every flutter of her pulse. Pleasure coiled low at the base of my spine and I felt her spine stiffen. She raised her arm and curled it behind my head, her fingers threading through my hair.

  I sank my teeth into the tender skin my lips were drifting across and sucked hard enough that she was going to have a mark long after this moment was nothing more than a memory. She whispered my name and came apart. Her body pulled on mine, sucking me into a swirling vortex of heat and satisfaction. When I followed her over the edge, it was a languid fall that was both sensual and carnal. It was something better than sex and gratification.

  It was a connection.

  It was the thing I’d always been looking for and had never been able to find. Never even realized it was what I’d been searching for in the bottom of bottles and the aftermath of snow-dusted lines and dime bags.

  I huffed out a breath and leaned back so I could drop a kiss on the top of her head. She fit so perfectly against me; too bad I didn’t fit anywhere in her life.

  “That’s what I call making the most of our time together.” We both sighed as I pulled out of her lax and loose body and hitched up my pants so my dick wasn’t hanging in the breeze.

  She slid her dress down around her hips and looked at me through unreadable eyes over her shoulder. “I’m going to miss you, Cable James McCaffrey.”

  I believed her. She really would miss me, after everything I’d done, and all the things I was bound to do. That’s why saying goodbye was going to gut me. The only thing I’d ever missed was oblivion. She was so much more than that. She was everything.

  Affton

  ONE MINUTE I was sound asleep, snuggled into Cable’s side, his arm heavy around my waist, and the next I was in the middle of a whirlwind of McCaffrey fury.

  I blinked as the heavy curtains that covered the big glass door were yanked open and lifted a hand to cover my eyes against the light. I gasped when Cable bolted upright, sending me sliding to the side as the covers were pulled off of us and a newspaper came flying directly at the center of his chest.

  Standing at the end of the bed was a clearly furious Melanie McCaffrey. Some of her polish and poise had rubbed off, and she looked ready to breathe fire and rain brimstone down around me and her sleepy son. Cable rubbed a hand over his face and blinked lazily at his mom as he reached for the newspaper she threw at him. I tugged the sheet closer to my chest and did my best to make myself as small as possible. It didn’t work. The woman’s furious, dark gaze pinned me in place as it skipped between me and her son.

  “You weren’t driving the night of the accident.” It wasn’t a question. It was a flat statement of fact that came out sounding brittle and broken. “You went to jail for no reason. You cost your family a fortune in a civil suit when you weren’t at fault. You let me fight for you. You let me defend you to everyone when it wasn’t necessary.” She paused, sucked in a breath, and crossed her arms over her chest in a combative stance. “You divided your father and me. I left him because of you, and not once did you think to tell me the truth, Cable. I’ve always been on your side, but now I’m not sure that you’re even on your side.”

  Cable swore as he scanned the headline
and article below. Wordlessly, he handed me the paper and slid his long legs to the side of the bed. His mom locked her gaze on me as Cable climbed from the bed, naked and unashamed, even though it painted a pretty clear picture as to why we were in bed together. He pulled on the shorts he’d discarded last night and pushed his hands through his messy hair in aggravation.

  The newspaper trembled in my hand as I read the bold print at the top of the page.

  NEW EVIDENCE SHOWS LOCAL HEIR TO THE MCCAFFREY FORTUNE NOT AT FAULT IN FATAL COLLISION

  The byline read Trip Wilson, and the article went on to state that under orders from the sheriff, an investigation had been launched into the accident at the urging of the resident press. The Loveless Sheriff’s Department brought in an accident recreation specialist that used digital technology to map the scene and recreate different scenarios until they found one that matched where the vehicles ended up and the victims had been found. Apparently, the recreation showed that it was impossible for Cable to be driving. It went on to quote an anonymous source (me) as saying he had been through enough and didn’t want to address anything about that night. It also outlined the cost of the trial and the taxpayers’ cost of keeping Cable locked up for a crime he didn’t commit. It came across as inflammatory, just one more way the rich took advantage of the less well-to-do, rather than sympathetic. So much for justice. The article speculated that Cable wasn’t the one responsible for the drugs found in both his and Jenna’s systems that night. The Maleys were up in arms over the revelations and were quoted as saying they would not let their daughter’s memory be tainted by the new evidence. Loveless’s two wealthiest families were about to go to war, and from the looks of things, Melanie was willing to drag Cable right into the middle of it.