She was over the pain.
The hurt.
The tears.
They were locked up in her, and until she could find that justice, she was going to be different.
No one would hurt her anymore.
Her give-a-damn was not only busted, it was in fragments at her feet.
That one act of betrayal by her mother-in-law, and her father-in-law, as he bailed on the kids who loved him, was enough to make her into what she never thought she’d be.
A monster.
So, as she stood there, smiling at her husband, there was a storm brewing in her. While the media taking Callen’s picture, might not see the difference, it was there.
She saw it when she looked in the mirror.
Elizabeth knew that Callen saw it when he watched her in the silence of their bedroom.
And she was aware that Ethan noticed it when she was back at work, kicking bad guys around the interrogation room.
How could they not?
And still…
No one saved her.
That guilt and self-loathing was there, creeping, lurking, and waiting for its moment in the sun. It was patiently hiding until Bonnie crossed her path. It would break out, come for her, and destroy all around her.
Vengeance.
Revenge.
Punishment.
Retribution.
Call it what you like, but it was there for the first time in all of her life. Never had she been this far gone. Even when she murdered ‘The Butcher’, she wasn’t this angry. She’d done that to right the wrong.
Now?
She was waiting for it.
So much had changed her, and not for the better.
Ethan broke her, Maeve betrayed her, and Bonnie lit the fuse. The combination created one hell of a brew.
And it was simmering.
As Elizabeth Renee LaRue Whitefox-Blackhawk stood there, she was her own worst enemy, and she knew it. Still, she kept the charade going.
For now.
For the men who loved her.
For the babies who called her mommy.
For the infant abandoned by one hell of an asshole who shouldn’t be a dad.
Yeah, she’d hold up.
For now.
What choice did she have? As of that moment, Ethan was back doing his job, Callen was doing his, and she was left to fester in the anger.
Yeah, how could that possibly go wrong?
What she wanted to do was weep and beg for someone to save her, but she couldn’t.
She was Elizabeth freaking Blackhawk, and she had to carry everything on her shoulders—clearly, alone.
It was soul crushing.
When she felt the touch to her arm, she turned her head to see who was near her. Ivan was there, and he was watching her with concern in his eyes.
Shit.
Yeah, she didn’t need this.
“Hey! Are you okay, Elizabeth?” he asked, wearing a pair of jeans and a polo shirt to blend in with the people who were stalking Callen for an autograph or picture.
It was funny.
He actually did.
The man went from security to adoring Jackson James fan in the blink of an eye. He was damn good at blending, and she could even see some of his tattoos.
Someone liked ink.
She got that.
“Yes, I’m good,” she said, refusing to let him see the truth in her eyes. She was bad at asking for help, and here was her proof.
Ivan knew what went down in the woods with her showdown with Bonnie.
Elizabeth could ask him for help, since that was kind of his job, but she didn’t know how.
All of this befuddled her.
How did she go to the people she loved and called family and tell them that she had a secret?
She was full of rage.
“Liar,” he stated.
She glanced back over at him. “I’ll have you busted down to babysitting children,” she muttered.
Oh, he wasn’t letting her get away with that. He knew her, and something was way off with her.
WAY.
OFF.
It was unnerving.
Almost like finding out that you’re adopted at the age of thirty-five. You didn’t see it coming, and he had that feeling like he was going to be blindsided by her.
ALL OF THEM WERE.
“I already am watching a child.”
“Whatever.”
“Elizabeth.”
When he didn’t insult her back, she glanced over at him. In his eyes, there was concern. In her life, she spent most of her time with Ethan, Callen, Chris, or this man. He was her tail, and a pain in the ass.
“I’m fine.”
Ivan didn’t say anything. He touched his ear, and the com in it.
“Copy.”
She scanned the crowd, as if expecting Bonnie to jump out at any second.
God!
She couldn’t wait for that bitch to die.
“Your husband wants you. He’s almost done with signing books. He’d like the presence of his wife by his side for the next part of the evening.”
Elizabeth could do that.
She’d missed being attached at his hip. With Callen, she felt protected in his big embrace. He was her armor, and nothing could hurt her when he was near. When she was by his side, some of the anger abated.
He gave her his protection—unbeknownst to him.
When Ethan was near, she had calm.
With Callen, she was safe and she could stop being angry for a little while.
“Thank you,” she said, when he took her arm to escort her through the crowd.
And there it was.
That was how Ivan knew she wasn’t okay. Elizabeth Blackhawk didn’t say thank you. She scowled when someone gave her a tough time or babied her.
In the last month…
She’d not even called him jackwagon, asshole, or any of his other pet names that she’d made just for him.
It was their thing.
He bothered her, and she threatened to neuter him with a rusty spoon...
God!
He missed that woman.
Ivan knew why she was a mess, and it had everything to do with the secret that she was carrying.
Maeve had offered her up to Bonnie and Elizabeth felt betrayed and angry.
Oh, he knew guilt and hate. He lived it for most of his life. He’d lived it since he’d been hurt too.
He hated that she was suffering in silence and no one knew but them.
Ivan was beginning to think it was a bad idea to promise to keep it to himself. From watching her the last month, he knew one thing.
Ethan and Callen didn’t know what was festering in her. Had they, he’d hope they’d ‘rescue’ her. He knew drowning in self-loathing.
He was the king of that club.
As he escorted her across the room, Ivan knew that she looked perfectly fine on the outside.
The inside?
Yeah, no.
Ivan had served six tours in the sandbox. He’d been shot at, nearly blown up, and finally, he almost lost his arm and leg. He knew a vengeful mess when he saw one.
He was still living that, and it was hard. Each day was a struggle that never seemed to end.
You could always spot someone running from the same demons. He’d only taken the worst jobs for a reason.
He was on a suicide mission to stop his anger and pain, and he was afraid for Elizabeth.
She was on that mission too.
So, Ivan Bennet, her personal bodyguard, had to make a choice. Watch her go down fighting invisible demons, or call in for some backup.
The people who loved her deserved to know that something wasn’t right and what had happened.
They deserved a heads-up.
He also knew it would get him fired the second he did it because he was the ONLY person who knew.
Well, shit!
This was going to suck.
Still, after dropping her off a
t Callen’s side, he pulled out his phone and Ivan Bennet made a choice.
“May God have mercy on my soul when she finds out,” he muttered as he dialed his number.
It was time to do the right thing.
She had a good life. Ivan, out of respect, fondness, and appreciation for her, couldn’t let her go down out of stubbornness.
It was time to make Elizabeth face the truth.
The truth would set her free…
When it couldn’t set him free all those years ago.
When he saw his beautiful angel coming his way, he couldn’t help but smile. Callen loved his wife more than anything in the world.
She was beautiful.
She was sweet.
And she was hiding something.
He could see it in her eyes when she thought he was none the wiser.
That broke his heart.
Something…something he couldn’t figure out, was eating away at her soul.
It was crystal clear.
While she was still the same woman on the outside, she wasn’t on the inside.
Elizabeth was carrying a secret—one she wouldn’t share with them.
And it was breaking his heart.
Not only that, but it—whether she knew it or not—was destroying their relationship.
He wished she’d just come to him, but they couldn’t force her. They were giving her space, and that seemed to be making it worse.
Callen was scared.
Terrified.
He was losing her.
He could tell.
They always promised no lies or secrets in their marriage, and here she was, changed. He, at first, believed it was when she had to cut TJ from his mother’s womb.
Who wouldn’t have nightmares, flashbacks, and all kinds of horrible consequences because of that?
Who wouldn’t be damaged by that action?
He would have.
Callen couldn’t imagine how hard that had to be for her. He’d seen Maeve after Chris and their tech team collected her body. Ethan had gotten her out of there, security watched the kids, and Wyler ran.
He’d had to go make sure Maeve was respected. Someone in the family had to stand for her.
When he saw her, he wanted to vomit, and he hadn’t been digging in her body.
His wife…
She was the strongest person he knew, but that…that had to have changed her.
It was affecting her.
Whenever someone said Maeve’s name, there was that change in her. She’d leave the room, she’d get quiet, or she’d retreat—emotionally and physically.
So, he and Ethan stopped saying it. They stopped bringing that night up so she wouldn’t have to relive it.
No one wanted to hurt her.
In fact, they even handled the remains.
Maeve had been cremated, and her ashes were in a box—in their garage.
For their wife’s sake, they opted to keep her out of sight and out of mind. Plus, no one wanted to tell the kids that Grandma was in the box.
How did you explain that?
What had been the end of a case where a family could decompress had become an even bigger nightmare. Bonnie was free, and their family…it was decimated.
Maeve was dead.
Wyler bailed.
Elizabeth was hiding something.
And the men?
There was worry twenty-four-seven.
They wished they knew what was going on in her head, but they couldn’t figure it out. Whatever it was…she wasn’t the only one who knew.
It seemed to be between Elizabeth and Ivan. Callen wasn’t a fool. He’d seen the looks between them.
He’d seen how she stopped calling him names, and he’d watched her hopelessly.
Was it love?
Was it something more?
Less?
There was something there, and it was going to come out—but at what cost?
That was the question.
Now, as she crossed the room wearing the sexy black dress, he tried to focus on that. As he plastered the fake smile on his face—the one that said everything was okay—he held out his hand to take her from Ivan.
Elizabeth didn’t hesitate to take it.
At least that hadn’t changed.
“I have it from here,” he said, dismissing the man.
Ivan saluted and headed away.
At that moment, his focus was on his wife.
“Well, hello, beautiful,” he said, pulling her against his body. There was a murmur through the crowd of women wishing they were her.
It almost made him laugh.
“Hello, my love. You looked so handsome sitting there as you signed your books. I’m so proud of you and everything you’ve accomplished.”
He kissed her.
It wasn’t a Callen kiss, but a Jackson James one. All through it, she hung on.
When his lips left hers, he stared into her eyes.
“I love you so much. There will never be a woman who captivates me quite like you.”
She smiled at him, but it didn’t reach her eyes. It only went as far as her lips, and then those icy blue eyes looked…empty.
Vacant.
Soulless.
“I love you too. What’s next?” she asked, changing the subject. While she loved him, that guilt and pain was sucking the life from her. Keeping up the façade was getting harder and harder.
“There’s dinner, dancing, and an auction. I saw this pretty ring that…”
She stopped him.
He swore she was going to tell him no. This was their constant battle. He’d want to purchase something for his girl, and she’d stop him.
Here it came.
“Actually, I’m not a ring girl. They get caught on the gun. How about some earrings? Then you can make love to me in only them.”
Holy shit!
She shocked him.
That one sentence caught him completely off guard, and he wasn’t sure what to do with it.
Not the making love part.
The part where she didn’t put up one hell of a fight, telling him to stop decorating her with jewelry, and not to spend money on her.
Yeah, and this was why he was worried.
That was NOT an Elizabeth reaction. Maybe he kept testing her to see if she was okay, but this time, it seemed he had gotten her clone.
Same hot body.
Very different soul.
Who was this woman?
“Well, that works for me. I wouldn’t want to slow your quick draw down,” he teased.
“Thanks.”
There it was again. That blah reply that scared the hell out of him. His wife was many things.
Badass.
Tough.
Crass.
Sarcastic.
She wasn’t compliant, easy, or agreeable. The men were pretty sure that was one of the signs of the apocalypse, and it looked like he was having sex with one of the horsemen.
“Pardon?” he asked, making sure he’d heard her right. Maybe it was the noise in there.
Maybe he’d misheard her.
He prayed that was it.
“I said thanks.”
He hated that word.
“Elizabeth, you know that you can tell me anything, and I’ll help you through it,” he offered. “We were best friends once and shared everything.”
“I’m good. Thanks.”
That had become a word he really fucking hated. It had replaced her wit, her humor, and the woman he fell in love with all those years ago.
In its place, he had a facsimile of the woman he fell in love with out West.
“Can we get a drink and maybe dance?” she asked, seeing that questioning look. The last thing she wanted was for one of her husbands to keep bringing it up. She was well aware what she once WAS.
Only no one would tell her how to get back there. She felt lost, and instead of helping her, they were avoiding it.
So, so was she.
“We
can do that, or we can go back to the bed and breakfast if you’re not in the mood. You can decide. I’m good with either,” he offered, trying not to push her.
He was afraid if he did.
What could happen?
“Callen James, of course I’m in the mood,” she said, lying her ass off. “I love dancing with you as all your fans wish they were me.”
He heard it.
It was the last straw in the whole deal. Callen had officially reached his breaking point.
It wasn’t the moodiness, the silence, or the empty looks. No, it was that blasé lie that she just handed him like he was an idiot.
Clearly, she didn’t think highly of him.
“You just lied to me.”
She stared at him. “Callen.”
Here was where he drew the line. Someone had to do it. Ethan and he had talked, and they’d agreed to let her have space, let her come around in her own time, and let Elizabeth mourn what she lost.
Only…it was getting worse by the second. Screw all of this and screw her lies to him.
“Okay. I’m done.”
Her heart began pounding. “Callen.”
“I’ll tolerate a lot, Elizabeth. I’ll swallow a great deal to be in this relationship with you, but I won’t tolerate lies. You promised no more, and you just handed me a big fat one.”
What could she say?
To him, it was a lie.
To her…it was a way to forget that she was losing the battle of good versus going bad. The horrible thoughts of killing, breaking the law, and being nothing more than vengeance was eating away at her.
To her, that was all she had left, and they were letting her fall away. She didn’t know how to ask for help.
Elizabeth didn’t know how to ask them to save her. That was her job.
She was the raven.
She was the strong one.
Only now, she was the one dying inside.
Callen, for the first time ever, turned his back to her. He walked away, trying to put some space between them. At the bar, he ordered Jack.
Straight.
Potent.
Jack.
He ordered it so he could cope and not lose his damn mind over all of this bullshit.
Callen was at his breaking point.
When he felt her hand touch his arm, he didn’t even look over.
“I’m sorry I lied.”
He still didn’t look over.
Callen couldn’t do this anymore.
He was too tired to pretend everything was fine, and he wasn’t on the verge of having his heart handed to him by his wife.
Discarded by Fate Page 3