That hurts my pride a little … or maybe a lot. Everyone says I’m the most mature of my generation.
‘You’re learnin too well the whitefulla’s way, my babe. Knowledge isn’t free and given whenever you want it, ya gotta earn it.’ Her hard stare pricks me.
‘You the one said to get a education!’
‘Yeah and maybe that was my mistake. Maybe I was so focused on whitefulla education I forgot to educate you proper way.’ She shakes her head. ‘Rhi, you better head home to your mother. We’ll finish this another night; I got some thinkin to do. Tace, you can take this food up to your grandfather.’
She motions to a plate over on the stove.
Horror fills me. ‘You expect me to go out? Like this?’
She grins. ‘Maybe I found a good punishment after all, ay?’
Walking up to Pop’s place I’m freshly showered and dressed in shorts and a hoodie. I’m sweating my ring off, but the hood covers most of my face, and I keep my eyes on the ground. Rhi borrowed the same type of outfit from me before going back to her mother’s. We’d taken off as fast as we could before the mob rolled in and saw our faces. I didn’t have time to think about what happened last night or what needed to be done. First I have to face Pop with my technicolour skin and no hope of hiding it.
Making it through his front gate I see him in his usual spot, out on the verandah in the shade.
‘Hey Pop.’ I keep my head low but still give the usual kiss to his cheek. I won’t look him in the face. ‘Want some tea?’
He grunts at me in a way that means ‘yes’, so I go about the routine of prepping it. I get the food all in front of him, make us both a cuppa and tuck myself in the chair near his with the least amount of sun on it.
‘It’s hot, ay.’ It’s lame but it’s all I can think of.
‘Hrmm,’ he agrees without touching his steak.
I can feel his eyes on me.
‘Look your grandfather in the eye, girl,’ comes his gruff command.
With a deep sigh I lift my face.
‘Holy bloody hell! What appened to you?’
I sigh. If I lie to him Mum will kill me.
‘Rhi and me got jumped by Mick Franks and the Potter boys.’
His big bushy brows drop down over his eyes.
‘WHAT? What is your uncle and mother doin bout this?’
His deep voice makes the words carry and I could’ve sworn it bounced around the hills surrounding the town. I sit upright in my chair, hands together, begging.
‘Pop, please, ya can’t say nuthin! I whacked im with a big stick and he’s up at the hospital. If word gets out e’ll ave me charged.’
I’ve never seen my grandfather furious before. He is the most calm, stable person I know. I watch him swallow that fury back down. It’s amazing to watch and makes me sad to think about how many other emotions he’s had to push down like that before. I sit and wait for his response.
‘Ya hit im good?’
‘He’s got a concussion.’
‘He hurt either of you more than that?’
Again, that question that isn’t.
‘No, Pop, I promise.’
He nods. When he picks up his knife and fork and starts eating his steak, I settle back in my chair with a sigh. The danger has passed, for now. At some point he’ll find out we’ve been out at the Potters’ property, and then I’ll be in for it. My life is turning into one round of trouble after another.
We sit quietly after that. It isn’t just habit, it’s communication. Pop doesn’t need words sometimes, and neither do most of us. Besides, just being here makes me feel safe; maybe that’s why Mum sent me up.
‘Need to sleep, granddaughter?’
‘Mmm.’ I watch him out of the corner of my eye.
‘Want to sleep out ere? You’ll be right.’
Tears threaten. He can see my tiredness, probably more than that. I tuck my knees into my chest and put my head down onto them.
‘Can’t,’ I mumble.
‘It’s right, I’m ere,’ he promises.
Turning back to his food the silence returns. He’d given his order and considered it done. I’d never disobeyed my grandfather, but I am so terrified to sleep.
‘What if I see …’ I choke on the words.
‘It’s right,’ he repeats. ‘You sleep.’
I close my eyes and rub the wetness on my cheeks with my knees. I am so tired.
As I drift off I feel a hand on my head. Comfort pours from it and I know I am safe. For now.
Day 5, Afternoon
‘Granddaughter, time to get up.’
‘It’s too early,’ I murmur, half asleep.
‘Work won’t wait and you got lots to do.’
‘Aww, Nan,’ I whine.
My eyes open and for a second she’s there, waking me to start my mornings in the garden with her. Then memory returns and crushes me all over again. I sit up, looking around, dazed.
The long shadows stretching across the ground tell me I’ve slept most of the day away. I wasted an entire day, but I desperately needed that sleep. I can’t bring myself to be too angry about it. Rubbing dinghee out of my eyes, I look up to see Pop in his spot. He’s reading a newspaper and has a fresh cuppa beside him.
‘Sorry, Pop,’ I say around a yawn and a stretch.
‘Ya needed it. Them dreams keepin ya wake?’ He stares at me from under his bushy eyebrows and I can’t meet his gaze.
‘Yeah. They gettin worse.’ I don’t want to tell him what was around the house. For the same reason me and Rhi hadn’t talked about it this morning. If we talk about it, it makes it all real somehow.
‘Well, have ya listened to any of em?’ He sounds exasperated, like I’ve done something stupid.
‘Whaddya mean?’
‘Your grandmother taught ya better than that,’ he spat. ‘She be rollin in her grave.’
He snatches up his paper and storms into the house. Still groggy, I watch him in shock. He never talks about Nan like that. I must’ve really pissed him off. But how the hell am I supposed to listen to nightmares that only left me terrified? Sure, I’d decided to accept they meant something, but it’s not like they came with a bloody map!
Half annoyed and half bemused I stand up and stretch out the kinks from sleeping in an upright position. Pop has left his now clean plate on the table, so I pick it up and walk away.
Old people are weird.
If my head wasn’t swirling with Laney, I might’ve been paying more attention to the engine rolling up behind me. A sudden acceleration has my head popping up and I stare at the dark blue commodore bearing down on me. I can see Troy’s face over the wheel and, for a blackfulla, he looks pretty red. Rage and fear hit me hard, and I get twisted up in the need to take a swing and run all at the same time. Anger wins, as it always does, and I turn to face him as he pulls up beside me. I curl my lip at him as he bounds out of his car and gets in my face.
‘What the fuck do you want?’
‘I know it was you,’ he spits, moving closer to intimidate me.
All that planning and neither Rhi nor I had thought about what we’d do if he came after me like this.
‘Who? The one you left all on her own at Potters’? That would be my twin.’
‘Admit it!’
‘You first!’
We’re yelling into each other’s faces and neither of us is backing down. I can see the need to hit me climb into his eyes. I stay high on my anger and thrust my chin up.
‘Gorn then. Do it. It’ll be the last thing you ever do.’
‘Gonna run to ya mob?’
‘I won’t ave ta.’ I drop my voice and lean in. ‘Somethin been creepin round your place, Troy?’
His face loses all colour and he stops dead. I’m not even thinking, just hitting the sore points h
e’d shown me the other night.
‘Somethin’s been creepin round our place. Like it’s lookin for somethin?’
He takes a step back and I follow. I want to chuck the plate I hold at his head, and I would’ve if it wasn’t one of Nan’s.
‘Whaddya do?’ I demand. ‘Whaddya drag my sister into?’
‘It wasn’t supposed to be anything. It’s not supposed to be real.’
‘But it is and ya got my sister mixed up in it. How could ya do that?’
He flinches like I’ve hit him and I see a sheen in his eyes that shocks me.
‘It was a accident.’ His eyes focus on mine and I see the deepest terror coiling inside him. ‘Mum said if it was out of the house it’d be better. I didn’t mean for them to go after her. I thought if I gave it to Laney they’d leave me alone long enough to go back to Potters’ and figure out what ta do. I just wanted em to leave me alone.’
My anger flies away like burnt paper and I see Troy for the first time. Not as Edna’s boy or Laney’s man or even one of his mob, but a scared boy. I recognise that fear, I’d felt it. He’d given her something, and it clicked with the dream last night.
‘The present you gave to er? What was it? Where’d she put it?’
Looking like I’d pulled a weapon, he sprints back around to the driver’s seat and I see my last rational chance of finding Laney run with him.
‘Where is my sister?’ I scream as he takes off at high speed. He leaves me crying on the side of the road. Begging.
I hold the fear and pain back, swallow it down like Pop had done.
Rational be damned. I’ll try anything to find Laney now. Troy might be useless but he’d confirmed giving Laney something. Mad May said I had to search the house and I am starting to think I need to be looking for a necklace of some kind. I don’t want to think about what I’ll do if I find it.
I get home and found a note on the table waiting for me.
DO NOT LEAVE THIS HOUSE STACEY THOMSON!
I get straight into another round of searching, going back over everything. But it’s so hot inside I feel like my skin is going to melt off. In the end I’m forced to admit defeat and temporarily retreat. I’ll try again when the heat has backed off.
I have another shower, change my clothes to something breathable and go out to the back to sit where the shade makes things a few degrees cooler. This time I avoid the steps, choosing a chair by the fire instead. I’m there for a while, staring into my tea, wondering what else I can do.
Rhi comes whizzing along in Aunty Mel’s car, roaring up the driveway to where she can see me. She hops out and joins me on the chairs.
‘Fuck it’s hot!’
‘Why you got the car?’
‘Mum let me have it, she’s drivin with Aunty Al.’
‘After ya told her what we did?’ I’m shocked.
‘She’s more pissed at Mick, Dan and Eric. Had to do some fast talkin to stop her from stormin up ta the hospital.’
‘Gee you’re good. What a con job.’
She smirks at me. ‘Don’t be jealous, cuzzie, we can’t all be smooth.’
I laugh and go back to staring into my mug like it holds the answers to all my problems.
‘Let’s go for a swim out the river,’ I declare.
She looks at me strangely. ‘Didn’t Aunt say ya had to stay put? Or are ya just in the mood for more punishment?’
‘Shut up, it’s hot and I need to cool down. I can’t think!’
She snorts. ‘Your problem is you need to think less.’
But she hops up and we both get into the car. Rhi is a pretty reliable taxi service when she’s in town. I’ve never been able to get my driver’s licence. Laney has hers but getting my opens seems to be the one test I was born to fail.
‘Should you leave a note at least?’
I send her a dirty look and she raises both hands. ‘Fine, it’s your funeral.’
‘Is Aunty Mel really not pissed at you?’
Rhi scrunches up her face. ‘I didn’t say that. We are most definitely in the shit.’
‘Well, I guess they can only kill us once.’
‘Now you’re startin to sound like me.’ Rhi laughs. Still, we both know whatever those evil women come up with we’ll be hurting for a while.
‘What about the Sam thing?’ I ask.
‘What about it?’ She raises her eyebrows but keeps her eyes on the road.
‘Didja tell her that it wasn’t true?’
‘No, why would I?’
My mouth drops open.
‘Didja see the six-pack under all those bruises? And those arms … yum!’ She gives a little wiggle in her seat. I can’t decide what I hate more, that Rhi likes a Miller or that she likes Sam. Which only freaks me out more.
‘Are you going to go off about that whole Miller–Thomson thing too?’ Rhi asks. ‘This isn’t Romeo and Juliet. At some point we gotta get over this shit. Maybe us gettin married up would do it.’
I point an accusing finger. ‘Now I know ya fuckin with me, ya hate the idea of gettin married up.’
‘Not long term, but no harm in some fun, ay? Never keep a man round long, cuz, otherwise they get this idea they can tell ya what to do.’ She winks at me and I bite my tongue. It’s still sore from yesterday and it hurts enough to distract me from the feelings rolling through me. This is just too confusing for words.
I turn to face out the windshield. ‘You got a death wish, cuz.’
Rhi is a force of nature. Trying to change her mind is like screaming at the wind to stop. Once she gets something into her head you just have to let it play out, no matter what you think. I’ve been around to help pick up after a lot of those already and we’re only sixteen. Laney is usually the one who tries to talk her out of this stuff, not that it ever works.
I shake my head. If the Thomsons and the Millers don’t end up killing each other after this it will be a miracle. But who am I to judge? I’m the one that engineered everything. Rhi has stuck around like the loyal cousin she is, but she’s going to cop an epic load of shit for it.
I ignore the little voice inside me that says I’m upset about something else. ‘Okay. If that’s what ya want. But I’m tellin ya right now this is not a good idea.’
Rhi looks at me in surprise, then pouts. ‘Damn, I guess ya really don’t like him. What a waste, he’s freakin lovely. And I’d finally stop bein the drama-causin cousin.’
Frowning hard at her it finally clicks. ‘You troll.’ Laughing, I smack her on the shoulder. I’ll never admit she hit closer to home than she realises. This is going to the grave with me.
‘Come on, lil cuzzie, let’s go get wet.’ She wiggles both her eyebrows at me.
‘You’re disgustin.’
Only after we’re stretched out in the water do I start to feel settled. It’s not just the cool of the water, the trees stirring around us, the baby perch nibbling at our toes. It’s all of it. There are some places that just make me feel clear, like the water around me I can see straight to the bottom of any problem. The riverbed will stare back at me and I can focus. Magpies are calling somewhere and the stinking hot day is held back by the arms of the gums.
Something inside me that has been tight and painful loosens. Stretching back in the water I extend my arms out and let myself float. I fill my eyes with the blue sky, white clouds and gum trees that bend over from the riverbanks. Limbs reaching towards each other but never quite meeting.
If the reservoir is where I go for space, the river is where I go for peace. I let the flow take me, doing its best to lift me away from my troubles. I’ve been doing this since I was a kid. Uncle Joe says if they didn’t give me time alone in the river as a little kid, I’d freak out.
Slipping below the surface I roll around and stand. Massive smile in place I look for Rhi. She’s sat cross-legged on the
bank, lounging in the shade. I’d floated out into the middle and downstream a bit. A few vigorous kicks and I am back in the shallow bit where we started.
‘That’s really creepy, ya know?’
‘What?’
‘The way you do that. You get lost.’
I bust out laughing. ‘Get lost in our river, yeah, that’s bad. What kinda blackfulla are ya?’
She flips me the finger. ‘It’s good to see ya feelin better.’
‘Thanks for bringin me out ere, cuzzie, I needed it.’
She side-steps my sincerity. ‘No problem. This is easier than taggin along on a trip with a Miller to forbidden territory.’
I sigh. ‘Yeah, about that. I’m sorry I said all that stuff.’
For once she goes serious. ‘I know. And ya don’t ave to be sorry. I’m worried about Laney too.’
We both go quiet.
‘How’s your face feelin?’ I ask.
‘It looks worse than it feels. You?’
I grimace. ‘Feels about as good as it looks.’
I sink backwards till the river catches me and stare up at that sky again. The blue is starting to darken from that bright day colour, the first hint that the sun is thinking about dipping to the horizon. I talk a big game but I don’t want to risk Mum getting home and finding me gone. Based on yesterday who knew when that would be.
‘We should probably head back.’ I groan.
‘Mmm.’
I smile up at the trees. She’s so full of it, I know she feels the peace here. Connection. It flows as calm as the river.
‘So, are you sure you don’t want to poke Sam somewhere?’
I go under and come up choking, coughing out all the water I swallowed. Rhi learns from yesterday and is already up the bank losing her shit.
‘You’re a dirty bitch!’ I yell, racing out of the water after her.
She runs screaming ahead of me to the car. I stop at the towels and dry off.
Ghost Bird Page 17