She left the sentence unfinished and it was Vera who softly said, ‘But you can’t stay. I understand, I understand. But wherever you go, you will keep in touch, won’t you? And we could perhaps see each other occasionally? You are very dear to me. Write to me as soon as you are settled so I know you’re safe, won’t you? Where will you go?’
‘Newcastle way, I think.’ She could lose herself in a big city and get work of some kind. ‘But first I have to go and tell Ellie what’s happened.’ Ellie had been due to arrive at the house mid-morning to help her get ready for the wedding at one o’clock. ‘Can I leave everything here while I go?’
‘Of course, dear.’
It was Ellie’s mother who opened the door to her knock. The big, blowsy woman with her enormous breasts and greasy grey hair screwed into a knot at the back of her head stared at her for a moment, her eyes bleary from last night’s drinking, before recognition dawned. ‘Ruby?’
‘Hello, Mrs Wood. Could I have a word with Ellie?’ For a moment Ruby’s misery was secondary to her fight not to reveal what the smell emanating from inside the house was doing to her stomach. Although she and Ellie had been friends from their first day at school, she’d only visited the Woods’ place a couple of times and that had been more than enough. It had been filthy and flea-ridden with mice droppings everywhere.
Ellie’s father was a trimmer at the docks, a burly brute of a man who used his fists on his wife and children whenever he was in the house, and Mrs Wood had a bairn every year as regular as clockwork. Ellie was the seventh of the thirteen who had survived the violence and neglect, and since leaving school and getting a job in a bakery shop she made sure she was at home as little as possible, doing extra shifts and often working fifteen-hour days. Anything was better than being around her mam and da, as she’d said on more than one occasion to Ruby, and by getting home after eleven o’clock each night she could be sure they were blind drunk and dead to the world in their bed in the front room.
Ruby was saved from entering the house by Ellie appearing behind her mother in the next instant. She took one look at Ruby’s face before saying, ‘What’s the matter? What’s happened?’
Unable to reply at that moment for the swell of emotion in her throat, Ruby shook her head, at which point Ellie said, ‘Wait there, I’ll get me coat.’
Two minutes later they were walking away from the street at the back of Palmer’s Hill Engine Works, and once round the corner, Ellie stopped, saying again, ‘What’s the matter? You look bad.’
Ruby faced her friend as she said simply, ‘I’m not getting married, Ellie.’
Ellie blinked in surprise. ‘Has there been a fall at the pit? Has Adam been hurt?’
She wished it was as simple as that. Forgive me, God, she thought, but I could have coped with that, however devastating, and been there for him. She shook her head. ‘No, there’s been no accident or anything, not in that way at least.’ For a moment the irony brought the urge to laugh to the surface but she knew if she started she would never stop, like poor Mrs Longhurst two doors down who had lost her mind after her only son had been killed on his way home from the pit when the milkman’s horse had bolted and the cart had crushed him against a wall. Mrs Longhurst had been calm at first, her mam had told her, and then she’d said, ‘I prayed each day the pit wouldn’t have him and it didn’t, did it, but I never thought about a horse,’ and she had started laughing, terrible laughter that had gone on for days until she had been taken away to the asylum.
‘Ellie –’ She paused. How could she word it? And then, swallowing hard, she shook her head almost in disbelief at what she was going to say. ‘Adam’s taken Olive down and she’s expecting a bairn.’
Ellie gasped, her thin face with its great sad eyes stretching as her mouth fell open and her eyes popped wide. ‘No, no, not Adam. She’s lying, Olive’s lying.’
‘He told me himself. It was like this . . .’ She told the story with painful flatness, willing herself not to break down.
Ellie continued staring at her for a moment after she finished speaking, before saying in a low, aggressive tone, ‘Her, your Olive, she wants stringing up. It’s not your fault that you’re so pretty and she’s got a face like a hen’s plucked backside.’
She knew Ellie hadn’t meant to be funny – her friend’s voice vibrated with fury, and in truth she wouldn’t have imagined she could smile at anything today with her world in fragments – but from somewhere she found a laugh bubbling up, a real laugh, not like the way she’d felt a minute or two before. The feeling passed in an instant but it enabled her to say weakly, ‘So the wedding’s off and I’m going to leave here today, Ellie. I can’t stay. Mrs Walton said I could live there but I need to get right away where there’s no danger I could run into Adam or Olive.’
Ellie nodded. ‘Where are you going?’
‘Newcastle. I’ve got enough put by to rent a room in a house somewhere while I look for work, any work.’
‘Right.’ Ellie squared her narrow shoulders. ‘I’ll come with you.’
‘Come with me?’
‘You don’t think I’d let you go by yourself? Safety in numbers and all that.’
‘You can’t just leave here, Ellie. What about your job at the baker’s? You’ve done so well there and they think the world of you. You’ve had a rise each year since you’ve worked there.’
‘That’s because I work longer and harder than anyone else and old Fairley knows which side his bread’s buttered,’ said Ellie matter-of-factly. She knew no one else would start work at seven o’clock in the morning and work through till ten or eleven at night like she did, and she was agreeable to turning her hand to anything, from humping stones of flour into the bath tins first thing to start the bread-making process off, right through to helping Fairley’s wife do all the fancy cooking like the teacakes and sugared buns and iced biscuits. Aye, Fairley knew it paid him to keep her feeling valued, but the bakery was a sanctuary away from her father’s fists so it worked both ways.
‘But what about your mam?’ Ruby didn’t mention Ellie’s da. Everyone knew what Mr Wood was like although no one had ever confronted him, not even when he’d thrown one of Ellie’s sisters down the stairs and she’d been in the infirmary for weeks. You can’t interfere in the way a man is in his own home. That’s what her own mam had said when she had told her about Ellie’s sister. Ruby hadn’t agreed with the sentiment and she’d said so, but her mother had just shaken her head and said it was the way things were.
Ellie shrugged. ‘The only thing Mam will miss if I go is me wage packet each week. All she cares about is the booze. No, I’m coming. Look, I’ll nip back in and get some things now, while me da’s at the docks. It’s his half-day an’ he’ll be back later.’ She had turned as she’d spoken, but now swung back as she added, ‘You don’t mind me coming, do you?’
‘Mind? It’ll make all the difference.’
‘All right then. Wait here.’
Ruby watched the too-thin figure of her friend dart away, and for the first time since Adam had dropped his bombshell a ray of comfort briefly warmed her. She stood quite still, her mind in a strange vacuum until Ellie returned, and she couldn’t have said how long she had taken. Ellie was carrying a bulging cloth bag and had her handbag over her shoulder and she looked excited, her tone reflecting this when she announced, ‘I’ve said me goodbyes.’
‘What did your mam say?’
‘Not much. Just that me da’d take it out of me hide if I showed me face again, as if I didn’t know that.’
‘And you’re sure you want to leave?’
‘Never bin so sure about anythin’ in me life.’
Ruby nodded. She could tell. Ellie’s face was alight.
‘And I hadn’t given me mam me wage packet either. Old Fairley always pays me on a Saturday, but ’cause I was having the day off for the wedding he let me have it last night. They were in bed when I got home and blind drunk as usual. So, at least that’s a bit towards things.’ They
’d begun walking, treading gingerly on the icy pavements, and as Ellie slipped her arm through Ruby’s, she added, ‘I shan’t be sorry to get away from here, lass, I tell you straight.’
Neither would she. Oh, neither would she.
Ruby found she had to retract this thought for a few brief minutes as she said goodbye to Mrs Walton, because she realized at the moment of farewell that she was going to miss the little woman very much. But not enough to stay.
Nevertheless, as she and Ellie walked away towards the train station leaving Mrs Walton with a handkerchief pressed against her streaming eyes, the heartache of goodbye was pressing hard on her chest. Her employer had shown her nothing but kindness since the day she’d applied for the position of seamstress, and it was only now that she understood her affection for the refined little woman had long since matured into love. But she couldn’t dwell on that or the way Mrs Walton had clung to her in the last few moments.
She had to be strong over the next little while, she told herself painfully. She mustn’t think of Mrs Walton, or of Adam and Olive, and especially not of her mam. Her mam had made it plain that Olive could do no wrong in her eyes and that her sympathies were all with her elder daughter. The hurt this had caused had grown steadily over the last few hours, making her want to curl up into a little ball and die. But perhaps she should have expected it? Their mother had always favoured Olive. Strangely, though, it had never bothered her unduly before because she had known her mam loved her too. But now . . .
‘—what to do.’
Ruby came out of her brooding to the realization that Ellie had been speaking. ‘Sorry, what did you say?’
‘I just said I’m a bit scared ’cause I’ve never been on a train before but at least you know what to do.’
Ruby nodded but didn’t speak. The memory was too painful to dwell on. Adam had taken her out for the day as a surprise on her seventeenth birthday the year before. It had been the beginning of February and bitterly cold, the snow lying thick in the fields they’d passed on the way down the coast to Hartlepool, but the train had chugged along impervious to the weather, billowing steam and snorting now and again. She and Adam had wandered round the shops in the town before having fish and chips followed by sticky buns in a little cafe, and then in the afternoon they had gone to a picture house to see Rudolf Valentino in The Sheik. It had been a magical interlude.
Ellie, realizing she had been less than tactful, trudged along silently now, telling herself she would have to watch her tongue in the days ahead because in this overwhelming happiness at her change of circumstances, she had to remember that Ruby was suffering. The joy and sheer jubilation she was feeling at escaping her mam and da and starting a new life with Ruby, whom she loved best in the world, had only come about through her friend’s tragedy, and she wouldn’t have wished it to be like this for anything. And as though someone had challenged this thought, she reiterated fiercely, I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t. Ruby had always been more of a sister than a friend, a big sister, even though they were the same age, and she’d always known she could count on Ruby no matter what.
Ruby had looked after her, protected her and never once made her feel a burden; she didn’t know what she would have done without her. All the girls in their class had wanted Ruby to be their best friend but from the outset Ruby had chosen her, and woe betide anyone who had poked fun about her smelly clothes or holey shoes in those early days. Ruby had been on them like a ton of bricks, and through her friend’s championing of her the other girls had accepted her.
Ellie hitched the cloth bag containing the sum total of her clothes and the indoor shoes she wore at the bakery further up her shoulder as she said in a subdued tone, ‘We’ll be all right, lass. You know that, don’t you? We’ll stick together like we’ve always done and things will work out. Olive will rue the day she started all this, but you’ll come out on top. Your conscience is clear.’
That didn’t feel as though it counted for much right now. Ruby forced herself to say, ‘Thank you, Ellie,’ because she knew her friend meant well, but this wasn’t about winning or losing. She was leaving everything behind – Adam, her old home and the new one she and Adam had been going to move into this very day after the wedding celebrations, her mam and da, Mrs Walton, her whole way of life, the essence of what made her her. She supposed she ought to be feeling terrified, but ever since she had woken up this morning on Mrs Walton’s sofa and realized the horrific nightmare she’d been having wasn’t in fact a dream but the hard cold truth, she’d known there was nothing more to be terrified of. The worst had happened. Now it was a matter of getting through the rest of her life without Adam the best she could and she didn’t know how she was going to do it.
Chapter Four
‘What do you mean, she’s gone?’
Vera Walton stared at the young man standing on her doorstep. She had been expecting Adam, knowing Ruby’s mother would have to tell him where she had gone, and she had been all set to let fly once he was in front of her. He had hurt the girl she thought of as a daughter beyond belief, betrayed her in the worse possible way, and she was angry and bitterly disappointed in him. Moreover he was the means of causing the dear child to flee Sunderland, to leave her, and although she knew it was selfish to think of herself at this time, Ruby’s loss was almost more than she could bear. Now though, as she looked at Adam, she couldn’t bring herself to upbraid him. She had always thought him handsome with an air of virility she could imagine was very attractive to young women, but the man standing in front of her seemed to have aged ten, twenty years since the last time she had seen him. He looked ill; not just ill, she told herself, but broken.
In spite of herself and her love for Ruby, she found herself saying, ‘Come in, Adam. We can’t talk on the doorstep and you look as though you need a hot drink. Have you slept at all?’
‘What?’ He looked at her so vacantly she could see he was having trouble processing her words, and then he muttered, ‘No, no, I haven’t been to bed. I’ve been out walking since first light, trying to get myself together before I went to see Ruby but her mam said she left there last night to come here.’
Vera stood to one side and indicated for him to come into the house, and once inside she turned the sign in the shop window to ‘Closed’ and bolted the door. Leading him through the shop and into her small sitting room-cum-kitchen, she sat him down on the sofa Ruby had occupied the night before and then put the kettle on the hob. The blackleaded range took up almost one wall of the room and Vera kept the open fire in the middle of it going day and night, winter and summer. Consequently the room was as warm as toast and the contrast to outside caused Adam to shiver convulsively.
When Vera said softly, ‘You’re frozen, lad. Your lips are blue,’ he didn’t speak, but lowered his head swiftly as a rush of tears came into his stricken eyes.
It wasn’t until Vera pressed a mug of hot tea laced with the brandy from the cupboard into his cold hands, that he raised his head.
‘What am I going to do?’ he whispered. ‘I can’t live without Ruby, Mrs Walton.’
‘Drink your tea.’ In a silence that was painful he did just that, much as a bairn would obey its mother, and as Vera watched him she thought, He’s in a bad way sure enough. Oh dear, oh dear, what a tangle, and the pity she had felt when she had first seen him on the doorstep increased.
At length, when he’d drained the mug, he said quietly, ‘Where has she gone, Mrs Walton? I have to see her.’
‘It won’t do any good, lad. Her mind’s made up. Believe me, I tried to persuade her to stay.’
Aye, he could believe that. Mrs Walton thought the world of Ruby.
‘Listen, Adam.’ Vera sat down beside him. ‘What’s done is done and there’s no going back. Perhaps if there hadn’t been a bairn on the way it might have been different, I don’t know, but if you love Ruby, and I think you do, you have to accept her decision.’
‘I can’t.’ It was a helpless little whisper.
‘Yo
u can. In fact, you must. It would be too cruel not to allow her to try and find some peace of mind.’
‘All this is Olive’s fault.’
‘Olive played her part. A large part, I grant you that, but you must take some responsibility too.’
He shook his head, whether in repudiation of her words or in despair, Vera didn’t know. There was quiet in the room for a few moments, and then Adam wetted his lips. ‘Father McHaffie came to the house last night. He told my da I had to marry Olive and as far as my parents are concerned, that’s that.’
Gently, Vera said, ‘I don’t know Father McHaffie. I’m not a Catholic, as you are probably aware, but forgetting him for a moment, I can’t see you have any other choice. There is the bairn to consider, lad. The innocent one in all of this. From what Ruby intimated to me, she made it plain she couldn’t see the child born out of wedlock, as much for her parents’ sake as the baby’s.’ She paused for a moment. ‘Adam, Ruby’s gone and she isn’t coming back, and to be brutally honest, even if she did, it’s over between the two of you.’
‘I know,’ he whispered. ‘In my head I know, but my heart . . .’
‘I’m sorry, lad.’ And she found she was as concerned for him as much as Ruby, which she hadn’t expected. ‘Can I get you another cup of tea?’ The panacea for all ills, Vera thought ruefully, but not this one. There was no remedy for this.
‘Thanks all the same but I’d better get going.’ He stood up and Vera rose too, whereupon they looked at each other for a moment in silence.
‘This was going to be the happiest day of my life,’ Adam said, in a dead voice. ‘We’d got the future all mapped out, Ruby and me.’
‘I know, lad, I know.’
‘And her, Olive, I could kill her for what she’s done.’
One Snowy Night Page 4