‘Belinda, how lovely. I don’t think you’ve met a friend of mine? Ruby Morgan? Ruby, this is Belinda Ferne-Rice.’
‘How do you do, Miss Morgan.’
As Ruby murmured a polite reply she was aware of several things at once. One, although the woman in front of her was plump to the point of fatness, she was extremely attractive. Her skin was a peachy cream colour, her eyes a deep clear green with thick curling lashes, her nose perhaps a little large but her mouth full-lipped, and although this same mouth was at present set in a fixed smile, the green eyes had darkened until they’d become almost black. She was wearing a dress that exposed the tops of her ample breasts to a point where it was almost indecent and the dress itself must have cost a fortune. The diamond combs that were holding the waves and curls of her chestnut hair in place were not costume jewellery, like Ruby’s own, and the woman’s fingers were so weighed down with sparkling rings it was a wonder she could move them. But it was the expression on Belinda Ferne-Rice’s face as she looked at Edward that Ruby was most conscious of. It was hungry. That was the only way Ruby could describe it to herself. And then as this stranger turned her gaze on her, there was resentment and dislike in it.
‘Morgan . . .’ Belinda let the name trail over her lips. ‘My husband’s family seat is in Wales and he has a lot to do with the Welsh Morgans. Are you a relation of theirs?’
‘Miss Morgan is from the north-east, Belinda,’ Edward put in quickly. ‘Now shall we all go through to the dining room and—’
‘Really? Then you must be part of Sir Charles Morgan’s family? Such a dear man. We had dinner with Sir Charles and his wife only the other day at the Savoy when they were in town.’
This woman knew she wasn’t related to either of the families she had mentioned, Ruby thought, and that Edward was associating with someone from a different class. Ruby wasn’t sure how she had come by the knowledge but she was sure of it. Mrs Ferne-Rice was toying with her, and the reason she was being so spiteful was because there was something between this woman and Edward. The way he had stiffened when she’d turned to face them and his almost nervous attitude now confirmed it.
‘I’m sorry, Mrs Ferne-Rice, but I have no idea who Sir Charles Morgan is,’ Ruby said coolly, ‘or the Welsh Morgans, come to that.’ She didn’t add, ‘Neither have I any wish to,’ but let her icy tone say it for her. ‘Shall we go and eat, Edward?’ she added as she turned and swept away, hearing Belinda’s outraged, ‘Well, really!’ with some satisfaction. It had been rude, but she wasn’t one bit sorry.
Her cheeks burning, she didn’t look round to see if Edward was following her, but when she entered the dining room and felt his hand at her elbow a moment later, she held herself very straight. If he made excuses for that dreadful woman she would hit him.
‘I’m sorry about Belinda,’ he muttered in her ear. ‘She might rub shoulders with the great and the good but she has the manners of an alley-cat.’
Ruby didn’t trust herself to speak. Instead she concentrated on selecting a little food from the huge variety of dishes on display, and it wasn’t until they were seated in a quiet alcove and Edward had fetched two glasses of wine, that she said, ‘She seemed angry.’
‘Belinda?’
‘Yes, Belinda. Had she any reason to be?’
He might have guessed she would get straight to the point. There was never any beating about the bush with Ruby. ‘Are you asking me if I have been acquainted with her in the past?’
Well, that was one way of putting it, she supposed. She said nothing and neither did she sip at her wine as he was doing; she’d had two glasses of champagne and felt a little tiddly as it was but that was probably just as well. She might not have had the courage to deal with Mrs Ferne-Rice the way she had otherwise.
Edward put down his glass of wine and then sighed. ‘It was over long before I met you.’
Stupid, so, so stupid to feel so let down and jealous, but she did, which was utterly unfair as not only had he been involved with this woman before he had met her but if he was still seeing her now she would have no reason to object. Drawing on all her composure, she said quietly, ‘I see.’
‘Ruby, I swear she is nothing to me. She never was, not really. I was young and she was married and bored. It was one of those things.’
One of those things. How could he speak so offhandedly about something that was so important? But by his own admission, it hadn’t been to him. Carrying on with someone else happened in her own class – she of all people knew that, since her world had been turned upside down because of it – but it wasn’t treated lightly, far from it. It was a terrible disgrace, a sin, a crime. A man who betrayed his wife was likely to have her father and brothers and other menfolk turn up on his doorstep and knock ten bells out of him, and a woman would be hounded out of the neighbourhood and probably pelted with muck and filth into the bargain.
She and Edward were worlds apart. Millions and billions of worlds apart.
He was looking at her and she knew he was waiting for her to speak but it was beyond her. She nodded instead, a non-committal nod, and when he sighed again she felt a rage spring up that had her wanting to leap up and shout at him to stop sighing, to stop acting as though it was she who was at fault because it was him, him. But instead she forced herself to begin eating although she had no appetite for the delicacies on her plate.
This was all part and parcel of the reason why anything other than friendship between them was impossible, she told herself miserably. She had been right not to let anything develop between them, although more and more as time had gone on she had wanted to. Indeed, there had been moments of late when she had wondered if she was making too much of their different stations in life, perhaps a kind of inverted snobbery? But any relationship between a man and a woman, even those of the same class, had to be built on a solid foundation or it would fail when the storms of life hit, and one with Edward would be on shifting sand. She had never seen it so clearly. But she loved him; she’d loved him for a long time.
The evening was over for her and it seemed as though Edward felt the same, because shortly after they had eaten and the dancing began again, he said quietly, ‘It’s nearly midnight – you must tell me when you would like to go home. I know you rise early every morning to open the shop.’
She forced a smile. ‘Now would be lovely if I’m not taking you away from the dancing?’
‘I’ve danced enough.’
He didn’t smile as he spoke and Ruby felt a thrill of unease. Something had changed between them tonight and not just on her side. Once she had made her farewells to Clarissa and Godfrey and a few of the ladies from the local suffrage society, they left the hothouse warmth of Foreburn for the bitterly cold night. A frozen winter wonderland greeted them; a heavy frost had fallen on top of the fresh layer of snow during the day and now the night was crystal clear, the frost glittering like diamond dust and the stars twinkling in the moonlit sky.
Edward draped a thick fur blanket about her knees once she was sitting in the car, asking if she was comfortable and warm enough as they left, but saying little else during the journey, which was unusual for him. With every mile Ruby’s heart beat faster. He was clearly vexed, and she guessed it was due to the way she had acted with Belinda Ferne-Rice and their subsequent conversation because everything had been all right before then. Was he going to tell her that this friendship, which wasn’t really a friendship but something much more, was over? Had he finally accepted what she’d known all along: that they shouldn’t see each other again?
The thought caused a piercing pain and panic, even as she told herself it was the best thing, the only thing that could work in the long run. She was a working woman, not a sophisticated socialite, and if she was truthful, that sort of women somewhat repulsed her, women like Belinda Ferne-Rice. She saw all sorts in her shop but mostly her clientele had proved to be from the middle class: wives and daughters of businessmen in the town, councillors, magistrates, solicitors and the like, w
omen who had risen in society along with their husbands but whose basic morals matched hers.
And then Ruby shook herself mentally. Who was she to judge anyone, for goodness’ sake? And who knew what went on behind closed doors anyway? Half of her clients could be dilly-dallying with other men for all she knew and it was absolutely none of her business how other folk behaved, it was just that . . . She felt a stab of the old pain surface and bit down hard on her lower lip. Just that she could never again bear to be betrayed and feel like she had done when she was eighteen; she’d never recover from it a second time. And for that reason she was looking at a single life as a businesswoman. She had never seen herself in that guise but one day at the bank one of the assistants had referred to her that way, and she’d realized that’s how they regarded her.
‘You’re home.’
Edward’s voice was soft and she came out of her thoughts with a start to find he had just drawn up outside the shop.
Before she could speak, he said, ‘You’re tired now, but there’s something I need to say. Could I call round tomorrow before I go back to London?’
‘I’m not tired.’ Part of her, a big part of her, didn’t want to hear what he might say but neither could she endure a sleepless night of wondering. ‘What is it?’
He half-turned in his seat, settling back and surveying her through narrowed eyes. He made no attempt to touch her and they looked at each other for a few moments without speaking before he drew in a deep breath, his voice quiet and husky as he said, ‘We have known each other for over three years and I have loved you that long.’ As she opened her mouth, he said, ‘No, let me finish before you say anything. I am thirteen years older than you but I don’t see that as a problem in one way – in another, I am conscious that I have lived in a kind of limbo for some time now, and that at thirty-seven the time has come where I want a future in sight. A future that centres round you, a future where you would be my wife.’
‘Edward, please—’
‘You have always made it clear you wish us to remain as friends and I have respected that, while hoping that in time you would grow to feel as I do. Sometimes I feel you care about me but then at others . . .’ He shook his head. ‘And so I have continued to tread lightly, to give you time. I know you have had your heart broken in the past and that you carry that sadness with you – perhaps you still care about the man in question, I don’t know, because we have never talked about it or anything of substance in a romantic sense.’ He paused. ‘Do you care about him still?’
For a fleeting second Ruby was tempted to say she did because that would be the easy way out of this, but she couldn’t lie to him, he deserved better than that.
‘Not in the way you mean, no. He is a different person now and so am I, and I see quite clearly we would never have been truly happy together. We were childhood sweethearts but we are children no longer and in growing up we have changed.’ She swallowed hard. ‘Perhaps I have changed the most because I know being a wife and having a family is not for me.’
‘I don’t believe that,’ he said softly. ‘Are you trying to let me down gently because you don’t love me?’
‘Edward, please—’
‘That’s the second time you have said that but I’m afraid tonight it won’t work, Ruby. I have told you how I feel and I want an honest answer from you. Don’t worry about my feelings. I’m big enough and ugly enough to take it. Do you care for me?’
‘You know that you and Clarissa are my dearest friends.’
‘That’s not what I’m asking.’
Her voice was low as she murmured, ‘Friendship is all there can be between us, Edward. You must see that?’
‘No, I don’t, and I ask you again, do you care for me? Do you love me, not as a friend but as a man?’
She moved her head slowly from side to side, then bit down hard on her lip. She had known this moment would come one day. ‘Yes,’ she whispered, ‘I love you, but that makes no difference to how I see things.’
‘I want you as my wife, Ruby. As the mother of my children. I want to grow old and grey with you, but before that I want us to live and love and make the most of every day together—’
‘Stop.’ She physically drew away so she was pressed against the side of the car as she spoke. ‘Please stop. It’s impossible. You must be aware of that? Things have changed a little since the war but not that much. How that woman behaved tonight – Belinda – is just a taste of how it would be. If you married me it would cause a scandal that would affect you in every area of your life, not just privately but in your business and so on. I’m sure there’s been talk already, as it is.’
‘Belinda is a spiteful harpy, she always has been.’
‘But she merely voiced what everyone else would think and you know it. We come from the opposite ends of the social scale—’
‘And you are content to bow down under such elitism, such injustice? I thought more of you.’
‘Then I’m sorry to disappoint you.’
He sighed deeply and visibly took hold of himself before he said in a calmer tone, ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that and you know it. You could never disappoint me, Ruby. I adore you, worship the ground you walk on. I’ve never felt like this before.’
For now. But what about when the ostracism began to occur, as it surely would? Sometimes openly, and at other times old friends would keep him at arm’s length or show their contempt by snubbing her in that oh-so-upper-class way Belinda had done? It would wear him down, it would wear anyone down, and sooner or later he would tire of having to constantly fight for his wife to be accepted in society. And their children; Edward marrying so far beneath him would affect them too. Besides which – Ruby drew in a long breath – she would not allow herself to be looked down on or patronized, which would cause further problems. She knew herself well enough to realize she would be incapable of not retaliating when she was slighted by people who thought themselves above her simply because of their family background and wealth. A marriage – any marriage – would falter under such strain, and then what? Would he seek solace by taking a mistress from his own class, someone like that awful woman tonight? It was part and parcel of how he had been brought up to think, after all. Or would he simply grow bitter and resentful and come to believe she had ruined his life?
‘A relationship between us is impossible,’ she said very quietly. ‘I’m sorry but I won’t change my mind about that.’
‘I’m not talking about a “relationship”, damn it, but a marriage. You would be my wife.’
‘That would be even more impossible.’
‘No, it would not. You’ve admitted to loving me and I would move heaven and earth for you.’
‘Love isn’t enough for either of us.’
He groaned in exasperation and before she had realized what he was going to do she found herself in his arms. The kiss wasn’t the gentle, warm caress she had always imagined it would be with Edward, nor did it resemble the sweet loving embraces she had once shared with Adam as a girl. This was raw passion such as she had never imagined and it called forth a response in her that was frightening in its abandonment. She was gasping for air when he finally raised his head and released her, and as he did so she fumbled with the handle on the car door and almost fell out onto the pavement.
She was fumbling with her key when he reached her, his voice desperate as he said, ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I never intended to do that. Don’t be frightened of me, please, Ruby. I lost control but it won’t happen again, I swear it. Look, let me come in a minute to talk, just talk, I promise.’
‘All the talking in the world won’t change how I feel.’
‘But let me try. Just try.’
‘It’s no good, Edward.’
‘But I love you.’
‘And I love you but that doesn’t change how I see the future.’
‘Then you don’t love me enough.’ His face had tightened, his whole body had stiffened. There was anger in his stance now, and deep fru
stration. ‘I mean it when I say that if I go now I won’t be back, Ruby. I can’t live like this any more – it’s killing me.’
She closed her eyes for a moment to shut out the sight of him because it was too painful to see the hurt in his face. But she had to do this, for the sake of both of them. Marrying her would ruin him and he’d find himself a social outcast, and she wouldn’t be able to live with the guilt of that or seeing their love slowly being tarnished. She gave a shiver and opened her eyes, her voice betraying none of the turmoil inside her when she said softly, ‘I understand that, I really do, and – and I want you to be happy with someone else more—’
‘Don’t say upper-class,’ he ground out grimly.
‘I was going to say someone more suited to you.’
‘That’s the same thing as far as you are concerned, isn’t it?’ When she didn’t answer, he went on. ‘You are the woman who is suited to me. Don’t you understand that yet? No other woman I look at, no other girl, can compare to you. Everything about you is perfect for me and always will be – your face, your voice, your attitude to life, the way you speak your mind, your strength of will, except, of course, when it’s opposed to what I want most in the world.’ He paused. ‘I adore you, every bit of you. Doesn’t that count for anything?’
She felt she was going to cry and was holding on to her composure by a thread. This had to be goodbye because she couldn’t go through it again. ‘I’m sorry.’
One Snowy Night Page 27