by Lucia Black
“Am I in the hospital as a patient now?”
Jolene sat to my right with a book in her lap and her hair piled on her head in a messy bun.
“Yes. Apparently, you decided Cal was getting too much attention and you needed some for yourself,” she said.
“That doesn’t sound like something I would do,” I muttered. “What the hell happened, Jolene?”
“Language,” she scolded and tilted her head to the corner of the room.
Libby sat in a chair with one of those movable hospital bed tables on wheels in front of her. Her hair was braided in two pigtails and she wore a remarkably similar outfit to Jolene. She had a coloring book and a box of crayons spread out around her and she stuck her tongue out as she worked.
“Libby,” I sighed. “Are you okay, honey?”
She looked up at me and smiled. “Of course, I am. I’m almost finished with this picture for Uncle Cal. Jolene gave me a brand-new pack of neon crayons, and they’re awesome.”
“Oh, good.” I blew out a long breath and then smiled back at her.
“How was your nap, Tessa?” Libby asked. “Jolene said you were so tired because you didn’t sleep last night. That happens to me too. It’s why I have to take naps, even when I don’t to.” She looked at Jolene, an air of annoyance in her features.
“It’s because your body needs rest,” Jolene said.
“That’s right,” I added. “See? I was so tired, I just needed a nap. They must be good for you.”
Libby frowned and made a little grunting ‘mmm hmm’ sound before she said, “I think you wanted to take a nap, though. And at least it was good for you.” She then went back to her picture, her tongue poking out just a second later.
Jolene scooted her chair closer to my bedside.
“What happened? How did I get in this bed? Is Cal okay?”
“Whoa,” Jolene said. “One thing at a time. Everything is fine. Just worry about yourself for a minute, please.”
“Okay, okay.”
I pushed the buttons on the side of the bed until I was in a comfortable sitting position. Someone had changed me into a tacky green, yellow, and purple hospital gown. I was hooked up to an IV, and I had an oxygen tube under my nose. I even had a hospital bracelet around my wrist.
I was a full-fledged patient, and I didn’t even know why.
My room was identical to Cal’s and I could only guess there were many agents waiting outside my door, mine and Libby’s combined.
“Better?” Jolene asked once I was situated.
“Yes. So, if this is supposed to be about me, what happened to me?”
“The doctor, a stern-looking woman who knows her sh—stuff—” Jolene said and corrected herself.
“Dr. Patel?”
“That’s the one,” she said, pointing her finger in the air. “Basically, you fainted, my friend. She said she told you to sit and, shockingly, you didn’t listen. You stood up and you went down, bumping your head on a wheelchair on your way to the floor. And here we are.”
“Fantastic,” I groaned.
I pressed my head back into the paper-like pillow and closed my eyes. The machines continued to beep, and Libby’s crayons lightly squeaked against her coloring page, but other than that I didn’t hear a sound.
“It’s fine. No one saw, but that doctor and I’m sure she’s not telling anyone. I've never thought about presidential doctors before, but she probably took some secrecy oath, right?”
“Yeah,” I laughed. “I think they all took an oath, but we’ll go with that.”
Just then, the heat must’ve kicked on because the vents creaked, and warm air pushed through the room. Along with the air came the sweet and citrus scent of peonies.
“Did someone bring me flowers?”
“Yeah, how did you know?”
“I can smell them.”
I opened my eyes and found a vase full of white peonies on the counter by the sink to my left.
“How do I have flowers already?”
Jolene followed my gaze to the bouquet.
“I don’t know. Some nurse brought them in. I don’t know how to break it to you, Tessa, but you’re the First Lady. That’s kind of a big deal and makes people want to do nice things for you.”
Reminding myself how thankful I was and would continue to be for the rest of my life for Jolene, I fought my eye roll.
“Yeah, but they’re peonies. I had them at my wedding. If I had to guess, I would say Preston had them sent. Oh, my god!” My shriek made Jolene jump and Libby gasp. “Sorry, honey. I just got really excited about my flowers. Go back to coloring.”
Libby smiled and looked back at her art.
“What is it now? Your heart monitor just went through the roof.”
“Where’s Preston?”
“You really need to calm down. I promise you everything is okay. Don’t make me slap you in front of Libby.”
Jolene’s frankness and humor finally broke through to me. She was being her normal self, and there was only reason why that would be. It was like my haze finally lifted and I could breathe. She was right. If something terrible had happened, the vibe in my room wouldn’t have been so light and casual.
I laughed. “I needed that,” I said. “You’re right. I’m okay.” I pulled the covers up to my waist, fluffed my pillow with my hand that wasn’t connected to the IV, and tried to look as calm as possible while lying in a hospital bed. “Where’s Preston?”
“He’s on Air Force 2. He’s safe and okay. And apparently in a position to send you flowers even though he’s probably swamped. Chalk it up to yet another Vice President perk, I guess.”
Just the thought made me smile. Of course, he’d be thinking about me right now. He’d go out of his way to let me know he loved me.
“Did he talk to Libby?”
Jolene let out a humorless laugh. “Yes, Tessa. He did. They talked and he told her he was fine and that everything was fine but that he had to work, and he’d see her as soon as he could. Considering how little experience he’s had, he’s a really good dad. He just has that thing. But that’s not you worrying about yourself, that’s you worrying about everyone else again.”
I rolled my eyes. “You can’t change me this quickly. It will take time for me to stop trying to take care of everyone else and put my needs first. It’s, um . . . it’s harder than I thought.”
Before Jolene could respond, there was a knock on the door and Dr. Patel entered the room.
“I’m glad to see you’re awake, Mrs. James,” she said warmly.
“Thank you.”
“Do you mind giving us a moment?” she asked Jolene, pointing to the door. “There’s a waiting room just down the hall. It won’t be long.”
“They’re fine,” I told her as Jolene started to get up. I motioned for her to sit. “They’re family.” And if it were bad news, I’d need Jolene’s support anyway, but a bump on the head didn’t seem like something that required privacy.
“Of course.” She moved to the other side of the bed so she could look at both of us while she spoke. “Do you remember what happened?”
I shifted in my bed as Jolene whispered for Libby to put on her headphones while we talked. She did as she was told, listening to music, and continuing to color in her own little world. “Only bits and pieces. Jolene filled me in and said I fell and hit my head. I fainted?” I said once she was finished.
She nodded in agreement. “You did. You were swaying and unsteady on your feet. Your face lost color, so I was moving you to a wheelchair so I could examine you.”
“I’m sorry. She also said I fell because I didn’t listen to you,” I mumbled. Unlike some people, I could admit when I was wrong.
She looked at me pointedly. “Yes, you should have. At any rate, you have a nasty bump on your head. You didn’t need stitches, but it will be swollen for a few days. It’s not internal, so you don’t need to worry.”
“Well, that’s easy enough,” I said. I moved the covers, but
she stopped my hand, preventing me from removing them and starting to get out of bed. “There’s more . . .” I trailed off.
“There is,” she went on. “I want to keep you for a little while longer. We ran some tests once you fainted. Your blood sugar was shocking low, and you have an iron deficiency which is contributing to anemia. It’s no wonder you fainted. Everything else looked fine, but let’s get those moved up into a safe zone before we release you.”
“Well, that’s not so bad, right?” Jolene said.
“Wait, I’ve never been anemic. Why do I have an iron deficiency?” I asked her, not understanding. I looked at Jolene with concern and back to Dr. Patel.
“Well, that’s the other half to this. You’re pregnant, Mrs. James.” She smiled, thinking she was delivering good news.
“I’m what?” I asked, deadpanned.
“What’d you just say?” Jolene said at the same time, reaching to grab my hand on the bed.
Dr. Patel cocked her head and before she could speak, I blurted, “I’m not pregnant.”
She misunderstood my reaction, instantly trying to soothe my concerns. “It’s quite alright. We’ve caught the deficiency and anemia early. Your daily prenatal vitamin and an additional iron supplement will likely be all that’s needed,” she said reassuringly.
I stared at her, unblinking. “I’m . . .pregnant? H-h-how far?” I stuttered.
“That I don’t know. But I will be happy to get you a consult with an OB-GYN,” she said, walking over to a computer cart and typing something.
“I, uh . . . thank you,” I said, my voice barely coming out as a whisper. I looked to Jolene, my eyes brimming with tears. Her eyes were wide. She knew what it meant. She knew the whole story.
With a final click, Dr. Patel stepped away from the computer stand. “There you go. The order is in and someone will be down shortly, and I’ll be back to check on you in a few hours,” she said, turning to leave.
“Dr. Patel?” I said quickly, realizing I needed one very big favor from her.
“Yes?”
“I’m just a little surprised right now. We didn’t know this would happen so soon. I would appreciate it if you didn’t tell my husband. I’d like to be the one to tell him, and not in a hospital. I’d like to wait until he’s better,” I said. I felt Jolene squeeze my hand a little tighter.
“Absolutely. Don’t worry, Mrs. James. Everything will be okay. Congratulations,” she said, turning to leave and closing the door behind her.
I looked at Jolene, and she looked to me. I had a million things I wanted to say and none of them seemed to come out. Instead, we stared at each other silently.
Chapter 22
I sat on the couch in the Oval Office and soaked in every piece of furniture, every portrait, every fabric. It was like being in a piece of history, but live and in person.
It even smelled like history, if that were possible—like rich wood, old books, and a hint of power.
It had been three weeks since Cal took office officially and I still wasn’t used to living at the White House. I guessed a part of me never would be. It was hard to wrap my brain around how monumental being the First Lady was, and I knew I wouldn’t fully get it until long after Cal’s term.
If ever.
Preston breezed into the room wearing an impeccable navy suit and an all-business expression. He took to the position like he was born to, but I guessed in a lot of ways he was. It was what his parents wanted for him his entire life, but now that he was here, I think he knew he belonged.
“Hey.” He sat on the beige couch across from me.
I’d mentioned to Cal more than once to put his personal stamp on the place and add more color. Maybe one day he would.
“Hey,” I said back. I was dressed slightly more casual in wide-leg slacks and a maroon blouse. My clothes were becoming a little more me, stylish and classy, yet slightly daring. Or at least that was who I wanted to be.
It seemed more important than ever to work toward being myself.
“Thanks for putting Libby to bed last night. I really thought I’d be home in time.”
“Thanks for letting me.” I smiled. “I think I enjoy bedtime with Libby most of all. That girl knows how to get into a story.”
Preston laughed and leaned forward on the couch a little. “Bedtime is definitely my favorite.” Preston smiled and his eyes slightly glazed over as if he was thinking of a specific memory. “I think we’re only a couple of weeks away from putting on a stage-worthy performance of her favorite book.”
I laughed and leaned back on the couch. Preston brought that out in me, the side of me that wanted to relax and be myself. He made more comfortable and okay to be in my own skin. My whole life I had dealt with the pressures of being who my family wanted me to be and he got that. And made it better. There were many positive and wonderful things about that.
And then there was Cal.
He pushed me out of my comfort zone when I needed it. He made me the First Lady and walked me into a life I never thought possible. He made me always strive to be better, reminding me what an impact I could have, the good I could do with my passion and experiences, and to give it my all. He was a force of nature, and if I wanted to keep up with him, I had to run. There were many positive and wonderful things about that too.
And that was why I needed them both. They didn’t complete me, but they complimented me. Both so very different, and both so very much fulfilling. I loved and needed the balance I felt when I was with them. I needed to be pushed and to relax. I needed to love them both fully.
“I’d be first in line to buy a ticket to that performance,” I said. “Has Libby talked to you about school? I don’t want to push her too hard on the issue, so I haven’t asked since last week, but I wanted to make sure she’s still doing okay.”
“Don’t worry, Moretti,” he said. “She loves school. Do you know what she said to me?” He didn’t wait for me to respond. “She said she liked going to school because she feels close to her mom.”
My heart warmed with love. “What a sweet thing to say. And what a sweet kid. You should be so proud, Preston.”
“She impresses me every day.”
We both leaned forward on our respective couches to be closer to each other. I missed him. I’d been spending all the time with Libby and at his house, but he wasn’t always there. And even when he was, we rarely got the chance to talk because Libby stayed with us until she fell asleep.
“Libby isn’t mine, but I couldn’t agree more. I feel a sense of pride and wonder when I’m around her. Like I’m lucky that I get to be in her life.”
A cloudy, almost sad look crossed his face. His lips turned down and I could guess why. He wanted me to be more than Aunt Tessa. She had had a mother who loved her more than anything, and she had Jolene, who loved her just as much, but she had me too. We both knew that Libby and I had a connection beyond that.
I didn’t want just Preston, though. I wanted the whole package he came with. I wanted Cal as part of it. My heart ached with the want and longing, and with the grief of not having it.
I had found myself spending almost all of my free time with Libby and Jolene. Despite my duties as First Lady, I’d made it a priority to attend her physical therapy and to give Jolene a break. We’d all eat dinner together, and I kept in contact with her therapist. She was doing so well, exceptionally well, but still, I worried.
Libby was my daughter, in so many ways, and Jolene was my best friend in every way. I was carrying a sibling for Libby, and I couldn’t begin to understand how to go about that.
Preston shook his head. “The fact that you care about her so much, it means more to me than I could ever tell you. I’m so lucky she has you. I’m so lucky to have you.”
“Preston, I—” There was so much I wanted to say that nothing came out.
“I know,” he said. And even though I said nothing at all, I believed he did know. That was the kind of connection we had. “When I thought something happen
ed to you at the inauguration . . . I’ve never been so scared. It put a lot of things into perspective.”
“It did,” I agreed. “I don’t think I’ve ever been that terrified. When I didn’t know where you were, or what happened to either one of you . . .”
If I closed my eyes, even for just a second, I was taken back to that day and to all those feelings. The undefinable smell of the hospital permeated the room as the lights buzzed above. I looked up to check and make sure I wasn’t really there. It was a nightmare. A situation I never wanted to be in again. I found my hand resting on my stomach protectively.
“Tessa, I . . .” He ran a hand through his hair. It was still blond and sexy as hell, but he’d been keeping it a little shorter lately. Trying to keep those wild waves under control. “I don’t want anything to come between us—”
Before he could finish, Cal came into the office in a flurry. He had a stack of papers in his hand and a laptop tucked under his arm. It was rare to catch him alone these days, but somehow there wasn’t a horde of people filing in the room behind him.
“Good, you’re both here.”
His arm was still in a sling, but he looked better than ever. He’d been so busy, and so hands-on, and so all over the place, we hadn’t even had time to talk about anything. And that ‘anything’ included all the things he said to me the night he was shot. It also included my growing secret.
“We are,” I said. I know I sounded short. I did my best in front of others and I played my part well, but here it was just the three of us. And I only had so much in me every day. My heart was in a constant state of breaking apart.
“I’m sorry to keep you waiting.” He unbuttoned his suit jacket, revealing a perfectly pressed white shirt underneath, and sat next to Preston on the couch. “Have you been waiting long?”
“No,” Preston said. He shifted in his seat to lean back. “Not long at all.”
My gaze lazily shifted back and forth between the two of them. They were my night and day, so similar and yet worlds apart. Cal hadn’t said anything since his hospital drug-induced confessions. And I hadn’t pressed it. I didn’t want to hold him to something he didn’t truly mean. Our nights were spent mostly apart as he was busy acclimating to his exhausting new role, so any further discussions on ‘us’ in general were non-existent.