by Tazeen Ahmad
And then, just as I’m preparing to dig a hole in the concrete floor beneath my feet, Tracey, the saviour of countless Cogs before me, emerges like Aphrodite from the sea. Her sixteen years on checkouts has given her admirable patience and rhinothick skin. She pacifies the raging customer and ushers him towards another till, returning seconds later to fix me.
The till I’m moved to is also half-dead. I wonder momentarily if this is an initiation ceremony and that in some small room upstairs video footage is rolling in CCTV cameras, with managers huddled around it (along with the missing supervisors) all falling about laughing.
I continue to take signed receipts by the dozen until a supervisor shift change, when Samantha tells me I shouldn’t be taking these at all. It’s a no-brainer—most signatures on the cards have faded. I tell-tale on Clare immediately, knowing that even if it does get back to her she’ll be too out of it to care. Samantha barely acknowledges my blame-shifting. I recall Susie telling me last week not to take signed receipts but I’ve learnt if you don’t tailor your checkout etiquette for the till captain on duty you’re asking for a lifetime on the baskets.
My mood lifts a little when the trivia-obsessed Trolley Boy stops off to collect the empty baskets at my till. He immediately makes a beeline for a young male customer and asks him straight up who directed Scarface. The customer shifts uncomfortably and moves closer to the till. Trolley Boy is no quitter, so he questions him on a different film. This time the customer gives him a mumbled answer but makes no eye contact. This is straight out of Little Britain. I suppress a giggle as the young man, still seriously uncomfortable, and still without any eye contact, unexpectedly asks Trolley Boy to name Tarantino’s last three films. Trolley Boy replies without hesitation, takes the baskets and leaves.
The new VAT reduction means colleagues have been working flat-out to change prices on shelf labels. I’m not sure how many they’ve achieved, however customers are pleasantly surprised when I announce their total bill. Even a tiny 2.5 per cent can make all the difference—it’s true, every penny does count.
Price comparison website MySupermarket.co.uk has been suggesting that this year people ought to shop around to keep their Christmas costs down. Everyone I suggest this to says that they are not going to run around a number of stores just to save a couple of pounds, particularly as their transport costs will mean it ends up costing the same.
Michelle is in today—shopping again. It’s her day off but she says she ‘needed some bits and pieces’. She comes to my till and tells me how difficult she’s finding being away from her twin three-year-old daughters and wishes she had only agreed to do two days. Her childcare arrangements aren’t working out; she has a childminder she’s not keen on. I suggest she talks to management, but she seems uncertain, makes noises about the probationary period we are on and the risk of losing our jobs. It’s a risk I’m prepared to take.
I keep serving beyond the end of my shift. Noting that there are no supervisors coming to close my till, eventually I turn to the growing crowd and say, ‘I’m sorry, I’m closing after this customer, can you go around to the other till?’ indicating the adjacent basket till.
‘NO!’ yells a chic, cropped-hair-do fifty-something. ‘You are NOT going to do that. I don’t care if you are closing or going home, you WILL serve me.’ The others in the queue stare blankly to see what I’ll do. Before I get a chance to stammer a reply, the man in front of her starts to shoot orders at me. I die a slow death as he first orders me to help the old man in front of me open a bag. He then tuts loudly at my having the audacity to close my till when there are people to serve. He grabs his change from my hand and charges off like I have some unspeakable disease. I want to tell them that, while I am a mere Cog, I also have a life, home and kids to get back to. But in the manner to which I have very quickly adjusted, I say nothing. In the supermarket world, the customer is king. And so, with my head down, I serve all ten while listening to them debate my temerity as if I was no longer in the vicinity. The humiliation is complete. Eventually my cranky captain, Betty, comes over to tell me she will send relief and tells me I should have closed my till as soon as my hours were up.
I feel punched in the guts tonight. I’ve learnt the true nature of the British shopper: they know that kicking up a fuss loudly and aggressively will get results. And having an audience helps, because mobs rule. I stare longingly at the beers, wines and spirits section as I walk back through the shop.
I leave a message for Richard again, saying I need to speak to him. Betty says (unconvincingly) that she will pass it on.
Friday, 5 December 2008
As I drive in, I listen to a radio phone-in about the collapse of Woolies after ninety-nine illustrious years. Callers talk nostalgically about the bric-a-brac, mix-and-match cups and saucers, giant chocolate Dairy Milk bars and pick and mix. Why will they miss this stuff? I ask myself. It’s all available in supermarkets, anyway. Maybe that’s why Woolies collapsed—the supermarkets can now easily offer everything that made Woolworths unique.
As I walk to the supervisors’ post, I say fifteen Hail Marys, two Quranic passages and the Buddhist mantra I picked up in RE in the hope that some god, any god, may be listening. Let me not be on the basket tills, please.
The first thing that happens is Betty confronts me aggressively.
‘Did you take the till key home with you last night?’
‘No…I gave it to the guy who replaced me.’
‘Well, it’s gone missing, and you had it last.’
I say nothing, wondering where this is going.
Another till captain approaches and Betty asks her if she knows where the key is.
‘It’s hanging in the cupboard.’
Betty says nothing and looks away.
They allocate me my trolley till and, as I walk towards it, Betty tells me there’s no chair at my till. I take that to mean that I’m expected to stand for four hours, which is against health-and-safety rules on checkouts. I manage to locate a chair myself and am soon good to go. Just as I sit myself down, in front of a long line of customers, I fall ungraciously to the floor. After the last couple of days, I know that if I don’t laugh I will cry—and so I laugh hard.
I’m starting to get some regulars now. There’s a really scruffy-looking guy who comes in wearing threadbare clothes. He’s a man of few words but has said enough for me to know he has a gruff voice and a gruff attitude. But he intrigues me with his regular purchase of the New Scientist magazine. I bite the bullet and ask him if he’s a scientist. He laughs and says, ‘Do I look like a scientist?’
‘Scientists come in all shapes and sizes.’
‘I just like to keep my brain active—that’s why I read it. My work is boring manual labour.’
I chat again with the young mum who only moved here from Poland five years ago with no English. She has the strongest Cockney accent I’ve ever heard from someone who didn’t grow up in London.
Human behaviour in the supermarket demonstrates that even the friendliest customer is never really your ally and they can turn on you in a heartbeat. An amiable, elegant and chatty older woman with a deceptively uncanny resemblance to Denise Richardson, the Agony Aunt on This Morning, has a complete change of personality when she asks me about discount petrol vouchers. I indicate that I’m not sure if we are giving them out. She asks me tersely, ‘Well, do you know or don’t you?’
I have my four-week assessment today. Susie brings over the paperwork and starts to give me feedback.
‘You’re doing really well, really engaging with customers, but I’ve noticed you lack confidence.’
‘Oh really?’ I don’t like the sound of this. ‘How so?’
‘You just seem nervous, like you’re not confident with customers.’ I know she’s not aware of the recent incidents so she must mean my general interaction with them.
‘Really? I find talking to the customers a doddle. The only time you could call me nervous is over the technical things. But talking to customers, that’s
the easiest part of the job.’
‘There’s just something in your manner.’
The assessment is good, though. I get a green, which means that the girl done good. Three reds and you’re in trouble, so for now, I’m safe. I add a toadying note on my assessment saying I will try to be more confident. Susie lets me skim-read the paperwork before asking me to sign it. She then fiddles around with it. It seems to me that we are often asked to sign things first with management adding their own notes afterwards.
Then, out of the blue, a supervisor shouts out that, thanks to Jenny we’ve just got a 100 per cent MCM. I’m not sure what that means exactly, but everyone gives a round of applause.
Michelle is prying again and enquires about my assessment; I play it down. She’s finding it hard to get uninterested customers to engage with her. I tell her the trick is to persevere. I know that she’s not the only one who finds it difficult; from my till I can often see other checkout girls just silently doing their job. Even Rebecca, who has such a natural magnetic charm, tells me she struggles.
I bump into Katherine at the end of my shift and she wants to talk about the difficult customers I encountered the day before. ‘They were so nasty, I felt for you. Some customers just think we are machines and have no life beyond this place.’
Clare, who is slumped in a chair in the corner of the locker room, lifts her head long enough to say sagely, ‘In through one ear, out the other.’
Saturday, 6 December 2008
I read today that Tesco’s shoppers are dropping it for Morrisons and Asda. Tesco is still doing OK, but the question being asked now is—is the store losing momentum?
After the week I’ve had, I’ve lost all momentum. But I brave it and am, thankfully, rewarded with a trolley till. My first customer is an enormous woman with five obese kids and all she buys are five jumbo packets of crisps—that’s about a hundred packets of crisps in total. She yells at her kids and they yell at her. It’s a joy to behold.
In fairness, a simple shopping trip reduces the best of families to a dysfunctional version of their normal selves. I’m no longer embarrassed by the number of arguments I’ve witnessed between two unsuspecting adults unaware of the entertainment they’ve provided for the bored checkout girl before them. And the rows are always over small and ultimately insignificant things: plans for the evening, the choice of dinner for the night, Sunday lunch with the family, the cost of the shop they’ve just completed, the things they forgot to buy. I read a study that found that couples who shop together for more than seventy minutes will almost always start to row. Seventy-one-plus minutes in a supermarket and they’re ready to sign the divorce papers. And when my customers are not squabbling they’re just being odd. Some of them plan where they place their groceries on the conveyor belt with military precision, with the intention of ensuring it will be convenient to unpack when they get home. One man today asks me to wait while he spends ten minutes carefully unloading his shop on to the belt. He groups all like items together. As I ring through the items I can see the layout of his kitchen. First the larder with pasta, tinned tuna, baked beans, biscuits and pickles, then the fridge with cheeses, milk, meat and prepared salad. Next, the kitchen cupboard holding the bleach, washing-up liquid, scouring pads, washing powder, fabric conditioner and kitchen towels. It’s weirdly inspiring.
I spend much of my shift looking out for Richard, but, as expected, I don’t see him. After clocking off I hunt him down. He’s in the canteen with the usual posse of pit bulls and I ask for a private word. He takes me to a quiet office and we have a quick chat about my progress so far. Richard is one of a rare breed these days; a touchy-feely manager. I know my request for changing my shift is pushing the limits of new Cog protocol, but I have no option. I explain my childcare problem and he reminds me I had accepted the hours offered, but then promises to look into it. Finally he says:
‘We will support you anyway we can—put it in writing, suggest your alternatives, be as accommodating as possible, and Personnel and I will look at it and see what we can do.’ His response is heartening; he tells me not to worry and that we will sort something out. He is head and shoulders above all the managers I have had over the years. And I’ll bet my last bit of spare change that he’s the reason so many checkout girls have stuck it out here for so long. He’s considerate, courteous and proof that you don’t have to be bad to be good.
I go to Rebecca’s till for a quick chat before I leave for the day. The customer Rebecca is serving wants to do a split payment and Rebecca asks me how. Before I can help, the customer jumps in; she’s a former Tesco employee. She tells us she was there four years ago, earning £7.50 an hour at the age of sixteen. Rebecca is outraged and asks, not for the first time, ‘What am I doing here?’
Before I leave for the day I see a notice in the staff toilet called ‘Talkback’. It reads: ‘There is a popular misconception that Tesco pay more than we do. It’s not true. We also pay for fifteen-minute tea breaks, Tesco don’t.’
Saturday, 13 December 2008
Two weeks to go till Christmas. I go in today after the worst bout of flu I’ve suffered in years. I’m shaky, dizzy and can barely breathe. My chest is congested, but I am too much of a coward to call the absentee line again. I called in sick yesterday and it didn’t go down well. The manager at the end of the line interrogated me and left me with the distinct feeling that he didn’t really believe I was ill. So today I go in.
I see Michelle as soon as I walk through the doors. She tells me that when she had to call in sick she was reminded, in no uncertain terms, that she was still on probation.
‘But when you’re sick, you’re sick. You’re only going to contaminate others.’
‘And it’s not as if you get paid sick leave here, is it?’ she adds.
I take my painkillers, put my head down and get on with the job. I can’t think straight so struggle to talk to customers. I opt for cursory greetings, ask about plastic bags and Nectar cards, and send them on their way. Nevertheless, I do end up chatting to another Cog. She tells me she works thirty-nine hours a week at the store plus an extra eleven hours cleaning. ‘I’ve got to pay the bills somehow.’ She’s only just started at Sainsbury’s after finding it impossible to meet her growing monthly expenses.
That’s not a problem for the numerous ladies who come to my till with their designer bags. Today I count seven luxury-end bags. But designer bag or no designer bag, everyone loves a bargain. One of these upmarket ladies tells me she queued up to shop at Woolworths’ closing-down sale and picked up some knocked-down bed sheets.
Christmas gift shopping has started at the store and Mamma Mia! is in virtually every woman’s trolley, so I share with them the one nerd fact I’ve picked up recently: it’s the fastest-selling UK DVD of all time. According to Justin King’s latest newsletter, Sainsbury’s alone sold 200,000 copies in its first week.
He also reminds us of the importance of ensuring availability of stock, delivering great customer service and doing our job well in the build-up to Christmas. He also says the new ads with Ant and Dec and Jamie have gone down a storm.
Just before the end of my shift, I’m asked to close my till early. I’m taken aside and told that I was being assessed today. My heart skips a few beats, but somehow I get a green despite my minimal customer interaction. Ayesha reminds me that the mystery customer is most likely to come in on a Friday and Saturday so I’ve got to be on the ball. I point the finger at my ill health and add creepily, ‘I really do love talking to customers.’ Ayesha and Susie make sympathetic noises, but they’re not convinced. In a shameless attempt to save my skin I ask them to reassess me soon.
I hand in my letter for Richard and wonder if this impromptu assessment has anything to do with my request to change my hours. Then I head to Rebecca’s till for a quick end-of-shift gossip session.
‘I’ve been waiting for one assessment and you’ve already had two.’
‘That’s probably because you’re so kick-arse at t
his they don’t need to test you.’
‘Far from it, it’s the most unnatural thing in the world for me. I just don’t believe that they want to talk to us.’ She looks at the middle-aged man she’s serving and asks me to dare her to ask him what he thinks about our customer service policy.
‘Excuse me, sir, can I ask you something? Would you like me to engage with you?’
‘Pardon?’ He says looking baffled.
‘Would you like me to talk to you, ask you how you are?’
‘Well, if you want to, but I’m not that bothered. Why?’
‘We’re told to, and I wasn’t sure if customers want that from us.’
‘Well, I always find it odd when you lot ask how we are and when we ask you back you get caught off guard. Or when you offer help with packing and we say yes—you look put out. It shows it’s just superficial.’
‘But is it nice when we do it? Does it leave a good impression?’
‘Sometimes I just want to get out of here as fast as possible. And to be honest, I’m usually in a bit of a coma when I’m shopping. So chat to me, don’t chat to me—I’m not bothered.’
Wednesday, 17 December 2008
I miss the place so much this week I go to my local Sainsbury’s on a day off. My shop comes to almost £90. And I react in exactly the same way as my customers: shock, horror, ‘really??’ Followed by frantic bill-checking afterwards. As a result, I resolve to live a little and pop into Morrisons. I buy a packet of frozen peas, frozen vegetables, pizza bases, bread and milk and it comes to just under £7. That is cheaper. I need to stake this place out, hunt down items on my regular shopping list, get to know the store despite there being no obvious attraction. If I could, aged fifteen, go out with the sweaty boy with pimples and over-sized glasses, I can do this. OK, so that relationship only lasted for a third of an hour, but it was good to step into my discomfort zone. And if it saves some pennies, I’m up for the challenge. Customer service here really sucks, though. The checkout girl barely looks up. No matter, in these times I’d rather save some pennies than get a pleasant smile.