by Sarah Fine
“No fucking way,” I snarled, rolling clumsily to my feet. The sounds of battle were still coming from the back of the SUV. Only twenty feet or so away. Most of the Mazikin were focusing their efforts there, probably to distract Malachi and Jim from what was happening. I drew a sharp breath into my lungs.
“Guards!” I yelled.
“Estúpido!” she screeched, and then lunged for me, grunting and growling in the Mazikin language at her pals, who leaped on me like a hungry wolf pack. I kicked out with my heels, jabbing, throwing hard punches with my good hand. Nearby, I could hear Malachi shouting something, but I couldn’t make out his words over the snarls of my attackers.
And then—I had an opening. I hit the Rita-Mazikin’s chin with a blow hard enough to send her head snapping back, jerked my knee up and struck the drywaller in the balls, and head-butted the toothless woman. I staggered away from them, my chest heaving, trying to summon the strength for their next strike.
The sound of squealing tires drew my head up.
The Mazikin van didn’t have time to stop.
It hit me head-on.
THIRTY-TWO
MY WORLD EXPLODED IN a nuclear blast of pain, and then it all went away. I didn’t remember hitting the asphalt. All I knew was it didn’t hurt. When I opened my eyes, my mother was leaning over me, stroking my face, tears falling from her cheeks, making me think it was raining.
“Lo siento, mija,” she whispered. And then she squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head, like she was trying to jar something loose. She stood up, grunting in that grating, harsh Mazikin language and pointing at something.
Tegan screamed.
A sound must have come from my throat, because my mother looked down at me again. “I take her. Good enough for Sil.”
The van door slammed, cutting off Tegan’s shrill cry. All around me, grunts and snarls receded, followed by more doors slamming. The van’s engine roared, and then wheels crunched nearby. I didn’t know how far, exactly. I couldn’t turn my head.
Malachi’s face appeared over mine a few moments later, cutting through the noise and the chaos all around me. His expression was filled with emotions I couldn’t understand. He leaned down, closed his eyes, and touched his forehead to mine, just for a fraction of a second. And then he sat back on his knees as Ian and Levi arrived. They stood over me, staring in horror. I wished I knew why. Or maybe, I should have been glad I didn’t.
“Is anyone else hurt? Bitten or scratched?” Malachi asked.
Levi shook his head. “They grabbed Tegan and went running as soon as Lela got hit. The girls are kind of shaken up. Alexis might have a broken ankle. But everyone else seems fine … except for Greg.” He put a trembling hand to a bleeding gash at his temple. “He hit me. And then he grabbed Lela. He was helping those guys.”
“Laney said she called the police, and I just called an ambulance,” Ian said, his voice shaking as he moved closer. “They’ll be here soon.”
“Lela’s not going to the hospital,” said Malachi calmly.
“What? She’s still alive!” Ian shouted, his face turning red. “They might be able to save her!”
“She needs more than a doctor. Please go take care of the others. Tell Laney I’m sorry,” Malachi said. “I’m taking Lela.”
He started to lean over me again, but Ian shoved him away, his palm hitting Malachi’s chest with a solid thump. Malachi was on his feet with terrifying speed. His hand shot out and grabbed a fistful of Ian’s shirt, and he wrenched him close, so the two of them were nose to nose above me.
Malachi spoke through clenched teeth, his accent emphasized by the cold rage in his voice. “You are very, very fortunate that Lela said you treated her well. If it weren’t for that, I would gladly hurt you. Now. You’ll have her back soon, and I will not stand in your way. But tonight, I am taking care of her, and you will not stand in my way.”
Ian’s jaw ridged with tension, and to his credit, he looked more pissed than scared. “You are a clueless idiot, Malachi. If I didn’t know it would upset her, I’d have caught you upside the head with a bat ages ago.” He bunched his fists in Malachi’s shirt. “And if she dies, you can count on it. I don’t care how long it takes me to catch you off guard. It’s going to happen, asshole.”
Malachi pushed him away, and Ian stumbled back, only to be caught by Levi. Malachi’s breaths were sawing in and out, and he looked like Ian had caught him upside the head with a bat. A choked sound bubbled from my mouth, and Malachi was on his knees again instantly, blocking out everything else.
“Henry is picking us up,” he said in my ear. “He’ll be here any minute. You’re going to be fine.” His voice was soft. And laced with fear.
“Tegan,” I whispered.
His eyes searched my face. “Jim is going after her. He’s called Henry to find out where the nest is, and he’ll do reconnaissance, but he promised not to go in alone. I’ll join him as soon as I know you’re going to be all right.”
Jim must have been going crazy, knowing what might happen to her. “Go … now.”
Malachi’s expression twisted with pain. “Lela, please. Don’t make me leave you.”
I couldn’t argue. In that moment, I was relatively sure his presence was the only thing that kept me from letting go, from drifting away. I tried to thank him, but all that came out was a wheezing breath.
“Shhh,” he soothed, lightly caressing my cheeks with his warm fingers. Over his head, I watched the red and blue lights flashing, signaling the arrival of the police. Malachi ignored them. He touched his nose to mine, and I was amazed to see tears glittering in his eyes. “Don’t leave. I know it hurts. Just don’t leave.”
Actually, it didn’t hurt at all. I felt like I was encased in a block of ice, immobile and frozen, nothing working except my brain, which couldn’t quite make it past the pain on Malachi’s face, past the lump in my throat as he whispered to me, telling me to stay with him.
I love you, I wanted to say. I would never leave you.
Darkness licked at the edges of my consciousness, tugging my thoughts away and drowning them. Raphael’s face appeared in front of mine. “I’ll get her to the car,” he said quietly as his gaze shifted to Malachi’s. “No one will notice us leaving. And I’ll start working on her immediately.”
I fought very hard to bring one word to my lips, to push it off my tongue. “Awake.”
I didn’t want him to make me sleep, to plunge me into darkness. I didn’t want to leave Malachi. I didn’t want to leave Jim without Tegan. I would be healed, and then I would get up fighting.
Raphael leaned forward. “It will hurt, Lela. More than you think.”
“Faster?” I whispered.
He nodded. “You’ll be on your feet faster. Is it worth it?”
“Yes.”
He lifted me in his arms, and set me in the backseat of the Guard car as we were serenaded by the peal of ambulance sirens. “Most of your friends are all right. The police will assume this is gang-related violence. No one will think to ask where you are.”
My head was cradled in Malachi’s lap. “Drive away slowly, but go now,” he said to the person in the front seat, who I could only assume was Henry.
Raphael locked eyes with Malachi. “She requested to remain awake while I heal her.”
Malachi’s eyes grew wide. “No. It’s too much, too painful. She’s been through enough.”
“It’s her choice, not yours, Lieutenant. The only choice you have is whether you’ll stay with her.”
Malachi’s jaw started to tick. “That’s not a choice.”
Raphael chuckled. “There’s always a choice.” He bowed his head over me. “Your neck is broken, Lela. That’s why you can’t feel anything. Once I fix that, you’re going to feel everything. And you have a lot of injuries that I need to heal very quickly. We’re not going to do this slow and easy. Are you ready?”
He took the blink of my eyes as a yes. “Very well.”
And then … nothing happene
d. I stared up at Malachi’s face, feeling warm and drifty, and he stared down at me, looking like he was feeling all the pain. In seemingly no time, we were back at the Guard house.
“You can carry her to your room,” Raphael said. “I’ll finish there.”
Malachi’s arms closed around me, and I was conscious enough to be horrified as my wounds smeared blood over his black tuxedo shirt. He didn’t seem to care, though. With an almost painful tenderness, he scooped me up and ascended the stairs, nodding as Raphael announced he was going to check in with Henry before joining us.
I watched Malachi’s face as he clutched me against his chest. I wanted to tell him I needed him to keep touching me, to keep looking at me with dark eyes filled with emotions that had burned all the cool indifference away. He laid me down on his bed, and I inhaled deeply because all of it smelled like him, more than his pressed and cologned tux, his pillowcase and sheets, his room … they smelled like the real Malachi, earth and sun.
He knelt beside the bed, looking like he was at war with himself, torn between two agonizing extremes. Finally, he closed his eyes and sighed, and when he opened them, it was clear he had made his decision.
“You looked so beautiful tonight,” he said with a sad smile. “It was devastating, you know.” His fingers smoothed over my cheek. “Once again, I have been such a fool.”
I tried to turn my head, but still couldn’t. I think he picked up my efforts, because he leaned over so that I could see him better. “I’m going to tell you something,” he said, “because I can’t go on like this. And I’m going to do it now because you don’t have the strength to argue or fight me or walk away. It seems like that’s all we do lately, and it’s killing me.”
I stared at him, and deep in my numb chest, I felt the tremors of my unsteady heart.
“From the moment I met you, nothing has been the same. You were a burst of color and fire after decades of gray. All my wishes and wants, wrapped up in the most frustratingly lovely package.” His eyes stroked over my face. “But when I said I could let you go, when I said I could stop loving you, I meant every word. And since that moment, I’ve tried very hard to do just that. To turn it off, cut it out …” He bowed his head. “To try to feel something for someone else, hoping it would make what I feel for you fade away.”
Something warm streaked down my face, and Malachi followed it with his gaze, his expression turning pained as he caught the tear with his finger.
“I believed I would be a better Guard if I felt nothing for you. I was good before I met you, and I wanted that back. It didn’t matter how much it hurt me. I believed I had earned every moment of unhappiness with all my mistakes.” He lifted his fingertip, gazing at the crystal drop in the light. “I’m so sorry for causing you pain, Lela. I’ve missed you every second … the things we had, that we could have had. All the times I could have comforted you. Encouraged you. Touched you.” His lips curled up at one corner, all bitterness. “As it turns out, after pushing you away, I’m not a better Guard. Quite the opposite. And despite my best efforts, I don’t feel any less for you than I did before. In fact, as I’ve watched you shoulder your responsibilities, as I’ve felt you grow stronger with every fight, as I’ve seen how all these things hurt you and yet somehow cannot defeat you, I’ve only fallen deeper.”
His eyes met mine. “I cannot undo my mistakes, all the lives lost because of me. I have to find some way to atone for that, and I have no idea how long it will take. I know I will have to be stronger and smarter than I have been if I want to succeed. But perhaps I will think more clearly if I am honest with myself—and with you—about one thing.” His lips, warm and soft, touched my temple, and then my forehead. “And so,” he whispered, “you can slap me when you regain the use of your arms.”
He carefully stripped one of my gloves off and pressed my palm against his chest. He looked down at my fingers, my painted wine-red nails spread across his shirt, over his heart. Then he raised his head to look at me. “This beats for you. It has for some time. And it always will. No matter what happens now, no matter how you feel, that’s how it is for me.”
He winced and gently placed my hand at my side again. “No, Lela, please don’t cry.” He wiped the fresh tears from my cheeks, which flowed as my throat closed too tightly for me to draw breath. “I don’t expect anything from you. I won’t stand between you and Ian. I want you to be happy. I just … I couldn’t lie about it anymore. You deserve better from me.”
“Wise choice, Lieutenant,” said Raphael as he strode into the room. “Henry has decided to join Jim at the nest. But they’ll await Lela’s orders before they move.”
Malachi sat back on his knees, his fingers withdrawing from my face and leaving me stunned and choking on my own emotions. I barely heard anything else Raphael said as he sat down on the edge of the bed; I was too busy replaying Malachi’s words in my mind, trying to make sure I hadn’t imagined them. I needed to tell him how much I loved him, how I forgave him, how—
It was like being cut open, like a red-hot scimitar sliced down my spine, from neck to tail, shooting agony along the stalks of my arms and legs, sending me arching all the way off the bed. The real healing had begun, reconnecting nerve to nerve, muscle to muscle, bone to bone, and it crushed my thoughts, stole my words. Fire curled along the walls of my chest, and then caught and exploded, pumped by my blistered heart through each of my arteries, turning me to ash.
I know I must have screamed because Malachi’s arms closed around me. He buried his face in my neck.
“I’ve got you,” he said in my ear. “I won’t let you go. This will be over soon. Just hold onto me.”
And I did. As the agony continued, as my body knitted itself back together, leaving only silver scars and bad memories, I coiled my newly unbroken bones around his body and used it as my anchor, let him hold me down as I shuddered and seized, let him bind me to the present with his words in my ear and his hands on my skin. I might have hurt him; I was holding on tight enough to turn bones to pulp. But he was so strong; he took it all and then offered more of himself. I clung to it, eagerly, and as the pain began to subside and my vision cleared, I stared at his face and knew he’d felt it all along with me.
“You’re hurting,” I whispered between hot jolts from Raphael’s hands as he put the finishing touches on my healing, making my body strong and ready for what was coming.
Malachi looked into my eyes. “I’m hurting because I love you. But not being with you is infinitely more painful.”
“All done,” Raphael announced.
Malachi loosened his grip on me immediately. He got to his feet, taking a few uncoordinated steps back before steadying himself with a deep breath. I lay very still for a few moments as the pain evaporated, becoming an unreachable, distant memory, like my mind was wrapping it up tight, walling it off. I sat up, my eyes on Malachi, desperate to tell him everything, to give him my love in return for taking his. But we had to get through this first. I couldn’t let Tegan down by having a heart-to-heart with Malachi while the Mazikin strapped her to a table and ripped her soul out of her body. She’d become my friend, and I don’t walk away from my friends.
“Call Jim and Henry,” I said to him, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. “Tell them we’re coming.”
“What’s your plan?” asked Malachi, already reaching for his phone.
“I’m going to give myself up to the Mazikin.”
THIRTY-THREE
MALACHI DIDN’T ARGUE WITH me. He called Jim and Henry, told them we were on our way, quietly asked Raphael to procure us a car and some clothes for me, and then shut his bedroom door. “You are the Captain. But I need a few more details apart from ‘I’m giving myself up.’”
He crossed to his closet and pulled out a long-sleeved shirt and pants, which he tossed onto his bed, along with a pair of combat boots. He kicked off his patent leather shoes and yanked at the tie around his neck. And then he unbuttoned his shirt and stripped it off.
; I turned my back and inhaled a shaky breath. “I’m going to let them know I’m offering myself to them, as long as they don’t hurt Tegan or possess her. And then I’m going to go in alone and unarmed to keep Sil distracted. You, Jim, and Henry will get in some other way, and it’ll be your job to get Tegan out so that I can escape without worrying about her.”
“Jim and Henry better have some intelligence for us when we get there, then,” he said. “And you can turn around.”
I did, to see him lacing his boots. He was wearing bracers over his shirtsleeves, the leather cuffs that protected his forearms from Mazikin claws and teeth. He’d also strapped on his vest. When he saw me eyeing him, he said, “I won’t be trying to blend in, and I figured I could use the extra protection.”
True enough. I looked down at myself, at my shredded dress, at the dried blood on my skin, wishing I had some armor of my own. I couldn’t wear any because Sil had to believe I hadn’t gone there to fight. If I could play my part, it would give the other Guards a chance. Still, I wanted to cover myself in thick plates of molded leather, anything to keep those fingernails, those teeth, those hands away from me. Then Malachi stood up, and the look in his eye gave me everything I needed. Without thinking much about it, I walked into his arms. He wrapped them around me, placing his hand on the back of my head and holding me against his armor-plated chest. I put my arms around his waist and held on.
“I won’t fail you,” he said.
“I know. I’m only worried about failing you.”
“You won’t … Captain.”
I smiled. For the first time in a long time, it didn’t feel like he was using the word to put distance between us. I tightened my grip on him and closed my eyes. “When we’re done kicking their asses, you and I are going to talk, all right?”
Even through his leather armor, I felt his heart speed. “Because I was out of line.”