by Laurèn Lee
I strode toward the bathroom door and whipped it open. I heard Angela call my name but refused to stop and acknowledge her. The shame and guilt rippled through me far too deeply to look her in the eye.
Mom paid for our dinner, despite my complaints, and we left the restaurant soon after. I felt Angela's eyes at my back as we walked out of the dining room, but I refused to turn around and look at her one last time.
On the drive home, my mom turned up the radio, for which I was thankful. I couldn't think of anything to talk about and wished to remain silent after my run-in with Angela. She suspected Noah of cheating, but would she stay after she confirmed her suspicions?
After ten minutes or so, my mom turned down another street instead of the one that would lead us home.
"Where are we going?" I asked.
"You'll see.”
And I did see.
My mom drove down the long and narrow road through the Keygate cemetery. A prickle of grief ricocheted down my spine. My mom pulled to the side of the path and parked her car. Visiting hours would be ending as soon as the sun dipped to the horizon. Without a word, I followed my mom out of the car and onto the grassy knoll covered with tombstones as far as the eye could see.
Soon enough, we came upon a grave with fresh dirt surrounding the plaque. Even though we’d already paid our respects, I was grateful to be close again to the little girl I loved with all my heart.
Callie Jacksun
Beloved daughter and wild spirit
Without a second thought, tears sprang from my eyes. They streamed down my cheeks, several of them falling onto my lips. The salty taste electrified my mind. Callie, my dear, sweet Callie, lay in the ground beneath our feet. How was this possible?
Beside her grave, there were bouquets of flowers, a teddy bear and even a few pictures of her with friends. I recognized Rose in one of them. My heart ached for each and every person affected by Callie's murder. All the more reason to find her killer and bring him to justice.
My eye caught another flower, one hidden behind the others. A single yellow rose lay on its side, thorny yet beautiful. The rose pierced my soul as enlightenment spread over me like an ocean wave.
A single yellow rose. Somehow, I knew exactly who'd left it here.
Thirty-Seven
I clenched my hands into fists while color rose to my cheeks. The hair on the nape of my neck stiffened as I recalled all the times Noah handed me the same type of rose. Christmas, New Years, Valentine's Day, my birthday, and a dozen for our first anniversary. He loved yellow roses, although I never understood why. I never met anyone else in my entire life who chose to give a lone yellow rose to someone.
Nausea crept into my body, my senses heightening as dizziness clouded my vision.
"Elle?" my mother called. She raced over to me as I dropped to my knees, clutching my chest.
I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. Instead, I stared at Callie's grave, unable to comprehend what I'd just discovered. It couldn't be possible. It shouldn't be possible. Had the man I fell in love with so many years ago murdered a young woman? It couldn't be true!
I reached for Callie's grave, hoping for a sign I was wrong. That another person brought her the single yellow rose. It couldn't be Noah, could it? My body writhed as sickness fell upon me.
Noah was capable of many things, but murder? Then, to my dismay, visions of Noah and Callie together swarmed my mind. His hands on her. His lips against hers. His hands on her throat. I rubbed my chest, begging for air to flow freely. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. Fat tears squeezed through my eyes that were tightly shut.
Even worse than the overwhelming grief plaguing my soul was the pure rage coursing through my veins. The idea of Noah leaving his pregnant wife at home to run off to sleep with a girl several years younger than him made me ill. Sweet, beautiful baby Callie. I would have done anything to protect her. I taught her not to talk to strangers, how to call 9-1-1 in case of emergencies, but I never thought to tell her how to protect herself from a monster in her bed. The monster, in this case, was the villain in my story too. He even had the nerve to attend her funeral.
Sick bastard!
Did Peter know about Noah's involvement? Was he protecting him? Angela mentioned Noah gone late at night; had he been with Callie?
"Elle, sweetheart? What's wrong? Are you sick?”
"Mama?" I said with a gulp. "Can we go home?”
She nodded and reached to help me stand up. I couldn't tell her the ominous revelations racing through my mind. Even if I wanted to, I'm not sure my voice would allow it. My heart pounded inside my chest, prepared to collapse at any moment.
Maybe I was wrong. Maybe the rose wasn't even yellow. It could have been white and, with a trick of the light, appeared a different color. I tried to talk myself out of the revelation, but the truth of the matter was that it made sense.
Callie's boyfriend was married. Noah carried a reputation for cheating. He even showed up to her funeral. Not to mention, I saw him outside of Cafe Aroma! He wasn't coming to pick up something for Angela; he was going to meet the mysterious girl who texted him. My body's temperature rose. I heard the rushing of blood in my ears. It felt as though the world around me was collapsing.
In my mother's car, my labored breathing did not steady itself. My mom watched me from the corner of her eye. With any luck, she'd assume the sudden devastation came about upon seeing Callie's grave, but I couldn't tell anyone yet what I'd just discovered, not even my mom. She covered my hand with hers as we pulled into the driveway.
"Thanks again for dinner. There's, um, a few things, um, I need to look into. Okay?"
My mom nodded. We stepped out of the car, my knees weak. "Let me know if you need anything.”
I shot her a "thumbs up," unable to bear the burden of speaking. I raced up the stairs, taking two at a time until I was safely inside my old bedroom. My hands quivered as I pulled out my cell. I clenched my eyes shut, counted to ten, all the while breathing in and out.
Breathe, Elle. Just breathe. You're almost there.
While I didn't have Noah's contact information saved in my phone, I knew it by heart. I typed in his number as beads of sweat poured down my back. I glanced at my nightstand where a bottle of water stood. But it wasn't water. A war waged itself in my head. Part of me begged to numb the pain; the other part knew I needed my wits about me. I reached out for the bottle as if I were about to steal a sacred gemstone in a cursed cave across the world. I snatched the container and poured its contents down my throat. At first it burned, but then the warmth spread through me, feeling like a familiar friend had returned.
Instantly, a calmness settled upon my psyche. I was addicted to the wave of quiet that washed over me after that first taste. It was like someone turned the volume down on the chaos of life.
I typed out a text, and without review, I hit send.
Noah responded from his actual phone in less than a minute.
When? Where?
Our spot, I replied.
I tipped back the water bottle, eager to taste the last few sips of vodka. I brought my cell phone and the burner as I raced down the stairs. My mom was in the kitchen, tidying up, I supposed.
"I have to run an errand. I'll be back soon!" I called out. Without waiting for her reply, I launched off the porch steps into the driveway. I fumbled with my keys for a moment, but hopped into my car.
I drove in the direction of the river, to the same spot where Noah took me when I first arrived home. Little did he know, I had more in mind than a second affair by the water.
Thirty-Eight
I parked under the bridge, the same as always. My body yearned for more alcohol, but I didn't stop along the way. I held enough liquid courage to do what needed to be done, but any more and I'd jeopardize the night.
Right on cue, Noah cut his headlights and parked next to me. He glanced over, and with his boyish grin, the same from the day I met him, he waved to me. I stepped out of my car and walked to Noah's p
assenger door. He unlocked the car door.
I got into his car knowing I might be safer walking through the Gates of Hell. Although, it could be much of the same considering the Devil himself sat in the driver's seat to my left.
"This is unexpected," he said.
"Well, you know. I never got a chance to finish that night.” I fluttered my lashes.
"So you don't mind that I'm married, then?”
Outside, the trees swayed in the breeze while stars blanketed the night sky. The moon's reflection danced upon the smooth water of the river. My chest seized knowing I was in the car with not only the first man I ever loved but also a cold-blooded killer. I never suspected one day they'd be one and the same.
"Not at all. I mean, what she doesn't know won't hurt her, right?”
Noah smiled and my knees turned weak. In fact, my entire body felt like Jello. While it wasn't too long ago we were in the same car with the same intentions, that night I was hopelessly drunk. Tonight, I was just about sober and could feel all the emotions attacking my mind and my heart.
I couldn't stop thinking about the moment I found out Noah cheated on me. There was absolutely nothing quite like your first heartbreak. You imagined you’d be with this person forever, that you'd defeat the odds. But then reality shattered your misguided notions in one fell swoop.
I remembered the first time Noah kissed me. I was about to leave his friend's house and walked my bike to the sidewalk. We stood there, staring at each other and smiling. I was terrified to kiss a boy. What if I wasn't any good at it? Then Noah leaned across and softly pressed his lips against mine. It was like a fairy tale come true, and my body could have floated up into the sky.
The person equally responsible for some of my best and worst memories sat beside me, still with a strange hold over my heart. I pushed those thoughts aside and remembered Callie. This was all about finding Callie's murderer and bringing him to justice.
Noah caressed my cheek with the back of his hand. The hands that once held me, the hands that once wrapped around Callie's throat until her heart stopped. I wanted to throw up. I wanted to cry. I wanted to kill him.
Then, an alarm on the burner phone went off. I'd set it using a ringtone as its sound, so it'd appear someone was calling me.
I pulled the phone out of my pocket and pretended to answer as if it were a call. "Hello? Hello?”
I brought the device away from my ear and stared at it while I bit my cheek. I looked to Noah.
"It was my mom. Is it okay if I call her back real quick? Then I'm all yours," I promised, using a carefully controlled tone.
He nodded solemnly and folded his hands in his lap. Clumsily, I played with my phone until I came across the number of the man Callie communicated with. The number of the man I suspected killed her. The same Noah Joseph used on his burner phone.
I pressed "Call," and the dial tone crooned in my ear. My heart pounded inside my chest as I held my breath. Would Noah have brought the burner with him? Everything depended on it. Doubt crept into my mind. What if I was wrong? What if it wasn't Noah at all? Did I blind myself to other facts to crucify the man who wronged me so many years ago? The same man who repeated his indiscretions with his wife in present day?
In the next second, a phone inside the glove box vibrated madly. Noah looked to me with wide eyes and then to the glovebox. His phone rang. The same cell I dialed at that very moment. I wasn't wrong.
Noah killed Callie.
I hung up, and the vibrating ceased. I looked to Noah while he stared at me. Neither of us spoke. I realized now he knew that I knew, and I was severely underprepared, without any type of weapon to protect myself. Why hadn't I thought this through? What did I do now? Call the police?
My voice cracked. "It was you.”
Noah narrowed his eyes while his knuckles turned white as he grasped the steering wheel. "What are you talking about?"
"Why did you do it, Noah? How could you do it?" My eyes welled with tears.
"Are you drunk or high, Elle? You're talking crazy," he said with clenched teeth.
I reached for the glove box, but Noah grabbed my wrist. He gripped it tightly, and I yelped, "Let go of me, Noah!”
He threw my arm across my body. "What are you really doing here, huh? Why did you want to meet me?”
"I wanted to see if I was right about you.” I held on to my cell phone, ready to call 9-1-1 if need be.
Noah smirked, and my heart skipped a beat. I could accuse him of a lot of things, but a murderer? I never thought I'd see the day. Unfortunately, that day was here. The moment was now.
"You killed Callie Jacksun. She wanted to run away with you, tell your wife about your affair, and you killed her," I said evenly.
A vein in Noah's temple throbbed while his lip twitched. "You're insane, Elle. You're seriously fucking crazy, you know that?”
"I'm not crazy. I know it was you. I saw the yellow rose by her grave.”
Outside, a lone cloud floated past the moon, blocking its light from view. A deeper darkness descended upon the sky as a shiver rolled down my spine.
"So, you saw a flower at the slut's grave, and all of a sudden you think it's me who killed her?" He chuckled.
"I found her phone, Noah. Her secret phone, the one she only used to communicate with you," I said.
His smile disappeared.
"The same phone that just rang in your glovebox." I reached for the glovebox again, but in the next moment, my vision turned white as raw pain exploded inside my head. Then, everything went black.
Thirty-Nine
My head throbbed in a way I'd never felt before. I opened my eyes, but when I did, it was as though they were still closed. I was surrounded by complete darkness. I couldn't see the moon, the stars or the sky. But the ground beneath me felt cool and damp.
"Ah, you're awake," Noah hissed. “Finally."
The last few moments before I lost consciousness came into view. I reached to retrieve the burner phone in Noah's glovebox, and he hit me in the head.
He fucking hit me!
In that moment, Noah graduated from breaking my heart to physically hurting me without a second thought.
I felt around and realized I was on a bed of leaves and dirt. I closed my eyes and could smell the familiar scent of the river. He didn't take me far. But what was he going to do with me now?
"What are you doing?" I tried to pull myself up to sit, but Noah gripped my shoulders and shoved me until I slammed against the ground, my head bounced off the dirt.
In the force, we were taught a shit ton of defensive tactics. I could, without a doubt, take Noah down without a weapon. Despite his size, I had the defensive training and knowledge of his pressure points that could subdue him, in mere seconds, to a blubbering mess. But I couldn’t focus on that. A buzzing in my ear revealed how inebriated I actually was. I couldn’t believe how very short-sighted it was to confront Noah alone—and drunk. As a detective, I should know the importance of having a plan and contingencies, but I fucked up.
He paced back and forth in the darkness. While I couldn't see where he was, I could hear the crunch of twigs and leaves beneath his feet. I could barely breathe while my body convulsed. I patted down my body but couldn't feel my phone to call for help. Panic washed over me. How would I get out of this? What did he intend to do with me now that he knew, that I knew about his involvement with Callie? An owl hooted in the distance, at which Noah jumped back a few feet.
"Why, Noah? Why did you do it?" I croaked.
"Shut up!" he cried.
"Why did you kill her?”
I didn't know what I was doing. If I provoked him, he'd get this all over with sooner rather than later. Maybe it'd be fast, and I could see Zac again, the one man who truly loved me. The taste of salt kissed my lips, and I realized I was crying. My heart wept for Callie, for her family she left behind, for Zac and for myself, because I missed him so damn much. All the grief that riddled my body for months bubbled to the surface. My entire body s
hook as I writhed on the ground, unable to speak, breathe or understand what was happening.
"Shut up, Elle! Someone will hear you!" Noah knelt beside me and covered my mouth with his hand, which reeked of sweat, dirt and beer.
Instinctively, I bit down on his fingers, hard enough to draw blood. Noah cried out in pain, and I rolled several feet over just in time to hear his other fist hit the ground where I would have been. In that moment, it was as if a light switch turned on, or a voice inside my head called to me. It said, "Don't give up now, Elle. Fight!”
Despite my body wavering, I pulled myself up. I saw Noah's shadow within the dense foliage beside the river. He strode toward me, but I turned on my heels. I bolted through the trees in the opposite direction, several branches nicking my cheeks while I ran. Sweat dripped down from my forehead and mixed with the blood on my face.
"I'm going to kill you! Do you hear me?" Noah shouted.
My heart raced while horror sped through my veins. This would be my only chance to get away from my first love turned murderer. If he caught me now, he wouldn't let me get away again. Noah tore through the trees, only a few paces shy of me. At this point, it wasn’t just about catching Callie's killer, but saving my life. No one else was here to save me this time. I couldn't rely on alcohol to carry me through the night. I didn't have my badge or a gun. My phone was God knows where. It was up to me and only me.
Ahead, light peeked through the trees. The street was close. If I had to guess, I figured we were a couple of miles down from where we parked our cars. But there were houses out here. Spread apart, but they were there.
Noah didn't miss a beat. He was only a few feet behind me. I could smell the stale beer oozing from his pores. I tore through the edge of the trees, out into the open air. It'd be easier for Noah to chase me now, but easier for me to know where he was, too.
"Elle!" he panted. "Let's just talk about this, okay? I'm not going to hurt you!”