I slumped, knowing I needed to listen to her.
Needed to move on.
But I didn’t care if Thane’s behavior seemed rational to everyone else. I’d considered it. I got it. But I also knew what was between us. He knew! And I was hurt. And mad as hell.
“You’re right.” I nodded. “And I promise once I have a handle on them, I won’t hide my emotions.”
17
Thane
Dimming the headlights before he swung into the driveway, Thane took a sobering breath. He parked and switched off the engine but made no move to get out.
If he’d thought Regan was giving him the cold shoulder before he announced he was going on a date, he’d been wrong. Her attitude had been downright temperate compared to the subzero chill directed at him these past two days.
She hadn’t eaten with them last night again, and it visibly upset Eilidh and Lewis. He could tell Regan felt awful but that she also needed to create boundaries, and he understood that too. Thane didn’t like it, but he got it.
However, the children were noticing the way she ignored him or clipped her answers anytime she couldn’t ignore him, and it was bugging the shit out of him.
When he’d departed for his date with Keelie tonight, he’d left the three of them watching a movie. The kids just thought he was spending time with Mac. Thane never told them when he dated. There had never been anyone he was serious enough about to justify bringing them into his children’s lives.
Eilidh and Lewis had said goodbye, and Regan didn’t even look at him. He’d stared at her for a second, the muscle in his jaw ticking with irritation at her petulant behavior. Obviously not wanting to create even worse friction in front of the children, he’d left her to it.
And then endured a terrible date.
Thane was distracted. Regan’s attitude was maddening, and he couldn’t stop stewing over it. He barely listened to a word Keelie said over dinner, but thankfully, the woman was so self-involved, she didn’t even notice he’d barely spoken. In fact, when he walked her to her car, she said almost dreamily, “Wow, you’re such a good listener, Thane. I hope we do this again.”
He’d given her a polite smile and a nod, opened her car door for her, and watched to make sure she was safely on her way home before he walked to his car. And he had the entire drive from Inverness to mull over the situation. So the date hadn’t gone well. It had still served its purpose.
But now he dreaded going into the house to relieve Regan of babysitting duties. He dreaded her coldness.
He missed her smile.
Squeezing his eyes closed, Thane pinched the bridge of his nose, rid himself of feelings he couldn’t afford to feel, and shoved out of the car. Inside the house, he found the entire space dimly illuminated by the kitchen under-cabinet lighting. It was past midnight, so Eils and Lewis would be abed.
The TV was a murmur in the large room, flickering light over Regan. She was asleep on the sectional with a throw over her. Thane approached quietly, his hands in his pockets. It didn’t seem that long ago he’d found her like this on his couch when she’d just arrived in Scotland.
But it had been weeks.
Weeks for her to crawl under his skin.
He’d give anything for the freedom to reach out and stroke her cheek, brush his thumb over that lush lower lip of hers.
A hot, dark need built within him.
And then, as if she sensed him watching her, Regan stirred, and he retreated.
She blinked rapidly until those beautiful brown eyes focused on him. The adorable sleepiness iced over and regret replaced his desire.
“Oh, you’re back.” She sat up, pushing the throw off to stretch.
His gaze dropped to her breasts as her top tightened over them, and he glanced away. “Yeah. Eils and Lew okay?”
“Fine. Asleep. Night.” She stood and brushed past him without another word.
Irritated, Thane turned to watch as she grabbed her keys and phone off the kitchen counter and disappeared down the corridor toward the side exit.
That was it?
Fuck that.
Thane hurried to catch up with her. “Wait,” he whispered loudly, just as she was about to disappear out the door.
Regan halted but didn’t look back at him. “What?”
His hands clenched and unclenched at his sides. Still speaking low so he didn’t wake the children, he bit out, “Is this how it’s going to be from now on?”
Finally, she looked at him. “What do you mean?”
“This”—he gestured between them—“our friendship. It’s just over, then?”
She raised an annoyingly perfect eyebrow and gave him an even more irritating, pitying smile. “I’m just following orders, boss. You asked me to treat you how I treat the other fathers I’ve worked for. And despite your insinuation that I’m an immoral tramp who tries to fuck unavailable older men—”
He flinched.
“I have always been professional. And this”—she gestured between them—“is how I treated the other fathers I worked for. Believe it or not, a couple of them tried to fuck me, and I politely declined before politely handing in my resignation.”
His anger toward himself shifted to the bastards who’d done that to her.
“So, you’re not the first dad to grab my ass and get a hard-on over me.”
Her words whipped him like a lash, eliciting many emotions, and none of them good.
She gave him a bitter smirk. “You’re just the first I was attracted to because I thought you were one of the good ones. My mistake to confuse a good father with a good guy. So you can stop worrying if I’m going to ‘harass’ you again. I’m over it.”
Fury building, Thane drew in a breath. Still, his words came out in a rasp, “You said you accepted my apology.”
“I did, didn’t I?” She considered this and then her eyes narrowed. “How was your date?”
At her pointed question, he huffed. “You’re jealous I went on a date with Keelie?”
Regan gave him a big smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “Why would I be jealous? I feel sorry for her. You used her to drive a point home to me, didn’t you? You hurt me, and you maybe even hurt her without caring beyond the fact that it made your point. So as far as I’m concerned, that canceled out your last apology.”
“Regan …” He didn’t know what to say. She was right. And this was a mess. “Maybe … maybe it’s best I look for another nanny.”
She flinched like he’d hit her, and he almost reached for her.
“You’d take Eilidh and Lewis away from me?”
Something twisted in his gut. “Regan.”
“Right.” She exhaled shakily. “Right. Yeah, you should do what is right for you guys. I’ll, um …” He saw her lower lip tremble, and she couldn’t meet his gaze. “I’d appreciate it if you’d give me plenty of notice, though.” Then she hurried out the door before he could answer.
“Fuck.” He marched to the exit but all he saw was the annex door closing behind her.
Shutting the side entrance, he turned the lock and leaned his forehead against the cool wood. She tried to hide he’d made her cry.
He kept hurting her, and he didn’t know how to stop. Other than to find a new nanny.
It would devastate Eilidh and Lewis.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He hit the door but not as hard or as loud as he wanted to.
Robyn wouldn’t thank him for it either. Consequently, neither would Lachlan.
And Thane would no longer have the mornings to look forward to. When he’d wake up, knowing she was downstairs in his kitchen, putting the coffee on for him.
Her smile a better start to the day than anything else could ever be.
“Thane, you’re fucked, man,” he whispered to himself as he finally headed to bed.
REGAN
* * *
I laid in bed the next morning, trying not to think about the fact that Thane had most likely already posted an ad for a new nanny housekeeper
. I’d failed. Again.
I’d spent all night thinking about things, and my conclusion: I was mad at my boss for not wanting to be in a romantic relationship with me.
When I said it to myself like that, I sounded like a crazy person.
I was mad at my boss for not returning my feelings.
Yup. Wasn’t sounding any saner.
I was going to have to swallow my pride, wasn’t I?
The alarm clock read six in the morning. Thane and the kids slept in a little later on Saturdays. But I needed to talk to him. I needed to fix things before it was too late. Because if I applied for the ancestry visa—and I had been leaning more and more toward doing so—I’d need a job. And this was a great job when I wasn’t acting like a wounded ex-girlfriend.
Ugh. I threw off my bedcovers, mortified by my behavior. Had Thane given me mixed signals? Yes, he had. Had he said some extremely not-nice things to me? Yes. And had he hurt me? Also yes. But were we in a relationship when he did all those things? Had he made me any promises?
No!
No, he had not.
And I think that was what Robyn had been trying to remind me without wounding my feelings.
Shit.
When was I going to grow up?
“Now.” I stood, nervous but determined. “You start now.”
Hurrying into a pair of jeans and a tee, I quickly brushed my teeth and scraped my hair back into a ponytail. I wore no makeup but who cared? I was no longer trying to make Thane see me as desirable.
Letting myself into the house, I switched on the coffee machine out of habit and then quietly made my way upstairs. The butterflies in my belly raged to life as I stopped outside Thane’s bedroom. Of course, I’d been in his room to clean, and the master suite had the best views in the house. To my surprise, it was a very masculine space, making me wonder if he’d changed the décor after Fran died.
I had noted the picture of them on his nightstand. Something that humbled me now that I knew about her betrayal.
The reminder that he’d confessed something so personal to only me (not even to his siblings!) confused me again. Why would he confide in me if I weren’t more than the nanny?
Down that road, danger lies.
Drawing in my breath, I knocked on his bedroom door. “Thane,” I said as loudly as I dared.
I heard movement almost right away and then the door swung open and there he was, sleep rumpled in his pajamas. He stared warily at me. “Regan?”
“Downstairs.” I nodded toward the stairwell. “Please.”
He nodded and followed me downstairs.
Once in the kitchen, I settled on the opposite side of the island from him to give us space.
“What is it?” he asked, his brow furrowed, his beautiful eyes filled with concern. “Has something happened?”
“No. I just … I’m sorry for how early it is, but I couldn’t sleep and I just …” I took a breath to control my nerves. “I wanted to apologize for my behavior.” My cheeks burned with embarrassment and shame. “I haven’t been acting like myself, and I’ve treated you unfairly.”
Thane frowned. “You’re not at fault here, Regan. I sent out the wrong signals. I’m sorry.”
Ignoring the sting of his rejection, I shook my head. “No. I should have gotten over it when you asked me to, and I just kept dragging it out. You’re a grown man, and you can date whoever the hell you like and … I don’t want to lose this job.” I tried to smile through my fears, tried to do the easy-breezy Regan thing, but tears brightened my eyes as I thought about Eilidh and Lewis. “I adore those kids.” I gestured upstairs, my tears spilling over to my everlasting mortification. “This is a great job, and I love being near my sister and—”
“Hey, hey, hey.” Thane interrupted me softly, holding his hands up and taking a step toward me. Then he stopped himself, looking a little helpless. “Please don’t cry. We’ll figure this out, okay? You can keep the job. We’ll figure it out. I don’t want to lose you either. It would devastate the kids.”
I swiped at my cheeks, irritated by my emotional display. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cry. I’m not a crier or someone who uses tears to get their own way. That’s not—”
“Regan.”
At his authoritative tone, I stopped talking.
He pressed his lips together in a kind smile. “Maybe, from now on, we just go forward assuming the other only has the best of intentions. How does that sound?”
Relaxing somewhat, I nodded. “That sounds good.”
“Good. So are we starting over, then?”
“I’d like that very much.”
Thane released a heavy sigh of relief and grinned. He was so sexy I could cry again. I stubbornly ignored the butterflies in my belly.
“Good. That’s great. So … will you join us at Dunrobin Castle today?”
Stunned, I didn’t know what to say. When he suggested starting over, I thought we’d set boundaries, not return to how we were before the hands-on-ass drama. Dunrobin Castle was the one Lewis had mentioned earlier in the week. It was in a place called Golspie, on the North Coast, about thirty minutes north of Ardnoch. The kids had never been to it before despite its proximity.
“I don’t want to intrude.”
“Well, the kids have been pestering me all week to invite you. I didn’t because of how things were between us, but not because I didn’t want you there. Eilidh and Lewis enjoy having you around, and I just want my children happy.”
Why, oh why did he have to be such a wonderful dad?
“But no pressure.” He hurried to say. “If you need boundaries, we can do that.”
And let him think I was so crazy about him, I couldn’t be around him?
I still had some pride, for God’s sake.
“No, it’s fine.” I shrugged, like it was no big deal. “I’ll come hang out with you guys.”
Regan Penhaligon, you are such a masochist.
18
Regan
I’d returned to the annex to shower and dress. When I went back into the main house, I found Thane in the best mood he’d been in since McClintock had approached him. I assumed the man hadn’t been in touch again, but I made a note to find a private moment to ask. Other than a quick double glance at my legs when I walked in (I was wearing one of my preppy short dresses with thick tights, a pair of cute ankle boots, and an emerald-green, double-breasted pea coat I’d purchased online with my nice new salary), he’d treated me with nothing but friendly civility.
Eilidh and Lewis were happy I was joining them on their day out, but as always it took us twice as long to get them ready as we figured. By the time we climbed into Thane’s SUV, it was already midmorning.
“What’s so special about this castle?” I asked as we drove through the village. “It can’t be as spectacular as Ardnoch.” Not that I’d spent as much time there as I would’ve liked.
Thane smirked. “Ardnoch will always be special. Even if it was drafty and miserable to live in when we were children.”
Surprised, I said, “It was?”
“Oh, aye. It was nothing like how you see it now. Lachlan invested a lot into the castle and estate to make it the grand, luxurious building it’s become. But when we were children, it was baltic—freezing,” he clarified. “Some fireplaces were unusable because nests and other critters blocked the chimneys. We’d congregate around the one in the reception area with blankets and books and games.” He grinned like the memories weren’t so bad. “We were what you call land rich but cash poor.”
“I can’t even imagine that.”
“Lachlan knew changes had to be made after our father died. Dad had raised us to be very aware of our responsibilities as Adairs. We were custodians of a rich history. And Lachlan felt that responsibility deeply, but he knew if he didn’t do something, we’d lose everything. We owned land all over the Highlands and even in the Lowlands, some of it particularly lucrative because of its resources. Lachlan sold it all, divided the earnings between us,
and then he invested his Hollywood earnings into the estate. Created the club. A percentage of its earnings goes toward the rest of our inheritance.”
Impressed by my sister’s fiancé, I said, “He’s very savvy. I mean, the club’s reputation precedes itself.”
Thane grinned. “My brother is a born showman. And the club is just one big show.”
“So if Ardnoch is better than Dunrobin, why are we going?” Lewis asked.
Thane glanced at him over his shoulder before returning his eyes to the road. “In just a few minutes, you’ll see why.”
Intrigued, we waited, and then as we turned a bend on the coastal road that followed the cliff’s edge, Thane pointed out the window. “There, do you see it? Eilidh-Bug, do you see it?”
I sucked in a breath. In the distance, stretching up above the trees, perched near the cliff’s edge, was a castle straight out of a storybook. It was white with conical spires.
“Oh, Daddy!” Eilidh gasped as she caught sight of it.
I turned to look at her in the back seat, grinning at how big her eyes had gotten. “Isn’t it beautiful?”
She nodded, amazed. “It’s the Beauty and the Beast castle!”
“I’ve seen it before,” Lewis piped up. “We’ve driven this way before, Dad.”
“We have. But Eilidh was too young then to notice it. Do you like it, Eils?” her dad asked.
“Yes!” She gave me an excited “well duh” look that made me giggle.
I sat back in my seat and shot Thane a grin. “She likes it.”
His pleased smile made my heart flip in my chest.
“It’s the seat of the earls and dukes of Sutherland,” Thane told us. “And the Adairs have some family connections to them.”
There With You Page 20