‘Amazing,’ I finish for him, then start rocking my hips, unable to hold still a second longer.
We move rhythmically, completely in sync with each other, like we were made for each other, which, in my opinion, we are. There is no one else in the world that will make me feel the way Kayden does. I will never trust anyone more. Never want to be with anyone as much. He’s it for me and I just hope that it’s the same way for him. That he wants to move in with me like he said. Be with me, maybe forever.
Chapter 12
#150 Rewrite Beautiful Words in Your Own Beautiful Way.
Kayden
‘That was …’ I can barely breathe, let alone finish the sentence. Not after that. Sex in a car with Callie. How the hell did a really shitty night turn into something so amazing? I’d been so upset about all the stuff with my dad and how it was making me feel so ugly inside. Plus, I’d had a relapse. I felt like I was sinking toward the bottom of despair and now I feel like I’m on cloud nine running on fucking rainbows. But I don’t think it’s just the sex; it’s the memories that are doing it to me, too. Through all of the craziness and crappiness that’s happened, I’d somehow lost sight of all the good stuff that has happened and is still happening.
‘I must be good if I’m making you speechless.’ She tries to be playful, but even through the dark I can still tell that she’s blushing by the way she turns her head and lets strands of hair fall into her face.
‘You’re perfect.’ I taste her lips one more time before I help her put her bra back into place, then the straps of her dress. She shivers as my fingers brush her shoulders and it makes me smile that my touch still does this to her after almost a year. ‘You always are.’
She smiles as she hops back into the driver’s seat so I can put my shirt back on. ‘I feel like I’m high,’ she admits as she puts my jacket back on.
‘So you like being naughty,’ I tease as I button up my shirt.
Slipping her foot into her boot, she shrugs, but her lips threaten to turn upward. ‘Maybe.’
I want to tell her she’s adorable, but that’s kind of what started this whole thing to begin with. Okay, maybe I should call her it again. Hell, I need to start calling her it a lot more.
Before I can say anything else, though, she pushes open the door to get out. ‘Are you ready to visit the next place?’ she asks, wiggling her other foot into her boot before she swings her feet out onto the ground.
I nod, grabbing the can of spray paint from the center console before I hop out of the car with her. I take her hand as soon as we reach the path, unable to keep myself from touching her. That’s the thing with Callie – something as simple as her touch can warm the cold inside me. Her words are so much more powerful. They not only warm the cold, but melt it into a puddle.
It’s what her words did for me at the restaurant. It’s why I told her I want to move in with her. I think I always have, but wasn’t able to say it until that moment when I realized not only how much she meant to me, but how much I meant to her. I may fight it, may worry I’m not good enough for her, but in the end, I’m what she seems to want and she deserves to have what she wants, so I’m giving it to her – giving me to her the best I can.
‘We probably should have brought flashlights,’ Callie says as the path starts to wind into the hills, making the city lights below disappear and our surroundings shadow over.
I reach into my pocket to get my phone and swipe my finger across the screen so it lights up. ‘How about this?’ I hold it up and aim it down on the path.
‘You’re brilliant,’ she says then picks up the pace, pretty much skipping through the dark.
‘Careful.’ I grip onto her as she starts to slip on a patch of ice.
She keeps skipping and I end up shuffling after her until we reach the steep rock I once sat on with her before we even kissed. There’s a light layer of snow on some of the rocks and icy spots on the ground.
‘I’m not sure we should climb up that in the dark,’ I tell her, pulling her toward me until her back is pressed against my chest.
‘But we climbed them in the dark before with Seth and Luke,’ she says as I circle my arms around her waist.
‘I know, but I love you now and would die if anything happened to you.’ I kiss the sensitive spot behind her ear and she sighs.
‘All right, you win, but only because you made such a beautiful argument.’ She takes a seat on a small rock and faces the path we just walked up. ‘Remember how each time we came up here, you had to help me climb up the rocks?’
I nod and sit beside her, turning the timer on my screen on so it’s at the max – we have ten minutes of light. ‘I also remember how I had a naughty dream about you where I was helping you down the rocks.’ I set the phone down beside my feet and try to get comfortable even though the ground is freezing my ass.
Her head snaps in my direction. ‘What? When?’
‘The night we first came here.’
‘But you were still dating Daisy then?’
‘It didn’t mean I wasn’t attracted to you,’ I tell her. ‘Trust me, I was. Way, way attracted to you.’
She presses her lips together as if she wants to say something, but is fighting it.
‘What’s on your mind?’ I brush my finger across the inside of her wrist.
Her shoulders rise and fall as she heavy-heartedly shrugs. ‘You know, I never got how you were attracted to me when you were dating her. I mean, I know you love me now, but it never made sense why you’d break up with her then want to date me right after. I mean, I know she was a bitch, but she was … well, she was really, really pretty.’ A thousand protests run through my mind, but before I can say anything she adds, ‘I’m not saying that so you’ll compliment me. I know you love me now. I was just telling you how I felt in the past, since this is a night about the past.’
It takes me a moment to find my voice, but only because I’m still shocked about the first thing she said. ‘First of all, let’s get something straight. All looks aside, you are a thousand times a better person than Daisy will ever be. The girl was more than a bitch. She was evil and self-centered. She never asked about my scars, never tried to get to know me in the way you did, when I felt completely and utter vulnerable, but in a way I needed to be. You saved me, Callie, not only from my father, but from myself and a life full of misery and self-loathing. And yeah, I know I still have a ways to go, but you still help me even now.’
‘Good, I’m glad. I love helping—’
I cover her mouth with my hand, silencing her. ‘I’m not done yet.’ I position my hands so her face is trapped between them, wishing it wasn’t so dark so I could see my favorite part about her – her eyes. They’re a mirror to her emotions and I love being able to see what she’s feeling whenever I look into them. ‘And second of all, you’re a million times more beautiful than Daisy will ever be.’ She starts to protest, but I talk over her. ‘And not just because you’re beautiful on the inside, which I know you’re about ready to say, but because you are ridiculously beautiful in a way that almost seems unreal sometimes.’
‘Kayden, I appreciate you saying that, but I know I’m not,’ she says. ‘I know what I am, though, which is average, and I’m okay with that.’
‘You’ll never be average, Callie.’ I wish she’d get the full extent of what I’m trying to say. ‘Daisy was like plastic, all fake nails and tanner, bleached hair, and fancy clothes – nothing about her was real. You’ – I bring her lips closer to mine – ‘you’re real. Everything from your freckles, to those beautiful, gorgeous eyes of yours, to those fucking perfect lips. You’re unconventionally beautiful, the kind of beautiful people can’t even understand because it’s not generic and created – it just is.’
She’s quiet for what feels like an eternity, the soft sound of her breathing filling the silence between us. ‘You’re turning into quite the master of words,’ she says softly. ‘You just put this writer to shame.’
My lips tug upward, but I�
�m not ready to smile just yet. ‘But you get what I’m saying, right? You understand how beautiful you are inside and out?’
She nods and I feel her cheeks move as she smiles. ‘But only if you understand just how much I need you and how much I deserve you.’
It takes a lot for me to say it, but I know I have to – know it’s right for the moment. ‘All right, it’s a deal,’ I say then lean in to kiss her, taking my time, savoring the feel of her lips.
I pull away about eight minutes later when the screen clicks off and darkness surrounds us. Picking it up, I reset it for another ten minutes then take the spray can out of my pocket. ‘So, what are you planning on putting on the rock this time?’ I ask, giving the can to her.
‘Hmmm ….’ She taps her finger against her lip then hands the can back to me. ‘I think you should be the one to do it.’
‘No way. You’re the writer.’
She gets to her feet and brushes the dirt and little bit of snow off her ass. ‘Nope. I’m giving you the honors tonight, since you’ve been on a roll with beautiful words.’ When I don’t get up right away, she offers her hand to me. ‘Come on, Kayden. After what you just said to me, this should be a piece of cake.’
I thread my fingers through hers and get to my feet, giving the can a little shake. Then I stare at the rock. And stare at the rock. And stare. And stare. And stare.
‘It’s like when I look at my computer screen sometimes.’ She playfully pokes me in the side. ‘Only instead of a cursor doing the tormenting it’s a can of paint.’
I lift the can to write something, but the pressure is getting to me. My mind is blank until suddenly I get an idea as I remember the night we came up here the first time. Callie had painted her own quote on the wall … that amazing quote.
Smiling, I press the nozzle and move my hand across the rock. She grabs the phone and aims it so I can see better, and so she can read what I’m writing. When I’m done, I stand back beside her and she reads it aloud.
‘In the existence of our lives, there are many coincidences that bring people together, but there’s only one person that will own your heart forever,’ she reads aloud and I swear she almost cries near the end.
‘Someone really smart once wrote that, I think,’ I say as I put the lid back on.
‘She didn’t say that exactly.’ She turns to face me. ‘And I like your version a lot better.’
‘Good.’ I take her hand and hold onto to it for a thousand different reasons – to touch her, to feel comforted, to keep on standing, living, breathing. It’s crazy how the night went from shitty to one of the best nights I’ve had in a long time. It makes me realize how much I need her and how much I need to keep working on being the guy she deserves. ‘Because I mean it – all of it.’
Chapter 13
#153 Help Someone Even When They Don’t Necessarily Ask For Help.
Callie
The next few weeks go by in a blur of fall leaves, midterms, and football games. Before I know it, Thanksgiving is approaching. Kayden and I haven’t gotten a place of our own yet, nor have we really talked about it since that night. However, he does seem to be doing a lot better after we spent time reliving some of our past moments, and that’s really all that matters, right?
I also haven’t noticed any fresh cuts on his skin and he hasn’t gotten upset over anything with his family, so things are going pretty smoothly. Then again, I don’t think much has happened other than Dylan calling to check in and to see if Kayden is planning on going out there for Thanksgiving break.
‘So have you decided what you’re going to do yet?’ I ask Kayden. He stopped by my dorm after football practice when I was in the middle of folding my laundry. There are piles of clothes on the bed and I’m still working on the pile in the basket. By the time I get finished, they’ll probably be more to clean and fold.
Kayden is lying on the floor, since there’s no room anywhere else, throwing a football up in the air and catching it. ‘About Thanksgiving?’
I nod, folding a shirt and adding it to a stack near the foot of the bed. ‘I was just wondering if you decided whether you’re going to go to Virginia or not.’ It’s a sensitive subject, so I keep my voice light.
He tosses the football in the air and catches it before he responds. ‘What do you think I should do?’ he asks, tipping his head back to look at me.
I grab a pair of jeans from the basket. ‘Kayden, I don’t really think I should make that choice for you.’
‘Yeah, I guess I worded that wrong.’ He sets the football down and rolls to his side so he can easily look at me. ‘I just meant … I mean, what are you doing?’
‘For Thanksgiving?’ I shrug as I fold the jeans. ‘Going home. You know how my mom is with holidays. She’d be super upset if I didn’t come home. You can come with me, though, if you don’t want to go to Virginia.’
He bobs his head up and down, contemplating something. ‘Yeah, I don’t think I’m up for going back home really.’ He seems guilty about it, which he shouldn’t be.
‘You don’t have to think of it as going home. Just visiting my family for Thanksgiving.’
‘Yeah, but not thinking of it as home is part of the problem because it never really was.’ He flips on his stomach and pushes himself up to his feet, his grey T-shirt riding up just enough for me to see a little bit of his firm stomach. ‘And, I think I want to find some sort of place that I can call home.’ He wavers. ‘So I think maybe I should go to Virginia and try out this whole holiday thing with Dylan. I mean, he hasn’t brought up anything about my mom or dad lately, so I should be okay. I think, maybe it’s a good idea. And besides, I think it’s time I tried to handle that stuff.’ He glances at the healing scar on his wrist. ‘So that I don’t slip up again.’
I feel a ping of sadness in my stomach at the idea of spending a week away from him. Plus, there’d be almost a country’s worth of distance between us. Yet, I know those are both selfish reasons and in the end, it would be really nice for him to be able to get along with Dylan, especially if he wants to.
‘If you feel like you should go to Virginia, then you should go to Virginia.’ I collect a stack of jeans to put in the dresser. ‘It’d be good for you to get to know Dylan and maybe even Tyler if he’s going to be there and you think you want to see him.’
‘He’s still in rehab.’ He scoops up the football from the floor as I open the drawer and put the clothes in. ‘But I might get to see him. I think anyway.’
‘Good.’ Mustering up my best smile, I turn to face him. I am happy for him and everything, but I just hope it goes well for him. I worry. ‘I’ll miss you, though.’
‘You could always come with me,’ he says with hope as he clutches onto the football.
‘I wish I could, but I already told my mom I’d come home. Plus, Jackson’s going to be there and I haven’t seen him since Spring Break. And I made a number on the list to try to have a better relationship with him.’ I point at my door where the whiteboard with the to-do list usually is, but furrow my brow when I realize it’s gone.
‘What on earth. Where’s my list?’ I glance at Kayden. ‘Was it here when you came over today?’
He shrugs, rotating the football in his hand. ‘I have no idea.’
I scratch my head. ‘Maybe Seth took it for some reason.’ I start to reach for my phone. ‘I should call him and ask.’
‘But anyway,’ Kayden says, clearly cutting me off, ‘that’s good you’re trying to patch things up with your brother.’ He grabs my hand as I give him a questioning look. ‘I know that’s been hard for you, considering Caleb was his best friend.’
I decide to ignore his weird sidetracking thing – for now anyway – but I will get to the bottom of it.
‘He’s been really nice since I finally told him what happened,’ I say as Kayden gives my arm a tug and lures me toward him. ‘I don’t want to be mad at him anymore. It was too exhausting and there’s no point in holding grudges.’
The corner of his
lips tip to a half smile. ‘You always say stuff that I feel applies to me.’
‘Oh, that’s not what I meant,’ I begin to protest as our bodies greet each other. ‘What happened between Jackson and me isn’t the same as what your father and mother did to you. At all.’ I feel horrible for what I said. Kayden should be able to hold a grudge against his father and mother, forever in my opinion. After his father stabbed him and nearly killed him – stuff like that just doesn’t erase. The large scar on Kayden’s side proves that.
‘Callie, relax. I know you weren’t referring to me.’ He gently tugs on a loose strand of my hair. ‘I was just teasing you.’
I assess him carefully. He seems like he’s being honest and looks almost happy. ‘You seem in a good mood. What’s up?’
He rolls his tongue in his mouth to keep from smiling. ‘It’s nothing. I’m just happy I’m here with you.’
I tip my head and study him suspiciously. ‘No, something’s up. You’re like super happy and you just purposely sidetracked me from the fact that the list is missing from the door.’
‘Okay, maybe there is something on.’ He’s so cute, trying to restrain a grin. ‘But I can’t tell you right now.’
‘Is it bad?’
‘No. It’s good, I think.’ He’s totally enjoying this.
‘Okay, now I really want to know.’ I pout out my lip. ‘Please.’
Chuckling under his breath, he reaches up and touches my bottom lip with his fingertip. ‘That trick’s not going to work on me.’
‘What trick?’ I ask innocently.
He gives me a look. ‘Are you trying to tell me that you don’t purposefully pout your lip out when you’re trying to get your way?’ he asks and I get a guilty look on my face. ‘Yeah, see. I can read you just as well as you can read me.’ He winks at me then pulls me in for a kiss, dropping the football to the floor. Our tongues instantly tangle and within seconds he’s picking me up and carrying me toward the bed.
I have every intention of pulling off his clothes and re-experiencing the moment we shared in the car a few weeks ago, but then the door swings open and Harper comes walking in.
The Resolution of Callie & Kayden Page 8