by B. B. Reid
“Keenan, I don’t think this is a good idea. Maybe I should sleep with Kennedy.”
He drew me close with a light hand around my neck and growled against my lips. “Go. Now.”
I met my daughter’s eyes, which were nearly shut from fatigue but still very much aware. Fighting with Keenan in front of her when he was still very new to her would only scare her.
I cleaned up the bathroom and made for the bedroom where I took a shower in the master bath. By the time I finished, Keenan was waiting for me on the bed. He’d shed his shirt and shoes and the sight of him shirtless and barefoot stirred unwanted lust. The tattoos covering his upper body contrasted greatly with the dress pants.
“You can stop drooling now.”
I snapped my mouth shut and swallowed the moisture that had formed from the sight of him. “I wasn’t drooling.”
“If you say so.” He smirked. “Here. I want you to wear this.” He extended a slip of sheer fabric, and reluctantly, I took it and held it up for inspection.
“I think I will be a little over prepared to sleep, don’t you think?”
“You can sleep naked if you want.”
“Why can’t I wear the pajamas I brought with me?”
Instead of answering, he wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me between his legs and then plucked the lingerie from my hands. The towel was peeled from my body, dropping carelessly to the floor, and just as quickly, I was wearing the gown.
“Will you always need to have your way?”
“I’m afraid so.” He stood to his feet, towering over me. “I’m going to shower, but I’ll be back for you.”
“Is that a threat?”
“It’s a promise.” He startled me by kissing my nose softly and then disappeared into the bathroom.
What the fuck?
I all but ran out the room feeling confused and on edge. Why had he changed his mind about Kennedy? Why was he being gentle and almost likable? A part of me hoped it was real while the other feared it was just another mind game.
I entered the bedroom where Kennedy was fast asleep and watched her chest rise and fall for the longest time. With each breath she took, my heart felt lighter. She was safe. She was home. We had each other.
“We have to tell her soon.” My head turned toward the door where Keenan stood, his hair and body both dripping wet with a towel wrapped around his waist. “You’re drooling again.”
“Your dick is practically making a tent in that towel.”
“There is nothing practical about my dick, baby.”
“Why are you sweet talking me?”
“Would you rather I threaten and yell at you?”
“At least it would be real.”
“Then let me show you what real feels like,” he gritted as his eyes darkened to pitch black. I suddenly regretted what I’d said. It scared me how quickly he could change. “Let’s go.”
He turned away, assuming I would follow.
I did.
And I cursed myself the entire way to his bedroom.
He took a seat on the edge of the large bed and crooked his finger.
Stupid me followed.
“Face the wall.”
I did as I was told though my brain sent my body the command to run.
You can do this.
No matter how much he hated me, I had to remember that somewhere deep inside he was still Keenan. My Keenan. The Keenan who always had a ready joke and a loving touch.
Only… at this moment, here, together, he wasn’t my Keenan. He was my ruination.
I heard him move but somehow knew that turning around would be a mistake. The room filled with the slow and sexy croon of a man who sung about a lost love replaced with hate and sex.
“Dance for me.”
At his command, my hips began to sway. The sheer fabric he ordered me to wear did nothing to hide the curves I earned from my pregnancy. His eyes just before I turned as they scanned my exposed body told me he appreciated.
“Your ass is even more beautiful than I remember. And your tits…” His groan was low but perfectly audible. “You’re a woman now.” His warm breath whispered over my skin, heating me up, but at the same time, raising chill bumps. I never even heard him move. “Did my child do this to you?”
“What do you think?”
“I think you’re sexier than ever. Perfect even.”
His hand came between my thighs and slid up until his fingertips rested just underneath the flimsy nightgown.
“Perfect?” I could barely manage to speak the word when his fingers briefly strummed my sex before moving away as if it never happened.
“Perfect,” he repeated. “It’s too bad really.” A kiss on my shoulder left me needing more than just a promising threat.
“Why is that?”
“Because you won’t be when I’m through with you. I’m going to be the devil you made of me.”
“Maybe you were always this person, and the guy I fell in love with was the façade.”
He turned me around to face him with his hands on my hips. “Congratulations, Shelly. You’re finally thinking with your head.”
He pushed me back onto the bed and crawled on top of me. “It’s too bad your head isn’t needed for what I’m about to do to you.”
“I never said I wanted to fuck you.”
“You didn’t have to. Your body tells me everything I need to know.” He trailed his hand up my thigh and rested it just where my thigh met my sex. “Your pussy doesn’t lie either. I can feel all this heat between us right… here.” He trailed a finger down my sex and my traitorous body quivered.
“Because you don’t play fair.” I pushed the towel from his hips and he yanked the gown over my head. My hand immediately gripped his cock and guided him inside me.
“I never claimed to,” he groaned when he was seated fully.
“Then what do we do now?”
“We fuck.” His lips met mine at the same time he began to move inside me. My legs wrapped tighter around his waist, and I pulled him into me. His dark gaze pinned me to the bed just before his hands did. “Only I control this fuck, baby, so let go and let me.”
I had to grab onto his hips to handle the harsh but slow possession of his body. It was the same song and dance every time I gave into him. It was me fighting not to let him see how much I craved the surrender.
* * * * *
He rolled onto his back, taking me with him, and stared up at the ceiling. My limbs felt like rubber and my entire body ached from overuse including the forbidden parts.
Keenan had explored me thoroughly throughout the night. My mouth and ass had taken the brunt of his lust.
“Why did you change your mind?” I whispered into the dark.
“About?”
“Taking Kennedy away from me.”
“I never took her away from you, and even if I had, nothing’s changed, Shelly. I’m still the bad guy.”
“Protecting yourself doesn’t have to mean hurting others. You don’t have to be that cruel.”
“You want to know about cruelty? There is nothing worse than being in love with someone you want to hate.”
“What are you saying?”
“I think you know.”
I did, but some things were better left in the dark. I definitely didn’t want to believe it.
We each gave in to our private thoughts. The rise and fall of his chest was starting to lure me to sleep until my mind began screaming for me to ask the question that still stood between the two of us.
“Why did you fuck her?”
He was silent for so long I thought he might have fallen asleep until his heavy sigh told me he wasn’t. “Because I would have lost you either way. At least the way I chose I knew I could have a chance at keeping you and you would be okay.”
“What do you mean you would have lost me? Where would I have gone?”
“Let it go, Shelly.”
“I can’t do that.”
“You don’t h
ave a choice.” I sat up and searched his face, maybe hoping he would give in, but his steely gaze met mine unwaveringly. “Drop. It.”
“One of these days, I’m going to finally accept that you will never stop being a coward.” I moved to my side and faced away from him while fighting back tears.
For the longest time, the only sound that could be heard was the sound of my incessant sniffling until he spoke so quietly I almost didn’t hear him. “You read those text messages but did you understand them?”
What?
“I read enough.” There weren’t many between them, and after four years, I could probably only guess that there were no more than a handful spanning two weeks.
“No, Shelly. You didn’t.”
* * * * *
FOUR YEARS AGO
“Are your parents’ home tonight?” Keenan nuzzled against my neck and groped my ass to lift me into him. We had just finished making out in the driveway
“I don’t know, but Dash could be back any moment.” I giggled.
“No, he won’t. He’s busy chasing Willow’s ass. I don’t blame him either.” I hit him on the chest and considered kneeing him.
“Don’t joke about my friends,” I warned.
“Baby, I was only kidding. You’re the sour apple of my eye.”
“You’re really asking for it tonight, aren’t you?” I meant it as a threat, but the lust in his eyes increased tenfold.
“I’m damn near begging for it, Shelly. Are you going to give it to me?”
“That depends…”
“On?”
“How well you beg.”
“I can beg very well, baby. If you take me inside right now, I can show you just how well I beg with my mouth on your pussy.”
We were upstairs and locked away in my room in sixty seconds flat. We continued to kiss with an intensity I still had not become entirely used to.
“Your lips taste like I’d died and gone to heaven, but your pussy will make me want to die for that little slice of heaven. Turn around, baby, and bend over the bed.”
I did as he instructed without hesitation.
“Lift your skirt and slide your panties to your ankles.” I felt awkward completing his instructions in my current position, but I managed it without embarrassment. “Good girl,” he praised. His voice sounded far away, so I turned my head to find him standing near the far wall, watching me with his ankles and arms crossed.
“Why are you playing with me?”
“I’m admiring. Playing starts now.” He shed his hoodie and shirt and knelt behind me. “Fucking beautiful,” he groaned before his tongue swept my sex.
From that moment, he kept me in a constant state of weeping and shaking as he ate me hungrily. When he finally decided I had enough, he positioned himself on top of my powder blue coverlet and ordered me to ride him.
After three rounds, we finally caught our breath. As I was drifting to sleep, I felt him kiss my nose. I opened my eyes in time to see him slip from the room. As soon as he closed the door, his phone vibrated with a message. I groaned and rolled over, ready for sleep to take me. Five minutes later, his phone continued to vibrate obnoxiously. Thinking it might have been an emergency I grabbed his jeans and fished his phone from his pocket:
Unknown: Why are you ignoring me?
It appeared to be the first messaged that had come through from an unknown number. There were at least five more, each worse and more incriminating than the last:
Unknown: Is your little girlfriend around?
Unknown: She can’t love you like I do.
Unknown: I want more Keenan.
Unknown: How many other boys can say they fucked their chemistry teacher?
Unknown: We have something special. I haven’t stopped thinking about your cock.
The last one was the most confusing of all.
Unknown: I told you… if you want to keep her, you need to see things my way.
I quickly scrolled to the top and read through the messages. Keenan had only responded twice in the two weeks the messages spanned. He had told her their deal was done and the second message read that what had happened was a mistake.
The phone slipped from my hands to the floor, and I followed after it when my knees gave out.
What deal could involve sex with Ms. Felders?
He fucked Ms. Felders.
This wasn’t the first time he had cheated on me, but I never thought we would go this far. I hadn’t realized I was crying until I felt his arms around me, pulling me up from the floor. His voice was barely heard over the sound of my heart shattering to bloody broken pieces. If I looked close enough, I might have been able to see it lying at my feet.
He lifted my naked body and gently laid me down on the bed and then quickly looked over me. When he didn’t see physical signs for my current state he asked again, “Why are you crying, Shelly?”
“You said it wouldn’t happen again.” The last of my tears had shed and in their place was anger.
“I’m not following.” Confusion flooded his features as his eyes searched mine.
“Then maybe your phone can bring you up to speed.” I jumped from my bed, retrieved his phone from the floor, and threw it at his bare chest. “You and the chemistry teacher seem awfully familiar with each other. Is it because you fucked her? The chemistry fucking teacher.”
“Fuck.” He stood from the bed and reached for me, but I backed away. The thought of his hands on me now made my skin crawl. “Sheldon, it was—”
“A mistake? I know. You told her as much after her many messages sent to you just begging for more of your dick.”
“It was only once. I turned her down after that.”
“What should that mean to me? It should have never happened.”
“But it’s not what you think.”
“Is it ever? It wasn’t with Jessica Stanton or Casey Whitmore or Brittany Anderson. How strong do you think I am, Keenan? Or do you just think me that much of a fool? No, don’t answer that. I am a fool, but more than that, I’m done.”
“Don’t do this, Shelly.” He begged and pleaded, but I heard none of it. “Don’t walk away again.”
“Keenan, I’m not walking away. I’m shutting the door. Now please get out.”
“I’m not leaving, Shelly, and neither are you.”
“I can’t be with you anymore, Keenan. I can’t compete with your demons. They consume you. I hate you so much that if you died right now, I wouldn’t even care.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
KEENAN
A WEIGHT ON my back had woken me and when I opened my eyes and turned my head, I was met with my own reflection staring back at me.
“Keenan. Up.”
“Princess? Why are you out of bed?”
“I draw.”
“Oh, no,” I heard Sheldon grumble from under my arm. Sometime during the night, I had curled her under with her back resting against my front. We were both completely naked underneath the covers so getting out of bed with Kennedy there was not an option. Especially not with my morning wood that currently rested between Sheldon’s thighs.
“What’s with this?” I asked Sheldon, indicating toward Ken.
“Every morning, she gets out of bed and finds a way to make my morning a long one. Your daughter is a criminal mastermind.”
“I see…” I turned back to Kennedy, who was currently occupied playing with my hair. “Kennedy can you wait for us outside the bedroom, please?”
“Keenan, come now and see my draw.” She pouted.
I don’t know how she did it, but just like that, I caved. I couldn’t let my little girl be unhappy, could I? I would kill anyone who tried so I had to live by it.
I worked the sheet around my waist, careful to hide my hard-on and took her by her hand. I could feel Sheldon’s eyes on me and heard her laughing just before I shut the bedroom door.
“Lead the way.”
I followed after her and into the living room. At first, I didn’t see it, but
the faint red coloring on the wall from one of the markers I used to sketch caught my eye. She ran to the spot and pointed, excitement lighting up her face. It was just a bunch of lines and shapes, but to me, it was the greatest creation in the world. Never mind the deposit that I wouldn’t be getting back.
“Pretty?” she asked.
“It’s beautiful.” I thought about it long and hard before asking, “What is it?”
“Mama… me… you.”
A sudden indrawn breath shifted my attention from Kennedy and her wall of art to her horrified mother standing behind me and covered in my dress shirt. She looked ready to collapse. I crossed the short distance between us and pulled her into my chest by the back of her neck.
“Does that scare you?” I whispered against her neck. She nodded against my chest but remained silent. Kennedy tugged on the sheet wrapped around my waist.
“Mama sad?”
I scooped her up and made room for her between us. She rubbed her mother’s head and then frowned when she didn’t lift her head. When her lips started to tremble, I felt my temper rise. “No, baby. She’s not sad. Isn’t that right, mommy?”
The warning in my tone finally convinced her to lift her head from where she was crying softly against my chest. She smiled brightly at Kennedy, and though it was forced, it seemed to appease her.
“Are you hungry?” Sheldon turned her teary gaze on me and only after a second too long did she reluctantly nod. “What about you, mini me?”
“Keenan,” Sheldon scolded. My reference to Kennedy being mine went over her head, so I ignored Sheldon’s warning and set Kennedy on her feet once more.
“I want cereal.”
“Cereal, huh? What kind do you like?” She rattled off an entire list of cereals long enough to include every cereal in the world, but somehow, never listed a single flavor I had. “How about pancakes?”
“Yes, please and cereal, too?”
I looked to Sheldon for help, but she only shrugged and said, “It’s one of her favorites.”
I went back to the bedroom and quickly dressed in sweatpants before leading them into the kitchen. Kennedy babbled a mile a minute about everything under the sun while I cooked. I never knew until now how kids questioned everything they saw. When I was finished, I spooned the food onto the plates and carried them to the table where Sheldon blew raspberries in Kennedy’s neck.