by Abbi Glines
“I’m sorry,” he said.
He’d already apologized but then I hadn’t been nice about it. “Thank you,” I replied. “I was having an…emotional day, I guess, I shouldn’t have gotten so angry.”
“No, you were right. I spoke to Rachel. She knows that we are just friends.”
“Thank you,” I said again. My earlier outburst seemed silly now. Had it really mattered what his cousin, who lived in another country, thought of me? Was it my conflicting emotions making me over react?
“How was opening night of the exhibit?” he asked me.
I sighed from the memory of tonight. “Amazing,” I told him. “I was able to talk about the art and people listened. They wanted to know all the details and I got to tell them. I love it.”
“You look beautiful,” he said, as his gaze slowly went down my body with an appreciative gleam.
The giddiness from my evening had to be the reason my stomach did a flip and my heart felt as if it was fluttering. I felt flushed suddenly and the night sky was my friend as it helped cover up my reaction to his words. I should thank him but I wasn’t sure my voice wouldn’t give away exactly what I was feeling.
“Griff should have been here with you,” he said and my fluttery feeling turned sour. That wasn’t his business and the way he had said it sounded as if he was judging Griff. He had no right to judge Griff.
“He is a med student,” I stated the obvious. “An art exhibit isn’t as important as his studies.” I was annoyed and I didn’t try and hide it.
“Anything that is important to you, should be important to him. He should have prepared and made time to be here. Not doing so was selfish.”
“You don’t get to say what he should and shouldn’t do.”
Creed took a step closer to me and his eyes blazed down at me. I wasn’t sure if it was anger at me, at Griff, or at something else. “You fucking deserve for your boyfriend to be by your side when something as important as tonight happens. Does he know how much you love your job? Does he know about Albert and how you’ve charmed the moody bastard? What about the La Sconfitta and that you finally got to see it first hand? Does he know any of that, Sailor?”
Tears stung my eyes and I hated it. I didn’t want to be emotional especially, not in front of Creed. This wasn’t fair. He was making it sound like Griff didn’t care and he did. He just hadn’t had time…yet he was right that Griff knew none of those things. Creed did. It was Creed I had told all of that to. It was Creed that was there to listen. None of this was fair to Griff. He was working so hard.
“Come on,” Creed said gently, taking my upper arm and leading me toward my car. “Let me drive.”
I shook my head no. I didn’t want him in the car with me. I wanted to be alone and I wanted to cry. He didn’t let go of my arm as he led me around to the passenger side. “You’ve had a long day, it’s late, and I’ve upset you. Let me drive you home.”
He was right. It had been a long day and he had upset me. When he opened the car door, I climbed inside silently. There was no reason to argue. I wanted to be mad at him but it wasn’t working. He had been right about a few things. He was the one there to listen to me. Griff hadn’t had time, so I’d used Creed as a stand-in and he’d been such a good listener. He even remembered the name of the La Sconfitta.
I laid my head back on the seat and closed my eyes as he climbed in and started the car. I didn’t want to need Creed or enjoy him being around. It scared me. I’d loved him as deeply as a girl could love a boy once. So deeply I’d needed counseling when he was suddenly gone from my life. But I wasn’t a girl anymore. I was a woman and he wasn’t the boy I’d adored. Letting him get too close was reminding me of how I felt before and it was wrong.
“I like Griff. He’s a good guy,” Creed said, breaking the silence.
I kept my eyes closed and said nothing. I didn’t know what there was for me to say. I didn’t trust myself to verbalize all I was feeling.
“I just want you to be happy, Sailor.”
I opened my eyes then and turned my head to look at him. “What makes you think I’m not happy now?” I asked him defensively.
He let out a weary sigh and glanced at me then back at the road. “Because I know you. I know when you do that frown where the corner of your mouth turns down that whatever you’re thinking about is making you sad. I know that when your eyes twinkle, you are trying not to laugh. I know that you scrunch your nose and shake your head when you don’t want someone guessing the truth,” he paused and looked at me again. “I fucking know you.”
My eyes filled with unshed tears and when I blinked, a tear broke free and I quickly wiped it away. Why was he doing this? My heart wasn’t ready to hear this. I loved Griff and I thought I was whole, but my heart was definitely still damaged from Creed. He was hurting me with every word. I turned away from him and wiped more tears that silently fell.
We pulled into my driveway and I was tempted to jump out of the car and run before the car came to a complete stop. I would likely end up breaking a leg, putting me back in the car with Creed as he took me to the hospital. When the car did come to a stop, I didn’t jerk open my door and run either. I calmed myself before opening the door and getting out.
I didn’t look back at Creed as I walked to my back door, and when I finally reached it, I knew he wasn’t following me. I glanced over my shoulder then to see where he was and I saw his back as he walked across the yard toward his house. I should go inside. Let this night end and hopefully the emotions his words had stirred would end too.
“He saved me,” I called out into the darkness. “I was a broken mess and Griff saved me,” I added, wishing I would shut up, but my mouth was taking over. Creed turned then and looked at me. I couldn’t see his face in the darkness but I knew he could see me from the porch light. “I loved you. I loved you so much it destroyed me. Losing you shut me down, my life no longer felt worth living. The darkness that surrounded me after what you did to me was so bad I didn’t recognize myself anymore. I found her too. I was there too! I loved her too.” I stopped then and choked back a sob. I was stronger now. I needed to say this. He needed to hear it. “Griff helped me heal.” I added loud enough for him to hear me. Griff had been there when no one else had and his light had been what gave me life again. I didn’t stand there and look out into the darkness toward him any longer. I’d said enough.
eighteen
November 13, 2019
My eyes flew open and for a moment I wasn’t sure what had woken me. It was still dark in my room. Then I heard the knocking. Sitting up in bed, I rubbed my eyes and waited to make sure I wasn’t still dreaming when the knocking came again. Tossing back the covers, I shivered and grabbed my throw to wrap around me then slipped on my faux fur-lined shoes before heading downstairs.
More knocking came and I realized it was my back door. I glanced at the time on the microwave before I turned to go into the living room. It was 2:36 AM. The knocking started again and I went to the door, not sure I should open it without being able to see who was out there. I stopped at the closed locked door.
“Who is it?” I asked.
“Me,” Creed replied.
In that moment, I had a choice. Open the door or tell him to go home. Creed was my friend but tonight we’d both said things I wasn’t sure I wanted to face yet. I still needed sleep and time to think about what he’d said and what I’d admitted to him.
“Sailor, please,” he pleaded and I didn’t weigh my options any longer. I might regret it, but I wasn’t going to be able to send him away.
My hand closed over the cold brass knob and I took a deep breath before turning it. We hadn’t finished our conversation tonight and he wanted to now. I had been sleeping but I hadn’t gone to sleep easily. I’d tossed and turned for over an hour before exhaustion finally won out. Maybe he needed to say something so he could get some sleep.
&nbs
p; I unlatched the screen door as my eyes locked on Creed. His hair was tousled as if he’d ran his hands through it several times and he was still wearing the clothes he’d had on earlier. A pair of faded jeans and a navy sweater. He stood there a moment in the freezing temperature and I pulled my throw tighter around me as I stepped back for him to enter.
Creed looked at me then at the door, as if he wasn’t sure he was going to come inside. I was about to tell him to make up his mind because it was too cold for this when he moved to walk into the house. I quickly closed the screen and then the door behind him but didn’t turn around to face him. I needed a moment to prepare to deal with whatever he needed to say. Perhaps if we had been able to talk six years ago, instead of him shutting me out, I wouldn’t be so wounded still today.
His hand touched mine and I shivered but I wasn’t sure if it was from his nearness or the fact his hand was still cold from being outside. I stayed still, not turning to look at him, and he laced his fingers through mine. I inhaled sharply. It was just our hands but it felt like much more. The air around us seemed to heat and I was struggling to breathe properly.
He tugged me to him and my back pressed against his chest. My breaths were becoming fast and shallow. I needed to pull myself away from him but I didn’t. We stood there in the darkness of the living room. I waited for him to say something or for me to get the will to walk away and put some distance between us.
Neither of those things happened and when I felt the warmth of his breath on the curve of my neck, just before his lips touched my skin, I didn’t care anymore about words. We’d said too much already. There were no words that could fix the past.
Creed’s other hand ran down my arm and I felt the grip on my throw loosen as it slid down my body. I didn’t feel the chill anymore. I felt warm, almost too warm. Creed’s hand touched my waist and he gently turned me to face him.
His right hand slid into my tangled hair and he tugged at it enough to tilt my head back. Our gazes locked, just before his mouth covered mine. It wasn’t painful but he wasn’t exactly gentle either. The hard press of his lips felt as if he was placing a claim on me that we both knew he didn’t have the right to do. My brain knew I should stop this but my body was clawing to get as close to him as possible.
With both of his hands now on my hips, he pushed me until my back was against the closed door. The possessive move made me slightly crazy. My hands slid into his hair and when his right hand eased down my bare thigh past the oversized flannel shirt I was wearing, I was ready to climb all over him. Right and wrong didn’t matter to me in this moment.
Creed clasped his hand over my knee and pulled it up to his waist. The vulnerability I suddenly felt caused me to tense for only a moment. The hardness behind the zipper of his jeans made everything else fade beneath the desire flooding me.
My body took over and nothing else mattered but the pleasure. Grabbing his biceps, I raised my knee higher and rubbed against the temptation.
“Sailor,” he groaned and his hand grabbed my other thigh, pulling it up so that my feet were no longer on the floor. I was pressed against the door, open to him. His mouth pulled back from mine and our eyes locked as he cupped my butt and rocked against me.
“Ah!” I cried out from the delicious pressure.
Creed’s eyes heated as he moved a hand down until it slipped between my legs. I was lost the moment his fingers moved under my panties and began to stoke the tenderness. “Oh god,” I moaned, clinging to him, afraid I would explode.
“I’ve dreamed about you,” he told me in a husky whisper before his mouth began trailing kisses along my jawline while his fingers continued to explore.
If he wanted a response, he wasn’t getting one. Words were becoming too difficult.
“So damn sweet,” he said against my ear and I shivered, squeezing his arms until my nails dug into the skin. “I need you, Sailor.”
He had me. I lifted my hips, forcing his finger inside me. “Yes!” I cried out at the entry.
“Fuck,” he growled and then I was moving. He held me against him and walked the few steps to the sofa before laying me down. The burning hunger in his gaze made me tremble with excitement. I watched as he pulled his shirt over his head, dropped it to the floor and then went to his jeans. I’d known he would be beautiful naked, but the chiseled perfection seemed ridiculously unfair. I wanted to sit up and touch him. Run my fingers over him like I would a sculpture that enraptured me.
His hands moved to my shirt and with ease, he had it unbuttoned. When his hands went to my panties, he slowed and his gaze lifted to mine then went back to the white satin before he began easing them down my legs. What came next I wasn’t expecting and the second he shoved my thighs open and lowered his head I stopped breathing.
Creed’s tongue began to circle my clit then lick slowly between my folds. My hands gripped his hair and sounds came from me I didn’t recognize. Nothing mattered. If I died that would be okay. Just so he didn’t stop. Nothing had ever felt this amazing. He made a low sound in his chest and the vibration felt incredible. “Oh God!” I screamed and pulled at his hair.
With his tongue flat, he slowly licked until my orgasm burst free, causing me to shout his name among other things. By the time it eased, Creed had moved over me and the moment I opened my eyes to look at him, he slid inside of me. Another cry escaped me and I lifted my hips to meet his thrust.
“It’s always been you,” he whispered the words.
He began to rock his hips as each press into me became more forceful. I moved my right knee higher, wrapping my leg around his back and the position caused him to grow more intense. He pressed a kiss to my shoulder then a sharp bite from his teeth startled me. The pain shouldn’t make my body ignite more, but it did. When he licked the spot he’d bitten, I felt my second orgasm beginning to build. I wanted him to bite me again. What was wrong with me?
“Harder,” I begged him, thinking in that moment he couldn’t do it hard enough. I wanted the pain with the pleasure.
He thrusted deeper and I screamed out. He bent his head again and licked at the bite then whispered in my ear, “You feel like heaven.”
I dug my nails deeper into his arms and whimpered.
“Oh God, Creed!” I moaned, his words sending shocks of pleasure through my body. “Please,” I begged, but I wasn’t sure what I was begging for. Relief, more, I didn’t know. I lifted my hips, making each entry harder and faster.
He stopped talking then and I stopped thinking. The coming rapture that was about to overtake my body made every cell tingle. I began to whimper and I felt it, knowing it was going to be stronger than the others.
Just when the explosion came over me, I heard Creed shout my name and his body jerk. Forcing my eyes open, I saw his head thrown back and the veins in his neck were visible as he reached his climax, my own body shaking as I moaned beneath him.
As my breathing slowed and I could inhale properly again, Creed moved to the side of me and pulled me into his arms. With his free hand, he grabbed the blanket on the floor beside us and covered our intertwined bodies with it. I wanted to say something, but I didn’t know what. Sleep came quickly this time.
nineteen
I woke to a warm heavy body moving over me. Squinting, I could see it was morning and that Creed was pulling on his jeans. I didn’t say anything as I watched him. Was he leaving? Should I ask?
When he started to turn toward me, I closed my eyes. I wasn’t ready to be awake and deal with last night just yet. He was moving around again and I chanced a peek to see if he was continuing to get dressed. He was shirtless, putting a log in the fireplace.
I watched him build a fire and admired the way the muscles on his back moved with the task. I had been so busy watching his chiseled body, I missed the fact he was finished and now turning around. His eyes locked with mine and he gave me a crooked grin.
“Morning,
” he said.
I pulled the cover tighter against my naked body and returned his smile. “Good morning.”
He ran a hand through his hair and it shouldn’t look so good when he did that. I was mesmerized and if we were going to talk, he had to put his shirt back on. I couldn’t concentrate if he had it off. I noticed claw marks on his upper arms and I gasped.
“I am so sorry,” I said, my eyes flying to his face.
He frowned. “For what?”
I lifted my hand and pointed at his arm then grimaced.
He glanced down at it and then chuckled. When he looked back at me, he raised his eyebrows and nodded at my shoulder. “Don’t apologize. I bit you.”
Oh yeah…he had. Sitting up quickly, I tried to look at it but realized I couldn’t see it. Then I realized I was topless and the covers were no longer covering that up. I grabbed for them and pulled them back up, before seeing if Creed caught that.
Creed smirked at me.
He’d seen all of me last night. It wasn’t like I was hiding something from him. I scowled at him or did my best to scowl at him. It was hard to scowl at a beautiful man shirtless. I wanted to get up and go lick his chest, and then I wanted him to make me orgasm some more because I had never experienced anything like it.
Not even with Griff.
Griff.
I felt sick to my stomach. I was lusting over Creed and wanting to have sex with him again, not even considering Griff. My sweet, kind savior who loves me. I’d betrayed him. Last night I should have stopped things because of Griff. But I’d been too damn crazed to have Creed inside me to think of anything else.
I was a slut.
No. I was worse than a slut. I was a cheating slut!
I heard Creed sigh and I didn’t look at him. I wrapped the covers around me tighter and stood up. I needed to get clothes on and I needed…I needed…we needed to talk. We should have talked last night. But no, we had gone at it like rabbits.