‘There have been many great women who didn’t need men to prop them up,’ she snapped at Arthur. ‘Joan of Arc, Queen Elizabeth I, Catherine the Great, Amelia Earhart…’
‘Oh Lord, do stop, Susie, we don’t want a history lesson now,’ Rachel laughed, as Arthur continued to look down his nose at her.
As Susannah turned to go back inside the hotel, she heard Arthur commenting to Rachel.
‘What an odd girl.’
It made her feel self-conscious all over again. Why did she always have to stand out?
By the time she returned to the dance, things were winding down already. The lights were brighter, and red-faced Silas was swaying by the drinks table, looking cross.
‘Where you been?’ he slurred. ‘It’s time to go.’
In their father’s Buick, the Young boys took the girls for a ride to what they considered to be the best spot on the island.
‘You’ve got to see the view of the harbour, Katie,’ Matthew said, steering the car with one hand while his other arm was round Kate’s shoulders as she sat in the front with him.
The car sped along the dark road, the silhouettes of trees lining either side, headlights every so often illuminating one of the island’s white wooden houses.
‘Don’t you have to be up early lobstering?’ Susannah spoke up. She was squashed next to Silas in the back of the Buick, who was so drunk he was lolling against her. All she wanted was to get back home to her own bed.
‘Oh, we don’t have to go out tomorrow,’ Matthew replied. ‘It’s Sunday, and my family is real religious. It’s our day of rest.’
Why had she even asked that stupid question? She still remembered hot summer Sundays with her daddy before the war. He hadn’t gone out to fish on a Sunday either. Him filling up the paddling pool with the hose, and she and Katie tumbling in, a mixture of fear and delight, knowing he might splash them. Susannah clenched her stomach tight. Would their lives be different if they still had a father? Certainly, these two boys might not be so liberal in driving them out of town up the hill to their favourite lookout point.
‘Hey, watch out!’ Susannah shouted out as Matthew continued to drive up onto the granite slabs and off the road. He slammed on the brakes right at the edge of the rock. They were parked on an overhang, overlooking Vinalhaven harbour.
‘We do this all the time, girl,’ Silas said to her, putting a sweaty hand on her black dress. It felt like a hot brick burning through the material to her knee.
‘Just look at that view, would you?’ Matthew said to Kate, and Susannah watched with dismay as she saw her sister let him tuck her under his arm.
‘Why would you drive on the granite?’ She turned to Silas. ‘It’s plain dumb and dangerous.’
‘Just because…’ Silas began, the words trailing off as he looked at her, a little cross-eyed.
‘We can make our mark.’ Matthew turned to her. ‘The tires mark the rock.’
‘We were here!’ Katie said gleefully.
What was happening to her sister? Susannah didn’t like it one little bit.
‘Scoot over, won’t ya?’ Silas said, putting his arm around her. Again, she got the faint whiff of fish underneath his soapy scent, and now whisky on his breath. Her stomach swelled and she felt rigid and awkward.
‘I’ve never seen the view from here before,’ Kate said, leaning into Matthew.
‘Ain’t it beautiful, baby?’ Matthew said.
Susannah watched them like a hawk, despite Silas attempting to pull her into him. She felt as rigid as a flagpole.
‘I believe Vinalhaven must be the most special place in the whole world,’ Kate breathed. ‘I never want to leave.’
‘Me too,’ Matthew said, kissing Kate’s neck, and putting his hand on her lap.
‘It’s our kingdom, ain’t it, Mattie?’ Silas spoke up next to her. ‘We got so much land,’ he said, slapping a wet kiss on Susannah’s cheek. She shifted away from him, feeling herself stiffen with dread. Before she could think straight, Silas had turned her head to face his and started kissing her on the lips, pushing his tongue into her mouth. She started in shock, trying to pull away.
‘Hey, hold still, will ya?’ Silas said as he paused, clamping her arms to her side.
‘Get off me!’ she hissed, looking over at Kate in desperation, but her sister was deep in kissing Matthew and oblivious to her own discomfort.
‘God, you’re frigid,’ Silas said, slapping his mouth back on hers, releasing his hands from her shoulders to hold her head in place. She pulled back, clashing her teeth against his lips.
‘Ouch!’ he complained as she shook him off and opened the car door. ‘What you doing?’ he asked her, looking shocked.
She ignored him and walked over to the passenger window. Kate was wrapped in Matthew’s arms. This was all wrong. These boys were taking advantage of them.
She tapped on the window of the car. But Kate clearly didn’t hear her, and although Matthew opened his eyes and looked at her, he continued to kiss Kate. Susannah banged on the window again until Kate heard her, and was forced to break the kiss. She rolled down the window.
‘What are you doing out of the car?’ her sister asked her.
‘Come on, let’s go,’ Susannah said. ‘Mom’ll be expecting us.’
Kate looked at her, wide-eyed. ‘It’s too far to walk back home.’
‘Get back in the car, for pity’s sake,’ Matthew said in exasperation. ‘We’ll bring you home, alrighty?’
Susannah shook her head. ‘Only if Kate gets in the back with me.’
‘But I want to sit up front with Matthew,’ Katie argued. ‘It’s not often he gets to drive me anywhere.’
‘Well, I don’t want to sit in the back with him,’ Susannah said, glaring at Silas.
‘He’s only a little drunk,’ Matthew said, leaning over Kate. ‘Just give him a dig in the ribs if he annoys you again.’
Susannah crossed her arms, frowning.
‘Relax,’ Silas said, lolling on the back seat and patting the place next to him.
Reluctantly, Susannah got back in beside him. As soon as they took off down the road, Silas began to kiss her again. But as she tried to push him away, this time Kate leaned over and gave Silas a slap on the knee.
‘Leave my sister alone, Silas,’ she said to him, giving him a stern look in the rear-view mirror.
‘But Matthew told me we’re on a double date,’ Silas wheedled.
‘Well, my sister clearly doesn’t want to be, so leave her alone,’ Kate said, putting her hand on Matthew’s knee as he drove them. ‘Tell him to leave her be, Mattie.’
‘Yeah,’ Matt said, looking at Susannah in the rear-view mirror so that only she could see the mockery in his eyes. ‘She clearly thinks she’s above us island boys.’
‘She’s not like that, Mattie,’ Kate said to them. ‘You’re just different, right, Susie?’
Susannah nodded glumly, hunched in the corner of the back seat away from Silas.
Back home, Kate pleaded exhaustion and went straight up to bed. Susannah could smell the whisky on her breath and knew she was avoiding being caught out.
‘How was the dance?’ her mother asked her.
‘Fine,’ she said tightly. Her mother looked crestfallen, clearly picking up on her negative tone. She returned to her lacing table, head bent over her work. In the curve of her hurting back, the weariness of movements, Susannah saw all the years of disappointment.
‘It was great, Mom,’ she said forcing herself to sound happy. ‘Really. You should have seen Katie. Everyone was saying how pretty her dress was.’
‘But what’s wrong with Katie? Why did she run up to bed without telling me anything?’
‘She was dancing all night long, Mom. She’s tired.’
‘But she was so excited. I’ve been waiting all night for her to tell me every single detail.’ Their mom paused from her lacing. ‘Did she and Matthew dance together?’
‘All night, Mom, like I told you. All the boys
wanted to dance with Katie. Every other dance, she and Matthew were together.’
Her mom flushed with delight as if she’d been the one dancing. ‘What about you? Did you have fun with Silas?’
Susannah chose her words carefully. ‘He’s not much of a dancer,’ she said. ‘I’m not sure we’re suited.’
‘Oh dear, well never mind that,’ her mom said, clearly more interested in Kate’s date. ‘And do you think Matthew Young is serious about Katie?’ She dropped her lacing things and looked at Susannah.
‘Yes,’ Susannah said reluctantly. She couldn’t lie to her mom. ‘He sure does like her.’
Her mom clasped her hands. ‘Well now, wouldn’t it be a fine thing if those two made a life together?’
Susannah couldn’t agree less. ‘Don’t you think Katie could do better than Matthew Young?’ she asked her mom.
‘In what way?’ her mom said, not understanding as she frowned at her. ‘He’s from the biggest and most respected lobster fishing family on the island. Matthew’s father fought in the war. His grandfather fished alongside Gramps Olsen. Who could be better than Matthew Young?’
‘He’s left high school already,’ Susannah ventured. ‘He’s not even graduating.’
‘Well, he doesn’t need to, does he? He’s set for life with the lobster-fishing. He’ll be able to provide well for our Katie.’
‘He’s just a bit…’ Susannah hunted for the right word. ‘Rough.’
‘Rough?’ Her mom’s voice rose. ‘Do you mean ignorant? Maybe you should remember your father never graduated either. He was a rough fisherman too. Are you ashamed of him?’
‘No, of course not!’ Susannah protested. ‘He was different.’
Her mom sighed. ‘Your problem, Susannah, is pride, and I don’t know where you got it from.’ She shook her head. ‘But if you’re not careful you’ll end up an old spinster.’
‘That suits me fine, Mom,’ Susannah snapped back, unable to hold her temper. ‘I’d rather be on my own for the rest of my life than married to Silas Young!’
It was on the tip of her tongue to tell her mother about her aspirations for Harvard. But what if she never got in? She couldn’t bear her mother’s ‘told you so’s if she didn’t make it.
Upstairs, Kate was lying with her back to her in bed, the patchwork quilt fallen on the floor. Susannah could see she wasn’t sleeping yet, but she didn’t say a word as she got into her own bed. She was exhausted from the whole night and just wanted to sleep.
‘My head keeps on spinning and spinning,’ Kate said as soon as Susannah turned off the lamp.
‘Did you drink some of the liquor Silas brought?’
‘Just a little, Susie,’ Kate said. ‘Why didn’t you have some? You might have enjoyed yourself more.’
‘Well, he never offered me any!’ Susannah said. ‘Though I wouldn’t have touched it if he had.’
‘You’re always so serious, Susie,’ Kate sighed. ‘Silas is okay. He just really likes you is all.’
‘He’s an ignorant drunk.’
‘So what? Those boys work damn hard. It’s okay if they have a drink now and again.’
‘What’s so great about Matthew Young, anyways?’ Susannah felt herself getting angrier.
‘I love him!’ Kate declared.
‘Don’t be so dramatic. That’s just plain dumb.’
‘I love him and I’m going to marry him. You just don’t understand, Susie.’ Kate’s tone softened as she sat up in bed. Susannah could see her shadowy silhouette outlined against the window in their room. ‘You got to understand: I want a good husband and to have babies. Make a family. That’s something real and safe. Why don’t you want that, too?’
Susannah had always known she and Kate were different. She wanted her sister to fulfil her dream. But not with Matthew Young. That’s what she wanted to scream at her lovesick sister. Silas was a slobby drunk, but Susannah almost preferred him to Matthew. There was something as cold as the Atlantic Ocean, deep inside Matthew. She didn’t like him one bit. And he couldn’t know the real Kate, because she was always pretending to be a silly, giggly girl around him. He couldn’t love Kate as she did. Her sister was way more than a pretty face. Even the way she’d got Silas to leave Susannah alone tonight had shown that she was strong-willed, and able to stand up to the older boy. Kate gave their mother so much support every day. It was as if her younger sister had stood in to replace the lost husband, helping their mom meet all her lacing deadlines, and work out how to cook on such a tiny budget. Susannah floated above all of the day-to-day struggle her sister took on with their mother. She knew it wasn’t fair, but her passion for studying consumed her. Kate accepted Susannah’s dream, although she didn’t understand it, and Susannah knew that without Kate always covering for her she would have had no chance of even considering applying to Harvard.
‘Just promise me you’ll be careful,’ Susannah whispered to Kate. ‘Don’t get into any trouble with Matthew Young.’
‘Of course not!’ Kate sounded shocked. ‘You should know I’d never do something like that!’
They lay in silence for a while before Kate spoke again.
‘I just love the way he kisses me,’ she breathed out. ‘I feel like I’m in a movie.’
Susannah couldn’t help thinking about the horrible kisses Silas had given her. How they had felt aggressive and not close to romantic. Deep down, she did want to be touched, and admired too, but she’d never met any boy who made her feel that way. Would she ever?
10
Emer
15th October 2011
Emer left Susannah in her study, typing away. Even the rhythmic clickety-clack of the typewriter sounded annoyed with her. Despite Susannah having backtracked and agreed she could stay after Emer had stupidly spilt her coffee on those papers, it was still clear Susannah would rather she wasn’t there. Emer couldn’t help wondering whether if Rebecca had hired her, Susannah would have been so resistant. She felt Susannah’s constant disapproval of Lynsey and wondered if somehow it coloured how Susannah treated her.
Best to leave Susannah on her own for the moment. Really, there was nothing much for her to do. She’d cleaned the whole house top to bottom the day before.
Emer slipped out of the front door, grabbing her bag on the way. The early morning sun was now concealed by a light blanket of shifting clouds. She felt the odd drop on her cheeks but the rain held back, the air fragrant with fall – fading geraniums, crisping leaves on the sidewalk, the faint salty tang from the ocean. Apart from the odd pick-up truck passing her by, all was quiet. As she wound her way down the hill, past all the quaint wooden houses of Vinalhaven, she was astounded yet again by how perfect her surroundings appeared. If the houses weren’t painted white, they were bright shades of blue, green, yellow, dove grey or even red. The gardens were well tended, and the trees fulsome and golden. She had never seen so many white picket fences. The houses, though smaller, were similar to those in Quincy in Boston where she’d lived with Orla and Ethan, but in other ways Vinalhaven was so different. A miniature, storybook version of old America. One she was certain her sister would have loved.
But now, after her argument with Susannah, Emer felt like she belonged here even less than when she’d arrived a few days ago. She was tempted to head right to the ferry terminal and hop on the next boat back to the mainland. But that would be running away, which she had done before. She knew it would make her feel even worse to do that.
Of course she couldn’t go right now. Her things were at Susannah Olsen’s house. Besides, she had nowhere to go. Even so, she found herself heading out of town towards the ferry terminal. On her left was a wharfside row of stores and business, fishing tackle shops and a yoga studio side by side. She spied a small diner.
Emer sat down by the window and sipped her mug of black coffee. Susannah had completely overreacted when Emer knocked the coffee over her papers, but then Emer’s own reaction had been so pathetic. What would Orla have done? Charmed Susannah, of cours
e. Everyone warmed to Orla. Their personalities were so opposite. It should have been Orla who was the caring nurse, and Emer the dedicated artist, not the other way around. Really, Emer couldn’t think of a soul who didn’t like her sister. She’d been furious with her stepmother when she’d made that comment at Orla’s funeral: only the good die young. They’d only just buried Orla, and were walking back to the limo when she’d said it. Emer had been in a kind of cold, shocked trance the whole day. Unable even to shed a tear. As if she’d been outside of her body. But Sharon’s remark had inflamed her.
‘Your sister’s with your ma now, Emer,’ Sharon had continued, ‘and they’re with the angels.’
Emer had wanted to punch Sharon in her big, fat, pitying face. What a condescending cow! What good was it to Emer to know her mam and her sister were with the angels? Did she even believe in angels? But now, weeks later, Emer had to admit there was some truth in Sharon’s words. Her sister and her mam had been the good ones. Emer and her dad the bad – well, the selfish – two in the family. Her mam had brought out the worst in Daddy, as if her humility ignited his pride. At least Sharon was a match for him. It had been a source of great amusement for both sisters to see their dad running around Sharon whenever they visited them in Boston. Complete role reversal. At times it had made Emer cross though. Why couldn’t Dad have been that attentive with their mam? Taken her out for meals? Brought her on sunny holidays in expensive resorts?
Orla drew out the best in Emer. She’d brought all the families together at her wedding to Ethan. Made sure everyone got on. Over a couple of awkward Christmases back home, Orla had smoothed things out with Sharon, helped Emer accept their dad would never give them the support they craved.
‘He’s just not able,’ Orla had told Emer. ‘Let him go.’
When Emer had come home exhausted from the hospital, guilty for snapping at patients, unable to stop herself from being too clinical, Orla reminded her she had to have boundaries.
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