‘I ain’t going nowhere. You hear me?’
Lynsey started to cry.
‘It’s okay, honey,’ Ava consoled her. ‘Let’s go out. You can sit behind the steering wheel of my car.’
Ava picked up Rebecca and took the two girls outside. Susannah went after her mom. She found her in Kate and Matthew’s old bedroom. She and Ava had stripped the bed of all its sheets, and packed everything they could away. But the room was still full of Kate. Her jewellery box, open on the chest of drawers. A small jar of dead flowers she’d clearly put in the window.
‘Mom, please, you’ve got to come with us. It’s the best thing for the girls.’ Susannah approached her mother. ‘Don’t you see, we need to take Lynsey and Rebecca away from here? It’s not good for them.’
The older woman turned with her back to the window, crossed her hands and looked at Susannah coldly.
‘We’re staying,’ she said firmly. ‘Otherwise I’ll tell the cops what really happened to my son-in-law.’
‘Why would you do that, Mom?’ Susannah gasped, horrified.
‘I will!’ she threatened, looking wild-eyed. ‘I’ll tell them the truth. How we dragged his body out like he was an animal. And you threw him in the sea like trash.’
‘He was trash, Mom!’ Susannah found her voice rising.
‘It was a sin,’ her mom said. ‘We’ve got to spend the rest of our lives asking forgiveness for it. That’s why you’ve got to stay with me, Susannah.’
The walls of her sister’s old room closed in. Panic swelled up inside her. Her mom was giving her an impossible choice. In fact, it was no choice. She was trapping her on this island, for the rest of her mother’s life. And no matter how much she loved Ava, Susannah knew she couldn’t let her stay too. She would have to let her go. This was the price she’d have to pay to protect her family.
39
Emer
31st October 2011
She stumbled along the trail. All she wanted to do was get away from Henry. Why had he been so duplicitous? Not told her who he really was?
She followed the track as fast as she could, not sure what she would do once she reached the parking lot. It didn’t look the same as the trail they’d taken up the mountain. As she rounded a corner, she saw the sea, and that part of the trail was submerged by seawater. She’d clearly gone the wrong way. She turned around and headed back the way she’d come, trying to remain calm. Shadow came bounding towards her, and next thing she knew, Henry had rounded the corner.
‘Thank god,’ he said, all concern. ‘I saw you’d gone the wrong way. At high tide that trail is dangerous.’
‘I just want to go home,’ she said, close to tears.
‘I’m sorry, Emer,’ he said, all his anger gone now. ‘I didn’t mean to scare you. That’s the last thing I wanted to do.’
‘None of this has anything to do with me,’ Emer pointed out. ‘It’s a tragic story from the past.’
‘But don’t you see?’ Henry said, passion flashing in his eyes again. ‘Susannah’s been walking around free as a bird all these years. What happened to Matthew destroyed my parents. My dad never got over it. Hit the bottle real hard.’ His voice cracked. ‘And what that did to my mom was even worse. The stress of his drinking pushed her into an early grave.’
‘I’m really sorry about your parents, but I don’t want to talk about it any more,’ Emer said firmly. ‘Just bring me back, okay?’
Henry gave her a long, measured look.
‘I clearly got you wrong,’ he said coldly. ‘Thought you were kind, at least.’
He walked fast through the woods, and she almost had to run to keep up, tripping over tree roots, getting hot and sweaty. At last, they arrived in the parking lot. To her astonishment, she recognised Susannah’s pick-up, parked next to Henry’s. The driver’s side door opened, and Susannah climbed out, clinging onto it.
‘Susannah!’ Emer called out in shock. ‘My god, what are you doing here?’
‘I came to get you,’ Susannah croaked, looking as if she might collapse. How on earth had she managed to drive all the way across the island? ‘I was worried.’
Henry put his hand on Emer’s arm. ‘You’re staying with me,’ he ordered.
Emer felt fury rage up inside her. How dare this man tell her what to do? ‘Let go of me,’ she said, pulling her arm away.
‘Emer, please do as I say,’ Henry said to her, trying to pull her back. ‘I’m begging you, don’t go with her. Come back with me. She’s a liar, and she’s dangerous.’
‘Are you crazy? She’s sick, and she needs me,’ Emer said, shrugging him off.
‘Let her go, you bully!’ Susannah yelled at Henry, her voice hoarse with effort.
‘You just can’t stop yourself, can you?’ Henry snarled at Susannah, and took a step towards her. He looked like a giant, glowering over the tiny Susannah.
Emer pushed him aside and stood in front of Susannah to protect her. ‘Leave her alone,’ she told him.
‘She’ll brainwash you, just as she brainwashed Lynsey against me,’ Henry declared. ‘She’s plain evil. You old witch!’ He spat on the ground at Susannah’s feet, before turning on his heel and getting into his pick-up, Shadow jumping up beside him. He roared off out of the parking lot at breakneck speed.
As soon as he’d gone, Emer felt her heart slow down again.
‘Come on, I’ll drive’, she said, helping Susannah into the passenger side of the vehicle. The older woman was breathless, almost panting as she clambered back into the pick-up.
‘Susannah, what were you thinking of driving all the way out here?’ Emer asked her, as she reversed the vehicle and began driving back down the road.
‘I got to thinking,’ Susannah said. ‘Wondering why you were so secretive. I mean, Shirley really isn’t the hiking type. So I went down to the diner.’
Emer glanced across at Susannah. Her hair fell around her face in soft silver folds, and her eyes were the clearest blue. Emer knew in her heart she trusted her implicitly, despite what Henry had said.
‘Course, Shirley was there. But she told me you been seeing Henry Young. I was real worried you’d gone off with him then.’
‘Why?’
‘Henry’s not a good guy,’ Susannah sighed. ‘I know his dad, Silas, messed him up a lot. But when he dated our Lynsey, I could see how things were going to go. Just like with Katie.’ Susannah clasped her hands in her lap. ‘Besides, they were cousins. I had to put a stop to it.’
‘Is that why you and Lynsey fell out?’
‘Yeah, she said I broke her heart. But he would have done worse.’
Emer remembered Henry’s strange behaviour. Trying to force her to eat the egg sandwich, his assumption they were dating, even his behaviour in bed the night before. Had he been lying about his sperm count? Could he have tried to get her pregnant to trap her? It was abuse. Subtle, all the same. But without her realising it, he had been controlling her since their very first walk.
‘I’m sorry, Susannah, I’m an idiot.’
‘That’s okay,’ Susannah said, putting a cold hand on her arm. ‘I’m just glad it didn’t get out of hand between you two.’
Back at Susannah’s house, Emer helped her into bed. It was clear that the old woman was now in a lot of pain, trembling all over as Emer put her in her nightie.
‘Emer, will you give me something?’ she whispered, her voice tight with pain. ‘It’s real bad.’
‘Sure,’ Emer said.
It had been the first time Susannah had ever asked for morphine. Emer tried to make her as comfortable as possible. It touched her deeply that Susannah had left the sanctuary of her home to rescue her. She knew in her heart this old lady would never have killed anyone, even the man who had abused her sister. And she wasn’t going to insult her by ever asking about it.
40
Susannah
September 1966
Gripping the gun under her shoulder, with her free hand trembling, Susannah unlocked Kate and Matthe
w’s bedroom door. Kicked it open. She swung into the room, gun raised, but her brother-in-law wasn’t standing up ready for her. He was lying face down in the middle of the bedroom.
Susannah dropped the gun in shock. Blood was seeping into the rug on the floor, a big lake of red. Matthew was completely still and utterly dead. She saw a dent in the back of his head where it had caved in. On the floor next to him was her mother’s heavy iron pot, the one she used for boiling all his potatoes.
Everything spun in the room and Susannah tried to steady herself. She had been expecting a showdown with her brother-in-law, but not this.
‘I killed him,’ her mom said in a small voice.
She was standing right behind her, like a ghost.
‘Couldn’t bear it no more. Him beating up our Katie.’
‘Oh, Mom!’ Susannah wailed, turning to her mother.
‘I killed him for you, Katie,’ her mom said proudly, her eyes bright with strength. ‘I done it for you, darling.’
Susannah grabbed her mother, and pulled her to her chest.
‘You don’t need to be afraid no more,’ her mom kept rambling as Susannah sobbed into her old cotton dress. ‘See, Susie will come back now. Don’t need to be mad at me no more,’ she said to her daughter. ‘Us girls together again at last.’
41
Emer
1st November 2011
In the morning, Susannah was very weak. This was how it was with pancreatic cancer. Everything stable for weeks, and then a sudden, fast descent. Emer helped her in and out of the bathroom. She looked so tiny and frail in the bed, as if she were a child again. Her skin was turning yellow and Emer could see her life force fading, just as it had for Orla. Why, when she’d seen the look of death approaching, had she run out of her sister’s hospital bedroom? Why, when she’d known the end was coming? Run, run out of the hospital. On to the T-line in her scrubs. All the way to Lars’ apartment and into his arms.
She wasn’t going to run now.
After she’d dosed Susannah with more painkillers, she made two phone calls. First, she asked for one of the assistant physicians from the medical centre to call in. Then she called Lynsey. Told her she needed to come straight away.
‘But it’s All Soul’s Day,’ Lynsey protested. ‘My biggest time of year. Besides, Rebecca’s arriving on Friday. Can’t we come then?’
‘I’m sorry,’ Emer said. ‘But I really think you should come today.’
Emer climbed the stairs to her room at the top of the house. She was exhausted from all the tension with Henry, and looking after Susannah. She lay down on the other bed for once, on top of the second quilt, closing her eyes. There was something inside the quilt, digging into her back.
She sat up and investigated the quilt. Sure enough, there was a secret slit in this one too. She pushed her hand inside and searched blindly, feeling with her fingers. At last, she got a hold of a piece of paper folded so small, it was its thick edges which must have stuck into her back. She pulled it out, and unfolded it. Another letter. But this time, it wasn’t a letter Kate had received from Susannah. This letter had been written by Kate to Susannah. The fact it was hidden in this quilt proved she’d never sent it.
Curling up under the covers, Emer read the letter. In Kate and Susannah’s story Emer recognised the love between the two sisters, like the love she’d shared with Orla. Emer sat up, perched on the end of the bed and stared out of the window. Now, before it was too late, she must read this letter to Susannah, no matter how much it might upset her. She went back downstairs and pushed open the door into Susannah’s room, the letter still in her hand. Susannah was awake, reading in her bed. The beside lamp glowed beside her, filling the room with warm hazy light.
‘What is it, dear?’ Susannah asked her, seeing the look on her face.
‘I’ve found another letter,’ Emer said.
It was time Susannah heard what Kate had to say to her at last.
42
Kate
December 14th, 1965
Vinalhaven, Maine
Dearest Susie,
I have sat down to write this letter so many times over the last four years and never managed to finish it. But today I am determined I will. Get Mom to take it to the post office for me, as I can’t show my face for a while.
As I write, I’m nursing two broken ribs, a black eye and a cut lip. You know why. I don’t have to tell you how I got them, after what happened last time you visited. Oh Susie, I am so ashamed. How weak I am. Why can’t I leave him? Even after what he did to you? Why do I still love my husband? Because I do. Mixed in with all the fear, all the hurt and anger, there is true love. He is a tortured soul, and I know he loves me so much. Every time he hurts me, he’s on his knees begging for forgiveness. And I forgive him, because I live in the hope that the boy I once met, all those years ago in high school, will return to me.
If only he’d stop drinking. It’s like a poison, Susie. Transforms him into a man I hardly know. And when he’s bad, I want to leave. But we have no money, and nowhere to go. I can’t land on you.
What he did to you is unforgiveable. At the time, I couldn’t let myself believe it. And Mom kept saying you had led him on. I knew she was wrong. Because of Ava, because of who you are. Oh Susie, I’ve ruined everything. I miss you so much. Every day I think of you, and the only reason I never wrote to you before is I want you to be happy and far away from our island of broken hearts, mine and Mom’s.
I’ve had another baby. A girl I’ve named Rebecca. She’s so easy, Susie. As if she knows to be quiet. You wouldn’t know Lynsey. She’s quite the little girl, and such a good one. Always by my side. My daughters are my whole world, they bring me joy. But I worry for my girls. I have to hope as they get older, Matthew will get better. Surely his instinct as a father will prevail and he will look after his girls? Care for their mom? How could he not?
Some days he is the kindest, sweetest man and really it makes up for the days he’s not.
I can see you shaking your head. I know you think me a big fool. But Susie, I never had what you had. You’re so clever, and independent, and strong. I would never have been able to go off to Harvard and do what you did. Be truly yourself. I am so proud of you.
There is a reason I am writing you this letter. And you must promise me when you read it, you will do as I say. One day, I might write to you again and beg you to come help me. Please don’t come. Promise me, you will turn away from my plea. You are quite entitled to. I did not help you, and I deserve to face my trials alone. Never come back to Vinalhaven, Susie, because I fear if you do, our island will destroy you. With all my love, Katie.
43
Emer
1st November 2011
Lynsey arrived on the last ferry of the day, all purple velvet and black lace. Emer sent her straight up to Susannah. They’d spent the whole morning together, as Emer had read all the old letters to Susannah yet again, reading the last one from Kate time and time over at the end. Susannah had held her hand tightly the whole time.
‘Do you know where Ava is now?’ Emer had asked Susannah gently.
She shook her head, her eyes brimming with despair.
‘Shall I try to find her?’ Emer asked, but all Susannah said was:
‘It’s too late.’
When Lynsey came back down from Susannah’s bedroom, she was crying. Emer made her tea, and sat down with her at the kitchen table.
‘Shall we have something stronger?’ Lynsey suggested, blowing her nose. ‘Got any wine?’
Emer opened up a bottle of red and poured two glasses: one for her and one for Lynsey.
‘She really is going,’ Lynsey said, her voice still thick with tears. ‘Can you believe it? She actually said sorry to me.’ She looked at Emer in disbelief. ‘I mean, my aunt has never apologised to me. She is always right. But she actually said, sorry, Lynsey. I asked, for what?’
‘I think she feels bad about what happened to your mom,’ Emer said, careful not to bring Henry into
it.
‘It wasn’t her fault,’ Lynsey sighed. ‘I’ve been angry at her for years, but not because of what happened to my mom and dad.’
Emer watched Lynsey as she pulled off her purple wrap. She truly was a beautiful woman, with her dark red hair and deep blue eyes.
‘I spend my life reading people’s tarot, working as a sort of counsellor, and sometimes I feel such a fake. Not because the cards don’t work, because they always do, but because I’m such a mess myself.’
‘Believe me, I’ve worked in the medical profession long enough to know the most unhealthy people can be doctors and nurses.’
‘I’ve been angry all these years because they never talked about what happened. Granny and Aunt Susie,’ Lynsey said, taking a big gulp of wine. ‘It was this great big secret. But you see, I’ve these memories. And they make no sense to me.’
Lynsey looked out of the window.
‘I remember seeing my dad hit my mom once,’ she said in a small voice. ‘I was very frightened and I hid under the kitchen table.’ She sighed, her eyes swimming with tears. ‘I thought he was the bogeyman. I didn’t realise he was my father.’ She spread her hands on the table, her nails painted black with tiny silver crescent moons on them. ‘I remember Susannah’s special friend, Ava, too,’ she said, smiling, wiping the tears away. ‘She let me sit on her lap at the steering wheel of her car. I loved that! Made me feel so grown up.’
‘What happened to her?’
‘She left. Not long after my mother’s funeral, I believe,’ Lynsey said. ‘I always felt that was Rebecca’s and my fault. Aunt Susannah sacrificed her life in New York to look after us. My sister doesn’t look at it like that, but I do.’
The Island Girls: A heartbreaking historical novel Page 26